ARTICLE 2

by Muppetz

ARTICLE 2 part XVII

“Get up!” Rainbow Dash pleaded with the unconscious human. “HEY!” she reared and placed her forehooves on his chest, pushing as hard as her slim frame would allow.
The human lazily swatted at the Pegasus. “...haze yourself, boot…” he groaned dreamily, still half asleep.
“WAKE UP!” Rainbow Dash practically screamed in the catatonic creature’s ear.
He winced and recoiled, finally gaining enough consciousness to form a coherent thought. “GOD! FUCK! WHAT?! I’m awake! What!?!” the suddenly very cranky human demanded, massaging his ringing ear with a finger.
“Jeez, I thought I was a deep sleeper. I thought you slipped into coma or something,” she complained.
“Rainbow! What. Do. You. Want?” he seethed.
“Princess Luna said she really wants to see you.”
Shane rolled his eyes, turning back over and curling back up on his too-small cot. Rainbow wondered in passing why he didn’t just sleep on the padded floor.
He yawned pulling his too-small blanket up around his neck. “Tell her to try again in the morning and that she’s coming off kinda desperate.”
“...what?” she shook her head. “No…I… Look, just come with me please. It’s really important. It’s your machine… It’s…doing something.”
His ears perked up slightly. His eyes finally cracked open with a sleepy confused stare, unsure if he heard correctly.

Princess Luna’s hoof hovered hesitantly over the polished screen of the human tablet device, uncertain if she should attempt to intervene. Truthfully she didn’t even know where to begin. She retracted her hoof, setting it back on the floor by the other, but continued to stare at the screen worriedly.
She visibly jumped as the door crashed open. A bolt of rainbow haired Pegasus zipped through the frame. “I got him, Princess!” she announced loudly.
Luna set a hoof on her chest attempting to calm her frantically beating heart. “We thank you, Rainbow Dash. Your promptness is much appreciated.”
Shane shuffled in behind the young mare, looking like he was dragged out of bed. His boots were untied and un-bloused. His green shirt was un-tucked, and his beloved shotgun was slung lazily over his shoulder.
“Major…” she began. “We apologize for summoning you at this hour, but I am afraid I had little choice. You told us to call you if something happened.”
He didn’t favor her with a response, choosing instead to merely stare at her with sleepiness and poorly concealed confusion.
Luna continued on regardless. She gingerly picked up the tablet in her teeth to show the human. He accepted the tablet from the alicorn, with a small trace of confusion.
“So, what happened?” he finally croaked, poking the screen to life.

-Broadcast Beacon – EPIRB - Tag 1 –
-Uplink Established.
-Broadcasting…

“That happened,” Luna said plainly, sidling up to the human’s side.
Shane chewed on the inside of his cheek for several seconds. He tapped experimentally at the screen for a few seconds before sinking into one of Luna’s cushions surrounding a low dark table. He tapped away in silence for several agonizing moments, even going as far as to smack the device against the table several times. Luna waited patiently, worry twisting her stomach in painful knots.
Shane lowered the device, rubbing the back of his head with thoughtful slowness. “It’s a mistake…” he said calmly. Luna wasn’t entirely sure who he was talking to. “I mean…it has to be a mistake.” He sounded considerably less sure the second time.
“…What does it mean?” Luna dared to finally ask.
“I’m not sure. I’ve never seen it do that,” he admitted, rubbing the side of his face. “...gimme a minute to try some things.” Shane gave another look at the screen. He poked and prodded, occasionally stopping to rub sleep out of his eyes. He turned to the dark princess after several seconds. “We’re gonna need some coffee. This might take a minute.”
The device made a soft pinging sound, drawing everyone’s attention. The human’s eyes fell on the screen. He whispered something to himself, before pulling the small black chip from its port. The screen went dark. Error flashed in bold angry letters.
“Major?” Luna prompted tentatively.
He finally turned to look the dark alicorn in the eye, adopting a very grave voice. “…You might wanna go wake up your sister…”

The demure earth pony suppressed yet another yawn, doing her best to look professional despite the late hour. She wasn’t normally working the night shift. She only agreed to take the extra shift to get an extra day off the following week.
The cart came to a stop, the sweet aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafted from the trays stack atop. She hadn’t the slightest idea why the Princess wanted so much coffee so late in the evening. She could hardly recall the Princess even liking coffee. She and her older sister had both ordered tea almost exclusively for the entirety that she had worked at the palace.
She pushed her thoughts aside as she made her way to the large set of oaken doors. She glanced idly at the guards on either side of the entrance to the princess’ chambers. She wondered if there were usually so many. It wasn’t by any means her first time delivering food to the royal sisters’ rooms. She could ever only recall there being two guards on duty at any one time. There were currently six guards total. Three on one side, and three on the other. The two usual Lunar Sentinels stood as they always did outside Luna’s door, but now there were also four Solar Guards standing opposite their darker brethren.
One of the Lunar Stallions nodded to her with all the subtlety his station commanded and she rapped gently on the heavy door. A few seconds passed before the brass handle began to glow a soft shimmering gold.
The door swung open only to release a cacophony of raised voices and arguing. The small earth pony plastered her ears flat against her head. Pushing the cart into the room full of crowded angry words.

