The High Pope of Antagonistic Advocacy
In the first rays of the Sun on the eve of Her Ascension, I killed an Angel of the Sun in fear. And though the Sun gave to me forgiveness, I could not forgive myself. Glory be unto God and may eternal rest forever be Hers. Amen.
Original work by Horse Voice.
Audio book by ObabScribbler (start here though).
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An exquisite conclusion to a story that didn't need one. That's not to say that this was superfluous. The story may not have needed it, but I did, in order to forgive the protagonists of Biblical Monsters. I had consigned them to oblivion, but now? Now I weep with them and with Celestia. Excellently done.
I would have liked her to flip her shit and nuke everything
but we all know she wouldn't have done that we hope
Wow... Such a powerful alternate ending to the original tale. One question though, you may want to fix your story status as its currently at "Incomplete". I think that was a mistake.
Beautiful.
GAIZ
I HAVEN'T PUBLISHED THIS YET!
GAIZ
STAHP!
It's essentially done though ... I was going to tighten up some of the phrasing in the final part and fix a few errors I caught this morning but, eh. Good enough.
Edit: Published, I am not awake enough to go through and find my mistakes with any amount of mental strength.
This is the ending the story needed.
A hasty action taken in fear is a common trope, but without following through to show the results of that action, it's just a senseless death.
I feel there is nothing to say about these feels.
Mainly, because I can't find the words to describe them…
excellent work!
Before I read this, I shall hope many things. Though, by the end, I may hate you, Minny. ONWARDS!
Well Minalkra, that was a read. Biblical Monsters needed a closing chapter, and you gave it one. Thank you.
The original was probably the best darkfics I've ever read, and this was just icing on the cake.
Great work, dude :)
Wow, I did not see someone picking this up, and here you are. You represent Celestia very well. A being eons old, but still venerable to loss after all this time.
Ya, guilt is a real killer among humans.
2240920
I hope not. But maybe.
2241366
Actually, it was an awesome ending to one hell of a cliffhanger. You managed to tie together the one major loose thread with an emotionally charged, thought provoking foray between Celestia and Adams. Well done, man. It's still incredibly dark, and it almost hurts more knowing that Adam and the Narrator know realize they fucked up and have to live with that for the rest of their lives, as well as completing destroying any chance for Human/Pony relations, but it was a great read.
2241485
Actually, 'Narrator' couldn't take it and killed himself.
And here I thought i was done sheding tears over this fic
Followed the link from Horse Voice's blog. This is very well done. Favorited and upvoted.
I was hoping for genocide
2242243
The way I see Celestia precludes the option of genocide and that's one of the things I wanted to illustrate. In fact, she didn't even kill these two murderers because they aren't monsters - just scared and confused. Perhaps it's an almost Messianic way of seeing her but I would think that she'd be a very forgiving creature. Remember: she's lived a very long time. She's seen murder, rape, atrocities and other nasty things but she has maintained her compassion and gentle demeanor through it all. That speaks to me of an extremely strong will and an extremely closely held moral code. Maybe not a very ethical code - she is the ruler of a country and that means breaking some rules and doing some bad things - but a moral code.
Why would she punish the innocent over the frightened actions of two men? Why would she react in haste and anger and fear - just like these two men did? I would hope that such a long-lived creature would learn to take a longer view of the world. Sure, as one who was affected by the original story (and quite a bit) it would be satisfying in some visceral way to see humanity punished. Hell, to see someone punished for this horrid act of violence. But is that really what Celestia, Diarch of the Sun and over a thousand years old, would do? A pony that has lost friends, family and sacrificed ever her own blood for the benefit of peace and harmony?
What is one life - even a life as precious as Twilight - when weighed against the lives of millions or billions of innocents? Would she start a war to enact revenge? What would that accomplish? And these humans, they live in chaos and thrive. Who knows what they can do? Is the risk of genocide - pony genocide - worth it? Is the risk of such a hideous weight as the destruction of an entire species worth revenge? It may give her short-term satisfaction but she would have to live with the blood of an entire species on her hooves for something as close-sighted and pathetic as base revenge.
And then she would have to live with such a guilt for a very, very long time.
2242327 Naw genocide, have discord do it
That was excruciatingly wonderful.
that was an amazing end. thank you for the closure of what could have been.
I feel a little better. Thanks for writing this.
at first, I wanted blood, but this is better.
Fucking idiot moron religious SHEEP HUMANS!
Yeah, judging by the comments, I'd say this is bloody brilliant. From now on, I'm going to show this to people who didn't like the original ending... if that's okay with you.
2243269
2241495 it all makes sense now
"the blood of his friend's death stained his hands"
I read this line in a more literal way, thinking that it was Celestia's punishment for Adam that he should kill Narrator. Your way makes way more sense.
