//------------------------------//
// ARTICLE 2 Part XVI 
// Story: ARTICLE 2 
// by Muppetz 
//------------------------------//


            ARTICLE 2 
Part XVI


He was already up when Twilight walked into the cell. Usually he was rummaging around fiddling as he so often did. Not that he had much else to do, Twilight reasoned with herself. 
But today he seemed purposefully distracted by something. Several alien devices lay at his feet. He carefully watched over them like someone looks at the scattered pieces of a puzzle. Knowing what to do but not quite yet how to go about actually doing it.
His only real acknowledgment of her presence was a quiet hello. In his hands he carefully spun a small black chip between his thumb and pointer finger, admiring the small trinket with jaded curiosity.
Twilight pulled herself onto the opposite end of his cot, curling into a comfortable position to watch him. “Whatcha doin?” she asked, somewhat intrigued.
The human shrugged ambiguously. “Thinkin’,” he answered simply. 
Twilight nodded, pursing her lips. She allowed his internal thoughts remain internal, fairly confident that if he wished to share them he would do so.
“What do you think separates your world from mine?” he finally asked, still turning the chip around in his fingers.
Twilight blinked at the sudden question. “A few weeks ago we weren’t even one hundred percent sure other universes existed…” she reminded. “I don’t think I’d be the one to ask.”
“…take a guess,” he encouraged.
Twilight took a deep breath, not entirely sure how to answer him. “Is this a philosophical question, a literal one?” 
“I guess by definition it’s a philosophical question but I uh... wasn’t really after a philosophical answer…” he replied with reasonable sounding nonsense. 
Twilight smiled back, “Well, sparring the debate about the nature of inquisitiveness, I would say that we are separated by the fabric of space time itself.” The human nodded as if the young unicorn confirmed something he already knew before lapsing back into quiet contemplation. “Hey… Are you feeling alright?” Twilight tried to get his attention. 
He mostly ignored her, still paying attention to the chip in his hands. “Fabric is permeable, right?” He asked in an almost joking tone as the chip was tucked away in his breast pocket.
She wasn’t sure if he was expecting an answer or not but she answered with a wry smile at the idea. “I don’t think the fabric of time and space holds the same… transversiary properties as satin and silk.” 
“It might though, yeah? I mean since we can’t definitively say that it doesn’t.”
“I suppose that would be true… technically,” she said matching his roguish grin. “Why are you suddenly so curious?” She finally asked curiously. “What are you planning at?”
“Thinkin’ about wasting a lot of time and effort on something that has very little chance of accomplishing anything…” He stood up and began gathering up the devices at his feet, cradling them in his arms, and depositing them on top of the large pelican crate by the wall of his room, using it as a makeshift workbench.


~~~~~


Shane handed the notepad back to the little purple unicorn. “Like that,” he finished, returning to his newest pet-project. She had cajoled him into teaching her more about humanity while he worked on his little machines. 
Twilight inspected the now corrected notebook. He had written ‘German Irish’ out in bastardized, half print, half cursive writing. She felt a twinge of annoyance at the penmanship. It’s not really that it was difficult to read. He actually had fairly neat handwriting, but the fact that he jumped randomly from one style to another, often right in the middle of words, irked her on some primal level. 
Above it he had scribbled out her attempts to recreate the place names. In her defense she had only just heard the terms. She had simply been recording his thoughts as best she could phonetically. It was a slightly flawed system, but it worked for what she hoped to accomplish. 
“And these are countries?” 
“Yeah,” he answered automatically, not looking up from whatever contraption he was fiddling with. 
“But you were not born in them.”
“Nope.”
“So you are American… but also German and Irish.”
He sighed tiredly. “I’m American. But my ancestors migrated from Germany and Ireland. My father’s family was Irish. My mother’s was German.” 
“I see,” she said almost to herself as her pencil scrawled across the paper. “Is this kind of migration common among humans?” 
“Probably not as much as it used to be. Most mass migrations were driven by wars or famines, politics, what have you,” he twirled his hand generically. “But not exclusively. People can get kind of flighty. Some just kind of decide to pack up and move one day just because they can.”
“Did you?”
He laughed. “No.” He smacked a gadget against the pelican crate in his cell. It was a small tan polymer box with a clear plastic dome. It was slightly larger than a one of his packs of cigarettes. Some wires and electronic innards could be seen protruding from the bottom. Judging by the way he was beating on it, it wasn’t cooperating with him.
“What is that?” Twilight finally asked.
“This,” he held the thing with a frown, “is a shiny thing.” 
Twilight looked skeptically at the dull tan box. “It doesn’t look very shiny.”
He grinned knowingly but didn’t elaborate further. “You’ll understand in a minute. I think I can get it going.” 
Twilight shrugged, letting it go. “Where were we?
“I don’t remember,” he admitted.
Twilight re-read her notes. “Revolutionary war,” she said aloud, finding where she left off.
“Okay,” he started as he continued to tinker. “You remember the colonies? America before it was a country?” 
Twilight nodded. 
“Uh…bare bones version. Early seventeen hundreds, The British Empire is, for all intents and purposes, the most powerful empire on the planet.” 
“We already went over that part,” she complained. If they were to cover thousands of years of history, she couldn’t afford to keep repeating things. They had only scratched the surface of American history. They had an ocean of information to cover still, and despite his best efforts, a historian Shane was not.


~~~~~


The human waxed on for several minutes, retelling a version of the conflict that was clearly heavily edited for time sake and full of swear words. Twilight carefully noting as much as she could, leaving out the profanity.
“And ever since we proudly celebrated our country’s freedom by blowing up small parts of it,” he finished.
“That’s pretty impressive.”
“Yeah, try to take it with a grain of salt though.”
“What do you mean?” 
“Because that’s the revolutionary war in a nutshell as told by an American who did not exactly get stellar grades in history. I’m sure the British and French tell that story very differently.”
Twilight smiled making note of the comment. “What happened next?” 
“The colonies expanded west, developing into the greatest god damn country in the world, eventually becoming the America that Americans know and love.”
“What about the British” 
“They kinda went back to squabbling with the French. Lots of time went by, nowadays they are one of our closest allies. I guess familial bonds won over in the end.” He laughed. 
“What do you mean?” 
He shrugged. “It’s kind of just a joke. The British Empire was responsible for colonizing several large modern countries; Canada, Australia, New Zealand,” he rattled off. “…all children of Britannia. Most of whom managed to gain their independence peacefully.” He grinned. “I guess that made America the rebellious child.” 
Twilight grinned as well. She liked history.
Shane set the device down on the crate. Retreating to the other side of the room where the rest of his things sat. He unclipped his helmet from his pack, placing it on his head and lowering the strange goggles onto his eyes. “Ha!” he exclaimed victoriously. 
“What is it?”
“The shiny thing sparkles!” he smiled excitedly. 
Shane beckoned her over. She stood trotting over to the corner. He unclasped the binoculars from the helmet, handing them to her and pointing at the boxy device. 
She peeked through the binoculars, mimicking the human. They cast the room in a harsh greenish orange light. Every second or so the device would flash a blinding white light. She lowered the goggles. The device was not flashing. She could only see the steady rhythm of lights through the goggles. 
“How is it doing that?” she asked bewildered. 
Shane scratched his chin. “The flashing is just an infrared strobe, the cool thing about this little guy it can not only mark locations, but also transmit them. It’s not encrypted so you can only activate it when shit has seriously hit the fan. It’s a distress signal. I don’t know how it works, but it does. I’m going to have to fuck with it for awhile to even see if I can hook it up to transmit.” He stuffed the device and some other odds and ends into a pouch. “Come on, I wanna try and find a place to set up. Where’s your Rainbow friend. I’m going to need her for this.”
“You have an appointment in a few hours,” Twilight warned. 
“It won’t take that long.” 


~~~~~

Princess Luna’s room was located atop one of the highest towers in the castle. From her perch the entirety of the grounds could be seen along with a large section of Canterlot.
Luna snorted awake at the sound of knocking at her bedroom door. She blinked away what little sleep she had gotten, looking sourly out the window. The sun had only risen a few hours ago. Her servants knew better than to wake her for anything short of an emergency. Somepony better be dying. She thought darkly as she rolled out of bed, flexing her wings and stepping into a pair of bunny slippers. 
She dragged herself to the thick door, opening it a crack with a magical tug. 
Shane was there, with a small grin. She didn’t bother hiding the surprise on her face. Usually she was the one who visited him. She was going to have to get used to the fact that he now could walk the castle at his leisure. 
“Hey, Princess...” he eyeballed the dark alicorn. “You sleepin?” 
“We are nocturnal. In case you had failed to notice,” she replied her voice filled with sleepy annoyance. 
“Well this will only take a second. Then you can go back to bed.”
Luna sighed stepping aside and allowing him into the darkened room. Twilight and Rainbow Dash followed him in. She hadn’t even seen them behind the human. What was this about? It was far too early for foolishness.
Shane walked over to the midnight blue drapes, pulling aside the thick fabric and ushering in a blinding torrent of light.
Luna screwed her eyes shut. “Really?” she asked letting her aggravation be known.
“Sorry. Just…two seconds.” He found the door leading to the marble balcony. “I need to get on your roof.” 
“…why?” the lunar princess asked, not sure if she had heard correctly. 
Shane stepped out on the balcony, Rainbow Dash right behind him. The pegasus immediately took to the air, hovering by the humans head as they surveyed the spire atop the princesses tower. 
“Will that work?” Rainbow asked him curiously. 
“That’ll do.” He nodded, tossing a little tan box to the pegasus. “Do your thing, Speedy.”
Rainbow gave a salute and shot toward the golden spire, device in hoof. Luna finally made her way after them, Twilight in tow. She was still blinking wildly, trying desperately to adjust to the sunlight. 
“What are you doing, Shane?” 
“You remember in ET when the kid comes home-” he started to answer before waving dismissively “...nevermind, you probably didn’t see that movie.” 
Luna gave him a look of sour confusion. She craned her neck upward. The prismatic pegasus was attaching the device to the golden spire atop her tower. Securing it with a few plastic strips just like the human had shown her. 
Once satisfied the device would not be coming down any time soon she flitted back toward the group, flying slow showboat-y circle around Shane’s head. “How’s that?” 
“Looks good,” he appraised. “That’s all I needed. Thanks for the wings.”
She landed flexing her cyan feathers. “Yeah, they’re pretty useful sometimes. See you later guys, there’s a cumulous somewhere callin’ my name.”
“Bye, Rainbow. Thanks again.” Twilight called after her.
“Major, what are you doing and what have you done to our roof.” 
“I put a shiny thing on it.” 
She squinted at the little tan box. “It does not seem very shiny to us.”
“That’s what I said,” Twilight confirmed. 
“Well it is.” He assured the mares.
“What is it for?” 
“We use them to mark things,” he tried to explain. “It’s like…hey look here, this is important.” 
“How? Who could see something so small?”
“They’d see it,” he promised. “You can’t see it without special equipment but it pulses. Sending out a signal like a beacon.”
Several alarms went off in Luna’s brain. Beacons beckoned things… things she was not entirely sure she wanted visiting. Was it really a good idea to let the human set up a beacon on her castle? Especially right on top of her room? 
“Who are the signals for?” 
“Anyone with sufficient equipment to pick up on it really. Humans ideally. I mean let’s be honest in all objective realities you will never see another human again for the rest of eternity. But on the other end of things, if it happened once, it could happen again. And if by some immeasurably impossible chance it does, and I’m not here to play ball. That little doo-dad will get their attention. It will tell them you’re friendly… and not to kill you.” 
Luna’s jaw fell open. She was at a complete loss as to what to be feeling. Was there ever even a risk of that!? On one hoof Shane had erected a protective bubble around her home, but on the other he had also introduced her to a whole new host of worries she would have been perfectly happy without. 
“I’ll show you what it looks like once the sun goes down,” he offered. 
Luna just shook her head, the sleepiness in her bones demanding that this nonsense be dealt with later. 
“Fine,” she conceded, her sleepiness finally winning over her curiosity.
Shane bumped Twilight with his hip. “Come on. I gotta talk to your mom real quick.”
“Princess Celestia ISN’T MY MOM!”
“Celestia should be in the middle of her court hearings if I am any judge of time… which I am,” Luna assured as she hopped back up upon her massive indigo bed. “You will have to wait until tonight, unless the situation is urgent.” 
Shane frowned but didn’t argue. “It can wait,” he muttered as he headed to ward the door. “Goodnight, princess.” 
“It’s daytime…” she muttered from her pillow. 
“Figure of speech,” he retorted sharply. “They never learn,” he complained to the unicorn at his side. 
Luna rolled her eyes as she settled back into an unpleasant sleep. 