Twilight watched as the human paced back and forth in the Lunar alicorn’s room. An unlit cigarette dangled from his mouth, finger gliding hastily across the obsidian tablet. Shining Armor sat alongside her. The stallion yawned intermittently. On the opposite couch sat the guard Commander. They had sent word to the Griffon ambassador also, who sat by himself looking impressively wide awake.
“Explain it to me again.” Celestia commanded. “What is your machine doing?”
“It pinged…” he answered apprehensively, not bothering to cease tapping on the tablet.
“Meaning what?” she pressed.
Shane rubbed his eyes. “It’s-” he gestured with his hand absentmindedly trying to find the right word. “…talking.”
“Major…” Celestia began with deathly seriousness. “…Talking to who?”
Shane looked up from his tablet and returned the older princess’ gaze for several seconds before shrugging helplessly. “...I don't know.”
“This is not a situation where ‘I don’t know’ is acceptable, Major!” she chastised with notable heat in her voice. “I need answers!”
“I’m working on it.” he assured, tapping furiously on his tablet.
“Well work faster!” the solar alicorn demanded.
“Do you wanna do this?!” the human shouted at the solar princess. “Quick question, who here knows more about emergency position indicating radio beacons than I do?” He looked around the room in an exaggerated fashion. “No one? No? Not a single one of you? Alright then. Until that answer changes,” he pointed a finger at Celestia. “You sit down and shut your mouth. I’m handling it.” The human sat back into his seat. “Magical ass horses…tell me how to do my job…” he muttered grumpily to himself.
A small rapping at the door drew their attention.
Luna promptly opened the door allowing a small earth pony mare to push in a small cart laden with steaming pots aromatic of coffee. Her ears were plastered against her head. Her eyes were subtly darting around the odd collection of creatures gathered in the Night Princess’ bedchambers, no doubt enormously confused by the strangeness of it all.
Celestia’s face immediately became soft and approachable. “Thank you, my little pony. You are dismissed.” Shane snorted at the sudden sweetness in her voice. But the mare merely curtsied and departed back through the door.
The human eyes the pots of coffee enviously but made no move for them. He took a calming breath before continuing.
Twilight took the opportunity to break into the silence. “So...” she began. “…correct me if I’m wrong but if all this thing is doing is sending out signals, then what’s the big deal? What the harm in letting it talk to nothing?”
“There isn’t any. But it’s not just ‘talking to nothing’,” the human noted.
“Well then what IS it doing?” she asked exasperatedly.
He chewed the inside of his cheek nervously. “I think something’s talking back.”
“Who? There’s no one out there.” Twilight iterated making a vague gesture toward the sky.
“I don’t know. I yanked the chip.” he admitted. “Look,” he began verbally backtracking. “It’s probably nothing. It could be a malfunctioning receiver or maybe it’s mistaking its own refracting signal for a response.”
“Could it be your kind? Do they have the ability to track and reply to these signals.”
“Yeah they have the ability, but it couldn’t be them.” Shane shook his head.
“Why not?” Celestia asked.
“Because Twilight’s right. They aren’t out there.” He almost laughed. “It’s not a human signal because there are no humans to send signals! …Just me.”
“What if there are?” Luna questioned quietly, drawing attention to herself. “What if you never passed the transient barriers as we thought. What if you didn’t jump lifestreams but instead merely traveled a massive distance within a shared universe.”
Shane shook his head. “Even if that were true it still couldn’t be a human signal.”
“How can you be so sure?” Celestia asked, having cooled off slightly.
“It was only running for maybe two hours tops. There’s no way a radio wave could travel to another galaxy and back in that time. Whatever pinged us back was close…relatively speaking.” He explained.
“Is there a way to pinpoint it exactly?” Luna pressed.
“Sure... we’d have to turn it back on. It would take some time and a lot of fuzzy math, but we could lock it down.” He let that hang in the air for a moment. “But it does work both ways. I can find out where it’s coming from...”
“It could then be tracked back to us.” Celestia finished solemnly.
The human merely nodded before releasing a sobering sigh. “I need you to be brutally honest with me here.” he fixed the collected creatures with a serious frown. His tone of voice gravely and severe. “And I mean zero trace of deceit honest. Because how you answer this question will dictate how we deal with this problem.” He eyeballed the collected group once more. “Do you know of anyone or anything on this planet that has the resources or even the theoretical sciences to create or receive these signals, mechanically or magically? I don’t care how top secret or jealously guarded it is. I need to know about it right now.”
The room shifted uncomfortably in the following silence. Celestia cast a critical inward gaze. Reliable wired electricity had only become a recent development within the past few generations. Successful though it was, long distance communication was still mostly conducted via magic. The only time a hard line wire communiqué was feasible was in large cities where telegraphs could be used in place of mail carries. But even then it was considered an inefficient costly luxury.
Surprisingly the reserved Griffon was the first to speak. He cleared his throat with discomfort. “At the risk of sounding overeager, if it will speed this process up I can say that no griffon devices to my knowledge posses the capability.”
Shane stared down the griffon with a face of solid calculative stone. Analyzing the creature even for several dangerously uncomfortable moments after he finished speaking.
Celestia was impressed to say the least. The griffons were a proud race. Progressive though the Prime Minister was, a humbling statement such as that was a rarity for his kind. Few would admit to not being the best at something. Much of their society was built on competition, honor, and an absolute hierarchy of social standing.
The more she thought about it, the more sense it made that he and the human got along so fabulously. Griffin culture was militaristic by nature, something the Marine was familiar with. Her mind continued to draw connections between the two groups. Wondering idly what would have happened if Shane had landed in Griffon territory rather than Equestria. An immediate bloodbath, was her initial discernment. She could find no real flaw with it. If however they had managed to calm their baser instincts she couldn’t help but imagine a partnership between the two would be exceedingly dangerous.
*SNAP*
“Hey!” The sharp pop brought her back from her daydreams and causing her to recoil as the human snapped in the princess’ face. “I need you to focus here, princess.”
Celestia shot the human a glare at the rude gesture, but didn’t otherwise argue. She refolded her wings thoughtfully. “No,” she finally admitted. “I can think of no one that posses such a thing.” She leaned forward on her haunches, adopting a cautionary tone. “But understand, Major, that many bizarre and unexplainable magics permeate Equus. I can not say for certain that this…signal isn’t the result of some naturally occurring magical phenomenon.”
The human nodded somberly, sitting down and rubbing his eyes. “How long until you guys have your little summit meeting?”
“A little over thirteen hours.” Luna answered reflexively.
Shane sat on the edge of one of the sofas, resting his elbows on his knees and folding his hands neatly. “Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to lay out the options and you get to pick one. Option one; we turn it back on and try to trace the signal back to wherever it’s coming from, running the risks of being backtraced, if we haven’t been already.” He eyed the collective as he spoke. “Option two; we smash the transmitter, bury our heads in the dirt, and pretend it never happened.”
“But isn’t that the only chance you have of being rescued?” Twilight asked tentatively.
Shane nodded somewhat sadly. “Yeah. But I’m not so selfish to think my rescue should come at the risk of a city full of people…ponies,” he corrected with an annoyed arm wave. “I don’t know what’s sending those signals, Twilight,” he held his hands up helplessly. “I don’t know. Everything I know about this is a guess based off an assumption, based on a hunch.”
“We shall turn the machine back on.” Luna declared suddenly.
“Luna-” Celestia began warningly.
“No, sister,” Luna interrupted. “We will not sit in our castle and hide. If this technology is as advanced as it seems then the Major’s signal has already been detected. Destroying this beacon now only serves to blind us to potential threats. I do not truly believe the source of this signal to be malevolent in nature but if it is. I wish to see it coming. We shall turn on the machine and investigate it. Before it comes to investigate us.”
The group sat contemplative for several agonizing seconds before the human spoke up.
“Alright then… objections?” he asked fingering the small black chip apprehensively.
“I could fill volumes with my objections,” Celestia noted sourly. “But I believe Luna is right. Hazards not withstanding I don’t think we can afford to ignore the issue.”
The human nodded and pushed the small chip into its port on the side of the tablet. “Buckle up, kids, we’re going back on the grid.” He pressed the black chip back into its port.

Twilight poured over several massive maps of Equestria. A large globe sat in the corner. Dozens of cartography tools, protractors, compasses, and charts littered the area.
After a bottlenecked lecture about planetary magnetic fields, units of measurement, and cardinal directions, Shane seemed fairly confident in his ability to trace the source of the signal. Twilight was all too happy to assist. He asked several questions about the atmosphere as well. Rainbow Dash was actually quite helpful. Her upbringing in Cloudsdale and her proximity to the weather factories coupled with her years managing various weather teams gave her an intimate knowledge of levels of all things ozone.
“You are certain you will be able to determine all of this information?” Magneus chimed in.
“Am I certain? No,” he admitted turning his attention to the griffon. “But I’d say my odds of figuring it out are better than anyone else here. I’ll get you close…close-ish,” he corrected.
“What happens if we turn this back on and suddenly Equestria becomes the target for a fleet of human warships,” Celestia asked coldly.
The human answered, apparently ignoring the bitterness in the alicorn’s tone. “Best case scenario? I go home and your planet enjoys an era of unprecedented peace, security, and near godlike technological advancements under the care of the most powerful allies you have ever known.”
“Worst case?” Luna asked rubbing her temples gingerly.
“Thermonuclear annihilation?” he shrugged uncertainly. Luna’s mouth gaped. “You wanted to know.” he defended. “The real answer is probably somewhere in the middle there.”
“Without the annihilation?”
“I mean…” he hesitated. “…maybe just like a little annihilation.” He held his finger and thumb close together. “A tiny tiny bit.”
“I swear by all that is good, human, if your little toy brings about any level of annihilation I’m holding you personally responsible,” Luna droned.
“Well that’s not really fair,” he frowned. “You were there when I was setting it up. I flat out told what it was and what it did. Where was the concern then, huh? I don’t recall hearing any royal objections before,” he pointed.
“Well we didn’t think it would work! We were certain you were merely delusional about its success, and we hadn’t the heart to tell you thine trinket was a waste of time and effort!”
The corner of his mouth lifted with amusement. “What did we learn?” he asked patronizingly.

Several dozen painful moments had passed as the small device resumed its previously abandoned task. The excitement had slowly drained from the collected group as the hands on the clock slowly ticked away toward the rapidly approaching morning.
“I was expecting something a little more exciting.” Rainbow Dash complained.
The human was pouring his way through another pot of coffee. “Gotta wait for the ping to…uh… you know ping.” He yawned, struggling over his words.
“Well how long does that take?” she complained.
He shrugged, walking over to the glass door leading to Luna’s veranda. He cracked the glass door and lit a cigarette, careful to hold the smoldering tobacco outside. Luna frowned, at the minimal adherence of her ‘no smoking inside rule’.
“Major Doran?” Magneus spoke up curiously.
“Hmm?” the human responded over the rim of his coffee cup.
“What exactly did you mean when you said …thermonuclear annihilation?” he struggled with the words slightly.
He groaned through the cigarette in his mouth. “You guys really wanna get into this right now?”
“Do you have somewhere else to be?” Celestia encouraged.
Shane blew some smoke out his nostrils. “Let’s just say human;s developed a weapon. A very powerful very scary weapon… And lots of them.”
“Powerful enough to destroy an entire nation?” Luna asked doubtfully.
Shane snorted. “Enough to destroy an entire planet.”
Luna balked for a few seconds. “That’s impossible.”
He shrugged going back to his cigarette. “Okay..”
“How?”she demanded.
“I’m not telling you. Because if I do, one of you jackasses is eventually gonna go try and build one.” He leaned back against the wall giving her his full attention. “Trust me, Blue, it’s not something you want to know. They were built under the pressure of one of the darkest periods in human history. The entire world was at war. We built them…and we used them. Hundreds of thousands of people died. Thousands more died from the fallout. Most of them civilians.” He dragged on his cigarette, blowing the bluish gray smoke out the door. “It ended the war,” he nodded gravely. “But the cat was out of the bag now. And we built more… better, faster, and deadlier. Then spent the next hundred years regretting it.” The human flicked his cigarette off the balcony. “So I suggest you just take my advice and drop it.”
“I can’t very well drop it, knowing that this beacon could bring these weapons to my doorstep.” Luna countered quietly. “Can you stop them? How do you defend against such a weapon?”
The human shook his head at the alicorn sadly. “You can’t.”
“Hey!” Twilight interrupted. “It’s doing something!” She declared, hovering over the tablet.
“FINALLY!” Rainbow Dash declared agonizingly.
The human downed the last of the coffee in his mug. “Try not to think about it,” he advised the lunar princess before scurrying over the tablet. “Scootch,” he waved the small purple unicorn out of the way.
He began to tap wildly across the screen as the room’s onlookers waited with poorly concealed apprehension.
“What does it say,” Twilight finally dared to ask.
The human rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Nothing helpful…” he complained. “Normally it can give you the grid of the station that pings you. But it’s got no map to reference and no satellites to orient to, so it’s all just a buncha zeros.” He began tapping again. “But I can try defaulting …” he said quietly, somewhat to himself as he tapped away. “Bamcis!” he scrambled over to the map, using a small reference legend Twilight had made to space a compass. He began drawing circles around Canterlot with the castle at the center. “We’re not getting the UHF or VHF freqs which means it’s not close enough for line of sight. No real surprise there…” he added on. “But that also means we’re picking up a propagated signal.”
“Please give us the Equish version, Major…” Celestia panned.
He nodded, still drawing on the map. “It’s uh… far away…but it IS almost definitely coming from THIS planet.” Celestia didn’t know if that relieved her or not.
He prodded and scribbled for several more agonizing moments.
“Okay…” he wiped his forehead. “I got a direction. Kind of a cone of influence really though. At these kinds of distances were gonna need another reference point to narrow down the area.” The human drew a straight line from Canterlot through the eastern pass and well through Whitetail wood.
“What’s there?” he pointed at Whitetail Wood.
“Nothing really,” Celestia admitted. “…just forest. A few small villages at most.”
He scratched the back of his head. Tracing a final solid line along the map. “Well… I got a heading. We’re going to need at least one more point to reference…then another if you want a tighter grid.” He sniffed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “How much time we got left?” he asked the lunar princess.
“A little less than twelve hours,” she answered.
“We still have some last minute preparations to make,” Celestia warned. “That will take time.
“I still have reports to file. I haven’t even begun to explain your existence to the queen much less this debacle.” he said somewhat to himself.
The human scratched his nose. “Alright, gang…” he clasped his hands against one another. “We’re splittin’ up,” he pointed at the griffon ambassador. “You and Sunny go prep your shit for the summit. Luna …and I guess you two,” he gestured at Twilight and Rainbow Dash, “…are gonna come with me. We gotta get outside the city and set up another relay. Shining Armor if you could go into the woods and die quietly… that would be just super.”
Twilight swatted the human with a rolled up map and shot him an angry glare.
“What?!” he asked incredulously. “I was just joking,” he affirmed. He turned to the stallion shaking his head refutably.

