Most beings would have found the sight of a purple river dragon wearing mustache curlers singing while decorating pancakes with powdered sugar and fruit slices strange.
They had obviously never met Steven Magnet.
“ Boys! Ooooooooohhhhh, boooys!” he called, setting the three finished breakfast plates down at the carved wormwood table in the center of his riverside cavern, each in front of a chair adjusted to the height of one of his guests. Glancing to the stove to make sure that it was off, he took a moment to prepare himself as the Diamond Dogs scampered out of the guest bedroom.
He removed his curlers and fanned the ‘stache.
He took a deep breath and triple-checked that the potpourri was filling the air with a fresh scent.
He made a twirling motion with each wrist, keeping them limber in case he needed to snap his fingers after a comment.
“ Pancakes!” shouted Fido, racing into the cave first.
“ Eat up, boys!” said Steven, clasping his hands and giggling as the cute canines cantered in. “ Now, I took the liberty of washing and pressing those cute little vests you all wear! I even fixed the name tags in them so you won’t get them mixed up.”
There was the sound of what might have been the word “thanks”, but the canines mouths were so full of his delicious syrupy breakfast that they were totally intelligible.
“ Now, I packed a little lunch for each of you, so don’t forget them!” he continued, setting down a trio of paper bags bulging with snacks and candies. “ Ooh, it’s been so lovely having you here!”
“ GULP - thanks!” said Rover, smiling widely. There was a slice of strawberry stuck in his teeth. “ I wish we could stay - you cook so well I’ve put on five pounds!”
“ Ha, I’ve put on ten! It’s like he’s trying to fatten us up!”
“ Hey, the last snasuage is mine!”
The Diamond Dogs began to argue, giving Steven the chance to slink away. He began to rub his claws together and cackle slightly. If they only knew how right they were. All he needed was them to get a little plumper....
.....and their vests would no longer fit! He’d get to shopping with his three favorite dogfriends! He giggled at the thought of getting them some nice new suits - one in snakeskin for little Spot, a nice Oxford for the brainy ( by their standards) Rover, and a nice big bomber jacket for big fluffy Fido! They’d look so adorable and juicy!
Also, if he ever had to cook them up, it’d be better to have them be fatty - the less he used cooking oil the more of their natural flavor would be sealed in.
Dreaming of the future, he set to work jotting down some alternate outfits for them.
After the idyllicness of the previous day, Gilda needed to go out and kill something.
Now, that was due to hunger. As much as killing something was a great way to blow off steam and build ones ego, the fact of it was a griffon couldn’t live waffles and hard liquor alone - and if she went to lunch with Ditzy without any meat in her stomach, the mare might start to look tasty in a different way.
The mare had left a note inviting Gilda to lunch at a local coffee shop, a date that Gilda was more than happy to accept. She didn’t know if the thing with this mailmare was going to turn permanent - there was the fact that the mare had a filly and Gilda wasn’t sure she’d ever be fully comfortable with something that had been intimate with a earth pony - but it wouldn’t hurt to keep the fires kindled for a few more days.
Besides, the mare had done an excellent job on Gilda’s wings - the feathers felt cleaner than ever.
As she floated on a cold updraft above the Everfree Forest, she spared a glance towards the entrance to her cavern. She could see a line of Diamond Dog contractors making their way out with crates of rocks - that meant she still couldn’t go back. They’d probably be finished tomorrow.
It was strange to Gilda - as she’d gone about her morning business, she’d found herself missing the idiotic trio and Stevens breakfast pastries. She hadn’t gotten the chance to miss Trixie - she was being run out of town on a rail, the town’s mayor shouting something about trying to place a curse on a pair of colts.
Gilda just didn’t get that pony.
Below, a fox made the mistake of darting through a small clearing, focused on his prey - a small white rabbit. Gilda relaxed her wings, sinking through the air to build speed, then tucked them in for the sharp dive.
She struck the fox silently, plucking it from the ground and life in an instant.
Gilda skimmed the top of the fresh snow for a short distance, her tail skipping on the surface while she braked. She pulled up and landed on a large branch, taking it for her perch while she hefted the fox in one claw. Before she’d killed it had been living well - there was some fat on it’s sides and it’s muscles were full.
