Sometimes after a bender, one woke up not sure what they did.
Gilda was almost that someone.
Pony and griffon anatomy was quite similar, but there were a few notable differences. In this situation, the most applicable was the comparative size of genitalia. A male pony was far more endowed than a male gryphon, meaning in turn that the a female gryphon was narrower than a female pony.
Meaning Gilda’s crotch felt like it had taken a battering ram.
As she groaned and curled into a fetal ball, a few motes of consciousness flitting into her mind, she was well aware of one thing - the day before she’d gotten drunk and fucked a stallion. She usually kept to mares, but she’d “gone for a ride” a few times before and knew how much today was going to suck - she’d be walking funny for a while. It didn’t help that it felt like someone had bitten her flank.
Rolling over and opening her eyes, she was thankful to find she was in the attic at the library. And she had her feathers. And the lampshade she’d chosen to wear before passing out was tasteful. And, there were no unconscious earth pony stallions about.
These things made her happy and reminded her of less successful benders.
She focused - what could she remember? Her last clear memories were of singing at a bar. That was not a good sign for how crazy the night had been. She knew she’d gone to see Fluttershy at some point...something about a hammer...the Diamond Dogs had shown up at some point...also, she remembered being covered in strudel.
Oh, wait, there was something taped to her beak.
Feeling numb as she was it had taken a while to sense the paper. Grabbing it she found it was in Ditzy’s writing and was a little love note saying she’d had fun the night before but had woken up early to go do her route. To Gilda’s confusion , Ditzy had reminded her to “keep an eye out for Hammers tooth and pay Fluttershy back for the thing”.
Gilda stood, wincing at the ping of pain, and moved to the window. There was a windmill in the center of town.
This was going to be a good day to lie low.
Heading downstairs, Gilda was greeted to the best smell anybirdy with a hangover could smell - bacon. The air was full of freshener to cover the scent, but the tantalizing smell was definitely there. Almost drifting through the air as the little pork particles enticed her, she headed for the kitchen, pausing as she passed by the library.
Twilight Sparkle and two Guardsponies were lying on the floor, unconscious.
She checked the Guardsponies wallets and scored a few bits.
Continuing to the kitchen she found Spike on a teetering pile of books, slaving over a large frying pan on the stove. He was drooling - and so was Gilda. The bacon he was frying smelled divine and he’d made a plate of it almost as large as he was.
“ Sup, lizard.” she said, getting his attention. His head snapped but his face relaxed when he saw it was her, not Twilight. “ Bacon?” she asked, gesturing to the overflowing plate.
“ Bacon.” he replied with a nod and a toothy smile.
“ Eggs?” she asked.
“ Eggs.” he answered, gesturing to another pan full of cooking scrambles with onions and green peppers.
“ ... beer?” she asked with a mote of uncertainty.
“...fridge?” said the little dragon, scratching his head and looking to the white box. Gilda walked over, stumbling a little, and opened it. Front and center was a bottle of the local breweries reserve, a note with a drawing of Ditzy and a little heart on it.
She teared up a little as she popped the top, threw it back, and began to dish herself up a delicious greasy breakfast.
For the first time in a while, Gilda was in a knitting mood.
This likely had something to do with the achey, hide-from-the-cops type situation she was in that day. In any event, as she lay down in the attic with several pinched balls of yarn - Spike kept a good stockpile - she set to work.
Today was the big day. She’d suffered enough the day before, in the cold wind and snow.
Today, she did gloves.
She started with the wrist section, which would be the easiest. First making a loop and building outwards, she stretched towards the claws slowly and carefully. She had to stop several times and remove entire lines but progress continued.
With occasional breaks to bat around the yarn balls.
Finally she came to the tricky part she’d dreaded - the claw holes. She had to build a number of tubes off the main one, something she’d never done before. She started with the little claw - big mistake. She then tried the index, as the central location was very important to the other claws. This proceeded better, at least until she tried the adjacent fingers - she kept pulling the yarns too tight.
She took a beer break, noting that the Guardsponies and Twilight Sparkle were still passed out.
