"Bruce."
"Mmf."
"Bruuuuuuce."
"Uggggh." I wearily poked my head up out of the tangle of sheets I had managed to wrap myself in, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting really quickly for being freakin' plates. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.
Stop thinking about it, damn it!
Pea-green paint and a splotch of pink distorted by clear sheets met my PLATES WHAT THE FU eyes. Still in the hospital, still surrounded by plastic, and now I had a visitor. I was drained - emotionally and physically - and my latest dream hadn't exactly helped my state of mind.
"Pink-" HONK HONK. My lungs felt like they were full of sand and my body was definitely rejecting something. I sat up quickly, pounding my blue chest with my hoof in a vain attempt to dislodge whatever was crammed in it. Thankfully, the coughing fit didn't last too long and it woke me up enough that the room stopped being so blurry. "Argh, I hate that."
"Are you alright Bruce?" Pinkie Pie tilted her head in slight concern, safely separated from me by the sheeting of what I could only hope was air-tight plastic. Nope, it was opened at the top. Yeah, high marks for safety Ponyville. Before answering her, I glanced around a bit. There was still daylight streaming in through the windows but the shadows were a bit on the long side. It wasn't orange yet but the muted yellow did not go well at all with the pea-green everything the hospital had decided the room needed to be painted in. Other than a side table with nothing much on it right next to the bed and the doors to the hallway and bathroom, the room was empty. Not even an IV bag for hydration. Not even an old black and white TV. Crap and a half, another day wasted.
That and the ponies don't have TV from what I can tell - a big mark against me sticking around.
"Pinkie, should you really be in here?" I motioned above me and her eyes followed my hoof to where the plastic stopped. "I'm probably highly contagious."
"Oh, no worries!" She reached out and I had only enough time to try to say 'no' before she popped open the curtain surrounding me. "I've kept up on my immunizations. Can't be too careful with foals in the house."
"Ah, well. Still, you could transf-"
"Nope. When you got brought in, Ponyville was ordered by the Health Ministry to catch up on everypony's immunizations as well. There hasn't been a case of diphtheria in, like, decades." As she spoke, she began to sort out my sheets and soon enough, I was laying in what resembled a bed instead of a pile of laundry. How she managed to do that and keep me preoccupied with conversation I will never know. "Some ponies were really sad about having to come in and we caught two more cases of minor diphtheria - that's a hard word to say, diphtheria. Dipth-eria, diff-theria, dip-fearia? Diff-" I facehooved as she began to try different variations on the word 'diphtheria.'
"Focus, Pinkie."
"Oh, right. Anyway, some ponies were a bit upset but I threw a 'Shot Party' right outside and that cheered everypony up." My thoughts drifted back to my own party as well as the ones featured in the show and I shuddered slightly. Balloons, games and non-alcoholic punch is not my recipe for a good time but to each their own.
"Right. I'm sure it was lovely." Sarcasm dripped off my voice. Or maybe I was just drooling a bit. Pinkie stopped in her smoothing of the hospital blanket - while I blinked at the transformation in my bed - and seemed to consider my statement before shaking her head with a smile.
"No, you'd hate it. Too many ponies." Did that just happen? Did Pinkie just tell me she was aware that her average parties wouldn't be my type of thing? And she didn't break down this time? Pinkie went back to puttering about, her self-set task of getting the bed ready for a military inspection done as I gave her this blank and considering stare. After a few moments of her noticing it but not commenting, I broke the silence.
"You know what, Pinkie?"
"What's up?" She looked up at me with those bright, innocent blue eyes of hers, a half-smile on her muzzle. The perfect picture of a content Pinkie in her semi-natural habitat. There was only one thing to do.
"You're pretty cool." Be honest. At my statement, Pinkie's face went from her normal happy-Pinkie smile to that arched eyes happy face that ponies can pull off. It was very anime.
"Aww, thanks Bruce-y wuce-y!" she exclaimed, raising up her fore hooves. She wasn't entirely stable that way and fell to the floor with a loud clop. I winced at her choice of words.
"That, not so much."
Surprise marked her face before melting into that half smile again. I smiled back. I think Pinkie was getting used to me. Then she stuck out her tongue and blew me a raspberry. Yeah, she was getting used to me. For a while, there was comfortable silence between us. Pinkie - while maintaining her buoyant personality - seemed content just to be. I, on the other hoof, began to fidget nervously.
"So, uh, I gotta ask. When you said you believed me ..." I trailed off, unsure of how to pose my question. I didn't want her to think I disbelieved her but if our situations were reversed, I don't think I could do the same. Some little girl wandering up to me on the street, claiming to be some old alien trapped in that body? Yeah, I'd be calling Child Services and leaving it in their (admittedly busy) hands. Pinkie saved me the trouble of having to be diplomatic.