But no matter how strong a fox it had be, it wasn’t a griffon.
Gilda tore in much the way she’d seen ponies eat corn on a cob, thinking a little butter and salt wouldn’t be amiss. A pair of crows, black feathers stark against the frosty forest, landed nearby, patiently waiting their turns. Out of the kindness in her heart she was about to offer them the eyes - the tastiest part of a mammal, but she could spare them for the cute little scavengers - when a ponies voice broke the calm of the forest.
“ Angel? Angel Bunny?”
The voice was full of fear and the sound of galloping hooves crackled through the forest. Gilda froze as the crows flew off - she was covered in blood and organs and holding the half-eaten body of an animal. If anypony saw her, they were likely to scream murder even louder than Pinkie Pie had.
“ Oh, Angel! There you are!” said a familiar looking yellow pony in a large winter saddle and snowshoes, trotting into the nearby clearing. The little white rabbit ran over to her and hugged her closely, still shivering. “ Oh, Angel, I was so worried when I saw that fox! But you outran him, didn’t you?”
The little bunny shook his head. Gilda scowled, wishing she hadn’t saved the little bastard now.
“ W-what?” said the pony, looking to him. He mimed a bird swooping and being choked. “ Oh, a bird got him! T-that must be a really big b-bird! D-did you see whe-where it went?”
Oh great. The pony was shaking in fear at the mere IDEA of a predator.
The little rabbit gestured in Gilda’s direction. The pony looked towards her. Gilda flinched, wishing she had flown away and preparing for the worst.
“ Oh! Gilda!” said the pony, relief covering her face. “ Oh, oh, dear. I didn’t know you were around today!”
Gilda was confused.
The pony trotted over, Angel taking a position behind her. Gilda was sure she’d met this pony before, but where? She didn’t know many earth ponies. And the list of ones that wouldn’t freak out at the sight of her at the moment? Zero.
“ I-I’d heard you were around, but I knew you wouldn’t come see me. How have you been?”
“....uh....” was all Gilda could say, subconsciously swallowing a piece of kidney. “ Good?”
“ Oh, thats good to hear!” said the pony with a smile. “ I-I heard from Rarity that you’d been to her shop a while ago and had come in again to get your feathers dyed. I’m sorry nopony said anything, but don’t worry, they wouldn’t know it was embarrassing.”
“ Do I know you?” asked Gilda gingerly.
“ Y-you don’t recognize me?” asked the pony, looking a little hurt. “ Oh, but then you didn’t last time you were in town either.”
Ah, that was it. It was the pony from the market, the one that had been leading the ducks - wait, she’d implied they had already known each other before then. It just didn’t click.
“ It’s me, Fluttershy?” said the pony with a cute little smile, her eyes shutting.
It hit Gilda like a landslide.
Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash’s other friend, who’d she’d heard of so much in flying camp. Fluttershy, the nicest pegasus who ever lived, who had gone to the Everfree to take care of the wild animals when they got hurt. Fluttershy, the pony Dash had stood up for again and again.
“ Aw, fuck.” groaned Gilda, wincing. Fluttershy blushed. “ Uh, wait, sorry for swearing. My bad. I just, um, I’ve only heard of you-”
“- we met at Rainbow Dash’s cuteicena.” said Fluttershy, her head hanging down. She looked hurt. “ A-and we went to the same school.”
Gilda flinched.
“ A-and you dated my brother for a year.”
Gilda flinched again.
“ A-and you, um...we...um...”
“ Oh Discord, we had sex, didn’t we?” said Gilda, slapping herself in the face.
“.....I-I guess I wasn’t very memorable.” said Fluttershy, hooves shifting. She looked ready to cry. “ I-I didn’t do much, so I guess that makes sense.”
There was a pregnant pause.
“ So, how have you been?” said Gilda awkwardly, stowing the fox's remains in the tree. She hopped down and began to scrub herself in the snow. It was cold, but got her clean quickly. She wished she had some sort of sweater or a hat, as the snow was making her freeze.
