• Member Since 13th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

ManlyDerp


A writer who grew from their many mistakes, and who still loves ponies deeply.

T
Source

*HIATUS UPDATE 10/15/2018: There is currently no set schedule for the remake of this story, but I assure you that it still has not been canceled. I get regular comments, favorites, and emails that all point towards this being a beloved story worth finishing, so one day I will do just that. Thank you all for your time and patience!*
Ever since they were little colts, the Flim Flam brothers had a dream; a dream to make a wondrous machine to set their lives on the fast track to success. The machine, known as the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, was missing just one component to make it all complete. Just one elusive item that no sane pony or pony with values would ever consider using:

Fresh dragon's breath.

Guess what I am.

I was taken from my home, my family, and my wings were slashed. I am no longer a person, I am simply a cog; a cog in the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.

This is the beginning of my wonderful tale.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honorary pre-reader as of chapter 10: aiovas. Official Editor: Thardoc. Thanks go to dmkamikazee of deviantart for cover art A! Thanks go to More Dakka for cover art B! A fan created art gallery for this story can be found here on my homepage!

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 459 )

Just skimmed the beginning and I like it. I may read it later. This seems different than most styles and in a good way. In to steam punk much?

Great story can't wait to see more. Flim and Flam should be flayed and salted. and Trixie should have her wagon smashed another time just cause shes a bitch.

644175
Thanks. I'm interested in the concept of steam punk but I don't think I'll have any super technical explanations for how their harnessing the dragon fire outside of ...

Get dragon.
Torture it.
Get fire.
???.
Cider profit!

continue with the story i could hardly take my eyes of the monitor while reading

Well, this is downright depressing.

excellent third chapter.

Edit:or second chapter.. anyway can't wait for the next one

When I got to the spectrum guy's part I thought: 'yes, come on, so very close to finding her! Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::twilightangry2::applecry:

excellent chapter. even better then the the third one.
can't wait for the next one.:pinkiehappy:

746591
lol; its almost like the mistake you made in your prior comment was actually epic foreshadowing :rainbowlaugh:

Next one will be coming out hopefully within a few days or so, if time permits, and it'll start this stories' first real story arc! :yay:

Will Ms. Dragon ever escape? Will the Flim Flam brother's ever stop being flankholes? When will we get to Ponyville, and what about Crackle the Dragon?! Tune in next time to find out! :pinkiecrazy:

How does this story not have more likes it is bucking amazing.:pinkiehappy:

774362
Hehe, well then show it to your friends! Sharing is caring after all! :ajsmug:

Also, in the spirit of this chapter's name (To Be Heard) I decided to experiment with adding more music to the overall story. I was hoping to achieve a nice balance where it was supportive of the writing and thus a nice addition while trying to avoid it being annoying and distracting. I think it came out ok...but I would really like some feedback please! :scootangel:

This chapter is by far the best.
I can't wait for the next one and i also agree with aiovas.
Why the hell hasn't this story have more likes.

*Blushes madly* Oh, um, hi there. I, er, had originally planned this chapter out to be a lot shorter...but as I started typing it up I fell in love with the little back to back chats the two Nathan's would have and more and more ideas kept popping into my head so I-I just...
P-please enjoy :fluttershyouch:

808684
Oh don't worry Fluttershy it was a very good chapter and as an added (that's a lot of a words) plus Trixe's wagon got blown up yay!

Why was this added to the Human in Equestria group? :rainbowhuh:

814908
Oh, well, um, its a HIE story. I-I just wanted to experiment with groups and I thought this one was a right fit. I looked through the stories and didn't see anywhere where a human changing into something wasn't allowed and I even saw a few humans as ponies stories s-so I thought it was ok. I-I'm sorry if this wasn't allowed and I didn't see it anywhere! P-please don't be angry! I'll remove it if enough ponies think it doesn't belong there :fluttercry:

815093

Ooooh, sorry, I missed the 'A HiE Fiction' at the bottom of the description. If it's really a HiE story you should probably add the Human tag though :twilightsmile:

815100
O-oh. Well I didn't think it needed that title because the main character's a human turned baby dragon. A lot of the 'turned into blank' stories lack the human tag because these stories don't focus on the human aspect of their new life's, instead they focus on the adventure or the comedy or the slice of life. M-mines about the overall adventure of this stranger to a strange world and how he deals with becoming a kid, a dragon, and a girl all at once while also being tortured *Dark Tag* S-so once again I didn't think I needed the tag. Again, I-I'll change it if enough ponies think otherwise :fluttershysad:

:pinkiehappy: awesome... simply put awesome.
as allways can't wait for the next one.

and reply to Salacar. Cog/Ms.dragon/Nathan was a human transformed into a dragon.:pinkiehappy:

AWESOME.
good twist with the brothers coming aboard.
can't wait for the next chapter.
:pinkiehappy:

845653
Haha, out of all the twists I pulled out this chapter, that's the one you point out :rainbowlaugh: Personally, my favorites the...well, I think you can tell :raritywink:
Also, thank you factorydash, for always liking the chapters I work so hard on. I'm glad someponies are enjoying what I do in my free time :pinkiesmile:
...keep your eyes pealed in the next chapter for something...special :derpytongue2:

Epicness in its purest form:pinkiegasp:

"It's impossible for ponies to be evil" said the pony hospital arsonist.:ajbemused:

Awesome! Keep up the great writing!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasaaaaay new chapter the waiting was starting to hurt:pinkiehappy:

sweet lord......
This is THE BEST CHAPTER!
Thanks for including me in this chapter, it means alot to me.
I loved this chapter in everyway possible and can't wait for the next one.
Sad that Blue and Red died, but it adds a exciting twist.
again.. this story is awesomeness written down.

907329>>907744>>908394
Thank you you three! Keep being awesome :pinkiesmile:
And it was no problem at all FD; what drives me forward to continue this story is knowing that at least one person likes it enough to share that love with others in the comment section, and you've done just that for every chapter! One vocal fan is all I need to keep going, so I wanted to thank you in some way for just, well, being awesome :rainbowdetermined2:

915567 thank you for being soo awesome and writing one or the best stories I've ever read:pinkiehappy:

915567 yes i agree with aiovas.
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO AWESOME!:pinkiehappy:

SO EPIC, AWESOME AND DRAMATIC!! *head explodes*:pinkiehappy:
This is so exciting! can't wait to find out what happens next.
"From the darkness, a pair of magenta colored eyes opened." was an epic ending to a epic chapter.
Can't wait for the next chapter.:pinkiehappy:

Omg most epic thing I've ever read in my life! Please more soon PLEASE!!!:pinkiehappy:

I worte a comment as a guest in my excitement, how id did that, I do not know... but I've found that this story is so great that I have to write down just how great it is.

So let me begin, ahem: THIHIIISSSS ISSSS GGGRRREEEAAATTTT

I mean that in the most sincere way possible. Your characterisations are done beautifully so as to make them truly appear as if they were... real, something that even the greatest of HIE fics have failed at, instead turning rational characters into meme slaves or caricatures of a real person. I feel as if I can understand your characters and their motivations, even if I wouldn't have acted in the same manner (I would have bit them in the neck not the leg for trying to enslave me).

Then there's the plot which is overused, yet done to perfection here, making cog into a bad ass without making her into too much of a bad ass, adding consequences to her strength, a concept that is almost unheard of here, and when it is heard it's usually done very badly. and the best of all is... well the whole thing if I'm honest, teasing the audience yet never delivering, making her awesome yet always bringing up the spectre of failure behind her shoulder. That, sir takes discipline, and deserves a moustache :moustache:

Finally is your portrayal of Equestrian society which is as complex as the characters in the story. I've always been a little averse to the whole 'Celestia is a goddess and we are her slaves' way of thinking that most writers go about, but you've managed to make it all bearable as it is shown in contrast to the other nations deities and Luna is shown as vulnerable which stops any 'my god is better than your god' tantrum that my brain likes to make. And the variety of characters that is shown in society, keeping within the cannon and yet deviating just enough that it makes us feel as if were discovering a whole new society.