The human threw his bag onto the magical celestial carriage and pulled the folded map from one of his many pockets. He made his way to the lead pair of Pegasus guards as they finished strapping themselves into their harness.
“Alright gents, check it out, should be pretty cut and dry. I need you to take us forty miles north of here. It has to be forty miles on the dot or I’ll have to do my math over again and I’m not doing that. You pick an LZ and I do my thing. After I get what I need it’s a straight shot back here. Easy day right?” The guard pursed his lips and nodded at the deceptively simple flight plan.
“You’re looking at about an hour or so of flight time, here and back. Assuming we don’t come across any nasty headwinds.” He informed the human who nodded in return.
“That’s fine. Just as long as you can get us there and back in one piece.”
“That’s one thing I can damn near guarantee,” the lead stallion boasted.
“Well then spin em’ up, Balto. You’re on my time now.” He stood and adjusted the shotgun slung over his shoulder. The human had deemed the adventure outside the castle walls sufficient enough to warrant his full array of arms and armor. Ceramic ballistic pads adorned his shoulders and upper arms, covering the areas the plate carrier left exposed. The padded yoke that covered his throat was unclasped and hung loosely down his chest. Luna noted mentally that she had never really seen him use it. She imagined it would be difficult to move one’s head with the thick ballistic collar fastened.
“I didn’t think we would see you willingly get back on Celestia’s carriage, Major.” Luna mentioned smiling at the human.
“Why’s that?” he asked absentmindedly as he picked up Twilight and deposited her onto the carriage. Much to her apparent squirmy displeasure.
“Well, your past two encounters were…less than favorable…” she recounted.
“Why do you think I brought you?” he responded with a smarmy grin.
She blinked a few times, not understanding the implication. “Because you clearly need us? Because we are clearly a valuable asset to you and your endeavors and would be lax upon you to leave us behind?” she pursed her lips. “Stop us when we guess it.”
Shane twisted and eyeballed the alicorn with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged and stepped onto the celestial chariot. “Whatever lets ya sleep at night, I guess…”
“Are you trying to hurt our feelings, Major? Have you forgotten that you seem unable to navigate your way out of a wet paper bag without us leading the way,” she questioned haughtily stepping onto the carriage behind him.
“I brought you for one very important reason,” he began as he settled down against his pack as an impromptu backrest.
“Do tell,” she prompted as she circled around nestling down on the cushioned place beside him.
He wrapped an arm around the alicorn’s neck hugging her head to his chest and rustling her ethereal mane with his free hand. “Because you, my adorable little princess, are a walking talking blue feathery sleeping pill. And are therefore my first class ticket to unconsciousness-ville during our adventure on this hellacious nonsensical vehicle.”
The sputtering alicorn managed to pry herself out of the human’s arms. She refolded her now ruffled wings and blew the errant strands of hair from her eyes. “You only brought me because you wanted me to put you to sleep for the ride?”
“Pretty much, yeah,” he nodded.
“Well now we refuse,” she stuck her nose in the air. “Until you learn to express affection in ways that does not ruin our mane.”
The human snorted and leaned over murmuring something in Twilight’s ear. The unicorn blushed furiously and jammed a hoof in her mouth to prevent any laughter from escaping. She did her best to shoot the human a disapproving glare, which only succeeded in intensifying his chuckling.
“What did he say!?” the princess demanded.
Twilight forced the smile off her face and looked at her hooves. “Umm…”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” the human interrupted. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled to the prismatic pegasus circling overhead. “You comin’ with us or you flyin separate?” he shouted.
Rainbow Dash made several more lazy circles as she descended, landing gently upon a cushioned corner of the chariot. “I guess I could take a break,” she smiled settling in.
Shane donned his sunglasses and unbuckled his helmet from his pack. “You boys ready?” he shouted toward the team of pegasus guards.
“Yes, sir!” the lead stallion answered enthusiastically.
“Hit it, we’re on the clock.”
The chariot lurched forward causing the human to sink into his seat uncomfortably. He grabbed Luna’s starry tail, and hugged a large bundle of it to his chest.
“What are you doing?” she asked trying to keep the amusement from her voice.
“You failed as a sleep aid, so now you’re my seat belt. If I fall off I am going to drag you down with me.”
“You would not survive the attempt.”
“Now you’re gettin’ it.” He smiled, further entangling himself into the princess’ ethereal tail.

Solstice scanned the treetops diligently, feeling his way through warmer currents of air. His harness kept him in place in front of the chariot. “We should be able to land in one of the field up north. The forest isn’t too densely packed, keep an eye out for openings.” The lead stallion said over the rushing wind.
His partner nodded, not bothering to answer out loud.
Solstice gave him a concerned look. “Hey Ash, you feelin’ alright?”
He nodded again. “Yes. Fine.”
Solstice turned to look at the two pegasi harnessed behind them. They gave a clueless shrug that seemed to say, Just leave him alone, He’ll snap out of it.
Ashy was a younger stallion. He had only been in the guard for maybe a year or so, his innate talent for flight landed him a position on Celestia’s chariot team. Supposedly he was a prime choice for the Wonderbolt Academy, but had chosen a life in the guard instead.
Noble, but Sol couldn’t help but think something was off with the pony. He’d hardly said a word all day. He wasn’t the bubbliest pony but even he wasn’t usually this stoic. Something was troubling him.
Solstice shook his head. Ash’s business was his own. It wasn’t his place to pry. He probably just needed his space.

“Shark?” Dash asked.
“Yes,” the human answered.
“Cows?”
“God yes,” he laughed.
“Kangaroo?”
“Yes,”
They had been going on for nearly twenty minutes. It started out with Dash asking the human some rather invasive questions about carnivores. The conversation had since evolved into more of a lightning round of animals Shane had personally eaten, sometimes describing the taste of his favorites. Twilight was doing her best to ignore the increasingly macabre questions.
“Duck?”
“Yes,”
“Oh come on! You could seriously eat a cute baby duckling?!” Twilight interrupted horrified.
“Not really ducklings,” he assured. “Fully grown ones. The babies haven’t got nearly enough meat on them to be worth the effort.”
Twilight made a gagging gesture with her tongue, focusing instead on the passing greenery.
“Manticore?”
“No Manticores where I’m from.”
“Uhhh….Ostrich?”
“Yes.”
“Seriously?”
“Mmmhmm,” he nodded. “Dried and smoked.”
“Geez, I’m running out of animals,” she complained. “Crocodile?”
“Yep, and alligator,” he answered preemptively.
“So what does horse meat actually taste like?” she asked slyly.
“Sweeter than you’d think, not very fatty, a bit gamey…” he paused suddenly, realizing what he had done. He winced, turning to see the three mares looking back at him with aghast faces and open jaws.
“We thought you said you never consumed the flesh of ponies…” Luna seethed.
He coughed into his fist and rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah… but …I uh…You know never uh…”
“You LIED?!”
“Just a …little tiny bit!” he protested.
“TINY!?”
“Oh come on! What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh yeah it’s lovely to meet you, oh by the way your species is delicious.’ Not great for first impressions. I was in Paris and I didn’t know what I was ordering. This German couple next to us told me I was eating horse halfway through my steak.” He protested hotly. “So don’t give me this ‘holier than thou’ spiel. Tryna’ make me feel bad for eating meat is like me trying to make you feel bad for eating lettuce because there’s a universe out there where it’s sentient.”
“Soooo…” Rainbow started. “Did you finish the steak?”
“Hell yeah I finished that steak! I enjoyed it too.” He crossed his arms resolutely.
Luna looked away shaking her head. “I should have you muzzled.”
“You could try.”