"I meant it, Bruce. You - you're not like a little colt." I've never seen Pinkie stutter before. Even nervous, she always seemed to be confident in her tone and emotions. This was something altogether different. She was unsure. This was a side of Pinkie Pie I don't think the show ever gave me. As she spoke, the hurt began to show in her voice and face. "I've - well - I've talked to some really hurt colts. They're angry, they're sad. They blame themselves and the world for everything. You, you don't do that. Much." We both smiled at that in a rather subdued way. Her for her little joke and me because I'm self-conscious enough to realize that blaming others is one of my bad habits.
"And it's not just that. When you mentioned my song ... I've never told anypony about that. And I think the Apploosans want to forget it as well." Seeing as how it almost cost them the town. I kept my mouth shut. "It's not really known outside of that town and my friends. And, no offense Bruce, you're definitely not settler-pony material."
"Hey, no offense taken. I'd die within a few minutes of being away from civilization." Pinkie smiled at me and ruffled my mane.
"Oh Bruce, no you wouldn't silly. You'd probably last a week. You might die from dehydration though." That was unexpected. I grimaced at her, trying to flatten my comically poofy hair.
"That's a lovely thought Pinkie. And so uplifting with me wasting away from diphtheria," I huffed. Pinkie blushed a bit as she settled next to the bed.
"Oops. But hey, you're in a hospital and they'll take care of you and you'll be out and about before you know it!"
"Pardon me if I don't share your enthusiasm for Ponyville General here." We again lapsed into silence. Pinkie shuffled a bit. I could almost see the internal debate. After a second, she took a deep - calming breath - and spoke.
"Bruce, you need to calm down."
"What?" I looked around, a bit startled at her words. I thought I was being calm. No fires, no screaming nurses or counselors. No hilarious chase scenes ending with me under a pile of ponies, thrashing and screaming about their hooves. Or their eye plates OH GOD - no, calm. Calm. I was calm. I looked at Pinkie irritated. "I am calm!"
"You've been panicking and running around like a cow after seeing a snake." Pinkie rolled her eyes as I winced. That's what she meant, in general not this specific time. "You say you're an adult but you act like it only half the time. Don't you miss your family? Shouldn't you be concentrating on getting home?"
My jaw dropped and I think my poofy mane de-poofed on its own. These were ... very valid questions. But I had no idea what to do! How do you convince the world of one thing when they are all absolutely convinced of another - especially if they aren't inclined to believe you in the first place? As I asked myself these questions, Pinkie covered her mouth with a hoof. She seemed to have suddenly become aware of the bad memories she stirred up. We stared at each other for a moment with wide eyes. Despite the tactless way she had asked her question, she made no move to retract it.
"How?" My voice cracked. "How am I supposed to do that? No one believes me except you and maybe Spike."
"Well, Spring did submit your Petition so-" I managed a double take at Pinkie without taking my eyes off her. It involved several facial movements that can't be adequately described or imitated with a human facial structure. Pony bones were more like 'suggestions' rather than firm limits on their form.
"She told you?"
"Well, no." Pinkie looked away with her ears lowered, a bit embarrassed at having to admit to eavesdropping. "I overheard her talking to Mr. Cake during the 'Shot Party.' But it's a start." She perked right back up. "Now you just need to convince others."
"Like who? Who can I convince to help me? I mean, other than you Elements of Harmony, I don't really know all that much about this world." She put a hoof to her chin in thought, though her 'concentrating face' was ruined by the semi-smile she was trying to hide. Her train of thought was well out of the station and chugging along at a really good clip when she finally spoke.
"Uhm, then start with the Elements of Harmony silly! Sure, it might be hard but you gotta stop acting like a, uhm ..." And we have derailment. No survivors. Pinkie gaped like a fish, trying to think of a nice way of saying what was on both our minds. I saved her the trouble.
"Jerkass? Idiot? Complete and total spaz?" Each word made Pinkie wince. Yeah, those were probably the words she had discarded as being 'too mean.' But it's ok if I'm mean to myself I guess. She waved one hoof around, weighing my words in her mind before sighing.
"Well. Yes." She nodded. With a snort, I returned to my previous bad mood.
"Easy to say, hard to do."
"You can't control where you are or what really happens in life, no matter your age." Whoa. Deep, introspective and mature Pinkie has returned. "You especially because of what other ponies expect you to be. But you can change how you act. You're going to be put in school, you're going to have Spring - who is a super fun and super nice pony when you give her the chance - going on about how different you are and how weird you act. But you can't change those things. You can change how you act towards other ponies and what you do about these things."