~~~~~



Twilight flicked her tail back and forth impatiently while the human burned through a cigarette outside the dungeon complex. She wanted to go back inside and continue her interview about Shane’s home world, but the human had insisted he be allowed a smoke break. They only had about an hour before she had to take Shane to his next exam. 
The human happily puffed away at cigarette while eyeing the two stoic guards posted out front. “So…how come they only let white guys in the service? Does discrimination based on fur color constitute racism?” he mused to himself. 
“It’s a spell,” Twilight explained from her perch upwind of the human. “The armor is enchanted to change the color of their coats.”
“How do you tell them apart?” he stared at the face of one of the guards. The stallion remained perfectly impassive, but a small bead of sweat could be seen trailing down his cheek.
“You don’t. That’s the point,” Celestia pointed out as she approached. Her gentle golden aura plucked the cigarette from Shane’s fingers and she proceeded to stamp it out with her golden shod hoof. 
Shane grinned at the solar alicorn as he replaced the stolen cigarette with another. “For every one that falls, another will take its place.” he added as he twirled the cigarette in his fingers hypnotically.
“You’ll run out eventually,” she noted just as smartly. 
The grin slowly melted off his face as he realized how right she was. He had a healthy supply of nicotine now, but once it was gone… it was gone… like forever-that’s- all-folks gone. The depressing reality of the situation reared its ugly head once more, and every terribly comforting puff only brought him closer to that dreadful day. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” he asked icily, suddenly no longer happy to see the princess.
“I convened early. One of the benefits of being my own boss,” she replied. 
Shane nudged one of the guards with an elbow. “Your tax dollars at work.” He gestured toward the princess. The guard remained impassive as the alicorn rolled her eyes.


~~~~~


“Just relax,” the stallion said soothingly over the intercom. 
“I am relaxed!” Shane shot back at the disembodied voice, sounding anything but. “…Is this the test or am I waiting for the test?” he asked the voice. He was sitting alone in a fairly plain room, and had been for several minutes. The voice gave no answer. 
. There were a few small chairs, a blocky table, and a two way mirror. The room was otherwise devoid of decoration. 
Shane sat in one of the too small chairs, tapping his boot on the plain linoleum floor in a desperate attempt to pass the time. It wasn’t long before a small unicorn wheeled in an equally small cart. On top of which was a simple puzzle box and several simple shaped blocks. 
The human eyeballed the puzzle for several drawn out seconds as the mare made her leave. It was little more than a toy designed to help foals with basic motor skills …and by the look the human gave the mirror on the far wall…he knew it. 
“It’s just a starting point, Shane,” Twilight’s voice sounded over the intercom. “I know it seems patronizing but we have to start at the beginning.” 
Shane let his shoulders sag and began plugging the shapes into the appropriate holes, completing the basic task in a matter of seconds. 
Several ponies in the observation room began furiously scrabbling on pads of paper. The mare retrieved the completed test, and wheeled in another. This one was similar only focusing on coordinating color rather than shape. The human had it finished before the mare left the room. 
The tests grew in complexity as time went on. Simple puzzles and games were replaced with more difficult brainteasers and association. All the while the observation room was abuzz with some of the academy’s most gifted behavioral and psychological minds, all hysterically noting everything from the time it took to complete the puzzles to the fashion through which he did so. 
He did well for the most part grasping test centered in basic machines, physical attributes, and  problem solving. He however struggled in tests that focused on knowledge of pony culture or society. It was to be expected but it was still insightful to see him trying to reason out pony family dynamics, or matching gender roles. 
He seemed strangely bemused when the more mechanical puzzle machines would offer rewards. Usually a piece of hard candy or little bauble. Usually just something to prove that the test had been successfully completed. He had amassed a small pile of treats. 
The nurse produced the next test. It was almost exactly the same as the last. A glass box that required specific keys to unlock a series of latches in a specific order. A simple task once you made a few trail and error guesses. 
The notable distinction, however, was the prize. The little piece of caramel had been replaced with a bright red Marlboro box. 
The human searched his pockets frantically, only to realize he had in fact been pick-pocketed. He turned to the mirrored window with a look of explicit annoyance. 
“Are you serious? Have you sunk this low?” 
“Please proceed with the test, Major,” Celestia’s disembodied voice sounded over the intercom with poorly concealed mirth. 
“bitch…” he murmured as he picked up the small brass keys, preparing to repeat the test.
The first key touched the lock only for a small spark to jump from the lock and send a small electrical current up the human’s arm. “FUCK!” The key fell to the floor as he shook his hand out. “Are you kidding me!?” he shouted at the mirror. 
When no one answered him, he turned back to the puzzle. How to unlock the glass box without setting off the charge. He tried a different key, only to be similarly shocked. He reexamined the cart, noticing a new addition to the seemingly random bits that he could use to solve the puzzle. 


~~~~~


“He found the oven mitt,” Twilight noted, somewhat proudly. 
The human jammed his hand into the thick fabric glove. It was designed with hooves in mind but she figured he could still pinch the key through the fabric well enough to finish the test. 
“He understands electrical conductivity,” one of the mares in the observation room noted quietly. Twilight wasn’t exactly surprised. Based on Shane’s gadgets and devices Human knowledge of electricity was clearly eons ahead of their own. But she kept her comments to herself. 
The human went back to the glass box. Twilight seemed rather confused that he ignored the small tray of brass keys. “What’s he doing?” 
The human cocked his elbow back and punched through the roof of the box, sending shards of safety glass across the floor. He seized the cigarettes and routinely flipped off the mirrored observation window with one hand and grabbed his crotch with the other. “Write that down!” he said smugly. 
Twilight smacked a hoof to her face, as Celestia let out a somewhat tired sigh of frustration.


~~~~~


The solar alicorn shut the door to her chamber, casting the soundproofing spell that seemed to have become the norm these days. The secrecy was becoming tiresome. The human was safely back in his room most likely sleeping. Luna was would be convening the court shortly, and had agreed to meet them. The princess had a few precious hours to herself before dinner. Celestia relaxed into one of the cushions by her fireplace. 
Twilight settled into a cushion opposite a small table.
“What was it you needed to talk to me about?” The solar princess asked directly, though not unkindly. 
The purple unicorn shifted uncomfortably on her own pillow. “Well…it’s not really something I need to talk about as much as something I think you’ll want to see.”
Celestia raised a curious eyebrow as Twilight produced the human’s music playing device. Twilight bumped and tapped on the alien screen several times before telekinetically scooting the device across the table toward the solar diarch. 
Celestia pulled the device under her nose. The screen displayed one word. “Pictures”. 
Celestia looked at Twilight. The unicorn nodded encouragingly, although the look on her face was troubled. 
Celestia tapped the icon and the device whirred with activity, filling with small square images, neatly arrayed in rows of four. Most of the images were too small to see any fine detail, but it was more than obvious that they were snapshots the human had either taken or collected throughout his life. 
Celestia jaw relaxed as the reality hit her. “Oh my word…” she whispered. She ran the tip of her hoof across the screen. Rows and rows of digital photographs scrolled by. “There are hundreds…” she idly commented. 
Twilight nodded. She hesitantly reached across the table toward the device. She traced a purple hoof across the polished screen, pausing for a moment before poking one of the little pictures. 





~~~~~



He was pretty sure it was asleep. It wasn’t making any noise anymore. Princess Celestia had deposited the human in the cell before departing to do whatever it was princesses did. Auburn Sky rolled his shoulders, adjusting the heavy golden plate armor.
“What are you doing after your shift?” 
“I’m gotta go down town. Gonna head over to Star Shimmer’s place and see if she wants to have dinner,” Auburn Sky replied with a casual smile. 
“You’re not going to come have a drink with your ol pal?” the other guard asked with a hint of feigned offense.”
“It’s barely past noon, Windy,” he chuckled. 
“And I’ve been on duty since like two this morning. Besides… the guard tavern is open twenty-four-seven.” 
Sky shook his head. It was true the castle watering hole was open at all hours. It was one of the few benefits of being in the guard. No matter what patrol schedule you were on, you had a place to go relax after your shift. “Sorry bud, I haven’t seen my marefriend in almost a week. You’ll have to find someone else to get hammered with.”
There was an almost inaudible yelp from the other guard. Sky turned his head just in time to see Trade Wind’s now unmanned spear fall to the ground with a clatter as the armored guard was yanked into the human’s cell. 
Sky heart began to rocket as panic began to set in. He jumped into the padded cell after his fellow guard. The human was holding the horrified stallion by his breastplate with a look of exhilarated desperation on his face. 
“Where is it!?” it demanded hysterically.


~~~~~


Celestia had lost count of how many times she had swiped the tip of her hoof across the screen. Luna watched with rapt attention over her shoulder. Countless snapshots scrolled before her eyes like an extensive digital album. 
Much of what she saw was incomprehensible. She had learned only two things for certain; human foals were positively adorable, and the Shane in these pictures was a very different person from the one she knew. 
It had almost become routine, every time she decided she had a respectable grip on the human condition, some nuance or quirk would quickly remind her that he was not of this world and there was an entire galaxy of information about humanity that she, even with Shane’s full and uninhibited cooperation, would never have. 
“Still adrift,” Luna murmured idly as she swiped the screen once more. 
Celestia sighed in agreement. They had finally cycled through the pictures. There had been far too many to count and the battery was getting low. Twilight filled a stack of parchment with questions. The pile was thick enough to rival most dictionaries. Luna dabbed the screen once more. 
The image of Shane holding the human foal filled the screen. The human behind the pair was female without question. Without Shane here to explain she had no way of really knowing if she was the mother of the child... or if Shane was the father. 
A pang of emotion tightened in her chest. She wasn’t quite certain if it stemmed from sadness or pity. She supposed it had always been possible the human had left a family behind. But given his … “solitary” personality she had never given the thought much credibility. 
“Do you think we can make use of this?” Luna asked tentatively.
Celestia sighed dejectedly. “Yes and no,” she offered. “This can help us understand human society, but I doubt we will be able to infer anything concrete. Without context these photographs are nothing but fragments of information.”
“I fear he may believe we intruded on his privacy,” Luna noted quietly.
“He gave us access to this willingly… if not somewhat indirectly,” she defended, felling slightly unsure about the technicality. 
Luna nodded, conceiting to the fact. “Even if he does, the odds are those insights will be meaningless to us. I sometimes have difficulty understanding him as it stands, asking him to communicate the intricacies of his entire society through mere words is all but impossible.”
“Unless you know a better way to engender social understanding, it is the best option we have,” The solar alicorn sighed. 
Luna nodded half-heartedly her thoughts already leading her elsewhere. There were always less obvious ways to understand the workings of the mind. She had only flirted with the idea until recently, slowly gathering mental justifications. After all… the best way to truly understand something was to experience it oneself. 