Celestia set sorted through the list of confirmed attendees once more, racking her brain for any she may have forgotten. She stacked the odds as heavily in her favor as she possibly could. She made specifically certain that a few particular individuals would be in attendance. Those who were well connected to the press, those well connected in higher education, business, economics, sociologist, scientists, diplomats… She grinned slightly. It was turning out to be a real ‘who’s who’ of Canterlot elite.
A soft knock from her door drew her attention. Her horn glittered as she turned the knob. Shining Armor poked his head through the portal curiously.
“Hello, Captain,” Celestia smiled softly.
The stallion returned her smile bowing his head respectfully. “Cadence’s train is due to arrive soon. I’m going to the station to wait. I thought I’d extend the invitation if you wanted to get out of the castle.”
She smiled at the stallion. “Thank you, But I’m afraid I have to finish this first. I hope Cadence won’t be too upset with me.”
“I’m sure she’ll understand. Is there anything I can do to help?”
Celestia laughed and shook her head. “No, but thank you. I’ll be done with this soon. Lest our new bipedal friend be taken away from us.”
“If only I were so lucky, Princess,” he added hopefully.
Celestia couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t let him get to you, Shining. He likes you. No matter how vehemently he pretends not to.” She paused to chuckle slightly. “I find myself increasingly convinced it is merely how males of his species play. He picks and fights at you because he wants to see you fight back. He does the same thing to Luna.”
Shining Armor narrowed his eyes at the alicorn suspiciously. “With all due respect, Princess, I may have to disagree. His feelings toward me so far have been nothing but…” The stallion swirled his hoof in though. “…I’m trying to think of a word harsher than hate.”
Celestia chuckled again, her mirthful smile slowly becoming hesitantly meditative. “Make of it what you will, Captain. I may be wrong. But, as distasteful as I find it, I fear playing his little game may be the only way to earn his respect.”
Shining Armor shot the alicorn an edgy half grin. “Are you telling me I need to fight the human for his respect.”
Celestia shrugged her wings. “I certainly hope not. But I believe, Captain, that even if you don’t, he will come calling eventually. If it weren’t for the circumstances I’m sure he would have already. He sees you as untested, and will make it his personal business to correct that.”
“How do you know this?” the stallion asked cautiously.
“I have met and fought with the warriors of many nations and many races, Shining Armor. Some more warlike than others. I while I make such assumptions with a measure of reservation, but I have no reason to believe this human to be any different.”
Shining Armor nodded, already anxious with the implications. “You have given me something to think about, Princess. Thank you.”
“Those are merely my thoughts on the matter, Captain. How you use those insights is completely up to you. Whatever you do choose to do, however, I encourage you to do it cautiously. There are still many things we do not know about this creature.” She turned back to her papers. “Now,” she continued, lightening her tone significantly. “…I believe you have somepony to meet.”
Shining Armor smiled. “That I do, Princess. Unless you’ve changed your mind about accompanying me?”
Celestia returned the stallion’s smile. “Go and greet your wife, Shining Armor. I shall see the two of you shortly.”
The stallion nodded, bowing his head before turning to depart out the large oaken chamber doors.