We both looked at each other, one smiling and the other open-mouthed. I think I blinked a bit.
"Bruce, you'll catch flies that way."
"... when the hell did you get so deep, Pinkie?" She gasped with an offended look. Her hooves flew to her ... sides and she scowled at me.
"I'm not deep. My flanks aren't that big!" It took me less than a second to figure out the stretch she was going for.
"You know what I mean." I pinched my muzzle with a hoof and a sigh. "Redirecting with non sequitur or humorous intent only works if the target isn't expecting it or if they think you're an idiot."
"Works most of the time," Pinkie grumbled, her fake scowl and hooves both dropping. Her ears were splayed back again and she seemed unhappy. Unhappy Pinkie is the worst Pinkie. I sighed again and dropped my hoof back to the bed sheet.
"Ok, well y-"
"That's a deep subject." I closed my mouth with a loud 'clack' and gave Pinkie that look again. And ignored the pain from my teeth. Ow. Pinkie looked at me innocently. "What?" Her eyes told a different story than her face. They were sad, pleading. Her body was tense and I noticed a slight jiggle in her hooves. Touchy subject for the Element of Laughter. I nodded and she relaxed.
"Anyway, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I fully understand the need for privacy. But, uh, thanks. You're a good pers-er, pony." With a 'squee' Pinkie clopped her hooves together and launched herself at me. I had no time to react and found myself enveloped by pink everything. She smelled like flour and sugar.
"Awww. HUGS TIME!" I couldn't see her face but I knew in my bones she had a big smile. I began to shift about, trying to un-hug myself. It wasn't working. Seriously, Pinkie had some strength in her.
"Ah! Dang it, Pinkie we were not having a 'moment'." I grimaced and growled as I shifted. The pink party pony giggled and tightened her vice-like grip on me. Not enough to cut off air but enough that I wasn't going anywhere.
"Then why are you only sorta-struggling?" I looked up towards Pinkie's head and opened my mouth to protest but ... there was nothing I could say. I wasn't fighting it very hard - I could have started pushing her away but I didn't. Instead, I sighed and snuggled into her chest.
"... touche." Slowly, my eyes closed and a hint of a smile started. My manliness rating was in the tank already because of all the crying and emotions and stuff, a little hug wouldn't hurt it anymore. Especially if nopony else saw -
"Ain't that the cutest thing." The sudden sound of cow-pony accent popped my eyes open faster than the smell of good whiskey and a nice fresh pack of reds. Five forms filled the doorway, their colorful bodies well illuminated by the still waning light of the day. Applejack was in front, her face a cheerful smirk but I could see several other heads behind hers. Purple, white, blue ... yellow.
"Ah!" I did NOT scream like a little filly, it was a very manly shout of surprise. It cracked a bit but it was not a scream. I hope. With speed to rival Rainbow Dash - now currently hovering in the doorway and trying to hold back her laughter - I almost leapt out of Pinkie's arms. After a confused scramble, I ended up climbing on top of the pillow. There wasn't a whole lot of room on the bed. I held a hoof to my heaving chest in an attempt to stop my heart from bursting out. It worked.
"Well, I did tell you he seemed like a sweet heart to me. He's just been through some bad times." At Fluttershy's voice, the Elements of Harmony came trotting into the room after Applejack. The two unicorns hung back a bit - Rarity because she's a giant germaphobe and Twilight probably because we've butted heads. Applejack and Rainbow Dash joined Pinkie at my bedside while Fluttershy quietly made her way to the other side. As I gasped my heart back into my chest, Rainbow Dash poked at the still opened isolation sheet.
"Hey, cool plastic sheet. You the reason the docs wanted to use me as a pincushion?" At Rainbow's smirking question, I noticed that each pony had a bandage on a foreleg. Except Pinkie Pie.
"Dash, be polite," Rarity huffed at Rainbow's words with a flick of her mane. Wow, talk about 'stereotypical.' "The poor thing has been through a great deal of stress lately." Rainbow grimaced a bit at Rarity's tone but kept silent. Hey, I understood it was all in good humor. Before I could voice my opinion however, Twilight stepped close to the foot of the bed and sighed.
"Well, I don't know why Pinkie was insistent on us meeting you again, 'fan colt,' but here we are." She regarded me with a half-smile but I could feel the nervousness underneath the mask. Oh great, and it was making me nervous. I glanced around at the many faces now looking at me, feeling an acute case of claustrophobia suddenly.
"Pinkie?"
"Yeah Bruce?"
"I am going to strangle you in your sleep." The Element Bearers all gasped at that. Except Pinkie. Pinkie just giggled and hugged me again.
"Oh Bruce, I love you too!"
Yeah, she's getting used to me.