~~~~~


“Oh, Gods, we’re so getting banished for this…” Auburn Sky muttered dreadfully as his little group rounded corners and hallways, doing their best to dodge the sporadic patrols. 
“It’ll be fine. Get me close you two can dip and I’ll magically forget you two ever had any hand in this,” Shane soothed eagerly.
“We didn’t have a hand in this!” Trade Wind hissed at the human.
“Hooves… whatever.”
“That’s not what I meant!” Trade protested.
“I know what you meant. You’re worrying too much. When we get caught you can tell her I forced you to do it.”
“You did force us to do it!” Auburn Sky assured.
“I did not,” he insisted. “I’m just… embellishing the parameters of your job. You two can only be credited with the resolute fulfillment of your duty by escorting me and making sure I don’t get lost or in trouble.”
“No THIS …” Trade Wind gestured grandly with his forehooves, “What you are doing right now. THIS IS you getting into trouble. We have already failed to keep you out of trouble because you are literally getting into the trouble as we speak.”
The human ‘pffft-ed’ with a sour patronizing look. “This is not trouble. You don’t even know trouble. Trust me. I will let you know when the trouble happens. We have at least twenty to thirty minutes until someone realizes I’m gone, then another fifteen or so until they track down Luna, another five to wake her up, then I’d say about ten to fifteen until they actually get here. THAT is when the trouble happens. And you two will be long gone by then.” 
“Why do they need Princess Luna to come get you?” Auburn Sky asked, for the moment forgetting the fact that his career was likely going to be ruined. 
“They don’t. But she’s probably the only one that knows where I am.” 
“…How?”
Shane showed off a black leather band wrapped around his wrist with a silver clasp. “This,” he said dryly.
“…Your bracelet told her?” 
“It’s Luna’s,” he said sourly eyeing the band. “The little princess may not the brightest crayon in the box but she’s not so stubborn that she’d fight tooth and nail over a fashion accessory. It’s probably magic, and I’m pretty sure she’s LoJacked it.” The two just stared at the human blankly. “She’s tracking me.” 
“Oh.” The two said in unison. 
“If you know she’s using it to track you why are you wearing it?” Auburn asked as they turned another corner.
He shrugged. “Why not? I don’t plan on running off. In all honesty the only thing that bothers me is the principle of the thing. If she had been like “hey can I use this thing to track you,’ I’d probably have been like ‘sure’. But she tried to sneaky force it on me so now I’m just going to use it to fuck with her. Like…I don’t know… flush it down a toilet and watch her try to follow it. Or something,” he waved a hand dismissively, “I haven’t really decided yet.”  
“So you like…enjoy aggravating infinitely powerful alicorns?”
“Little bit…yeah,” he admitted easily. 
“Why?” 
“I don’t get Netflix here.” 
Neither stallion bothered asking what that meant. They were close now, they were eager to deposit the troublesome biped off at the tavern and finish their shift in peace. The inevitable court martials could wait until tomorrow.  


	~~~~~


The older stallion sipped on his tankard as he nibbled on a hayburger. He had a little corner booth all to himself. A few newspapers were folded neatly on the table. Nothing glaringly interesting caught his attention.  Overall it was the typical business, gossip, weather, stocks, and personals. 
Aegis folded the newspaper and sipped his drink. It was turning out to be a fairly uneventful day off. As busy as he was with the guard he was certainly looking forward to it. But for an unmarried middle aged stallion, there wasn’t much for him to do in Canterlot other than frequent bars and eat greasy food. He often wished for more time off, but whenever he got some, he found himself oddly at a loss for activity and more than enough just returned to work early. 
The double door to the bar swung inward causing the stallion to do a genuine double take. Sure as daylight stood the source of almost all of Aegis’ problems lately. It would seem even on his day off, the human was hell bound to make his life complicated. He stood in the doorstep devoid of armor and blouse. Armed only with the large handgun strapped to his thigh
Aegis wasn’t the only one to take notice of the newcomer. The entire bar had gone quiet. All manner of off-duty guard personnel were staring at the strange biped with poorly veiled confusion or concern. 
Shane waved a few fingers around. “Uh…Carry on, gents.”
“Major.” The human’s eyes snapped toward Aegis confused and alert. “Get over here.”  He eyeballed the commander for several seconds frowning.
“Do I know you?” he said somewhat icily. 
Aegis was confused for a moment before he realized the human had never seen him out of uniform. His coat and mane were back to their original colors. “It’s Aegis.”
Realization crossed the human’s face followed by amusement. “You look different naked.” 
The stallion rolled his eyes. “Just sit down.” Shane briefly eyed the waiting bar pony with obvious longing but slid into the booth anyway, sitting opposite the stallion. “What are you doing here?”
“Presumably the same thing you’re doing,” he answered obviously.
“Does Celestia know you’re here?” 
“….yyyes.” 
“That’s a lie,” he noted casually. 
“She said I’m free to roam,” he asserted. “And this is where the roaming took me.”
“She also said lay low.” 
“Do I look like I’m running down the halls screaming or something? I just wanna sit in a dark room and rot my brain on cheap whiskey. Why is that so much to ask.” 
Aegis considered the human for a moment. “You better get started then.”
“It’s not lik- what?” he interrupted himself. 
“You better get drinking. Sounds like you’re running on borrowed time as it is.”
Shane stared at the Guard Commander for several seconds with narrow suspicious eyes. “You’re not going to try and stop me?” 
“The Princess did say you were allowed to wander. Besides…It’s my day off.” 
Shane stepped toward the bar, turned and looked cautiously at the stallion, as if expecting him to jump up and run off to snitch. 
Aegis just picked up his paper and continued to read. 
Apparently realizing he was not being lured into some malty fermented trap. The human scampered over to the bar. 
He returned with a tray stacked with little glasses filled with a dark amber liquid. He sat down across from Aegis with a grin. 
“Are those all for you?” 
Shane made a non-committal noise and examined his plate of shots then looking to the stallion critically. Before carefully selecting one and placing it in front of the Commander and one before himself. 
“I don’t drink whiskey.”
“You have to. Or you’re insulting my people and I will be forced to duel you for the offense,” he warned in a deceptively serious tone.
Aegis realized he was possibly lying but ran with it anyway. “Fine.” 
Shane smiled and grabbed the stallion’s hoof turning it and placing the shot in the center.
“To nightmares.” he toasted cheerily. 
He lifted his own and downed it. Aegis groaned and did the same giving in he tossed back his own. Shuddering at the taste while Shane sucked air through his teeth. 
“You were enlisted at some point weren’t you?” Aegis said, not really asking. 
“What gave me away?” Shane chuckled not sounding very surprised. 
“Your attitude… basically half officer, half juvenile delinquent.”  
Shane started laughing at the stallion’s description. “That’s the best thing I heard all day,” he muttered still giggling as he selected another drink. “You’re clever. I like you.”
“Am I wrong?” 
“No. Once upon a time it was Lance Corporal Doran. Spent four years in the reserves as an enlisted man, Applied for OCS after our first deployment, got in, went, graduated, went active, deployed again, got back, got out, went home… six months later some very spooky government types showed up at my house and talked my dumb ass into this retarded adventure.” He waved his hand around generically.” Shane tossed another shot back “And now here I am… drinking whiskey in a castle with magical horses.” He chuckled in that same perversely depressed way. “One thing led to another, Right?” 
Aegis sniffed at that, not terribly flattered, but interested nonetheless. He wondered if even Celestia had heard such a comprehensive summary of his life. All it took was a tray of shots. Maybe he should suggest the Princess rethink her interview technique. 
Shane set another glass in front of the stallion. An odd thought occurred to him. “How did you pay for these?” Aegis asked suddenly curious. 
“Tab,” he explained simply. 
“Whose?” 
“A certain lunar alicorn.” 
“Princess Luna doesn’t have a tab here?” he noted plainly.
“She does now,” he grinned. 
Aegis shook his head. “I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”
“I’ll pay her back. I just gotta find somebody to exchange dollars for …sugarcubes or whatever ponies use for currency.” 
“The term you’re looking for is Bits.” 
“Of course it is,” he muttered into his glass.
“Well if ever there was a time she could afford it, its now. Considering you dumped a couple trillion bits worth of alien technology in her lap.”
“That’s one way to look at it. Do they have food here?” 
“Bar food,” he shrugged. 
“Bar food is food.”
“Here,” Aegis nosed over his menu. He was already done with it anyway. 
Shane fingered through the menu. “Is a hayburger like a cheeseburger?” 
“It’s got cheese on it if that’s what you’re asking,” Aegis noted as he sipped his own glass shuddering slightly at the burn of the stiff glass.
“No. I’m actually sort of clinging to the shred of hope that it’s made with cow and the “hay” thing is just a pony gimmick.”
“There’s no cow in it.” Aegis frowned disapprovingly at the carnivorousness.  
Shane pushed the menu away, apparently no longer hungry.
“Will you survive without meat?” He asked genuinely somewhat curious.
“I guess,” he sneered, “Surviving would be about the extent of it though.”
Aegis was thoughtful for a short moment. “We occasionally entertain meat eating guests. It is not impossible to get by any means, but it’s also not exactly commonplace. Now that the Griffon PM is here, I imagine it will be much easier to justify an order.”
“I knew that guy was going to come in handy,” Shane smiled hopeful at the prospect of a potentially carnivorous meal.
Shane put another glass in front of the older stallion. “Hurry up. I’m drinking on stolen time.”



~~~~~


Aegis stacked an empty glass. With his, now considerably less coordinated hooves. He didn’t usually make a habit of drinking this much, yet for some reason the glasses continued to pile up around he and the Marine. He began finding it difficult to accurately tell how much time had actually passed. 
He looked over at the human. He was currently in the middle of a very animated drunken story. The human probably had near eighty pounds on the stallion but from the flush of his cheeks and the slightly slurred movements, it wasn’t exactly hard to realize the human was pretty toasted himself. Aegis didn’t understand a lot of the nuances to the human’s story, but the general message was mostly clear. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he meant by “exceedingly talented exotic dancers”.
The human sat back in his booth and lit a cigarette. No one seemed to care. “Anyway. That was the third drunkest I’ve ever been in my life.”

“SHANE!” Twilight shouted from the doorway. 
The human winced and ducked as if something had been hurled at him. He slowly turned to see the fuming young mare bearing down on him with the full brunt of her angry amethyst eyes. 
“Heeey kiddo, how are you?” 
Twilight examined the scene. Several dozen tiny empty glasses littered the table. Shane’s cheeks were slightly flushed and his balance upon the pony sized booth was not exactly up to par.
“Are you drunk?” she asked almost tiredly. 
“Uuummm…” Shane surveyed the graveyard of empty glasses on the table, then back to Twilight, chuckling slightly. “I mean…I certainly wouldn’t call myself sober,” he admitted chuckling.
“Ugh.” Twilight rolled her eyes as she lit her horn. She fished around in her saddlebag before pulling out one of Shane’s radios.
“That’s mine,” he protested the commandeering of his things.
“We borrowed them. This is your fault anyway.” Twilight donned the headset with no small amount of trouble. She finally got the device to sit properly while Shane watched with thinly veiled amusement. “Princess? …Princess Its Twilight, can you hear me?” 
“Yoink,” Shane reached over and plucked the headset from the unicorn. 
“Hey!” Twilight protested back.
Shane ignored her, holding the earpiece to his head with one hand while stiff-arming the small unicorn with the other. 
“We hear you, Twilight have you had any luck locating the Major?” Luna’s synthetic voice broke over the speaker.
Shane depressed a switch with his thumb. “Uh, that’s a negative there, Big Blue. And I must say, if he’s as allusive as he his handsome then I’m afraid the chances of us finding him are slim to none. How copy over?” 
“Ah. Hello, Major. We are pleased you are not lost somewhere on the grounds.”
“Aw thanks, Princess. I missed you too. I hope you weren’t looking for too long.” Shane fingered the leather band around his wrist. “However did you know I’d be here?”
“T’was actually the first place we checked. You have expressed genuine interest in only one real thing during your time here. It seemed the most logical place to start.” In her defense, it was actually a pretty reasonable thought. “Celestia is on her way to collect you for dinner. Twilight Sparkle will wait with you until she arrives. We shall see you soon.”
“Can’t wait,” Shane gave Twilight his radio back. “Celestia’s coming to collect us.” He informed the younger mare with a hint of distaste. “Which means…” he slid out of the booth. “…last call.” He pointed a finger at the commander who was still sitting silently. “Whadda you want?”
“Whiskey… neat.”
The human nodded approvingly. He cocked an eyebrow at Twilight.
“I’m not thirsty,” she assured the waiting human.
Shane frowned at her. “You have to.”
“Why?”
Shane turned to Aegis. “Tell her the thing.” 
“If you refuse a drink you’re insulting his people… and you’ll uh…” he twirled his hoof around in inebriated thought “…duel for it.” Clearly the human ritual had claimed his sobriety as well.
A spark of curious suspicion entered the studious unicorns mind. He could very well be lying. But if not she had inadvertently stumbled upon an interesting facet of human customs. 
“Water, please.” Twilight caved.
Shane stared at her as if she had ordered a cup of frogs.”You’ll get whiskey and like it,” Shane noted before scampering off towards the bar. 
Twilight turned toward the Commander. “Do you think he’s being serious?” 
Aegis pursed his lips and shrugged as he began to giggle.


~~~~~


Celestia poked her head into the darkened establishment. She didn’t come here particularly often. It was intended to be the guard’s retreat from their duties, namely herself. It seemed a bit counter productive, not to mention somewhat unseemly, for a princess to linger around the tavern.
The solar alicorn scanned the dimly lit bar, her quarry wasn’t difficult to track. It was two feet taller than everything else in the room and flanked by a young purple unicorn mare. 
“Princess!” the massive stallion behind the bar exclaimed spurring a massive movement in the sleepy and drunken military stallions to quickly stand and bow in the sudden presence of their monarch.
Celestia winced as several went crashing over their own hooves or each other in their varying levels of inebriated haste.  She held up a hoof hoping to calm the room of stallions from their frenzy. “There is no need, I assure you. Please continue, my little ponies.” She smiled sweetly as she eyeballed the human in his booth. “I am merely here to collect a stray.” 
Shane clacked an empty glass against the table from his booth in the corner. “Do whatever you want,” he declared assuredly spreading his arms before folding his arms on the table and resting his head smugly atop them. “I’ve already won…”
Celestia approached the table. “Hello your, highness,” Aegis smiled as he lowered his head. 
“Commander,” Celestia greeted. “I am sorry you had to deal with this on your day off. Were you two having fun?” 
“Oh it’s no trouble really,” he assured. “Turns out the Major here was a prior enlisted stallion like myself.” 
Celestia recoiled slightly. “Is that so?” 
Shane started giggling from his nestled position in his arms. “…Mustang.” Shane began to laugh to himself. 
“How much has he had to drink?” Celestia smiled as she watched the human lose it over his own joke. 
“Well beyond what I would consider safe for most any equine,” Aegis laughed while Twilight shot pointed angry glances at the human. 
“Why do you do this to yourself my little human?” Celestia asked somewhat sadly eyeing the inebriate man.
Shane rested an elbow on the table and leaned his cheek against his palm. He gave Celestia a tired smirk. “You ever stop and think maybe, just maybe, I just like drinking? And that I’m really not as complicated as you wanna think I am.” He stared into the alicorn’s eyes.
Celestia had her doubts but decided this was not the time for this conversation, as she offered her hoof to the inebriated Marine. He gladly took it, carefully avoiding her golden shoes. Celestia heaved and pulled the large human to his feet where he stood wobbling by her side, sending her a thankful smile. 
“Are you alright?” she asked only slightly amused by his grinning drunken state. 
“Yep!” he declared confidently.
“Do you remember how to get there?” 
“Not a chance in hell,” he admitted still smiling. “I assumed you were my escort.”
“Well we have some time to kill if you would like to get cleaned up first? I’d also like to talk to you about something if you don’t mind.” 
“Am I in trouble?” he asked suspiciously.
“No.”
“Then I would love to have a talk with you about something,” he assured.
“Splendid!” she smiled. “Twilight, we will meet you in the dining room shortly.”
Twilight nodded happily as she hopped out of the booth.
Shane reached out and ruffled the young unicorn’s mane in an affectionate farewell. Twilight huffed and tried to shake the tangles out of her hair but smiled all the same. She said her goodbyes and departed through the double doors. 
Shane crossed his arms and leaned against the alicorn as they watched Twilight leave. Celestia looked back at the human. “Shall we then?” 
“Sure,” he propped himself back up, swaying a bit. Shane turned to the Commander with a casual smile. “Sir, it was pleasant speaking words with you.” Shane saluted the (possibly) just as inebriated stallion. “I look forward to this inspection.”
Aegis returned his salute as well as he could in his state. “As do I, Major. I’m sure it will be *hic*…educational for the both of us.”
Shane smiled amicably at whatever plans the two had concocted while left to their own musings. Celestia would find out from one of them when there was less alcohol in play. “Come along, Major,” Celestia prodded as she turned and started towards the doors.