“ Um...okay...I guess.” said Fluttershy, not looking up. “ I-I hang out with Rainbow Dash a lot....when she has time...and our other friends don’t need her....a-and I spend a lot of time...with...t....”
Her voice trailed off, growing quieter and quieter. Pretty soon, she wasn’t even making sounds.
With a sigh Gilda looked to the sun. The clouds hid it a little, but Gilda knew it was getting near lunchtime.
“ So, uh, Fluttershy, I have....a...thing to go to.” said Gilda awkwardly, wishing she knew how to soften the blow. “ And, uh, I kinda have to get going.”
“ It’s okay.” said Fluttershy, her long hair hiding her face. “ I’m not important.”
“ Uh, yeah, you, um, are.” said Gilda awkwardly, walking over and pulling Fluttershy into a hug. Gilda wished she wasn’t trying to comfort the poor pegasus - comfort wasn’t her thing. In fact, when one considered Gilda’s size and her collection of deadly appendages, she was incredibly poorly designed for comforting anything. “ H-how about I come by later? We can catch up.”
“ Oh!” said Fluttershy, looking excited. “ I-I have a cottage by the edge of the forest. I’d love to have you by, I never have guests! I mean, if it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“ Uh, no problem!” said Gilda with a nervous smile. She was not entirely sure what she was getting into - she cursed her pegaphilia at times like this. “ Uh, so what’s it look like?”
“ Its the one by the big chestnut on the hill. Do you know it?” asked Fluttershy, her large eyes wide and sparkling. Gilda nodded. “ Oh, I can’t wait! I’ll go make a seedcake - I know you like those so much! A-and I’ll go to Applejacks farm and get something to drink, I remember you used to drink alot.”
“ Uh, still do.” said Gilda, letting go. The pegasus was cheered up and Gilda supposed she had something to do with that - but glancing at the blood-stained snow nearby, she wondered if something was wrong with the pegasus - She’d gone from scared to happy to sad to happy in less than five minutes, all the time not commenting on what would drive the average pony mad.
But she was cute enough for Gilda to risk the crazy.
“ Come on, Angel!” said Fluttershy, trotting off. “ We’ve got a lot to do!”
As he followed, the little bunny looked back to Gilda. He pantomimed a breaking heart, then pointed at her and made a neck-slitting gesture. Laughing at the thought of being attacked by a bunny, she flew off.
“ A-Angel Bunny, you didn’t threaten her, did you?” asked Fluttershy as the rabbit caught up to her. The bunny looked away guiltily. “ Y-you’ve got to stop doing that! I-I lost my last coltfriend when you tazered him!”
The bunny gave a little “what” shrug.
“ H-he was just giving me a massage! I asked him for it!”
Angel Bunny gave her a “ yeah right” look and cracked his knuckles.
“ Ooh, Angel, you’ve got to accept that I’m a grown mare! I can make my own choices! Ooh, just promise not to hurt her too bad? You’re so overprotective of me.”
With a sigh, the little bunny crossed his heart. He also crossed his fingers behind his back.
Ditzy Doo was not one for celebratory loop-de-loops. While the average pegasus would have shown how happy they were with such an aerial stunt, it was more of a fact of life for the mailmare.
But as she came out of a dive and finally fixed her eyes so she could see where she was going, she couldn’t help but feel exhilarated, her new scarf flapping in the wind as her heart fluttered in her chest
She was a middle aged single mother. While she loved her daughter and wouldn’t trade her for any life, there was a loneliness that made it hard to get out of bed somedays. She wanted somepony to talk with after Dinky was asleep, to shop with, to hold after a long day of work. She was so jealous of her friends, who had been more fortunate.
But now she’d found somebirdy.
Gilda wasn’t what Ditzy Doo might have imagined in a lover. In fact, until she’d seen the griffon’s “morning wings” that day in the cave, she’d never even thought of a griffon in that way. She didn’t know what had possessed her to act so cute - mostly it was curiosity, to see if the griffon really was interested. When she’d left due to the embarrassing presence of the Diamond Dogs she’d found it hard to focus on her deliveries and had simply been forced to land on a private cloud and have a little “alone time”.
When Gilda had happened upon her.....
.....she could feel her life change.