An aimless little tune escaped the pegasus mare as she cantered down the corridor. It was really more out of boredom than any genuine love of singing. Like the reflexive urge to whistle on long walks. Sometimes it was just a good way to pass the time.
Sky Lily was her name, though contrary to tradition she actually had little to no natural talent at gardening, or flying for that matter, now that she really thought about it. No. She had found her calling, like many others, in the palace staff. It was an interesting job. It paid fairly well too. Her schedule shifted often, allowing the occasional changes of scenery. But truthfully that was one of the things she liked about it, it never got boring. General Services was the closest applicable position she could think to describe it. One week she might be delivering messages for the various clerks and offices inside the massive building, others she might be arranging books in the library.
Today however she was assigned to one of the few jobs she didn’t like doing. Window washing. And if there was anything the castle had in spades, it was windows. Standard, stained, skylight, you name it, Canterlot castle had em’ all. It was easy enough she supposed, but it was thoughtless, mind numbing work. The only redeeming factor she decided was the large amount of time it allowed for daydreaming.
Luckily she wouldn’t be the only one. The castle staff comprised an army of ponies in of itself, entire sections dedicated to the upkeep of Canterlot castles’ various shiny things. She was merely a stand in while another pegasus was on paternity leave.
Today she was responsible for the cleaning of the many high reaching panes near the guard’s barracks. She stopped at one of the many sporadic broom closets which would house some clean rags and cleaner.
She stepped inside immediately noticing the somehow simultaneously damp yet clean smell of supply closets. She stepped inside waving a hoof blindly in front of her, hoping for a light switch of some kind.
Her hoof fell on something slick. She retracted it immediately cursing under her breath. One of the containers of detergent must have fallen from a shelf and broken. She flicked as much of the slimy substance away as she could before finally finding a pull string. She yanked it with a hoof to find the suspect puddle of green goop in the center of the floor.
She frowned as wheels began to turn in her mind. She didn’t see any broken bottle parts. A loud smack of goo fell onto her nose causing her to jump back in surprise. She frantically wiped her nose free of the slime, casting her eyes to the ceiling in equal parts anger and confusion.
Her ears folded back in horror and her eyes as her heart iced over with fear. There was a stallion on the ceiling, cemented in place by the same solidified slime on her hooves. Her mind reeled. She did the only thing she could really think to do and screamed.

~~~~~

Rainbow Dash soared lazily through the sky above the wheat field. It was still quite early in the morning. The very edges of the sky were ablaze with pinks and soft yellows, pushing back the ink and stars. The sun itself, however had yet to actually breach the horizon.
The human sat cross-legged on the grass next to Twilight and the princess. Dash was more than content to leave them too it. They were using way too much math and Shane was using way too many made-up sounding sci-fi words to hold her interest.
A loud whistle snapped her back to reality. She dove for the ground, wind searing over her angled wings as the earth came rushing up to meet her. She flared her wings at the last second, landing in a graceful flurry of dust.
Shane clapped amiably, grinning past the cigarette in his mouth. Dash beamed and puffed up her chest in a very avian display of pride.
Shane stopped clapping and took a long final drag off his cigarette, throwing it to the dirt and grinding it under his boot. “Alright, hop on the bus, sister. We’re done here.”
“You’re done? Already?” she asked. They had only been there maybe half an hour.
“Yep,” he answered. “The first one was the hard one. This one was pretty cut and dry.”
“What did you find?” she asked as she stepped up onto the platform with Twilight and Luna.
“We got it pinned down to a couple square miles. Which is pretty good considering the equipment were using…” he shrugged.
“So where is it coming from then?” she asked Twilight
Twilight snapped out of her thoughts, “Whitetail Woods actually,” she replied hesitantly.
Rainbow’s brow furrowed slightly. “I didn’t there was much of anything in Whitetail Woods other than…you know…woods.”
“There isn’t,” Princess Luna chimed in looking thoughtful herself. “…which is troubling in of itself.”
“So we’re done?” Rainbow continued.
“No,” Shane said tiredly. Pushing his pack against the back of the carriage and replacing the polarized sunglasses over his eyes. “All we did was find out where it’s coming from. Not what’s sending it.”
“Has anything tried to trace our signal yet?” Luna asked uncertainly.
The human rubbed the side of his nose with his thumb, sniffing. “There’s no real way to tell for sure,” he replied. “But if I had to guess I’d say no.”
“What makes you think that?” Twilight piped up from her end of the carriage.
“Well,” the human shrugged against his pack. “For starters, our beacon is moving,” he shook the shiny thing a little before stuffing it back in his bag. “Theirs hasn’t moved. So either they haven’t bothered to figure out who we are… or it’s having trouble getting a solid fix on us… There could be a lot of reasons really...” he trailed off, thoughtfully.
“Is there no way to find out?”
“Not really,” he admitted. “Not anyway that you’d like at least.”

Aegis beat a healthy staccato out of the polished marble as he thundered down the hallway. A young female Captain keeping pace beside him along with a younger guard stallion the commander didn’t recognize.
“How many?!” he demanded, never slowing his pace.
“They’re changelings, sir. We don’t know for sure. One of the castle staff just found a guard unconscious in a broom closet wrapped in a cocoon. Definitely one…probably more.”
“How the hell did it get this far undetected?!”
“We don’t know, sir,” the younger mare replied. “We’re still finding out ourselves. All unit leaders are getting head checks and scans right now looking for any missing or disguised personnel. All legions are on lockdown until they’re passed over. Luna’s Sentinels we’re mostly asleep in the barracks already so they’ve been swept and mobilized. They are helping clear the castle right now.”
“What about the guard that was attacked. Has he said anything?”
“Last I heard he hadn’t regained consciousness yet,” she answered.
“Where is he? I want to be there when he wakes up.”
“Barracks aid station, sir. East wing. It’s close.”
“What about the Princesses?”
The stallion spoke up this time. “Princess Celestia has been informed and is assisting the lunar guard with detecting changeling magic. Princess Luna left this morning with the human on some mission. She’s due to return any minute now.”
“Send someone to meet her when she arrives. Inform her of the situation and get her somewhere safe and get the human back to his cell. Go do that now. Captain you stay with me.”
The stallion saluted before sprinting off in the other direction. Luna would be fine with the human. That was one less thing for him to worry about. He swore under his breath. If there was a worse time for this to happen, he couldn’t imagine it.
The older stallion ignored the ache in his muscles as he continued to pump his legs forward. He wasn’t exactly a young colt anymore, and his paperwork heavy position had taken its toll on his endurance over the years.
The Commander didn’t bother returning the salute of the two solar guards standing watch outside the medical bay doors. “Where is he?” Aegis demanded upon breaching the portal the captain hot on his hooves.
A young medical officer sprang to answer him. “This way, Sir. He’s just opened his eyes.”
The Commander followed the young medic into a tiny patient room where the stallion lay holding his head between his hooves and blinking rapidly.
Aegis cantered over to the side of the bed. “You alright, son?” he began slowly.
The dazed stallion turned his head grimacing as he continued to blink. “S-Sir…”
Aegis placed a hoof on his shoulder. “Easy…” he soothed. “Just tell us what happened.”
“I…I don’t…remember…”
Aegis sighed in aggravation. The medic pony beside him began to speak. “Could be a result of the venom in his system. It’s a non-fatal paralytic. It’s been known to cause short term memory loss.”
“What’s your name, son? You remember your unit?” The Commander pressed impatiently.
“My name is Ashy…” he said shakily but without uncertainty. “Celestial Escort Team Two…”

Cadence stepped off the platform, flanked by a pair of crystal guards. Several attendants in the train car behind them began unloading her luggage to be taken to the castle.
She spotted her husband waiting a few yards away with a patient smile. She left her guards behind flaring her wings and collided into her husband. Throwing her hooves around his neck.
“Hey, Sweetie,” he said nuzzling his cheek into hers.
Cadence retracted from her husband, shooting him a slightly angry glare. “Don’t you ‘Hey sweetie’ me, mister!” She poked him in the chest, doing her best not to laugh at this confused face. “I TOLD you something bad was going to happen on this trip didn’t I?! Admit it”
“That’s not really fair…”
“I said, ‘Shining Armor I have a bad feeling about this, something terrible is happening…’ And WHAT did you say back to me?!”
The stallion rolled his eyes. “I said it was probably nothing and don’t worry about it.”
“And was it nothing? Hmmm? Was it nothing Shining Armor?” The princess of love poked him in the chest a few more times to get her point across.
Shining Armor laughed sorely, backing away from his wife’s poking hoof. “Okay you were right…it wasn’t nothing.”
She beamed proudly. “That’s right,” she affirmed resolutely. “You’d think after all this time you’d have learned to listen to you wif-MMMMmmmm-”
Shining Armor pressed his lips against the alicorn’s, silencing her mid-sentence. Her eyes temporarily surprised fluttered shut after a few moments leaning into the kiss and forgetting whatever unimportant words were in her head.
Shining Armor finally pulled away from Cadence, albeit reluctantly. The princess of love stared dreamily back at her husband who smiled softly back at her. Married for years and the stallion could still give her butterflies.
“I missed you,” he said quietly, touching his nose to hers.
“Mmmm,” she nuzzled her husband in return humming happily. “I missed you too…” She snapped back to reality. “Don’t go thinking you can just kiss your way out of all our arguments.”
“Only when I have to,” he grinned boyishly. “Come on, let’s get to the castle. It’s gonna be a long day…” he sighed tiredly.
Cadence dismissed her guards, much to their displeasure, and followed her husband toward the castle. The streets were still mostly empty this early in the day. The occasional passing stallion or mare would catch sight of them and bow or offer them friendly greetings.
“So…did I read that letter correctly?” she asked cautiously, wary of prying ears.
“You did…” Shining confirmed sourly.
“And am I to assume that what was written in that letter is to be taken literally and could in no way be confused with any synonyms or allusions to something less…fantastical?”
“You are…” the stallion once again confirmed.
Cadence sighed shakily. “It doesn’t seem real,” she commented somewhat to herself. “It’s like somepony took a science fiction book and brought it to life. What’s it like?”
“Unpleasant,” he offered distastefully. “To put it very very lightly.”
Cadence didn’t seem too concerned with his response. She sidled up next to her husband almost whispering. “Is it scary?” she questioned with a grin.
He couldn’t help but smile back a little. “In a way, yeah.”
“In what way?” she pressed.
He sighed searching for the right description. “It’s kinda like being on a hoofball team. Except one of the players is an unstable violent alien who could possibly snap and eat you at any random moment…”
Cadence blinked and raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure it’s not that bad. There isn’t a creature alive that I can’t win over,” she announced proudly.
Shining shrugged helplessly. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you…” The stallion looked around at the noticeably busier streets. The sun was fully crested now, and the closer they came to the castle, the more crowded it became. “Although I will admit it seems to be just me he isn’t fond of.”
“Just you? Why doesn’t he like you?” she asked confused.
Shining Armor laughed humorlessly. “That’s a whole other can of worms…”
Cadence stopped and frowned. “Shiny, what did you do!?”
“Me?! I didn’t do anything! He’s just insane!”
“You’re telling me he just decided to not to like for no apparent reason…” she panned.
“YES!”
. Cadence rolled her eyes somewhat. “Where is it now?” She dropped the subject secretly wondering if her husband had committed some alien faux pas for her to rectify.
“They should be back any minute... If they aren’t already-”
Several sharp reports echoed through the city, interrupting the stallion mid-sentence. Followed by another. The surrounding ponies looked around in confusion. The echo made it difficult to tell exactly where they had come from.
“Were those fireworks?” Cadence asked. “It’s a little early isn’t it?”
“I don’t think those were fireworks…” Shining frowned. His gut twisted with anticipation. He couldn’t quite place it though.
“I wonder what it was…” she commented idly not thinking much of the noise. “Shiny?” she looked behind her to see if the stallion was following. He was looking at the sky, his ears swiveling cautiously. A minute passed before Shining Armor apparently snapped back to reality.
“Honey…” he started, distracted. “Go ahead and get to the castle. I’ll meet you there, okay?”
“Is...Is everything alright?” Concern entered the alicorn’s voice. Shining Armor wasn’t one to be paranoid. So such behavior usually warranted a fairly good reason.