~~~~~

Shane spilled squintingly out behind the solar alicorn, taking a few wobbling steps into the much more brightly lit hallway and nearly tripped over his own boots. 
Celestia tried not to giggle at the wobbly movements of the human. “This way, Major. Just try not to fall.” 
“Please,” he droned. “This is like some tutorial shit right here.” He pointed a finger up and down himself.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Just keep a hand on my withers. I don’t need you taking a dive down a flight of stairs.” 
Shane stared blankly for a second before slowly reaching over and resting a tentative hand above the dock of her tail and raising a curious eyebrow at the alicorn, as if requesting an affirmation. 
Celestia fought back the initial urge to laugh at the human’s uncomfortable confusion. “Shane…” she started gently, “That is my rear. I said withers.”
“I don’t know what withers are!” Shane defended embarrassedly as he snatched his arms away and folded them along his chest.
Celestia giggled at the non-alcohol related blush in the human’s cheeks. She seized his hand in a small cloud of golden astral magic and guided it to rest between her shoulders. “Withers,” she stated plainly. “Understand?” She asked teasingly.
Shane frowned at the alicorn. “You could have just said ‘my back’ in the first place and saved us a lot of time.”
“No,” She corrected guiding his hand further down her spine. “That is my back.” 
“This is not anatomy time!” Shane ripped his hands away from Celestia and her magic, flailing the golden aura away. “And I can walk just fine! Let’s go!” 
Shane stormed down the hallway nearly running over a potted plant and barley managing not to fall on his face. 
Celestia followed after the flustered human. “Don’t be embarrassed, Shane,” she teased further as she caught up to him checking the tipsy human with her hip. “And flattered though I may be I am still easily fifty times your age.”
“Shut up!” 
“What was it you’ve been saying? Didn’t even buy me dinner first?” 
“I’ll seriously kill you. You think I won’t but I will.” 


~~~~~



Celestia presided over the meal at the head of the table along with Luna. The elements of harmony sat to their left with Shane nestled safely between Twilight and Rarity. The Griffon Prime minister seated opposite them along with Shining Armor. 
Magneus sat across from the eyeing human. The creature still seemed to have an unusual fascination with the griffon. The occasional elbow-nudgings of Celestia’s protégé seemed to have little to no deterring effect on his occasional glances. 
Magneus did his best not to let it trouble him. The human was merely curious. From what it had told him there were no griffons where he was from. It would likely be most akin to seeing something from a fairy tale. Surely a strange experience for anyone.
Shane doodled over the napkin with a pink crayon cheerily provided by Pinkie Pie. “It’s mostly almost close to that, sort of,” Shane said definitively to the unicorn mare hanging over his shoulder. Rarity watched with fascinated, if not confused, interest. “It’s not the right number of buttons I don’t think,” he mumbled somewhat to himself. “I can’t remember.” 
Although the human’s artistic skill left something to be desired, she was impressed by what he could recreate from memory, especially in his noticeably tipsy state. She was looking at a working doodle of a dress uniform. 
Shane tucked the crayon behind his ear and offered the napkin doodle to the fashion forward unicorn. “I’ll find a real picture somewhere. Stop by my office one day. I’ll dig one up for you.” 
“That would be lovely, Major. But I wouldn’t want to be a bother,” she answered politely. 
“It’s really not much trouble. I’d actually appreciate some semi normal company. The princess parade gets old pretty fast,” he complained.
“We are sitting right here, human,” Luna droned grumpily. 
He twisted in his seat and eyeballed the alicorn. “So you are,” he noted. 
“Dost thou not appreciate our enrapturing visits and conversations?” Her smile was threateningly sweet.
“Mayhaps if thee did not lapse haphazard into thine Shakespearian tongues, then we would not have to waste  insufferable amounts of time on dialectic interpretation.” 
Luna’s smile disappeared and a rosy blush spread on her cheeks. “You mock us,” she stated simply. 
“I do,” he confirmed.
“Shining Armor! Defend your princesses’ honor immediately!” Luna declared across the table. 
The stallion looked up from his food confused at having been called out so suddenly.
“Oh no, you’re going to send Captain Cub Scout after me?” Shane chuckled. “Is he bringing his own body bag or should I go out and get him one?” 
“Hey!” Shining said angrily. 
“Ooooh fight!” Rainbow Dash cheered eagerly. 
“No one is fighting anyone!” Twilight butted in.
“She’s right,” Shane admitted sourly. “It wouldn’t even be a real fight. Already beat his ass once.”
“WHAT?! You snuck up behind me and clubbed me in the head! You didn’t beat me at anything.” 
“I beat you at sneaking up and clubbing people,” he said confidently. 
“If it were a fair fight there wouldn’t be enough of you left to fill a teacup.” 
Shane perked up excitedly. Suddenly very focused on the stallion across the table. “What?! You’ve never killed anyone in your life, and you’re gonna start with the big dog?” Shane patted his chest, “Yeah fuckin right, Tinkerbell.” 
“Shane!” Twilight began warningly.  
Shane twisted in his seat toward Celestia. “Hey princess, you might wanna start recruiting another boot ass captain cuz I’m about to murder your boy here.”
“You better not,” she said maternally. “Cadence would be very upset with me if I let that happen.”
“Who’s Cadence?”
“My wife!” Shining shouted.
“You’re straight?!” Shane asked, flabbergasted.


~~~~~


The human settled on one of Celestia’s many lush pillows. He buried his face into the soft fabric. Celestia could only assume the copious drinking earlier was catching up with him. He held it together throughout dinner pretty well until he started picking fights with Shining Armor. The human was undoubtedly trying to goad the stallion. His violent ego and Shining Armor’s sense of honor would inevitably clash. She would have to be extra watchful of the human around her soldiers.
Shane rolled over into a sitting position. Celestia curled herself on her own cushion across a small sitting table. “Tea?” His eyes were already low. She doubted this discussion would last very long without the added caffeine. 
“No, thank you,” he declined. “I’m not really a tea drinker.” 
“Would you prefer something else?” The princess offered. 
“Coffee would be amazing.” 
She smiled. As she levitated a small tea set for the two of them. She heated the water for her tea and poured a small package of instant coffee into a mug for the human. It wasn’t as good as the home brewed stuff, but she doubted he would complain.
She levitated the steaming cup over to the human who accepted it gratefully. He took a hearty gulp of the liquid despite the temperature. “So what’s on your mind, princess?” he asked finally cutting to the chase. 
Celestia straightened her wings, deciding to be blunt about it. She produced the human’s music pad. She slid the device across the table so the human could see the picture on the screen.
Shane stared at the digital photo for several seconds. His face lost its smirk and his shoulders lowered somewhat. The little screen showed a picture of himself cradling a human child while a woman with dark blonde hair leaned over them smiling sweetly. 
Shane sighed pulling the device closer. “Forgot these were on here…” he said quietly.
“Your family?” she asked quietly noticing the shift in his mood. 
He nodded with a small sad smile. He tapped the screen twice. The image zoomed over the picture of the woman in the back. 
“She was… your mate?” 
Shane huffed loudly. “No, Jesus” he laughed immediately. “My uh…my older sister. The kid is her daughter… My niece.” 
Celestia seized the information with interest. “What was her name?” 
“Kylie. Older by three years. The tyke in pink is Maggie.”
“How old is she?”
Shane rubbed the back of his head thoughtfully. "She’s gotta be coming up on four or five by now.” He stared at the picture longingly as if somehow hoping he might be able to simply fall through it and be there again. “She may not have been mine but I sure as fuck loved her like she was. Kylie would leave her with me a lot. She and her husband both worked and I was coasting on deployment money. It was an… interesting time in my life.” 
She tried to maintain her composure. She didn’t recall the human ever admitting to love anything. “You miss them.” It wasn’t a question.
“Every day.” Shane answered regardless.
“You told us you didn’t have a family,” she noted sounding somewhat hurt.
“I didn’t know you,” he answered simply.
Celestia regarded the human once more. “Why not tell us?”
Shane scoffed. “And say what? What about me sharing my personal life with you improved my situation?” 
“It wouldn’t have,” she admitted somberly. “But having a friend to talk to might make things more bearable in the mean time.” 
“I don’t need friends, Princess.” 
“Major, I think I have hardly met a creature more painfully in need of friendship than you.”
Shane scoffed tiredly, regarding the alicorn with yet another amused gaze. She offered a kind smile. 
He shook his head. Standing up, he plucked the pad off the table. “Fine. But this isn’t going to become an everyday thing.” He grabbed his cushion and began to drag it over to the alicorn who watched with amused confusion. “And you better not take this shit for granted. The only reason this is happening is I’m still pretty toasted and you got me feeling all nostalgic.”
Celestia nodded, careful not to let too much of her excitement show. “Fair enough. I was really hoping you could explain some things to me. I’m afraid much of what we saw was…difficult to understand.” 
He dropped his pillow next to Celestia’s before lying across it and resting his head against the alicorn herself. “Get comfy. This will probably take a while.” He adjusted himself on the pillow so the princess could see the screen in his hands.
Celestia smiled giddily at the human. She rested her head by his shoulder nestling herself in place. Shane didn’t protest. 
Shane tapped the screen, bringing the image back up. This one was just of his infant niece.
“What is she like?” she asked curiously.
“She was a brave little thing. Tough as shit I swear. I had her in my backyard once and she was just starting to walk and she fell in the grass and scuffed up her arm real good. She didn’t shed a single tear. Just stood up and brushed it off,” Shane spoke proudly puffing out his chest proudly.
Celestia laughed, unsure if she were laughing at the story or at the fact that Shane was the one telling it. “She’s adorable.”
He swiped a finger across the screen. 
“That’s your father isn’t it?” she asked at the new image
“Yep.”
“You look like him.” 
“So I’ve been told,” he smirked
“Was he a Marine too?” 
“No. I’m a first generation jarhead,” he mused. “Dad was very against the idea of me enlisting. Wanted me to get a job that didn’t involve bombs and gunfire. Almost got into a fistfight over it actually until my sister stepped in.”
“She sounds important to you.”
“She was my best friend in the world. She cheered me up when I was down, she stitched me up when I bled. Took care of me when I was sick. I swear to god its scary how much she sounds like Twilight.” That one caught the princess off guard. “I have a little heart attack every time Twilight says my name. She yells at me the exact same way Kylie did. That and how they kinda try to mommy the shit out of everyone. Outside that the similarities kinda end. But fuck me if she doesn’t sound like her twin.” 
Shane became silent for a moment, as Celestia mentally processed that piece of information. It certainly could have explained a lot. 
“Don’t tell her I said that,” Shane warned. “I don’t want her to know.” 
“Why not? I think she’d be flattered,” Celestia pressed, hoping to get the human to open up a bit more.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just don’t want her to know. Life is less complicated that way.”
“Loneliness may be less complicated but it isn’t better.”
“I’m not lonely. I’m independent.”
“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” 
“I’m not having this discussion right now. If you’re going to start this journey of self introspection shit then I can get up and leave,” he warned.
“Fine,” the alicorn relented. 