Also thanks for the ending. Although I think the original story would have been just as good without it, you still wrote a beautiful closing chapter.
-B
2243269 wow
2243418
Sure, go ahead. I am not shy at all about trying to drum up views. It's the only pleasure I get out of life - that and video games, alcohol, marital bliss, TV, movies, some games of chance, the actual act of writing, reading things sometimes, and a joke that's gone on too long, you had to copy this to read it didn't you ...
2243435
Crap. Yeah, I can see the thought there. But Celestia doesn't punish anyone here - she knows they will punish themselves far better than she. So, perhaps, she does get some small revenge, eh?
2243472
Ah! Yes, you got me with that tiny text. (Why do browsers even have them?)
2243472 hohoho actually i could zoom in with my iPhone, so I didnt need to copy anything :)
I see what you were going for here, but I just can't buy it.
Not Celestia's reaction, the two humans. Remember, in the original work they thought they had to kill Space Alien Christopher Columbus (Twilight) to save their kind. Then Space Alien Hernando Cortez (Celestia) shows up and imprisons them, and they're suddenly wailing in contrition and remorse?
I can't square their justifications and behavior in the original with their portrayal here.
2245898
Actually, they were shivering in fear prior to Celestia opening her mouth and when she asked why they took her 'Twily' it really hit them that this was someone's daughter they killed (hers for all they knew). I skipped the part where Adams goes over the reasons they did what they did and their reactions to her broken hearted sobbing on the roof.
But that's because I was focused more on Celestia than the two humans.
I left feeling disappointed. I suppose I should, as that's part of grief. But somehow I wanted the story to end less predictably--and with more complexity--than it did. Anyway, is it too much to ask for a nice happy Twilight ship fic to crest the featured box now? I think I need it after this.
Honestly? I found this to be much more powerful and moving than the story it was based on. Bravo.
2246170
Fair enough, and as far as Celestia's reactions go it's good stuff. But by skipping the conversation it feels (in my opinion, anyway) like Adams and Nameless Narrator are being slotted into the position the ending requires them to be in instead of realizing just what it is they have done.
Caveat:
This is coming from someone who felt the original Biblical Monsters suffered terribly from characters doing things because "The power of Author compels you!" without laying the necessary groundwork. As if Othello had murdered Desdemona in Act One of the play, leaving Iago and the audience to stare at one another in bafflement that things escalated that fast.
2248623 it was much too fast. I tried to figure out just why this story was bothering me so much, when I've read other stories where Twilight has died, and even died pointlessly, and even died because of her own mistakes. You hit the nail on the head. There was no build up, little payoff and it didn't seem like a Twilight thing to do or say at all for the third chapter.
This ending offered a nice closure. The light house keepers confronted with Celestia. I feel her pain and can picture Twilight's peaceful figure wrapped up in reddened blankets. *sigh* now I need to find something else to read. Something a little... happier.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mav9dcu3UE1qjxft8.gif
Why the heck did you refer to Celestia as God!?
2259208
....
Huh?
meh lost interest when twili died
Like someone else said, great end to a story that didn't necessarily need it. Changes the tone but not the characterization, stays believable to the story that Horse Voice had originally made. Great job!
2243418 Really, that's what people are complaining about? I thought it was brilliant in using a religious radical and a not so radical. And you didn't make them the annoying stereotypical Christians to! It was an amazing story, and this ending was the only thing I felt that was missing. I don't even think this is an alternate ending, just a extended ending. But what do I know
2406289
Thank you, very much. But that was the problem: Some of the people who expected straw men, didn't like having their expectations subverted.
The more I come back to this extension, the more I tend to agree with you. This is why I'm grateful to Minalkra for this. I couldn't give people the closure they wanted, and this is better than what I could have come up with, if forced to.
The original story was... pointless, so I can't really say this does anything for me. Sure, it's the logical follow-up, but I feel like nothing of value has been gained. Twilight is still dead for no good reason. I'm glad that Celestia recognized that vengeance wasn't going to change anything, but... I don't think mercy did either.
2406888
I was hoping they'd not turn out to be straw men, but in my mind that's exactly what they became. I mean, they were two guys who commit pre-meditated murder in cold blood, with hardly more than a token attempt at understanding or reasoning. If your goal was to paint them as sympathetic... in my case, you most definitely did not succeed.
2451663
Then I'm afraid there's nothing more I can do to help.
heavy
Just wanted to let you know that the audiobook version of Lost Angel is now up on YouTube.
Love the story, a perfect ending to Biblical Monsters. That said, is it just me or has Twilight turned into Jesus here?