She didn’t know Gilda well, but the griffon was this strange puzzle that Ditzy loved to play with. She could go from harsh to fluffy in an instant, was commanding of her yet kind, and had that strange stallionish roughness that made Ditzy melt.
When she’d fled after their first encounter Ditzy had been crushed, but learning the truth behind the matter....the horrible evil of that stupid-meanie baker and how it had hurt Ditzy’s big fluffy friend....Ditzy knew that there was more to them meeting than just chance.
As she landed in front of the cafe she was meeting Gilda in, she felt herself blush as she spotted the griffon at a table near the fireplace, knitting something new, her claws clacking. Ditzy didn’t know why she’d met Gilda, but she’d stay with her until she knew.
“ Morning.” said Gilda, noticing Ditzy trot over. The griffon gave her an easy smile that made Ditzy tingle. “ How’s the mail?”
“ Heavy.” said Ditzy with a grunt, setting down the letter satchel.
“ And hows the scarf?” said Gilda a little quieter, leaning towards Ditzy.
“ ....I haven’t taken it off since I woke up.” said Ditzy, closing her eyes as she took a seat. “....I can smell you on it.”
When she opened her eyes and saw the big griffon blush slightly, Ditzy felt herself melt again and thanked fate for letting her meet this wonderful creature.
“ Stupid Gilda.” muttered Pinkie Pie, trotting towards the edge of Ponyville. It had been a long trip from Manehattan, in the cold snow and raging wings, but she was almost home. “ I wish she’d never came back into town! Then I wouldn’t have had to....um....”
She sighed as her memories chided her. It wasn’t the griffons fault. It was her own. She’d gone crazy - AGAIN - and this time done a lot of damage. She was lucky she wasn’t in the dungeons of Canterlot. She’d paid for her crimes - working them off in a way she would NEVER do again - and now had her life ahead of her. She had to rebuild. She had to apologize - the Cakes had forgiven her but she still had to make it up to them. And she had to press on with her life.
She gave a little giggle.
It was what she did. She pressed on, no matter life’s hardships, and found a way to make it fun. She made things better, she made ponies happier, and she enjoyed herself. Nothing would stop her -
BAM.
Something ran into her, stopping her.
As she sat up from the snowbank she was in she found her friend Fluttershy doing the same, several bottles lying in the snow near them.
“ Oh, hey, Fluttershy!” said Pinkie, hopping out of the snow and helping her friend up. “ What’s up?”
“ Oh, um, nothing.” said Fluttershy, looking even more embarrassed than usual. She glanced to the bottles and began to scoop them up. Pinkie Pie went to help her and was stunned to see what they were.
“ Woah, Fluttershy, are you planning on throwing the animals one wild party?” asked Pinkie with a laugh, handing one of the Apple families stoutest whiskeys to Fluttershy, who put it back in her basket with the other concoctions.
“ Um, no, actually, a friend is coming over.” said Fluttershy with a blush, her wings twitching. “ S-she likes to drink, so I thought....I thought....um....and it’s been a while since I saw her, even though she’s been around lately....I wanted to give her a really nice evening.”
“ That sounds great!” said Pinkie Pie with a wide smile. “ Do you need any help preparing? Do you want to give her a full party? I could get -”
“ Uh, actually, I wanted it to be a, um, quiet dinner.” said Fluttershy with a blush. Pinkie Pie caught on.
“ Aaawwwwwooooohhhh, I get’cha.” said Pinkie Pie, poking Fluttershy in the ribs.
“ Oh, though there is something you could help with.” said Fluttershy, blushing so deeply the snow around her began to melt. “ I, um, said I’d bake a seedcake. B-b-but I don’t know how.”
“ Don’t worry, Flutters, your auntie Pinkie will help you whip one up!” cheered Pinkie Pie, leaping over the pegasus. “ And I’ll leave you alone with this special someone for your quiet evening. You have protection, right?”
The pegasus “eeped”.
“ Looks like we’ll need to make a side trip!” giggled Pinkie, grabbing Fluttershy and dragging her down the road.
Having placed their orders for drinks - a Manehattan for Ditzy and an amaretto with tabasco for Gilda - Ditzy and Gilda now sat alone to chat.