The night wore on as the human did his best to explain the images to the alicorn. She didn’t understand a lot of what he said. So much of his vernacular was dependant on complex military acronyms or pop culture references that it was all but completely lost on the princess. 
Despite the barriers in communication she had learned more about the human’s past that night than the past few weeks combined. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol in his system or if he was actually beginning to open up to her. She decided after a brief moment of contemplation that it was rather irrelevant at this point. 
The human suppressed a yawn. Not the first one Celestia noticed. She looked out the expansive window. The moon was already halfway across the sky. They had been talking later than she realized. 
“I think we might have to call it a night, Major.” Shane nodded sleepily. He shut down the device. The batteries were teetering on the last dredges of life. “You can sleep here tonight if you like,” she offered standing and stretching her wings.
He fixed her with an odd look. “…what?”
“Well if I send you off now, you’ll either get lost or pass out in the hallway… or both. I thought I would at least offer.”
“Oh…” He laughed to himself. “Alright then. Thanks I’ll uh… sleep on the couch. 
Celestia shrugged. “Suit yourself. The bed is more than large enough if you’d prefer. I don’t mind sharing.”
Shane rubbed the back of his head laughing uncomfortably. “I …honestly can’t tell… is this like … societal miscommunication or are you just fucking with me?”
Celestia paused turning to face the human curiously. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Wow… Alright I guess we’re going to have this conversation. Uuuuh,” he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “...okay…like…I know you guys tend to be a bit more touchy feely, but in most human circles inviting someone to your bed is kinda seen as…like… an indication of intimacy.”
Celestia blinked at the human.
“Sex,” he deadpanned.
Celestia’s eyes widened a bit, suddenly understanding. “Ah. I see.” She chuckled softly. “It isn’t uncommon for ponies to share a bed with one another. I can assure the offer was as devoid of disreputable intent as intended,” Celestia smiled, “Although I was working under the assumption you were a gentleman, and would not take it as such.”
“I don’t know what your basing that assumption off of, but I can assure you, you were grossly misinformed.”
“Regardless I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It was not my intention.” 
Shane sniffed, immediately back to his normal self. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable.” He stretched exaggeratedly. “I was just trying to think of a nice way of letting you down,” he teased.
“Letting me down?”  
“It’s just that I’m kind of…you know…out of your league,” he explained with a shit eating grin.
Celestia huffed, “YOU’RE out of MY league?” Celestia laughed.
“Try not to take it as an insult, highness, but I mean let’s be honest…” he pointed up and down his person.  “USDA Prime cut of trophy husband meat right here.”
Celestia couldn’t help but laugh, giving an offended huff. “Well now you’re definitely not sleeping in the bed.”
“I mean don’t get me wrong. I’m sure by equine standards you’re a smoke show. If you were a thousand years younger and I was a thousand years older then I might even con-OKAY JOKE! OW! JESUS! FUCK! JOKE!” the human cried frantically as the alicorn began batting the human with the brunt of her wing. 
She folded her now ruffled wing back to her side after human could retreat no further into the couch.
He spat out a few small feathers. “Feel better?” he asked the smiling alicorn.
“Yes,” Celestia assured turning away from the human with a flick of her ethereal tail. “Goodnight, Major.”
“Goodnight, Princess.”


~~~~~


“Celestia!” Luna shouted into her sister’s bedroom, searching for the solar alicorn. “We cannot locate the human and he will soon be late for his appointment.”
Celestia rose groggily from her bed sheets. There were still a few moments before she had to raise the sun. She felt as if she had only just lain down. 
Luna approached the bed. “We have not seen him since dinner. We were wondering where you had deposited him for the night.”
Celestia slowly recalled the previous night. “He’s on the couch, Lu,” she muttered as she rubbed her eye with the back of her hoof. 
Luna looked around the room confusedly. “Whose couch?”
“My couch, Luna he’s right…” Celestia blinked a few times, only to see the piece of furniture was indeed empty. “Major?” she called out looking around the room. “Shane!” 
There was an audible thud from the couch followed by a muffled, “Dammit!” The human rolled from under the couch rubbing his forehead painfully. “What?!” he asked irritably.
The two alicorns merely regarded him with confused stares. “Why are you under the couch?”
“I was sleeping,” he groaned rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the crook of his elbow.
“I gathered that,” Celestia droned. “I was wondering why you were doing so under the couch as opposed to on top of it.” 
“I don’t know,” he mumbled.
“How much did you actually drink last night?” Luna asked. 
He waved a hand in a non-committal fashion before folding his arm back under himself. 
Luna looked to Celestia who merely shrugged. The Lunar alicorn made her way over to the hungover human and attempted to poke and prod him back to the conscious world.
Celestia stepped toward her expansive balcony window, horn glowing with solar energy. The first rays of sunshine began to lance over the distant horizon, piercing the darkened land with golden rays of light. Celestia’s tower-top room was always the first to receive the light of a new day, as Luna’s was always the first to see the moon. Clever construction on the part of the architects, the human however seemed wholly unappreciative of the engineering marvel as sunlight flooded the darkened room. 
Luna had coaxed him into a sitting position when the Celestia brought forth the massive star. He made an exaggeratedly pained groan as his bloodshot eyes were assaulted with ten thousand lumens of unfiltered sunshine.
He screwed his eyes shut as he turned away from the window. “Oh my God,” he mumbled to himself. “Are you serious? Could you like not?”
“It is time to awaken, Major,” Luna prompted, kindly extending an azure wing to shield the human from the brunt of the light. 
He fumbled around in his pockets for a few moments, eventually digging the pair of scuffed Oakleys from his cargo pocket. He hid his eyes behind the polarized lenses, before tentatively blinking open his eyes as they adjusted. 
“Better?” Luna asked.
“Barely,” he muttered.
“Well you’ll have to suffer through it for the time being. We have to get you ready for your final examinations.”
Shane groaned before pushing himself to his feet and rubbing his head sorely. “How long will it take?” 
Luna took a few encouraging steps toward the door. “A few hours at most.” She opened the door beckoning him out. “If we make it on time, that is.”
Shane stumbled out the door after the Lunar alicorn. “I need to brush my teeth,” he commented distastefully licking his canines.
“I shall see you two later,” Celestia called after them.
Shane merely offered a backward wave as he staggered after Luna down the hall. 


~~~~~



“What kind of test is it?” he asked after a few paces.
“Not really a test per se. A psychiatric exam to be blunt about it,” she explained as they walked. “The mare is quite gifted though. She has also done great things in many fields of the mind, from psychotherapy to marriage counseling.”
“A shrink?” he sounded less than enthused. 
“If you wish to sum it up so crudely, yes,” she frowned.
“I don’t wanna go to a shrink,” he groaned.
“Stop,” she chided. “You’re acting like a foal. It won’t kill you to at least give it a try. ”
“You really wanna try and tackle that mess? You’re not gonna like it, I’ll just save you the trouble.”
Clichéd though his mocking comment was, Luna could feel the apprehension radiating off of him in waves. “I dare think, Major, that you are the one will not like what we will find. Not the other way around.”
“I already know I won’t like what I find. That’s why I don’t look. If I wanted to I would have sought out a shrink myself. Thank you very much.”
She had many theories about the human’s behavioral issues. As much as he clung to his various coping mechanisms, his subterfuge was anything but subtle. His reactive formations spoke volumes about the depth of the emotions he claimed not to have. For all the time she could wax eloquent about the nature and stance of this particular train wreck of a functioning living being, she decided for the moment to let the professionals concoct their own theories and conclusions. 

Their walk was mostly silent. Luna was content to let it be. It took them briefly by the human’s cell, where he performed his various morning rituals, clothes changed, teeth brushed, and face shaved. When he emerged he looked much better for it, the recesses of fatigue and alcohol now much less prominent, although the polarized lenses of his sunglasses remained.

They arrived in another part of the castle, one even the human recognized. The academic section on the city side of the structure. The area was occupied mostly by various academies, arts and sciences alike, for Celestia School for Gifted Unicorns. The school was, of course, open to all races, the name was merely a relic from a different time. It also happened to be the location of their next appointment. 
They approached an ordinary looking office. No guards were stationed at the doors, no golden filigree to decorate it. It was for all intents and purposes just another office. One that any professor or teacher might have. 
“This is where I leave you, Major,” Luna said quietly.
She caught the slight look of panic flash across the human’s eyes. “You’re not coming?” 
“I’m afraid not. This sort of thing tends to be a bit too… indirect for my liking.” She said cryptically. “I think this meeting will be just as much for your benefit as it could possibly be for us.”
Shane’s face immediately soured into a look similar to one a child gets upon having broccoli piled onto their plate. He had already resigned himself to hate it before it even began. 
She placed a hoof on his hip, fixing him with her most honest and motherly stare. “Please try to keep an open mind, Shane.”
His face didn’t change, as it often didn’t. She however could not force him to accept help. She could only show him the door and hope for the best.
Luna tapped on the door with a silver clad hoof and nudging the human in the shoulder with the tip of her horn. He grumbled and shot her an irritated look, but she merely smiled sweetly.

The door opened to reveal a very light coated brown unicorn mare with a dark blonde mane and tail. Her coat was refractive and sparkly, an obvious testament to a crystal heritage. On her nose sat a small pair of reading glasses. Shane cocked his head quizzically. Luna realized it would be the first time he had ever seen a crystal pony.
She smiled calmly as she lowered her head and spoke with a barely noticeable accent. “Hello, Princess,” she raised her head toward the human. “You must be Major Doran. Please,” she moved aside, “…come in so we can get started.” 
Shane cast one last backward glance at the lunar alicorn before stepping inside the office of the crystal pony. 
“Best of luck,” Luna murmured quietly.
The mare smiled again, at the princess, apparently understanding her trepidation. “I am sure it will be fine. Thank you your highness. I shall have him back to you shortly.”
Luna nodded, as she turned back down the hallway hearing the door shut behind her.


~~~~~


She made her way into her office. The bipedal creature was looking around the spacious office curiously. There was a desk piled with books and papers, in front of a comfortable looking office chair. Bookshelves lined a majority of the walls. Dark stained wood and plush rugs were the main theme. It was cozy, warm, disarming, and safe. The kind of feeling one would expect from a doctor of thoughts. Quite the stark difference between the cold sterile environments of other medical fields. 
“Please have a seat, Major,” she grabbed his attention. “May I call you Shane?” 
He removed his polarized sunglasses blinking his eyes a few times. “Uh…Sure,” he said with a half smile. 
He seemed oddly nervous. He deposited himself into an easy chair by a coffee table in the center of the room. She took the one opposite, settling in herself. 
“My name is Athena,” she introduced herself. 
“Athena?” he grinned slightly as if she were joking.
“Mmhmm,” she affirmed. “What’s funny?” she asked smiling back in slight confusion.
He shrugged almost self consciously. “Nothing I guess. It’s just… not what I’ve come to expect from pony names.”
“How do you mean?” she asked genuinely curious. Hopefully he would elaborate a little about his opinions of ponydom. 
“It’s usually something like Sugar Glitter or some kind of strange combination of nouns and adverbs and such. Athena is actually a human name. Not a common one, really but she was a goddess in greek mythology. Goddess of logic, I think, or knowledge… wisdom, something academic like that. I can’t remember.”
“Interesting. I suppose I’m lucky to have it then,” she laughed, happy to have gotten the dialogue rolling so easily.
“Fitting if nothing else,” he agreed.
“Yours is rather fitting as well if you don’t mind me saying,” she noted.
“Mine?”
“Your name,” she clarified. “You don’t know what it means?”
“It’s just a name. It doesn’t mean anything that I know of,” he admitted.
“I’m sure it’s likely that some things might not have carried over, transdimentionally speaking,” she smiled and twirled a hoof whimsically. “…but there is a similar one I’ve heard. Originally Connemaran if memory serves. Spelled slightly differently too, with two Rs. I took the liberty of looking it up when the princess told me you would be coming.”
“What does it mean?” he asked seeming genuinely curious.
“Stranger,” she said with finality. “One who wanders, or one who is lost. Exile or Pariah in some of the more extreme sources,” she annotated. “But the general idea is still pretty much the same. Someone far from home.” 
Shane stared at the mare for several unblinking seconds before the corner of his mouth lifted in amusement. He finally sniffed in amusement, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
Shane leaned back in his chair. “So now that we’ve been formally introduced, what exactly is the goal here today? What is it that they want to get out of this? Or did Luna wake me up and drag me here so that we could have a lovely discussion about the origin of names?”
She flicked her tail into a more comfortable position before answering. “I suppose there is no real goal. If anything ‘what they get out of this’ is whatever you are willing to put in. A lot of my various jobs tend to be little more than interpreting the things that I hear, and hopefully arranging them in way that makes sense. I did a lot of reading up on you before our appointment. It seems the princess already knows most of what she needs to about you. Your previous tests and examinations were extremely thorough.”
“…extremely,” the human repeated with an emphatic smile.
“Yes, well if I may be perfectly honest I believe the princess arranged for you to meet me believing it was more for your benefit than hers,” she took a stretch with her comment, hoping a measure of candor might embody a little trust in the human.
“I thought this was supposed to be a psychiatric evaluation,” he said neutrally.
“In a sense I suppose it is, but the mind is not exactly something that can be diagnosed and repaired like a broken bone. Even among our own species such tests tend to only give a glimpse of the subjects mental state, even then it’s only a rough calculation based on large samples of what is generally accepted as ‘normal’.” She punctuated with air quotes. 
“Then why bother?” he asked leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers together. “If it’s such an inconclusive science then why waste the time?”
She half smiled. “You don’t like psychiatrists do you?” 
Shane frowned, unhappy that his questions were diverted. “No, I don’t,” 
“May I ask why?” 
He didn’t say anything for a moment. “I don’t like that someone who hasn’t lived my life tries to tell me how to feel about it.”
“I’m not here to do that,” she assured. “I’m only here because I think we might be able to help each other. We’re curious about you. How your mind works, what drives you, what makes humans tick, if you will,” she grinned to herself. 
He let out a humorless laugh. “Well you have your work cut out for you then.”
She smiled in return. “You might be surprised what we can learn from small things like this. I’ve already got a desk full of reports on you,” she levitated one such folder onto her lap. “Major Doran, Shane T. Military veteran,” she read slowly. “Male, twenty-six years of age, blood type O-negative, in remarkably good health considering your… lifestyle…” she murmured the last part somewhat to herself.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he sounded somewhat offended. 
“Well, I don’t think you’d be surprised to find that some of your behaviors are… alarming to say the least.” The mare shuffled the folder in her hooves, adjusting the spectacles on her muzzle and began to read. “Subject exhibits self destructive tendencies, emotionally repressive, shows little to no respect for the sanctity of life,” she turned the page and continued, “…alcoholism, substance abuse, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, paranoia, aggression, narcissism…”
“I get it,” he interrupted. “Thank you.”
She set the folder in her lap. “I apologize for the bluntness, Major but do you understand our point? We can help you if you want. Addiction, grief counseling, post traumatic stress. It’s all available if you need it. You just have to ask.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with deceptive honesty while looking expectantly at his watch. He stood and regarded the crystal unicorn with practiced neutrality. “I’m afraid I have to meet someone soon…and it sounds like you’ve just about got it all figured out on your own. I know I certainly feel oodles better. Thank you for your time, Doc. Now if you don’t mind I think I’ll see myself out.”
She removed her glasses and stood as well. Her horn lit with a silvery light, and a card with her name and information on it. “If you should ever like to talk, Shane, please feel free to drop by,” she invited. 
“I’m sure that won’t be necessary,” he added smiling coldly as he plucked the card from her magic and tucked it in a pocket. He made his way to the door. “Have a lovely day.” 
With that the human shut the door behind him. Athena sighed in defeat. She stood lingering over their discussion for several seconds before returning to her desk to begin her admittedly scant report to the princess. 


