Gilda hates her life.
Gilda needs gloves.
Ponies don't wear gloves.
Looks like somebirdy needs to learn how to knit.
Also, Trixie and Diamond Dogs.
Chapters (8)
PotatoJoe
Joined 29th Nov, 2011 ·
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DAT INTRO!!!!
Steven Magnet is their gay neighbor?? dude, this is comedic GOLD!!!! i didnt stop cracking up til after Gilda left her house. freaking awesome. :D
one thing tho... Gilda saw two pegasus? its pegasi. but you STILL FREAKING ROCK!!!!
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
My Big Griffon-Knitting is Dexterous.
Loving it so far, you obviously know how to write. There are few to no grammatical errors and the story you have crafted is interesting and engaging. From the bad-sitcom setup of the cave, to the discussion of Chicks, Cocks and Gilda not being Gilda, your ideas are unique and refreshing.
So far so good, and I eagerly await the next installment.
45326
Hay, tanks 4 katching mi tipo.
Seriously, thanks. I'll get that fixed right away. But yeah, that intro. Thats one of the best things I've ever imagined.
45326
Hay, tanks 4 katching mi tipo.
Seriously, thanks. I'll get that fixed right away. But yeah, that intro. Thats one of the best things I've ever imagined.
45331
"My Big Griffon" and "Knitting is Dexterous" UH OH GOD YES. CAN I USE THAT AS CHAPTER TITLES? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
wow love the story it really made my night.....looks over at the clock
ok it made my morning
If you're gonna keep Gilda a raging bitch than at least give her plenty of comic relief to play off of and that sir or madam is exactly what you did. I love the diamond dogs being combination of neat freaks and the three stooges. I like how Trixie is being Trixie and Steve the sea serpent is being a raging gay stereotype. This is like the best sitcom ever. It's like That 70's Show meets Laverne and Shirley meets How I Meet Your Mother. Just stupid, well written fun.
Peace Out.
Can we have MOAR?
45366
Knitting is a calming hobby. Being a raging bitch it not a calm hobby. They will collide humorously. Also, there will be plenty of comedy.
45385
Everyone but you can. (joking)
Give me more Gilda!
Great job, now give me more Gilda.
No problem!
I finally made an account on this website. 'Bout time, I say. All the better to track you with.
On a more relevant note, I feel that this was a great start, and I do look forward to more. Please let there be more. I ever so humbly beseech thee. Keep up the good work.
45544
Sweet baby dragons, I've been on the site for less than a day and I caused someone to join? Feels mustache, man.
45645
Spike i thought i removed that spell from you
Oh, yes! This is hilarious!
LOL. I love your Gilda, she's awesome. Owned everything in Pinkie's kitchen, almost did Spikey pawjob, SONG, that FUCKEN SONG!!! LOL
i wish i could think of a tune that would go with the song
so glad you had more STEVEN MAGNET and other roommates in this one 
keep on being awesome, good sir!
47837 There will be more roomies in the future! Maybe a little lite on them next chapter, though. Also, I would suggest searching for 331Erock on youtube and watching his My Little Pony Meets Metal video. It was the music I listened to while writing.
Oh good lord. Gilda drove Pinkie completely insane.
I love it.
I do hope we see Pinkie later, once she's had some time to talk to the nice therapist and get a delicious vitamin prescription set up! (She and Twilight can be pill buddies! You know she only got that way in 'Lesson Zero' because she stopped taking her meds.) After all, Gilda can't torment her more if she's locked away forever...
And thus Gilda was redeemed.
You sir, are wildly fucking entertaining. Just... Jesus god. Take these stars before I rob you.
The last chapter was extremely promising. This is the best. Simply the best.
I had a huge grin plastered on my face for the entire thing, and I swear I woke up my roommate at "twenty minutes later, Gilda owned everything in Pinkie's kitchen"
Great use of My Big Angry Griffon, that was way better than anything I could have imagined when you asked me if you could use it. WAY better.
6 stars, Y U NO possible?!
There goes my nice Gilda... Oh, well. This was still hilarious.
Keep it up
My Big Angry Griffon is filmed in front of a live studio audience. I just think it'd be funny if Gilda was the only one who could hear the "Ooohs, Awwws, laughter and applause."