“ S-so Gilda.” said the pegasus, looking down. She looked nervous. “ I..I have a few questions. About us.”
Gilda resisted flinching. This was the point Gilda knew was going to be a problem. She’d never had a real relationship before - Dash had been platonic, despite Gilda’s efforts, and most of the other pegasi had been quickies.
“ Okay. Shoot.” said Gilda, placing a claw on one of Ditzy’s hooves.
“ W-what do you want out of us? I mean, what kind of relationship did you want?” asked Ditzy, looking to Gilda with those cute, unfocused eyes. Gilda found herself pausing before answering.
“ We’ll, um....see, I don’t really know.” said Gilda awkwardly, playing with a piece of yarn absentmindedly. “ I’ve, um, never really got this far before.”
Ditzy’s face lit up.
“ B-but, but, I don’t want it to stop right here.” said Gilda, looking to her claw on Ditzy’s hoof. “ I mean, well, the sex is awesome.”
Ditzy blushed and looked around to see if anypony had heard, but they were in a remote corner.
“ But, it was really nice to fall asleep with someone.” said Gilda, jostling her neck a little. She began to trace one of Ditzy’s hindlegs with her own, the soft pads between Gilda’s toes ticking the pegasus a little as it moved upwards. “ What were you looking for?”
“ The same thing.” said Ditzy, leaning forwards. Gilda found herself grow warm suddenly. The look of joy on the mares face was getting to Gilda. “ Okay, next question. W-what made you like me?”
“ Hmm....thats a toughie.” teased Gilda, grateful for the change in topic. She took her other claw and began to trace one of Ditzy’s wings. “ Besides your graceful wings, your cute little nose, and, well, you know?”
As she finished the comment she pressed her pads into Ditzy’s most sensitive spot, kneading a little. The pegasus nearly jumped at first but quickly let out a little coo, eyes drooping. Gilda was happy for the tablecloth that hid what was going on.
“ I think it was how soft you were.” said Gilda, tracing a claw along the underside of Ditzy’s neck, feeling the pegasus buck against her foot slightly as she did so. “ You were just so...”
The waiter chose that moment to return with the drinks.
With a sigh Gilda stopped teasing the pegasus, who looked rather flustered. She snapped down her wings as she and Gilda took their drinks, each taking a sip. Gilda smiled as the sweet almond-flavored alcohol mixed with the hotsauce in her throat, burning as it went down and giggled as Ditzy took a sip of her drink and flinched, her eyes knocking straight for a moment.
“ Trade for a moment?” asked Gilda with a smirk.
“ I don’t know....this is pretty good.” said Ditzy with a coy smile, swirling her drink.
“ Oh, give it here.” said Gilda with a laugh, swapping drinks. Ditzy took a sip of the amaretto and gagged, fanning herself as she struggled with the spice. With a laugh Gilda took a sip of the Manehattan.
Most of it she spit back out onto Ditzy.
“ WHAT IS THIS CRAP?” she shouted, looking into the glass. Ditzy looked stunned, as did the other patrons. “ Seriously, did the bartender just piss in this and hope we wouldn’t notice?”
“ Hey!” shouted the bartender, looking affronted. “ I’ve been making that drink for years without any complaints!”
“ Well, looks like I’m going to show you how to make it not suck!” said Gilda, slamming the drink down and standing up. She looked to Ditzy and gave a weak smile. “ Uh, sorry, could I, um, take this real quick?”
“ Go ahead.” said Ditzy with a giggle. Gilda leaned over and gave her a lick on the cheek, making the mare blush. “....hmm....doesn’t taste so bad coming off of you.”
Ditzy looked so embarrassed and aroused she might have died.
“ Alright, gimmie the bottles.” said Gilda, turning to the bar. The bartender scowled.
“ Look, lady, there’s only two ways you get back here.” said the barkeep with a growl. “ Either you have the job or there’s one heck of a musical number going on. And well, i have the job and I don’t hear no music.”
Gilda glanced to the side. A number of ponies took out instruments. The barkeep facehoofed. “ Is this really going to happen?” he groaned.
“ Key of G, please.” said Gilda, leaping onto the bar.