~~~~~


“About as well as you would expect,” Athena answered Luna’s question preemptively. The unicorn slid her limited findings across the table.
The night princess’ shoulders slumped slightly. Not that she was particularly surprised. “Did you learn anything?”
“I learned he does not like me or my profession,” she said plainly.
“He doesn’t like much of anypony at first I am afraid,” Luna corrected sadly.
“Well if nothing else his responses or lack thereof,” she added, “might be all the validation you need to verify your theories. Some of his behaviors are such textbook matches that it makes me think twice about even listing them. Others I can only speculate but I found your original analysis to be fairly accurate. There isn’t much I can add to it.”
Luna nodded but did chose not to further comment.

Athena began timidly. “Princess…If I may be so bold. Have you considered simply…” she chose her words very carefully, “…looking for yourself? Is that even an option?”
Luna let her breath out through her nose. “Unfortunately it is…” She knew what the unicorn was implying. “I have considered it,” she admitted finally. “There are ramifications to dreamwalking my little pony.” Luna rose from her seat and began walking about the office. “It is not something that I do lightly. Even among our own species.” 
“Would he really know?” she asked quietly. “Barely a hoofful of your own subjects are aware that you guard their dreams even after your intervention.”
“He would most likely not,” she stared out Athena’s office window. “But aside from the obvious there are other implications to consider,” the alicorn explained carefully. “The dreamscape is a wild place, one I manage to navigate merely because I am familiar. I understand the basic thought processes of the average pony. We have no guarantee that his mind works in the same way. I may very well lose my way, or possibly my own sanity. Dreams are one thing, they are often whimsical… immaterial things. The mind itself is another beast entirely.”
Athena adjusted herself in her seat. “I won’t presume to understand, princess. It was merely a suggestion.”
“One that, after today, I fear I may have to give a more thorough consideration,” she finished sadly. “Do you know where he has gone?” 
“I’m afraid I don’t princess. I assumed he would make his way back to you after he left. He mentioned something about having to …meet somepony.”
Luna suppressed a groan, hoping the biped had not become lost in the labyrinth of castle corridors. She remembered thankfully the charms on the band she had given him with some comfort. He would at least be easy to track down if that were the case. 
“Thank you Athena, I apologize for wasting your time.”
The crystal unicorn lowered her head with a small smile. “Not at all, Princess. I thank you for the opportunity.”


~~~~~


Aegis checked the clock on his wall. The human was due at any moment now. He was actually looking forward to this. It would be educational if nothing else. Equestria would on occasion train with allied militaries. It helped build camaraderie and increase cross compatibility in the event of large scale conflicts. He was eager to see what insights the human could offer his troops. This would hopefully be the first of many more assessments of his guards.
Humankind had clearly evolved to fight very differently than ponies. It would be interesting to see what they could learn from one another. If the militaries of the human’s world were anything like Shane described them the Commander had no doubt that he would find pony styles of warfare primitive at best. But he was proud of his troops. 
He checked the clock again, wondering in hindsight if he should have merely picked up the human himself rather than trusting him to find his own way. 

~~~~~

Shane opened another door… and found yet another empty room. The human had been idly opening doors in a seemingly endless corridor for what felt like hours. He wondered internally how many broom closets one castle could possibly have as he turned the knob on yet another door. 
He paused at the sight. There appeared to be some sort of bizarre creature taking a bubble bath in some kind of floating bathtub while whistling a tuneless song. 
The copious pink bubbles made it difficult to really tell where one animal part started and the next began but the…thing had a set of mismatched horns growing out of its head, and was currently scrubbing its back with a long handled brush held in an eagle claw while a lion paw snapped and produced a bottle of shampoo from thin air. A large red reptilian tail snaked its way from the suds and coiled around the basin. 
Shane cleared his throat uncomfortably catching the things attention. 
It regarded him with strange red-irised yellow eyes, looking the human up and down before humming to himself. “... You’re new,” he commented interestedly. 
The human struggled to find something to say. “… I’m uh… trying to find the uh… guard commander’s office,” he elaborated awkwardly.
The draconequus scrutinized the human for several more silent moments before speaking. The bipedal creature reeked of residual chaos. He would have to introduce himself properly later. He resumed his scrubbing anyway. “Take the hallway all the way down and the up the stairs, take the first hallway on your right and it’s the office closest to the big window.”
“Thanks…” the human slowly closed the door, doing little to nothing to hide his wildly disturbed expression. 
The door closed and the human began to continue his way down the hallway. He stopped after a few paces and turned to examine the door once more, as if to ensure that it was still there and he had not merely hallucinated the entire thing. 


~~~~~


“I see you’ve made it.” Aegis smiled at the human as he entered the office. “Did you find the place okay?”
The human looked back out the office door apparently very uneasy about something. “I uh…got directions.” 
Aegis noted his tension with some confusion. “Well you made it. That’s what matters. Come along, we have a lot to see.”
Shane shook his head a bit, before clearing his throat and nodding. “Yeah…lead the way.” 

~~~~~

“Very impressive,” the human smiled happily as several formations of soldiers marched across the drill field, armored hooves in near perfect sync to create a very impressive display of force.
“What do you think?” Aegis asked the human standing in front of several formations of gold and silver armored ponies. 
“Well they look good, and I’ll be fucked if they don’t drill like gods,” he assured the older stallion. “But pretty doesn’t win battles. Can they fight?” 
Aegis smiled. “Come. We’ll wonder over to the training grounds, and you can see for yourself.”
They made their way from the parade deck toward a large rectangular field about half a mile across. A long track ran along its border. Several smaller formations made their way around the field, physically conditioning their bodies in various ways.
“We keep them in shape if nothing else. I hate to admit the royal guard these days has become largely ceremonial. They’re closer to a national police force than an army.”
“When was the last time they saw combat?” the human asked as he scanned the field curiously. 
“Open warfare? Never. The last full scale war was long before even my time. These days the guard deals mostly with raiders, or dangerous criminals, maybe the occasional rampaging monster. Mostly they’re job is to protect the capital and the princesses.” 
“How do they fight?  Or do they simply trample things to death en mass.”
The stallion chuckled. “Standard infantry use a spear. Specialty or ceremonial units often use a halberd. City patrols either a spear or short sword. There are special maneuver units that tend to use whatever suits them. They’re called Dagger Teams. Small specialized missions. They tend to keep their own schedules and requisitions.”
The human laughed tiredly, “Pony Special Forces, now with deep cover tactical snuggle action.” 
Aegis grinned in return, “I wouldn’t recommend snuggling one if you can avoid it. Most were recruited from the Night Guard, Luna’s Sentinels,” he elaborated. 
The intention must have been lost on the human. He didn’t seem impressed. “Why haven’t I seen them around?” he asked. 
“You likely have,” the commander said. “Many are not required to wear uniforms. Although these days even they don’t see much beyond drills and training. Much to their displeasure. It’s all very secretive” he laughed slightly.
“If it’s so secretive how do you know so much?”
Aegis smiled nostalgically. “I used to be one.”  



~~~~~


The older stallion sat in the grass patiently as the human watched with impartial curiosity. Two stallions were in a dirt ring, slowly circling each other with practiced concentration. They held wooden training swords in their mouths occasionally flicking the blade from side to side as their positions changed. 
One stallion finally stopped, kicking forward with his powerful hind legs launching at his opponent swiping upward toward his opponent. The other guard barely managed to bring his own sword down to deflect the attack. The two exchanged a flurry of blows. 
Aegis watched the human frown seemingly confused. “What’s wrong?”
Shane scratched his chin. “I’m not exactly a swordsman, but it seems like they keep missing opportunities for killing blows.”
“Our guards are taught to defend themselves with their weapons. Only using them offensively in the most dire of circumstances. We train them to avoid unnecessary bloodshed,” he explained. 
Shane made an understanding noise but frowned nonetheless.
“You disapprove?” Aegis said, although it wasn’t really a question.
He shrugged noncommittally. “This world is not my world,” he said quietly. “I’m not going to tell you how to train your men. If this is the best thing for them than keep doing it, regardless of my opinion.”
“I still wouldn’t be opposed to hearing it,” he offered.
“They used to tell us… ‘The best defense is a good offense’,” Shane replied. “Dead men don’t fight back.” 
Aegis nodded. “I don’t disagree with you,” he reminded casually. “Luckily things are not so cruel here.”
“Not right now,” he said quietly. “Mercy is a luxury your enemies are not very likely to afford you.”
“You come from a savage place, human.”
“Maybe…” he relented somewhat. “But those who can’t kill will always be subject to those who can. It’s not a noble truth, but it’s the way the world is. I’m not suggesting you walk around picking fights but if one finds its way to your doorstep I suggest you hastily snap its fucking neck before it snaps yours.”
Aegis turned back toward the sparring stallions, “A depressing perspective,” he noted. 
“It tends to be,” the human agreed placing a cigarette between his lips. “But if it’s any comfort to you, our organizations don’t really share the same goals. So any comparison of philosophies would be somewhat unfair.”
“How do you mean?”
“You’re more of a peacekeeping organization. We usually only get let off the chain when ‘peace’ is already a long forgone conclusion.” he explained simply.
“The goal of any military is still to protect and restore peace though is it not?”
The human chuckled cynically. “Well sure…kill everything… peace is restored.” He waved his hands like a magic trick. “Like I said… dead men don’t fight back.” 
“I think I understand,” Aegis relented, only slightly disturbed.
“I have to get back to your boss before she sends a search party,” he noted looking at the sky critically. “I will see you tomorrow,” the human stepped back and delivered a departing salute. 
Aegis copied the gesture and the human began to leave. “Do you need somepony to walk you back so you don’t get lost?”
“I’ll be fine,” the human called back. “I’ll never learn if people keep taking me places.”