“I’m sure it’s fine. But I’m going to go make sure. Just… fly ahead to the castle and find Twilight. I’ll be there soon.”
“…Okay,” the alicorn relented. All the good feelings in her chest were slowly replaced with uncertainty and an unsettling spark of fear.
Shining Armor forced a smile and pecked his wife on the lips before turning around and galloping toward the other side of the city.

The carriage jostled as the wheels rushed to catch up with the sudden earth moving beneath them. The stallions in their harnesses pumped their legs and wings in an attempt to slow the carriage in the narrow landing strip that was the castle courtyard.
“…and she has a always wears a pith helmet and she explores ancient ruins and fights evil-”
“Indiana Jones…” The human interrupted.
“What?” Rainbow paused, confused.
“You stole the plot from Indiana Jones,” he said pointedly.
“I did not!” she objected hotly.
“Yes you did. That’s just a watered down version of Indiana Jones.”
“Watered down!?” Rainbow sprang up alert and argumentative.
“Oh geez…” Twilight rubbed her temple preemptively. Rainbow got abnormally defensive about this kind of stuff.
“Let me guess…” he said setting Luna’s tail off to the side. “She has a whip… a university professor in her spare time, oddly attached to her hat, plunders ruins avoiding booby traps? How am I doing? Am I Close?”
Rainbow’s mouth worked for a moment with apparent surprise. “Someone already told you didn’t they!”
“No. That’s Indiana Jones. It’s a blatant rip-off.”
“It is NOT! I know the author! She didn’t steal the plot from anyone!”
The human rocked to his feet, stretching his arms behind his back. “Yeah well you might want to tell her to stand the fuck by because if I ever get home I’m tellin’ Disney and they’re gonna sue her balls off.”
The human tossed his pack onto the ground below. He stepped off the platform of Celestia’s carriage behind his bag.
“A.K. Yearling is a girl. She doesn’t have balls.” Dash said pointedly, perching atop the human’s shoulders like a massive azure bird.
The human reached up and scratched at the pegasus’ chest and neck while her wings fluttered excitedly. “Well A.K. Yearling has clearly never met Disney’s legal team. They’d get her a pair just so they can take them away…”
Luna dismounted the chariot with an odd look. She scanned the courtyard and battlements. “Where is everypony?” she asked quietly.
“Is something wrong, Princess?” Twilight asked upon noticing the alicorn’s concern.
“We are… not sure,” Luna admitted. Something definitely felt wrong. Call it ancient intuition…her years had given a rather keen sense for danger. And while nothing seemed out of place, she couldn’t help the feeling creeping into her gut.
She looked back at the group. The girls would be safe with the human and Celestia’s guards so nearby. She turned to Twilight. “I am going to check on something. Please remain here until I return. I shan’t be long.”
Twilight seemed concerned but nodded her understanding. Luna spread her wings and launched herself into the sky. Twilight squinted and shied back from the upkick of dust.
“What got into her?” Shane asked as he sidled up to Twilight. The prismatic pegasus still perched over his shoulders.
A loud irritating beeping noise interrupted the human. Dash flitted to the ground as the human fished the tablet from his bag.
“What’s it doing?” Dash asked preemptively.
“It’s still pinging…” he said with tired concern. “I left it on when we left. It’s tallied four during the flight. All at ten minute intervals, down to the second.”
The guards watched the group while unhitching themselves from the harness.
“Is the timing significant to you?” Twilight asked.
The human shrugged. “Not really the timing as much as the precision of it. I doubt anything flesh and blood has the patience or accuracy to transmit a signal burst every ten minutes on the dot…”
“Meaning what exactly?”
“It’s an automated response,” he said sourly.
“Automated?” Twilight asked, “…like a machine?”
The human nodded sourly.
“How can you be sure of all this?”
“Like I said, I can’t be SURE of anything….but it is strange….” He trailed off whimsically. “We’ll find out soon enough anyway. If it really is nothing… then good. If it turns out to be something… I guess we can burn that bridge when we get to it.”
The human yanked the small black chip from the base of the tablet.
Twilight trotted closer to the human. “What is that thing, Shane?”
He twisted toward the small unicorn. “The chip?” She nodded curiously. He sat on his heels to give the mare a closer look. He held the chip between his fingers. “It’s tough to explain…” he started rubbing the back of his head. “It’s kinda like a very small way of storing large amounts of information. It’s very very important though. This little thing is pretty much the only chance I have of getting home.” He held the chip up to look at it more closely. “It’s everything.”
A shadow came over the two, as Shane twisted to see one of the guards stepped unusually close. Shane shot the stallion an irritated look. “Can I help you?”
“Ash?” one of the other guards called. “What are you doing? We’re not done yet.”
The stallion’s eyes flashed a sickly green as its head snapped forward like a viper sinking his fangs into the humans forearm. Twilight shrieked and fell backwards.
Shane yelped in surprise, dropping the chip and cocking his fist back and slugging the stallion across the cheek. The ‘guards’ head snapped back, as the human scrambled to his feet, swearing and bleeding everywhere. “YOU FUCKING BIT ME!”
The stallion recovered quickly snapping his head forward as a long bug-like tongue shot out and snagged the small black chip off the ground and sprinting toward the city.
“Hey! STOP! HEY!” the human screamed and he hastily drew his pistol, and rapidly cracked off three shots after the retreating stallion. The first two went low, sending splashes of dirt. The third ripped through the stallion’s flank. He let out a pained cry but continued to hobble forward. He suddenly burst into a conflagration of green flames.
Shane’s jaw dropped. He blinked a few times before looking at his pistol incredulously.
Twilight shouted as the fire died to reveal a pitch black changeling. His bug-like wings began to pump as he took to the sky. “It’s a changeling!”
“A WHAT?!” the human screamed.
“I’m on it!” Rainbow Dash rocketed off the ground in pursuit of the changeling.
“Rainbow!” Twilight called in futile protest.
Shane snagged the shotgun of his back, shouldering the massive weapon.
Twilight jumped forward. “Shane, don’t! You’ll hit Rainbow!”
“No I won’t.” He sighted the retreating changeling and squeezed the trigger. The concussion from the blast nearly blew out her eardrums, which were already ringing painfully.
The buckshot tore through the creature’s already bleeding flank, shearing off one of his delicate wings. The changeling dropped from the sky like a sack of flour on the other side of the castle wall.
The human didn’t wait. He sprang toward the city, sprinting after the escaping bug.
“SHANE!” Twilight screamed.
“JUST GO GET SOMEBODY!” he ordered shouting behind his back.

Luna pumped her large azure wings, propelling her slim frame through the sky like a dart speeding toward the top of Canterlot Castle. She glided on warmer updrafts as she approached her elder sister’s balcony. The cold creeping feeling in her gut had yet to recede.
She stepped lightly onto Celestia’s balcony, carefully noting the continual lack of activity along the grounds. Her horn lit with cobalt energy as the large set of elaborate Prench doors swung outward. The lunar alicorn stepped into Celestia’s ornate chambers.
She scanned the quiet room. Celestia was nowhere to be found. “Sister?” she called in vain. The room was empty. Luna’s brow furrowed. Her sister’s desk was littered with papers. A large phoenix feather quill laid lazily over a half finished document, slowly dripping onto the parchment. Celestia was many things… but messy was not one of them.
Luna froze as three distinct cracks echoed from the open veranda. She raced back out to the balcony, her ears swiveling attentively, as dread crept into her heart. Another menacing concussion came from below. She launched herself over the balcony pumping her wings furiously against the morning air. She cursed herself in her mind for leaving the human unattended.
She banked around one of the many towers finally setting eyes on the field in which they landed. The human was gone, as was Rainbow Dash. Twilight was galloping toward the castle as if her life depended on it.
The alicorn slammed into the ground in front of the lavender unicorn, her powerful muscles absorbing the force of impact. Twilight skidded to a halt in front of the alicorn.
“Princess!” the unicorn was practically in tears.
“What happened?!” Luna demanded. “Are you alright?”
“I’m f-fine,” she assured. “But, Princess, we were waiting for you and …and one of the guards! He…he…”
“Calm thyself, Twilight Sparkle.” The alicorn soothed.
“It was a changeling!” she blurted. “It bit Shane and took his chip and tried to fly away but he shot it down and he and Rainbow Dash ran after it, they heading toward the city!”
Luna swore every foul word she knew, and several that she made up specifically for the occasion.
“What do we do!?”
“Go and get Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, go now! We shall hunt down the human.”
Twilight nodded, before disappearing in a flash of purple magic.

“I think it went this way!” Rainbow called down to the human who was running below her. The changeling had made it to the city.
“What do you mean you think?!” he called up after her as he careened around and sometimes over random ponies, almost all of which screamed or ran at the sight of the enormous biped, racing down the streets.
She scanned for any trace of the downed bug, cursing to herself for losing it. The human below was somehow keeping an impressive pace considering he only had two legs to run on. She supposed it had some advantages. He took turns and curves like a champ, and was surprisingly agile. Although she doubted he would be able to run like this for very long.
A flash of green caught her eye. “Gotcha!” The wounded creature couldn’t maintain a disguise. “Take a left!” she called below.
The human darted around the corner. “MOVE!” he screamed at the mass of morning ponies. They scurried out of the way and the ones that didn’t were either knocked down or jumped over as he plowed through the crowd like a bull.
The changeling ducked down an abandoned street, clearly desperate for an escape. He darted down an alleyway. Rainbow could see it was a dead end, but he couldn’t. “Game over little dude.”
The human caught sight of the bug as it darted into the alley. “STOP!” he demanded. The changeling continued to hobble as quickly as it could. Shane sprinted after him. “I SAID FUCKING STOP!”
The changeling ran into a wall. End of the line. He jumped as high as he could fluttering his useless ruined wings in a futile attempt to climb over. A forty-five caliber slug ripped through his knee sending green blood and shards of blackened carapace everywhere. The changeling let out an unearthly howl of pain as he slumped to the ground.
Rainbow landed at the end of the alley as the human descended upon his prey. The changeling lay twitching on the cold stone, clearly in a world of pain. Shane holstered his pistol, and wrapped his hand around the changeling’s neck before slamming the bugs face against the unforgiving brick.
It coughed up a nasty combination of teeth and blood. Rainbow winced. She actually felt a twinge of pity for the bug. And she was no stranger to putting hoof to flank when it came to changelings.
Shane hooked the tip of his boot under the changeling, flipping it over on its back. “Who sent you?” he asked in a dangerously calm tone.
The changeling opened its eyes at the human. It made a series of foreign sounding hissing and clicking noises.
The human rolled his eyes. “In English! Who. Sent. You?”
The bug spoke the same unintelligible language.
The human slammed his boot down over the changeling’s destroyed knee. Rainbow had to cover her ears from the horribly pained noise that came from the bug. “ENGLISH!” the human screamed at the changeling.
“HIVE!” the bug cried. “THE HIVE!”
“What is that? What is the hive?!” he demanded.
“I – I have to get …get back to the hive!” the bug cried through pained breaths.
“You’re not going anywhere until you give me back that fucking chip. Where is it?!”
“Can’t give…” it choked out.
“Would you rather die…here in a fucking alleyway?!” he asked opening his arms to his sides. “Give me. The motherfucking chip. Now!” Shane pulled the gun from its holster. “Or I will blow your fucking brains out and find it myself.” he pressed the cold barrel against the bug’s forehead. “It’s a thirty-cent bullet to me, chief. Just tell me what you did with it.”
The changeling shook either from pain or fear, Rainbow couldn’t tell. It opened its mouth and shut it repeatedly.
The human cocked his head at the action. “Did….” he looked the creature up and down. “…did you fucking swallow it?”
The changeling nodded.
“YOU SWALLOWED IT!?” he screamed, shaking the bug with rage. The creature muttered something in its native tongue, but nodded again.
Shane stepped back, re-holstered his pistol, and drew the long combat knife from his belt. “Worst mistake you ever fuckin’ made...” He descended on the downed changeling, as it shrieked and squirmed in horror.
“MAJOR!”
The human twisted and leveled his forty-five at the lunar Princess. “Major, stop this…” She froze mid-step when she realized he wasn’t lowering his weapon. His arm was oozing blood from two puncture wounds near his wrist. “Shane…” she began tentatively. “Calm down.”
“Go home, Luna. I’m handling this.”
“Gutting a changeling in the middle of the city is hardly what we would call handling it, Major. We can deal with this…but not here. We have to get back to the castle. You’re wounded and there are too many eyes here.”
Shane eyeballed the princess for several seconds before finally nodding and lowering his pistol. He stood and brushed himself off. “You live to die another day, buggy.”
Luna lowered her wings and let out a pent up breath. She turned to the somewhat sick looking pegasus. “Are you unharmed, Rainbow Dash?”