She'd be like, "MAKE THE VOICES GO AWAY!!!"
Pros:
+ Wacky neighbors/roommates: Self absorbed bitch who is actuality kinda sucks, nuckleheaded slobs with OCD and a flaming gay stereotype(seriously, I'm surprised he isn't Jon Cryer and talks about his love for the movie Showgirls)
+ Great situational comedy and the jokes work really well.
+ Spike, just Spike
+ Everything else
Cons:
- No Urkele, Neil Patrick Harris, Red Foreman or Carlton Dance.
Peace Out.
P.S: I can totally see this being a show on FX with the same writers as It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
This chapter should be called Gilda steals a microwave and breaks Pinkie Pie's spirit. I couldn't stop laughing during the scene where Spike tears into that meatloaf like a predator, fangs glistening and jaw partially unhinged. (Gilda shoulda mentioned meat loaf always taste better cold between two pieces of Wonder Bread)
47859 Oh, pinkie will be back. And there will be more torture.
47862 Look out! It's that...one...guy! Thanks for the stars.
47886 Glad you liked the song! When I read what you wrote, it basically popped into my head that I had to write a song. And I'm still going to use "Knitting is Dextrous" for the next chapter title.
47888 Y'all wanted a nice Gilda? Well, um, y'aint gunna find one in this fic.
48035 Well, I have a special guest episode planned for fairly soon. I think that somepony (or somebody) who will be starring would ONLY be in charecter if he was doing the Carlton at some point. And oh, hell, it's going to be Discord, so he'll be basically doing the Urkel Wacky Sideplot for the episode.
First chapter was better, but this was still quite enjoyable. Singing was a good call. Spike's request worked pretty well too. Doubtless he'll get the lecture from Twilight that he is supposed to go to Fluttershy for such things in the future! (That girl knows nature and nutrition better than anypony!)
Hopefully she will make a speedy recovery. It wouldn't be the same if she wasn't around to get Gilda properly pranked post-haste! 
Poor Pinkie!
Suggestions
- 'Claw-Crafted Creations' sounds more alliterative than 'paw-crafted'. I like all the k noises.
- Instead of fake nails, fake claw-extenders. Specially made to get that one claw extra long for knitting. I'm sure other inventive uses can be created for it too.
- Make sure the pegasus mail-mare gets placed in a distracting position at the next class. Gilda deserves to sweat through the embarrassment a few times in public.
"Twenty minutes later, Gilda owned everything in Pinkies kitchen. "
This single line made my entire week
"An hour later, as Gilda took to what was to be a long flight with a heavy load, fresh from a tutoring session with Spike, she spared a glance to Sugarcube Corner."
Very mean, but surprisingly still funny.
whelp, this is on my watch list. Second chapter's better than the first! Oh and Spikeyou genius, you now get a reset on calling in Pinkie's favour!
lol
48159 Oh, I have plans for that mail-mare. Big plans. Also, I like claw-crafted. Might go back and change it up to that, the aliteration sound better.
48216 Thanks! I figured that it would be a logical thing for Gilda to do - anyone who's had cats can tell you, give them 20 minutes, the house is theirs.
48354 Hadn't even thought of that....he could keep calling the same favor in, over and over again....mmmyess.....
48453
Ah, glad to hear there will be a special delivery on that premise.
As for cats? All cat's are a little crazy I think. I have one with the weird quirk of insisting on getting up on my shoulder immediately after having a shower, even if it requires balancing on a damp towel. Never have managed to figure out that one.
Spike is going to feel too guilty about his part in having the bakery catch fire and bringing Pinky to the point of madness. He won't repeatedly use that favor. Well, unless he really really had to. In an absolute emergency, or something he might.
48467 Yeah, I love crazy cats. I've got the best cat I've ever owned at the moment - my girlfriend has two kittens. Well, my cat, a fat old tomcat that hates these kittens, had made a pretty good assassianation attempt on them - Whenever my girlfriend puts food in their bowls, he comes over and lays down on them.
For hours.