~~~~~


The unicorn trotted along the maze of corridors in the castle. Star Shimmer usually was quite satisfied with her position in the castle. She worked a comfortable schedule, the pay kept her afloat. Overall she had very few complaints.
But lately things were becoming… unsettled. Ever since she saw that creature is the rainstorm… There was too much strangeness for her liking. And then the papers playing it off as a ‘visiting dignitary’? She knew better. Something was up.
“Sorry,” she said reflexively as she nearly bumped into a tall, strangely dressed, biped as he passed.
“You’re fine,” it assured in a distracted monotone. 
She continued for a few paces, buried in her thoughts. Even her coltfriend was acting strangely. And he worked for the Guard. He had to know what was going on. If anypony should know about what was happening it would be hi…
She stopped in her tracks as the realization struck her like a sack of hammers. She spun in place and saw the very subject of her franticism, casually walking in the opposite direction. 
It was him. It had to be. She had been replaying the memory over in her head a thousand times. Staring out the window at the furious thunderstorm, a flash of thunder revealing that thing being escorted in shackles. Now was her chance for some answers.
“Hey wait!” 
He did not. In fact he gave no indication that he had heard whatsoever and continued down the hallway unperturbed.
She sped after the creature as he turned down a seemingly random corridor. “Wait, I just want to talk to you!”
He gestured with his arm, “Well then keep up. I’m running late as it is,” he said calmly over his shoulder. 
She finally caught up to the biped. He moved surprisingly fast for his lack of legs. “You’re the one they’re all talking about aren’t you?” 
“Maybe,” he answered simply. “What are they saying?”
“You’re a new species. A human, visiting diplomat from a very faraway place, here helping the Princess.”
“I’m not a diplomat,” he corrected neutrally as he continued to walk.
“What are you then?” 
“Lost,” he said simply. “For the second time today, actually,” he muttered. “How do you people find your way around this place?”
“I can help you,” she offered. “If you’ll stop and talk to me.”
“If you wanna talk you’re going to walk, I got places to be.”
“If you don’t know where you’re going then how are you in a hurry to get there?” she challenged the strange creature.
“I’ll get somewhere eventually,” he said confidently as he resumed walking.
“None of its true is it?” she said with finality keeping pace beside the human.
“None of what?” he asked in passing.
“I saw you that night,” she added. The human stopped walking, and turned toward the unicorn his face a mask of stone. “The night of the thunderstorm,” she went on. “You were walking across the grounds in chains. Surrounded by guards. That doesn’t sound like any dignitary I’ve ever seen,” she challenged hotly. 
The human paused before taking several weighty steps toward the comparatively diminutive unicorn. She did her best not to show her immediate fear. She was not particularly tall and the bipedal human towered over her. And it took a considerable amount of her willpower to suppress the instincts that told her to back away. 
He sat on his heels and came uncomfortably close to her muzzle. He stared into her eyes for several very uncomfortable seconds. “What’s your name?” he asked finally. 
“St-Star Shimmer,” she finally managed to say. 
A trace of recognition flashed across his face. He cocked his head to the side. “Star Shimmer…” he repeated, smiling slightly “You work here in the castle?”
She nodded. 
“You’re a clerk in the exchange office?” he added.
“How did-” her heart began to skip.
“Yeah I know you,” he confirmed to himself. “You got a boyfriend in the Guard, a jumpy little pegasus named Auburn Sky? Bout …” he held his hand a few inches above her head. “…yea high?”
She moved her mouth but no words were coming out. Suddenly she very much regretted flagging this creature down. “H-How did…Who told you that?”
The corner of the human’s lip curled back in an amused smirk as he let the unicorn stew for several seconds. “Your boyfriend talks about you a lot.” The human began to chuckle at the mare’s expense. Seemingly finding unending amusement in her flustered face. 
“How do you know Sky?” she asked suddenly finding her voice.
“He’s one of my ‘guards’.” He explained with finger quotes. “He talks about you while he’s on post. Often while I’m trying to sleep,” he added distastefully. “I figured… how many Star Shimmers can there be?” he laughed at her expression with renewed vigor. 
“You learned all that from just listening to him talk?” she asked still confused.
“He talks a lot,” the human droned. “Unfortunately for you, I listened.” She stood there unspeaking for several moments “I know,” he laughed and patted her cheek in an attempt to bring her back from her stupor. “Small world, right?”
She honestly wasn’t sure if she was mad at her coltfriend or not. 
He looked at his wristwatch. “Well hey, this was fun but I gotta go. Tell your boyfriend I’m sorry for yesterday if you see him before I do. I kinda kidnapped em’ and forced them to go UA so could have a drink.” With that he stood up and continued to walk down the hallway, leaving the thoroughly confused pony behind.
She took a few moments to reassemble her shattered thoughts, before she could process what she had been told. She saw the human quickly leaving her behind as he aimlessly stalked down the halls. “Wait!” she ran after the creature. “You never answered my question!”
“About the news articles!” she reminded angrily. “Are they true?!”
“No. None of them are true!” he replied mockingly. “There, you happy? You got your answer. Now…” he made a little ‘shoo’ gesture before turning back to his walk.
She galloped after him. “Wait! You can’t just say that with no explanation!” 
“You sound upset,” he noted curiously. “It seemed like that was exactly what you were hoping I’d say.” 
“You’re just going to admit it though?” she asked still horribly flustered.
“Jesus lady, what do you want from me? Would you like to hear it in the form of a riddle or something?”
“No but… Why just tell me. Isn’t it like …secret?” 
“I can see why you two are dating now. Although I can’t even imagine how either of you get words in edgewise.” 
“That’s not funny!” 
He shook his head and continued on.
“You’re really not going to tell me?”
“No.”
“Why not?!” she complained.
“Why should I? You’ll find out in a few days anyway. It’s really not that fuckin’ exciting. I’m just a stray, alright? The princesses are only trying to help me find a way home.” 
“First of all- oh goddess you’re an alien,” she almost whispered as realization struck her.
Shane clapped both of his hands to his cheeks forming a little ‘O’ with his mouth in a mocking overly dramatic ‘surprised face’.
“Well you don’t have to be patronizing about it…” she said a little embarrassed that it hadn’t taken so long to realize.

*Tak Tak Tak*

The sound caught them both of guard. They looked to the source of the noise. 
Shane let out an impressed OOOooooh, at the sight. A resplendent crimson Phoenix sat on the window sill, tapping gently, as if requesting entry.  The avian creature had a gorgeous set of bright flaming plumage. The blood red feathers were tipped in a dusky flickering gold. 
The human immediately went to the window flicking the latch and swinging it open for the unusual bird. Completely forgetting about his equine guide.

The phoenix ducked inside the castle corridor spreading its wings and doing several investigatory loops around the strange new bipedal creature. She hadn’t seen it before that she could recall. Not that she often paid much attention to the myriad of guests Celestia entertained. 
He laughed with almost childlike amazement at the fiery display. The phoenix hovered in front of the human for several seconds as if awaiting something. 
Shane stuck his arm out reflexively and the phoenix perched itself on his forearm to get a closer look. 
“Look at you!” he said still in utter wonder of the mythical bird. “You’re a very pretty one, yes you are,” he spoke with dangerously uncharacteristic sweetness.
The phoenix beamed at the unexpected praise, puffing out her chest proudly. Deciding she would give this newcomer the benefit of the doubt. 
“I bet I know what you are,” he murmured tentatively offering his other hand to the phoenix for her appraisal. She shuffled her wings as he did, prodding the human’s free hand with her beak. The human took the gesture as permission and almost brushed the phoenix when he pulled his finger back, apparently thinking better of it. “Don’t you set me on fire, now,” he warned. “You promise not to burn me?” 
The phoenix made no such promise merely chirping in response.
“Alright just so long as we understand each other,” he said, finally reaching up and gently rubbing the side of the bird’s neck. The bird rolled her head around the finger apparently pleased with the treatment. 
Shane let out another marveled laugh, as he began to pet the mythical bird who only seemed extremely satisfied with the attention. “You just might be the coolest thing I’ve seen all week,” he told the phoenix. “I’m gonna take you to dinner, Yeah? Does that sound fun? Are you a hungry one? You want some food?” 
The Phoenix chirped excitedly at the prospect. Compliments, petting, and food? She decided she liked this new creature very much.


~~~~~



Celestia speared a daisy leaf with her fork levitating the morsel to her muzzle and chewed thoughtfully. The elements of harmony chatted idly as they too enjoyed their meals. Luna sat by her sister’s side munching through her own dinner after regaling them of the utter lack of cooperation on the human’s part during his interview. 
“Have you heard from Cadence yet, Shining Armor?” She asked the only stallion sitting at the table.
He nodded, smiling softly. “She should be here tomorrow.”
“How much did you tell her?” Luna asked in between bites.
“As much as I could,” he replied.
Luna took a sip of her drink. “That will save a lot of time explaining then. How did she react?”
Shining Armor shrugged. “I’m not sure really, she just sent a letter back saying she was on her way.”

Shane finally wandered through the doors of the expansive dining hall. The rest of the assembled ponies had elected to start eating already after the human didn’t show. Celestia was relieved to see him, although his expectantly excited grin and the large bulge in his blouse was rather alarming. 
A unicorn mare that Celestia didn’t recognize was trying desperately to follow the human through the massive doors before he kicked it shut in her face. The knob gave an unsuccessful rattle.
“Hello, Major,” Celestia greeted as she set her utensils down.  “Who was that?”
“No one,” he dismissed nonchalantly. “Look what I found,” he said suppressing his giggling. He clicked his tongue and the bulge in his blouse began to squirm. Celestia had to physically keep her jaw closed when Philomena poked her head out of the top of his shirt. “I made a friend,” he announced proudly. 
“Philomena?” Celestia asked bewildered.
The Phoenix happily nuzzled the human’s chin. “I’ve named it, Pontiac” The Phoenix scrambled out of the human’s blouse and perched herself on his head. He grimaced through his smile as her claws dug into his scalp. He reached up and gingerly lifted the bird off his head. “Who likes to climb? You do! Yes you do!” The phoenix chirped flaring her wings delightedly in response.
Celestia’s jaw actually did open a little this time. She had never in her dizziest daydreams ever thought the he was capable of speaking to anything with such affection… at least not sober. The assembled ponies seemed to share her confusion.
The alicorn collected herself enough to speak. “Her name is Philomena, Major. A very rare breed of phoenix and she’s belongs to me.”
Shane hugged the bird defensively. “Get your own.”
Celestia whistled and extended her wing. The phoenix called back excitedly, and wriggled away from the human. “Hey!” he called after her.
She flapped toward her owner and circled before landing daintily upon the alicorn’s downy wing, and nuzzling Celestia fondly. Shane nodded with steely eyes and pursed lips. “And I thought what we had was special,” the scorned human muttered, glaring at the adulterous bird.
“I was wondering where she’d gotten off to,” Celestia said wistfully. “Where did you find her?” 
Shane found a seat between Twilight and Rarity and lowered himself into it. “I didn’t. She found me.” The phoenix hopped down onto the table making her way over to the human. “Oh yeah, act like we’re friends again,” he said folding his arms. The phoenix chirped and cocked her head. “Don’t give me that you know what you did.” 
She hung her head disappointedly. She peered back up at the human ruffling her feathers sending a small flicker of flames from the tips. 
“Yes, you’re very talented,” he assured the pyromatic bird. He stuck out his wrist and the phoenix happily hopped aboard, apparently forgiven. She balanced her wings as the human scratched her neck with a finger much to her contentment before depositing her on his shoulder, where she once more hopped up onto the top of his head. He gritted his teeth with discomfort but did not bother to shoo her away. 
“She seems to like you,” Celestia noted smiling at the two.
“Of course she does. I’m delightful,” he replied smugly, waving off an approaching maid. 
“Not hungry, Major?” Rarity asked casually sipping her drink.
“Starving,” he admitted. “But unfortunately pony food isn’t exactly… fulfilling for someone with my dietary habits. So I think I’ll be feeding myself tonight.” 
Rarity blinked a few times in slight confusion. 
“…meat,” he finally plainly.
Rarity felt a slight moment of panic before remembering the human had his own small stockpile of rationed meaty foodstuffs. She returned to her meal only to find her appetite slowly fading.