She started at the mention of her name. “Oh…uh…y-yeah. I’m fine,” she assured.
“Thou should fly back to the castle and get cleaned up, you look ill,” the princess suggested.
“A-Alright…” the pegasus leapt into the air, sailing toward the castle.
Luna retuned her attention to the human. He reached down and wrapped a fist around the changeling’s twisted horn. He began to drag the bug back out the alleyway by its horn. Luna winced. “We should teleport the changeling back. Fewer will see.”
The human didn’t stop. “I’m not teleporting. And this thing isn’t leaving my sight until it’s locked in an iron box.” He left the alley dragging the changeling by his side like somepony might drag luggage.

Shane lugged his way back toward the castle eliciting cries of alarm and terror along the way. Partially because of his imposing nature…but mostly it was because of the half-dead changeling drone that he was dragging by the horn like it was a perfectly normal thing to do.
“Sorry…Excuse me….Coming through…I know, don’t worry about it. It’s okay everybody I’m an American no need to panic….Lookout… that means get out of my way.” He said as he skirted around the ponies bold enough to not immediately leap out of his path.
Luna followed several feet behind in a perpetual state of facehoofing at the human making the situation as messy and showy as possible. Murmurs from the crowd were mixed. Some were bewildered by the bipedal creature, others were fixated on the changeling. The attack on Canterlot a few years prior was still relatively fresh in their minds. There were few creatures on Equus that ponies came to fear and hate more so than changelings. The crowds seem torn between their fear of the new bipedal creature, and their delight that he seemed to hunt the parasites that plagued them.
“Princess!” Luna turned to see Shining Armor skid to a halt by her side.
Shane twisted toward the new arrival. “Armor!” he greeted sounding deceptively friendly. “How nice of you to join us! Look what I caught!” The human lifted the changeling by his horn like a fisherman showing off his catch.
The stallion sputtered for a response. “That... a changeling?!” he blurted.
“So it would seem,” the alicorn sighed. “There go our plans for the immediate future.”
“Yeah, the little sucker bit the shit out of me, stole my macguffin, and tried to book it through town.” He hefted the half conscious bug higher, meeting its face with his. “Yeah! You fucked up didn’t you?” the human squeezed the bugs face with his free hand.
Shining Armor leaned toward the princess. “Why does he seem so happy?” he muttered.
“We could only fathom a guess, Captain.” She answered honestly. The human did seem inordinately pleased. She assumed it was merely in his nature to hunt and fight, and he finally had the opportunity to do so. Although it seemed rather one sided to her.
The three passed through the castle gates, the massive oaken doors began to close behind them. The human didn’t seem to care, or even notice for that matter.
Twilight suddenly appeared in a flash of violet light, causing the human to swear and recoil in surprise. “Shane!” she exclaimed.
“Twilight!” Shining Armor burst forward.
“Shiny!” The stallion wrapped his hooves around the smaller mare.
“Are you alright?!” he began looking over his baby sister protectively.
“I’m fine,” she assured. “Are you? What happened? Where’s Cadence?”
“I told her to come find you,” he explained. “Is Celestia here?”
“She’s out looking for all of you.”
There was a massive thud as the solar alicorn slammed into the ground a few feet away. Her eyes were white hot with arcane power and steam rolled of her fur in waves.
“WHAT HAPPENED!?” the alicorn demanded.
Luna stepped forward, apparently the only one not gaping at the Princess of the Sun. “A changeling infiltrator snuck its way onto one of your chariot teams. He attacked the Major and attempted to steal one of his gadgets. It was shot down and tried to make its escape on hoof through the city. The human pursued it to an alleyway. That is where I found him…attempting to gut the changeling in broad daylight.” She shot the human a disapproving look.
The human showed no trace of remorse. “I still would like very much to gut him, actually. Just somewhere less observable…”
The alicorn sizzled with barely concealed power. “Was anyone hurt?”
The human let the changeling fall to the ground in a heap and held up his forearm, a slow stream of hot sticky blood still drizzled from the two puncture wounds. “I’ll live…”
Celestia motioned her guards toward the changeling. “Take it to the medical wing in the dungeon.” Two large stallions moved at her word, toward the immobile creature.
Shane stepped on the creature possessively, leveling his pistol at the approaching guards. “Ah ah ah…Nu uh. This is mine. Back off.” They froze. He waved them away with the barrel of his gun.
“What are you doing?” she asked incredulously.
“The insect is mine.” he stated with fatal seriousness.
“Shane, if we don’t get it to the infirmary soon it could die.”
Shane looked down at the bug under his boot. “And?”
Celestia seethed at the human. “Shane we don’t have time for this. That changeling is a prisoner of the state and you have no authority to detain it without-”
“WHAT?!” the human interrupted. “I have no authority?! You lost your mind! He attacked me and stole top secret government property! His ass is mine!”
“He is an Equestrian prisoner! On Equestrian soil. And will face Equestrian justice.”
“Fuck your justice!” He sneered. “I don’t have time to pretend I give a fuck about your happy huggy bullshit right now! Especially when you all are the ones that let the little prick get this close in the first place.”
Luna spoke up for the first time. “Major, Please calm down. I can understand thou art angered by this attack, as am I. But you unfairly lay the blame upon us. You are still ignorant of many things in this world. Changelings are born and bred to be the perfect spies. Taking any shape and any form to infiltrate and place. They are virtually undetectable, untraceable, and indistinguishable when disguised. We expunged them from Canterlot after they failed to take the capitol by force. ”
The human’s face didn’t change, but the lunar alicorn could see the thoughts turning behind his eyes. “So…” he began, “...just kill it right now?” He thumbed the hammer on the pistol back and leveled it at the insect’s head.
“No!”
“No!”
Both alicorns immediately objected.
“Well make up your minds!” the human said angrily. “Is it dangerous or are you incompetent. Pick one. Because either way, you still haven’t given me a decent reason to hand this thing over to you.”
“We cannot interrogate a dead changeling, Major,” Luna stated plainly. The human chewed the inside of his cheek as he pondered the blue alicorn’s words. “We will get your device back. And we will get the answers we seek. If you wish for the changeling to be your prisoner, very well. But if you wish to hold him in an Equestrian cell, in an Equestrian prison, on Equestrian sovereign soil. We withhold the right to make our own stipulations. Unless of course you wish to seek asylum elsewhere, or you know somepony who can understand the changeling tongue, or its general anatomy and abilities.”
Shane stared unblinking at the lunar princess. “Fine,” he finally relented. “But I get to interrogate it.”
Celestia frowned at the notion. “We’re not going to let you just beat it to death.”
The human groaned like a teenager being grounded. “Why don’t you just kiss his boo-boos while you’re at it?”
The changeling made a squeaking noise as it reached toward the princess from the ground. “…p-please,” it choked.
Shane twisted his heel over the changeling’s destroyed wing causing it to shriek in horrific pain. “Shut up! Unless the next words outta your mouth are ‘Here is the microchip’ I suggest you keep it shut. Because the only thing keeping you alive right now is her,” he jabbed a finger at Celestia. “If I had my way you’d have been executed already.”

“One,” Celestia began. “You will not harm the changeling. That means no beatings, stabbing, shooting, burning, maiming, dismembering, or any physical violence of any kind while it is on my grounds. I will not stand by while you savagely torture an unarmed prisoner.”
“I don’t have to hurt it to make it talk…” he promised coldly.
Celestia continued. “Two. There will under NO circumstances be an execution of any kind. The death penalty has not been in practice for hundreds of years and I will not see it reinstated under my rule. And three, any information gleaned from the changeling is to be shared equally. Keep in mind you are not the only one it attacked. We need answers just as you do.”
Shane chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully with a sour look on his face. He looked back and forth from the changeling to the princess a few times before his eyes widened. He donned an evil smile that Celestia did not like one bit. “Fine.” He hooked the toe of his boot under the changeling, kicking it toward Celestia’s guards. “All yours, boys. It would seem I’ve been out-negotiated.”
The guards hefted the half-dead changeling onto their shoulders as the trekked it toward the dungeon complex that also served as the human’s temporary home. Celestia stepped toward him as he was igniting a cigarette. “Why must you make things needlessly complicated?”
Shane laughed through his cigarette as he leaned against the alicorn. “I’ll be honest it took me a minute to figure it out… guess a princess can’t get her hands dirty… hooves, whatever...”
Celestia cocked her head. “…figure it out?” she repeated.
He nodded, still grinning. “Every time I think I got you pegged...” He bumped the alicorn with his hip.
“You’ve completely lost me…” she objected, genuinely confused.
Shane dragged on the cigarette. “Yeah, good idea,” he almost whispered. “Still a few too many ears around.”
“I’m not being coy, Major. I have no idea what you are talking about. If you think I said any of that with an unspoken implication you’re wrong. Everything I said is to be taken literally.”
“And it will be. No worries, Princess,” he smiled again. “I understand completely.”
“Good.”
He winked exaggeratedly at the alicorn.
Celestia’s wings drooped. “Wait what was that for?”
“What was what for?” he asked innocently.
“You winked at me!”
“No I didn’t,” he assured.
“Yes you did! Major I am not joking do not hurt that changeling!”
“Alright! I won’t!” he held up his hands.
Celestia narrowed her eyes at the human who still had too much of a smirk for her liking. “You better not.”
“I’m not gonna hurt the changeling,” he promised. And Celestia nodded.
He winked again.
“STOP DOING THAT!”

“We didn’t find any venom in your bloodstream,” the beige unicorn said finally. It was the same pony that had taken his blood a few days earlier. The human seemed rather pleased to see a familiar face among the doctors and nurses. “You’ll need to pay close attention to the site over the next forty-eight hours. If you experience any numbness or difficulty breathing please get yourself back here as soon as you can,” she implored. “I don’t know if you were exposed to the venom or not but we’re going to play it safe. You could have a delayed reaction, and I can’t say for sure how it might affect your species.”
“Okay…” Shane nodded as he watched the unicorn swab out the bite mark with some brown foaming liquid, most likely some kind of peroxide, and tape a few small squares of gauze over the two puncture wounds. He flexed his fingers experimentally. He cocked his head expectantly at the waiting mare. She rolled her eyes and levitated a piece of strawberry candy out of her bag. The human popped it in his mouth happily. He hooked an arm around the sheepish pony’s neck and pulled her into an impromptu hug. “Don’t tell the other ones, but you’re my favorite horse doctor,” he said quietly.
The unicorn giggled as she attempted to squirm away. The human held on tightly as he scratched the mare’s necks and ears affectionately. “Alright alright,” she protested. “You’re welcome. Stop, you’re gonna mess up my hair!” The human reluctantly released the nurse, who shook herself off and blew the strands of hair from her face. She shook her head at the biped, “Big teddy bear…” He crunched the shards of candy between his jaws. Her grin finally cracked as she laughed at the human. “You’re all finished, Major. Twilight is waiting for you in the lobby.”
The human stood, and left with only a thankful wave in farewell. He followed the helpful signs that directed him back toward the patient waiting area before stumbling into the room where, true to her word, the purple magical horse sat and waited expectantly.
“All fixed up?” She asked.
“Mmhmm,” he affirmed through a mouthful of something crunchy. Twilight didn’t bother to ask what it was. He held up his arm and gave a thumbs-up with his free hand.
“Does it hurt?”
He shrugged, noncommittally, still chewing away.
“Well, the Princesses have already left to prep for the conference. Apparently rumors of you have drawn quite the audience,” she explained as rose from her seat.
“Where’s my newest friend?” he swallowed.
“The changeling is most likely still in the medical wing of the dungeon. You did a pretty good number on him. He’ll never fly again, and the doctor said he’ll be lucky if he gets to keep his leg.”
Shane snorted. “He’s lucky he’s still breathing…”
Twilight frowned. “Either way. He’ll be locked away for quite some time I imagine.” She looked the human up and down. “Are you ready to go?”
“Do they need us at the conference?” he asked.
Twilight shook her head. “Princess Celestia wants to break the news to them herself. She thought you being there might complicate things,” she explained. “There will be plenty of time for you to stand on a stage. For now she just wants you to go recover and wait.”
“Should we go help?”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea, Shane. She seemed pretty sure she didn’t need you there. I think it might be a bit too shocking for some ponies,” the small unicorn warned.
The human nodded absentmindedly. “Alright. I’m gonna go get some sleep. I suggest you do the same. You’ve been up longer than I have,” he advised.