Yeah, I don't think Spike will call that favor back in. But, when Pinkie returns, it could somehow come up....and she could wonder why he WASN'T about to call in the favor.....mmmmmmyyyysssesssss....
competitive b****-tossing?? that exists?? i want in!! and steven magnet kissing boo-boos... dude, your story gets better every freaking time something happens. in all honesty, since faust isnt the princess of MLP anymore, she should make a sitcom about this.
keep on rocking, dude.
okay, this is absolutely hilarious, and my lack of sleep has absolutely nothing to do with my saying that
Oh dear. Oh my. Oh dear. Gilda and Ditzy make out? Gilda is hot for pegasi but thinks Earth ponies are disgusting? The police think Pinkie violated Gilda?
This is rapidly getting fucked up.
I do hope Pinkie's friends are at least trying to help her; she is, after all, the Element of Laughter. Of course, at this rate they may head out to help catch her... for her own good, of course. (And now I'm imagining Twilight coming over to Gilda's cave and delivering a solemn warning about poor crazed Pinkie...)
48970 I plan to rock like a princess. And I stole competitive bitch-tossing from Team Four Stars Lord Slug Abriged, if you need a visual reference of what it looks like. But it's pretty much as brutal as it seems.
48976 But your lack of sleep certaintly doesn't hurt! Well, except for the cellular decay.
48978 Well, you ain't too far off on what'll be happening in the next chapter with Twi and Pinkie! It's ETA is tomorrow, so be prepared! And yeah, I like the fucked up story - but lets face it, would Gilda seem right in a pleasant, polite story?
Mother of God.
Just...
fim.413chan.net/fic/src/131700090789-mother-of-god-super-.jpg
Have yourself a few Internets.
This is such a crazy mix of serious and sauce that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. keep it up! Poor Pinkie!
Alright. I'm finally sold on this.
I don't normally like Gilda, but I try to give characters a chance every now and then because you just never know what it is you might be missing. I'm glad that it was this story that I picked.
Freakin' hilarious! Gilda is my hero! I also had a LOL moment with the Diamond Dogs and their pranks.
Keep up the great work. This story has a good WTF factor and I need one of those every now and again to keep me sane. Or something.
Have to say you had me laughing again HOW do you do it Kudos
49051 Thanks....that one guy!
49057 Laugh. The serious is only a foil - this is intended to be pure comedy.
49146 Woah holy crud, your the Trixcord guy! I love that story! Glad I've written something for you back. Yeah, while Gilda, Blueblood, Discord, and Trixie are my favorite charecters (sense a pattern?) in a fandom like this, you have to give every story a chance. I've loved the surprising quality of this fanfic community.
49222 Well, I've a very simple writing process. I get naked, get a block of cheese and glass of wine, put on the Zelda Skyward Sword soundtrack, and start to get strange. Once I've entered the Zone of Weirdness, then I write. It, um, works better for stories than my research essays.
“ Ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhssshshhh.” whispered a mares voice. Dinky found that the pink-coated mare from the local candy shop was standing there,"
My clueless reaction
But wait isn't Pinkie pie in an insane asylum... Oh God its turning into Cupcakes
49352
More the police are completely oblivious to everything ever. Actually, looking at what they know, I suppose that is the most reasonable conclusion
Wow. I don't know how this keeps on being this amazing. Playing with string... Dinky's father... The "Investigation"... Just... Keep on being amazing, bro.
My smile muscles hurt. You are a terrible, horrific person with a heart as black as death.
I love you and I want to bear your children, SCIENCE WILL FIND A WAY!
awww sweet ending
and you STILL never fail to make me crack up!! steven magnet and his sassy finger, i ask you...
you are a freaking GOD among men.
oh, and the Zero Wing reference? priceless. although it's "set up us the bomb", not sent.
At this point I feel so very bad for Pinkie but I'm a horrible person because I keep laughing
49688 Yeah, my heart is a shriveled husk of mollusk-black stone, but it's part of my allure.
49694 Sassified, Girlfriend! Nobirdy can argue with a sharp tongue and a finger-waggle!
49706 Don't worry. Pinkie Pie will get her's back. It'll more than fix the horror's she's been through.
WoooooW! The best chapter so far! Really funny and superbly written! I cannot wait to read more! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! M O A R!