Returning to work, she worked. And worked. And worked some more. The fingers on the glove fought her, her claws fought as she made mistake after mistake, but she progressed. She struggled. And, finally, after hours of work, she’d done it.
She had a glove.
She sat for almost a minute admiring the somewhat lumpy knittation. It wasn’t pretty. In fact, it sucked. But she’d made it and by Discord, she now had something to protect her paws against the cold of the winter air - or a brew she’d let get too frosty.
Chest swelling with pride, she put it on her left forepaw.
She blinked. She looked at the glove again.
She was pretty sure she only had four claws. Why was there a fifth hole?
With a sigh, she set to fixing it.
It was dark by the time she finished the second, which was a far better build than her first one.
She’d gone outside and walked in the snow immediately, savoring the fact that her two gloved paws were quite warm. On her way back in she heard moaning from the library, where the unconscious ponies were stirring. Quickly hiding, she watched as the guards said something to Twilight and departed. As the purple unicorn turned, Gilda emerged from the stairs.
“ Uh, hey.” said Gilda awkwardly. Twilight winced. That wasn’t good. “ So, um, yeah. What’s, you know, up?”
“...uh, stuff.” said Twilight, blushing and looking away. “ Hows the, um, hangover?”
“...what’d I do?” asked Gilda, cringing and shutting her eyes.
“ Well, uh, you? Um, well, you...got in a fight and had sex with Fluttershy and Hammer and your marefriend, uh, ohmygod.” She ended beet red, gasping for breath. “ A-and! And, you w-w-were kinda attacked by Pinkie Pie. She’s, um, in jail at the moment.”
Gilda couldn’t help but perk her ears up, but she hid the smile.
“ S-so yeah.” finished Twilight Sparkle, trying not to look at Gilda. “ H-have you taken a shower today? No, go take a shower. And then make me a list of everything you’ve touched in here today.”
“ ... wait ...” said Gilda, blinking. “ Why?”
“ Well, um, Fluttershy...had a...kind of...spasm...”
“ I don’t want to know!” Gilda said quickly, turning and heading for the bathroom. She shook her head and let out a sigh - it was a good thing she’d be moving into her cave again tomorrow. It’d be a few days before the awkwardness would fade around Ponyville.
As she began to leave, Twilight gasped.
“ Uh! Um! Wait!” she shrieked. Gilda froze. What now? “ Y-y-you h-have...a...tooth. Embedded in your flank.”
Gilda stood still for several seconds. She reached a paw back to the bite on her flank that had been aching all day and felt for a moment - and there it was, a ponies tooth. She pulled it out with a little “eep!”
“...uh, I think I remember something about somepony losing this?” she said, blushing so hard she couldn’t look to Twilight.
“ I’ll..have Spike send it to Hammer.” said Twilight, levitating it from her with magic. “ Uh, please. Shower now.”
“ Got it.” said Gilda, glad to be leaving.
After a quick stop to see Ditzy, a brisk flight to the Everfree, and a gory devourment of a possum, Gilda saw her cave.
Her cave. How she’d missed it.
It looked as it always did, a hole in the side of a cliff face. But she spotted the Diamond Dogs - in new outfits, to her surprise - making their way up the trail and a flash of magic from Trixie's teleportation.
Landing, she enjoyed the softness of her four gloves and re-affixed the scarf Ditzy had loaned her around her neck - taking a quick wiff to get the mares scent. As she strode into her cave she was pleased to see it was looking decent enough - it was wider and a little rougher than she was used to, but it was hers.
The microwave was still there, perched on its boulder throne like a god, a pile of empty popcorn bags besides it.
“ Home sweet home.” she said, letting out a contented sigh.
As one of the Diamond Dogs walked past he let out a fart.
From the high entrance to Trixie's cave the sound of fireworks and boasting began as the unicorn practiced her routine, filling the cave with ash and insults.
And Steven Magnet popped his head in and began to titter and tatter about how they needed some throw rugs, a new kitchenette, and more natural lighting.
“ Home friggin home.” she muttered to herself, scowling and remembering why she’d hated this place.
FINALE! But not the end. I'll be staring a new storyline up to continue this.