~~~~~

Celestia stepped from the stage. A cacophony of shouting and incessant questions and camera flashes followed her. The announcement hadn’t gone exactly as she had planned. It all went fairly well up until she had used the word “alien”. From that moment the collected scientists and reporters had for all intents and purposes lost their minds with a mixture of fear excitement and questions. She had expected as much, if she were being honest with herself. Luna had left only moments before her.
This was only the first step toward a more encompassing meeting. During her speech she covered many things about the human and his species. His technologies and insights. His intelligence and physiology. She even dared hint at the devastating military power his people possessed. This was merely the first crack in the ice. She saved the bulk of her true knowledge for the world stage. She intended to call to Summit the collected leaders of every nation on Equus. After all, the arrival of extraterrestrial life was a global concern. It was only fitting to call upon the attention of the entire globe.
Celestia sighed tiredly. It was not a meeting she was looking forward to. No doubt every newspaper in Equestria was about to run this announcement as their headlining story. It would be a blessed miracle if she had a few days before the letters and summons began to roll in from national leaders the world away. Some would be frightened…some would be angry. She was prepared to deal with both stances.
The solar alicorn stepped lively from the darkness of the backstage area. She had to check on Shane and the changeling before she could retire. Her horn lit with blinding astral energy, as she disappeared with a resounding crack.

Celestia appeared outside the dungeon complex. The tall foreboding obsidian structure never failing to send shivers down her spine. She fancied herself made of sterner stuff than to be moved so by a mere building. But the complex radiated a somber purpose and she couldn’t help but respect its construction if nothing else.
A slow whistle brought her to her senses. “You’ll have to teach me that trick someday…” the human said from his spot on the dungeon stairs, a smoldering cigarette stuck between his fingers. Two stoic guards stood at either end of the entrance.
“Hello, Major. How are you feeling?” she asked eyeing the newest bandages on his forearm.
“I’m fine,” he waved off. “How’d it go?”
Celestia allowed her wings to droop slightly.
The human’s grin faded slightly. “That bad, huh?”
“Not so bad as I might make it seem,” she backpedaled. “It went as well as I could reasonably hope,” she explained. “It is a big announcement. Ponies are frightened. Fear leads to irrationality. It makes it difficult to reason with ponies when their thoughts are on the safety of their family and foals.”
The human nodded understandingly. “Where’s your sister?”
“I had assumed she was here already. Is she not?”
The human shook his head and shrugged.
Celestia shrugged in return.
Shane smiled, burning the last bits of cigarette to the filter and grinding the butt under his boot. He nodded toward the dungeon entrance. “Come on,” he prodded. “We got a bug with, what is sure to be, a very interesting story to tell.”
The human stood and stretched. He groaned happily when several of his bones cracked in response. He twisted and revealed a large five gallon jug of water. The human hefted the large container and started toward the door.
“What is the water for, Major?”
The human didn’t turn to face her but the Princess could feel his smug grin from there. “There was a prison back on my planet…” he said whimsically. “The CIA nicknamed it Strawberry Fields after a famous song.” The human began to whistle an odd tune that the alicorn didn’t recognize.
Celestia cocked her head at the retreating human. She trotted up the obsidian steps and entered into the darkened dungeon, following the hauntingly catchy tune of the whistling human as he trekked further into the dark.