So yeah, this fic has cleanly gotten to top place in my rankings of FIM fanfiction, cleanly knocking off Human and ballad of the top spot, and I really can't describe how eagerly I'm waiting for an update. To see if Mr Everfree will ever escape his unjust prison, and what will happen in this clash, and if the Super Squeezy will ever make it into Ponyville with Cog kept prisoner.

1009612
*Reads through comment...reads through it again...a single tear falls from face* I...I just wrote up a comment a couple days ago that I deleted from here. In that comment, I remarked how silent everypony was during this chapter and how, no matter what kind of twist or interesting concept I introduced, nopony would pay attention to it. I was really discouraged by this, as I thought I went 'all out' with this chapter only to receive...nothing.
I later deleted the comment after realizing how selfish I was being, but my words were still sincere. I've been in a rut since the last chapter came out; thinking things like 'why should I even bother anymore?'
But...then I received an encouraging comment after I deleted it...and then another...and then yours. Norsefire...you are now my BPFF. I think you just singlehoofedly saved this fiction. Just....thank you *hugs* :heart:

1010896

Aww shucks, I'm just saying the truth as I saw it and there are a handful of people on this site who'll tell you that I have a habit of picking through holes in any fiction that I see. But I honestly saw this as one of the diamonds that make looking through fanfiction worthwhile. Heck, reading through my prior comment makes me feel as if I should have written more as it just doesn't articulate how much I've enjoyed this story. But then again, I wonder if a comment is capable of allowing me to express just how much I enjoyed this.

But truly, I find it amazing that this hasn't been featured yet, and weep at the thought that this absolute gem may have been left alone to whither.

1011240 I would like to thank you for saving this fanfic.
*Hugz*:heart:

*Pop!*
Eep! Oh...o-oh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to blow your mind before the halfway point!
*Snap!*
Eek! I-I didn't mean to break it either at the halfway point!
*Sploosh!*
O-oh no; I didn't mean for the 3/4 point to rip out your heart!
*Beeeeepppp...
A-and *sniff* I didn't mean to completely erase your mind with the cliffhanger! P-please forgive me :fluttercry:

This story just keeps getting better. Can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the good work and don't let others get you down, this story is a work of art. It is original, has plot twists that i couldn't see coming, really conveys the emotions of the characters, and truly does tug at the heartstrings:raritycry:. Even if somebody is rude just ignore them and know you've got at least one more dedicated reader. On the chapter though, damn Starswirl is a bitch, i continue to love your expanded lore, and :pinkiegasp:ZOMG VINYL'S A DRAGON.

Isp

really good story, I loved every chapter :pinkiehappy:

P.S.
I´d like to write some more, but I´m bad with words most of the time at stuff like this.:raritycry:
Just know: you´re doing great work and I appreciate it :pinkiehappy:

Dude this is a weird and awesome chapter.:heart:

Trying to fully ponder/understand/analyze it but that makes it all the better. Still in all seriousness about the Author's Note in the beginning, that is a bunch of B.S. Why the hell would people have a problem with you, your good. To be honest how can anyone get one you about "copying", when people are fine with obvious, blatant remake like abominations. I don't see how you are copying (haven't read the other but still). All those people are just flankholes.

Honestly to bug an author to elicit that response..... :ajsleepy:I am ashamed of them and they should be ashamed of themselves.:trixieshiftleft:

Well, I haven't commented on anything before, so I just thought I'd say that this story is awesome and you should feel awesome. Seriously, this fic deserves a lot more views. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a monster of a chapter to get through.

Dude how do you keep making so much freaken epicness and as I said for the umpteenth time why the hell isn't their more likes this has the freaken reading quality of griffin the griffin and echo the diamond dog. Maybe it's your time that you post the story because if your posting when everyone else is then you will not really get a say in with your story. Anyways your story is literally one my top favorite story out of all the other stories. Btw if you need some pony to preread or anything I can lend a hoof just message.:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::pinkiehappy:

Well lets get the dirty laundry out into the air first:

Ok, I’ll admit that was kinda ‘stocker-y’

is:

Stalker-y

But other than that I'll first admit to wondering what the heck happened to Cog when we were witnessing the trio of Ponies at the pearly gates, and at first I thought WTF... where's my battle scene!