~~~~~



Luna peered through the human’s futuristic night time binoculars. The NVGs as he called them. The top of Luna’s tower flashed bright white every second or so. The pulsating light was blinding against the inky night sky.
The strange device cast a bright aura of infrared light which, while not visible to the naked eye, could be seen from many miles. Or so the human assured her. It also sent a radio frequency that could be easily detected by human technologies. He did his best to explain the process but most of the science was lost on the lunar Princess. 
Fascinating though it was, she found herself in an uncomfortable position. If this thing were to summon more humans… Equestria… possibly the world would be swallowed in the aftermath. She did not think the nation could handle an invasion of such a scale, friendly or not.
Despite her worries, she had severe doubts the device would ever fulfill its purpose. If her understanding of the situation was accurate, Shane was no longer in the same universe. He was currently broadcasting signals to humans that simply weren’t there, and likely never would be. 
The events that led to the arrival of Shane’s craft were laughably accidental. The probability that they could be intentionally reproduced was outrageously infinitesimally small. 
She looked over at the human who was wearing a proud…quite possibly even hopeful smile. She did her best to return it. “It is a fascinating invention, Major,” she answered, not having the heart to voice her true thoughts to the human. She was sure he knew the effort was futile. But if it helped make him feel better about his situation she was more than willing to go along with it. 
She returned through her balcony doors into her room and closing the doors when the human followed behind her. She sat upon a dark blue dias, near a crackling fire. It was not a particularly cold night, so the fireplace was really ablaze more for the ambiance than anything else.
Shane settled on a cushion opposite the dark alicorn. Poking and prodding away on the glowing obsidian screen he called the blackboard. If her understanding of his explanation was correct, the device in his hand could communicate somehow with the beacon on her roof and program it do perform its various functions. 
Luna poured herself a glass of red wine. She offered the human one as well which he, of course, accepted quite happily. “Do you think anypony will hear your beacon?” she asked somewhat hesitantly. 
“No,” he said with alarming ease. “Not really.” He reached his fingers into one of the pockets on his blouse, digging out a small black chip. The small piece of plastic was barely larger than a button. He held it between two fingers admiring it in the firelight. “But I got one last idea,” he smiled slightly winking at the alicorn as he tucked the chip back away in a pocket. “At least this way I can honestly say I tried everything I could.”
“What if you never get home?” she asked bluntly. “What will you do?” She asked heavily, hoping desperately she would not get the answer she expected she would.
“What can I do?”
“Whatever you want I suppose,” she offered. 
“My areas of expertise seem a bit worthless in the land of magic and rainbows,” he drolled. 
“You could work for us,” she offered. 
“And do what? Unless you need someone to stand around to smoke cigarettes and make smart-assed comments…”
“I’m sure we could find something to occupy you,” she offered, sounding more uncertain than she meant to.
“Do you need anyone killed?” 
“Not at the moment,” she admitted, shuffling awkwardly. He lifted his hands in a defeated gesture, as if to say ‘then what?’ before letting them fall to his sides. She shifted in place, resting her head on her folded forelegs. “In all honestly once we are able to reverse engineer the equipment from your vessel, and provided we are able to understand and utilize it, you should not have to work another day in several lifetimes. Equestria could likely become a technological superpower. You could simply retire. You are of course entitled to a controlling share of the profits. Potentially making you one of the wealthiest beings in Equestria. If you should so choose.”
“They’re not my inventions,” he protested.
“They are human creations, and you are the only human on the planet.”
He shrugged appearing mildly interested in the idea. “Retirement sounds pretty good,” he daydreamed. “Do you guys have beaches?” 
“Beautiful ones, lagoons, tropical islands, lakeside mountain homes…” she described enticingly.
Shane held a distant smile. “That sounds nice,” he said quietly. “You wanna come with me? Quit the Princess game? Sit on a golden beach all day drinking Mai Tais? I’ll buy you a sombrero?” The human tempted the alicorn.
Luna laughed, “Beguiling though it may be, I’m not sure it’s as simple as that.”
The human sniffed. “Well I can’t go alone. I crave attention. Someone is going to have to retire with me.” 
“I am certain you will figure it out. You have quite awhile to decide. We have much work to do in the meantime.”
He hummed disappointedly. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Celestia had a bad attitude about Mexico too.”
Luna placed a hoof on her chest in mock offense. “I wasn’t the first to be invited? How could you?”
“I wouldn’t have called it an invitation as much as an idea discussed in passing,” he defended with a chuckle. “But at least your sister never tried to give me a dog collar.” The human played with the leather band wrapped around his wrist. 
Luna rolled her eyes. “I see you are still upset about that. I assure you I did not intend it as a symbol of subjugation. From what I have seen of the nobility, form fitted neck adornments are apparently very stylish,” she explained. “You arrived with identifying tags around your neck.”
“My dog tags?”
Luna threw up her hoof in frustration. “You even admit they are canine in nature, yet MY offering is offensive?!” 
Shane laughed as if amazed that he had to explain it. “Dog tags and a dog collar are different.”
“We do not see how.” She folded her forelegs resolutely.
“How about I get you a bridle or riding crop with my name stamped on it, and expected you to wear it. Then I imagine you’d be somewhere in the ballpark of offense.”
Luna blushed violently at the thought. “Very well,” she folded her ears back against her head. “It was a poorly chosen vehicle and we apologize.”
“Tell me what it’s really for and I’ll think about forgiving you.”
She sighed, no longer seeing much of a point in hiding it. “We had it enchanted with several spells,” she admitted. “Mainly to determine your location if you should become lost or abducted. The other is to recognize your pulse that we may assist if you should become severely wounded.”
He laughed for some reason. “Are you expecting kidnappers and assassins?”
“We are not sure what to expect, Major,” she answered with no small measure of seriousness.
Shane hummed quietly as he fingered the band thoughtfully. “And it wasn’t easy enough to simply tell me that…why?”
Luna huffed. “Can you really blame us? If I had told you I wanted you tracked, I was certain you would have thought poorly of the idea at best. If I could sneak it passed you and avoid the argument entirely I figured the both of us would be better for it.”
“Bit of a gambler aren’t you?” he teased. 
“If the reward is sufficient,” she answered. 
“Do you see how little things like that, while well intentioned, can lead me to distrust our… relationship?” he paused, thinking of the right word. 
“Of course,” she said readily, “…but can you also see how I am working with limited time and options, and might have the occasional need to circumnavigate needless obstacles? I.e. Your ego that can prevent me from facilitating our oh so delicate plans”
Shane’s stony appearance held for several moments, before finally cracking. He smiled. “I don’t mind the gambling,” he clarified. “I would simply prefer it if you didn’t do so with my chips. I admire bluntness, princess.” 
“Your point is made,” she sighed tiredly. “I will do my best to be more candid with you. But if the occasion arises in which I can not, please do not take it as an affront. It is most likely merely the lesser of the evils I am forced to decide between.”
Shane sat back in his cushion. “Not the compromise I was hoping for, but I guess I’ll take it.”
“A old friend of mine once told me the best compromises are ones in which neither party leaves happily,” she grinned nostalgically. 
“How cynical,” he noted, tossing back what was left in his glass. 
“I thought if anypony were to appreciate that it would be you,” she remarked. An unamused glance was her only reply. She smiled amicably back at the human.
Shane twisted in place, stretching the muscles in his back.
Luna watched attentively. “You’ve stopped wearing your armor.”
The human shrugged neutrally. He seemed like he wanted to say something sharp but chose not to, instead letting the silence hang after the alicorn’s comment. 
Luna allowed him to brood. “Major?” 
“Hmm?” he responded, still plucking away at this tablet machine.
“We are curious… is there a special significance to the sleeves of thine uniform? We have notice you now wear the sleeves up.”
“Uh,” he began distractedly. “Nothing really significant I guess. It’s just how you’re supposed to wear the uniform while stateside. Like in garrison. Usually if you’re not deployed or in the field your sleeves are supposed to be rolled up like this,” he explained still giving the machine in his hands a controlling share of his attention. 
“We like it,” she declared. “You should do it more often.” 
Shane laughed at the unusual compliment. “I guess I’ll keep it up just for you then.”
Luna nodded, pleased with the agreement. “It sounds like you are becoming more accustomed to Equestria,” she noted. “You have even gone the whole day without your shotgun. A week ago I would have not thought it possible.” 
Shane huffed with a quick grin. “Well… at the risk of sounding overconfident I haven’t really come across anything in your corner that warranted the firepower.”
“You think us weak, don’t you Major?” she asked slightly flinty.
“Weakness is kinda subjective… Vulnerable might be a better word for what I think of you,” he mused glancing at the alicorn over the top of his machine.
“The things that are often perceived as our greatest weaknesses have historically proven to be our saving grace. There is more to pony kind that meets the eye, Major.”
He cast his eyes critically up and down the midnight blue princess. “I certainly hope so.”
Luna's blush returned, suddenly feeling very scrutinized, and began to search for something to change the subject. She spied her chess set in the corner. “Would you like to play a game with us, Major?” 
“I’m uh…kinda working on something, Princess. Maybe in a minute?”
“Very well, we shall prepare while you finish your work.” She began arrange the pieces on the board.”
Shane spotted her over his shoulder. “What is that chess again? I’m not playing your ass at chess anymore!” 
Luna groaned, “Why not?” 
“You cheat!”
“I do no such thing!” she defended. 
“I know you do,” he assured.
“How could you possibly know that,” she protested.
“I know that because last time we played I was cheating and I still lost.” The human fished out the small black chip from his pocket, blowing off a fuzzy that clung to the edge. 
Luna very seriously contemplated launching an impressively long tirade about hypocrisy of a cheater complaining about other cheating, but settling for an irritated whiney and crossed her forelegs angrily. The display was largely lost on Shane who was still fussing over the little black button sized chip.
“What is that, anyway?” she asked her curiosity overcoming her pouting.
“Everything,” He replied cryptically holding it up to the light looking for any defects in the miniature contacts. He blew on the chip once more before sliding it into one of the many ports in the side of the tablet. 
“Cross your fingers,” he said pensively. Luna shot him a patronized look, waving a hoof at him. “It’s just an expression,” he rolled his eyes. 
The obsidian rectangle flashed, seizing his attention. He prodded a few times across the polished glass surface. The alicorn crept next to him, eyeing the screen over his shoulder. The was a small window onscreen labeled ‘Nearby Devices” 
*-EPIRB - Tag 1* was the only thing on the list. 
The human tapped it with his middle finger
GeoSync – ISSPD
COSPAS-SARSAT

“What is the meaning of all these things?” Luna asked curiously.
Shane gave a noncommittal shrug.
“You don’t know?” she asked in disbelief. 
“I’ve just been winging it, pushing buttons for like the past ten minutes.”
“It is your machine, should you not know how to operate it?”
“First of all it’s not mine… it’s the Navy’s. Second of all I’ve never had to use one of these like this before. The only reason I even knew it was possible is because I had to sit through the class on these twice because my name wasn’t on the roster for the first one, and I remember there being like one slide on the powerpoint about remote GeoSat links.”
Luna blinked a few times, not understanding several of the words he used.
Shane tagged the small picture of a satellite. Several hundred numbers scrolled down the window. While the small satellite picture cast out little signal lines. 
Broadcast Beacon – EPIRB - Tag 1 -
Searching…
Searching…
Establishing Uplink…
Shane made an optimistic noise.
Error…
“Nope,” he rested his head against his fist tiredly.
Searching…
Searching….
“Come on just fail so I can give up and go to bed,” he complained to the device. 

Luna watched the human with no small measure of sadness. It was like watching a gambler putting coins into a broken slot machine. Some shred of hope of a jackpot in his heart compelling him to feed the machine his money, knowing in his head that there would be no payout. 
“What is it doing?” she asked.
“It’s trying to figure out where it is so it can broadcast coordinates. But there are no satallites here… so eventually it will probably settle on a standard distress signal, and leave the triangulation up to someone else.”
“Why does it keep saying uplink?” she inquired further. 
The human scratched his chin. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It usually only does that when there are incoming freqs from other GeoSync satellites.” He shrugged. “I guess it could be picking up on some kinda background radiation and mistaking it for incoming transmissions. Maybe… off the wall guess. I’m not even sure if space radiation can do that.”
Shane stood and stretched his arms. He pushed the tablet onto the table. "Well I’ll let this little thing think about itself for a bit. If it does anything call me,” he rubbed his eyes. “But I wouldn’t hold my breath.”
“What should we be looking for?” She hoped he didn’t expect her to know how to operate the thing.
“Pretty much anything other than that screen,” he clarified. 
She looked over at the little white window that still flashed ‘Searching’ at regular intervals.
Her gaze shifted from the hunting tablet to the human. She nodded in agreement. The human smiled tiredly at the alicorn, hooking an arm around her neck and pulling her into a hasty one-armed hug making sure to scratch the floofy bits around her neck and ears. 
Luna’s eyelids fluttered shut as she laughed softly at the human’s affections. Feeling only slightly sad when they finally stopped.
The alicorn collected herself, pushing her mane back into place. “The press conference is the day after tomorrow,” she reminded cautiously.
The human mumbled some response and polished off what was left of his drink. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“You believe so?”
“No, but it made you feel better for a second didn’t it? Wasn’t that a nice second? Fulla good feeling and hope?” he answered with a shit-eating grin as he shook out his legs.
She rolled her eyes, “Ah yes the warm feeling hath flooded through us.” 
The human laughed as he started toward the door. “Goodnight, Princess.”
“Major?” he paused turning around curiously. 
“…Wouldst thou consider us friends?” she asked plainly.
Shane cocked his head slightly at the question. “I suppose I would,” he finally admitted with a ghost of a smile.
“And you trust us?” she pressed further.
His smile was now fading, uncertain of the direction the questions were going. “As much as I can,” he answered honestly. 
She smiled at the human’s answers. 
“Was that it?” he asked with a grin.
“Yes, Thank you, Major.”
Shane nodded giving a half assed thumbs up and turning back toward the door once again. “Goodnight, Luna.”
“Goodnight, Shane… Pleasant dreams.” The lunar alicorn watched the human depart down the hallway and down the stairs. She cast her eyes toward the tablet on her table still having accomplished nothing she pushed the device to the back of her mind. 
She pushed closed her chamber door. 
“Pleasant Dreams,”