Then I kept on reading and it became more and more AMAZING! You've made Scratch lift up several pegs in my book as there is a depth to her here that I haven't seen as of yet, truly it seems as if her character has finally flowered with all the previous chapters acting as the building blocks for this moment. Then there was Starswirl who maintained your tradition of plot twist after plot twist, making an already good chapter all the more brilliant.

Your implementation of the MLP Pantheon was also good, showing as well a possible basis for the ignorance that perpetuates the Equestrian "no mark, no soul" proverb. Then you subverted the pantheon (or at least Lyssa) by bringing in a possible higher power, which makes me, personally, very happy. (God works in mysterious ways)

There's also a hidden back story regarding humanity as Lyssa hasn't said anything regarding it to Swirly.

It's all very well thought out.

Although I must admit I'm somewhat blind regarding similarities to the Echo saga you were worried about in the A/N. Here we have an afterlife/resurection scenario whilst echo was just a long piece of... oh, do you mean the beginning with Azuozle (the big blue cat)? Because they're not that similar. :rainbowhuh:

Edit: wait a mo, If Scratch is a Dragon... then she has a greed flame, and that means that Lizzy can do her voodoo stuff... well bugger.

1047548>>1047654>>1048010>>1049481>>1049589
I just wanted to thank you people for your comments :twilightsmile:
For Isp: Your not as bad with words as you think! Your intention shines through, I assure you :raritywink: Thank you for your support!
For Endrax: Thank you for having the courage to speak up :yay: Even if its just an 'your awesome' that really helps an author like me with self-doubt issues.
Everypony else, who I also acknowledge as being awesome: THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME! Silence kills me, so thank you for making me feel like I'm doing something right for once :rainbowkiss:

1050254
Ha! Even after twelve re-reads, its hard to spot everything in a 24K chapter. Thank you for the critical eye! :rainbowlaugh:

As for the Echo bit...yeah, I might have jumped the gun on that. Like I said, I've only really read the first chapter a little bit before posting this one (once it was typed up, I thought I earned a break after all) so my emotions might have been running a tad high. But, as I've said, I have issues with self-esteem, so the moment I saw the possibility of an adventure in hell I became worried that I'd be called a copy-cat. :fluttercry:
So again, I might have made a bigger deal then need be...*sigh* but I worry about these kinds of things.

Also, yes 'God works in mysterious ways' is a great way to put it. The idea that everyone worships things differently is a major concept to the shaping of this universe. Cogwill still says 'Oh God!', Vinyl goes 'Oh Celestia!', Emeraldgrey shouts 'Praise Lyssa!', and Nathan De La Griffon, who is a griffon who follows Queen Gaia ('Mother of the Earth' as he put it in chapter 5) says 'Oh God!' as well...mysterious right? Shouldn't it be, 'Oh Gaia!'? I think one of the goddesses thinks a little highly of herself... we'll just have to wait and see! :rainbowkiss:

Again, like I told everypony else in the comment above this, thank you for your kind words and your support!

P.S. Hahahah!!! 'Lizzy! I think I'll steal that nickname for Vinyl to use...that is, if she hasn't already stolen it!

Interesting beginning so far. I may read this later too. Is it wrong that I want to cut off Flim and Flam's horns with bolt-cutters for doing this? Again, interesting so far.

Epicness and awesomeness are the two of the many awesome things this chapter is.
I love the part where Swirly told Vinyl that lyssa has no eyes was so epic!( in my head i was thinking of rainbow dash shouting "DUN DUN DUUNN")
The authors note was a load of H.S.(horse s**t) you are a brilliant author and have written one of the most amazing stories i have read.
Thank you for writing this story, it is AMAZING.
can't wait for the next chapter.:pinkiehappy:

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