ARTICLE 2 Part XII
ARTICLE 2
Part XII
By: Muppetz
The golden carriage landed with a subtle bump as it alighted in the castle court yard.
Shane jolted awake as they came to a halt. He looked around wide eyed and clearly confused. “What happened?” he mumbled, apparently attempting to shake off his drowsiness.
“I knocked you out.” Luna said flatly
“Why?” he asked puzzled.
“I couldn’t let you walk back, so I put you to sleep for the ride home.”
“…oh,” Shane rubbed his head. He sat upright. “Thanks.”
“You gave me no choi- Thanks? You’re not mad?”
“I’m not happy,” he assured, still rubbing his eyes. “I mean shit, I probably would have let you do it if you just asked first,” he shot her an annoyed glance, “But seeing as you cared enough to apply peer pressure...” He smiled, seeming strangely okay with Luna’s trickery.
Luna fumbled for a noticeable span, exchanging looks with Twilight Sparkle. Twilight merely shrugged, no closer to understanding than the princess. Appreciation was the last thing she expected from the human. “You’re…welcome,” Luna eventually stammered, mentally congratulating herself. She had to admit she was fully prepared for the human’s wrath.
“I thought you’d be….angrier,” Luna said somewhat haltingly.
He stretched, arching his back like a cat, and smiled. “Compared to the stuff you’re normally doing to me, the sweet embrace of unconsciousness sounds like a pretty beguiling prospect.” Luna rolled her eyes at what she considered to be a grievous over exaggeration. He stretched again rolling his broad shoulders and cracking his neck, causing Twilight to shudder and groan.
“Have any interesting dreams?” she asked casually.
“No,” he either lied, or genuinely didn’t remember “Are we back then?” He continued, sitting up in the carriage and inspecting his new surroundings..
“We are indeed,” Luna confirmed a nod.
“And not a moment to soon,” Celestia cut in, dismounting her golden carriage. “If you will excuse me, I must go and raise the sun.”
She trotted a few paces into the open courtyard, closing her eyes and settling into a calm meditation.
“She’s doing what?” Shane asked confused.
“Shush!” Twilight warned, eagerly watching her teacher perform her eminent responsibilities. “She has to raise the sun.”
Shane stared at her with a curious smirk. “Raise the sun?” he confirmed.
“You know…the big fireball in the sky?” Twilight reminded annoyed.
Shane twisted in the carriage toward Celestia, grinning in disbelief. “They think YOU raise the sun?!” He began chuckling. He turned back to see the appalled faces of the six young mares. “Holy shit! They do.” His laughter intensified. “You devious bitch. You actually have them convinced YOU raise the fucking sun! Hahaha! That’s brilliant! God, you probably wake up laughing!”
Twilight was too horrified to do anything more than keep her jaw from hitting the ground. Celestia, on the other hoof, merely looked back with a small smile, nodding ever so subtlety at Luna.
The night princess caught Celestia’s slight gesture immediately. With a flap of her splendid azure wings, she hopped off the royal chariot to join her sister.
They both sat in perfect meditation, horns and eyes aglow with cosmic magic, while the human continued to laugh his happy ass off in the background.
Almost before he realized what was happening, the courtyard was thrust into the daytime; golden sun shining down on Equestria in all of its brilliance. The laughter was notably absent as Shane gazed about perfectly baffled by the sudden radiance. Just as he seemed to get his bearings, Luna brought back the night, formerly golden valleys were now bathed in the silvery veil of twinkling night.
Shane stepped down from the carriage; past the alicorns who were bending the titans of the cosmos to their will. His jaw hung slack at what his eyes were telling his brain. The sun and moon switched placed a few more times before settling to a slowly rising eastern sun.
His eyes were as wide as an infant witnessing the world for the first time. Celestia smiled at his amazement, relishing at his face as a lifetime’s worth of irrefutable truths shattered in an instant.
He raked his fingers over his cropped mane, before lacing his fingers on the back of his neck, staring at the slowly rising sun for several minutes. “Done,” he announced, throwing his hands up submissively. “I’m done.” He eventually rubbed his eyes vigorously before reaching into a pocket and sticking another cigarette between his teeth. He set the slender stick ablaze with a flick of the silver lighter, before turning back and marching toward the carriage, shaking his head in denial.
“I fuckin’ hate this place,” he groused as he passed the smug pair of alicorns.
~~~~~
The human was safely deposited back in his padded cell. He immediately set to happily checking his gear. He seemed somewhat pleased at being able to furnish the padded room with a few of his own possessions. Celestia somewhat dreaded the scene, it was only going to make convincing him to move to an actual guest room that much harder.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to excuse myself,” Celestia said. “I have a make up meeting with internal revenue in an hour.” She turned to her sister. “Do you have anything to do today?”
“Nothing terribly pressing, no.” Luna admitted.
“Would you mind watching him for the day? He probably needs to be fed again.”
Shane sat down next to Twilight, mumbling, “I wonder if they’ve considered fitting me for a leash yet.”
Twilight chuckled. “At least you’re house-broken.”
“Who said I was house broken?” he raised an eyebrow playfully as he removed the assault rifle from his back, leaning against his cot next to his shotgun.
Twilight rolled her eyes, but smiled.
Shane pulled some Velcro tabs on various sections of his armor shedding the vest and letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thud. He cracked his neck both ways causing Twilight to shudder and shoot him an irritated groan.
Apparently having decided on a game plan, Celestia spoke, “Major, I shall see you tonight. I’m leaving you in Luna’s care until then.”
“You’re leaving me with her?!” he whined in mock distress.
“Oh come now,” Luna sounded hurt, “…try to think all the good times we’ve shared.”
“That shouldn’t take long, I’ve still got the bruises,” he jabbed.
“Self inflicted, albeit indirectly. I shall schedule you an appointment with a psychiatrist,” she noted with a hint of tease in her voice.
Shane chuckled, “There isn’t enough therapy in the world, princess.”
“I am quite aware you are already psychologically damaged beyond repair. I merely hoped to salvage whats left and examine it for educational purposes,” Luna teased.
Celestia sighed. The two would probably be verbally sparring for hours if left to their own devices. Luna was the younger sibling, but she was still old enough to be considered ancient, older than almost any being in existence. Yet the lunar princess still had an immature streak a mile wide despite Celestia’s numerous attempts to correct it. This human wasn’t helping. He was perhaps the only other one she had ever met who could potentially rival Luna in snarkiness.
Shane pulled a medical box from the crate with the busted lock, and sat down on his cot. The six younger mares eyed him curiously but he didn’t seem to mind. He unbuttoned the outer blouse setting across his lap. He unwrapped his still bandaged arms, revealing several very unattended cuts.
“Why have those not been stitched yet?” Luna asked exceedingly annoyed. She was tired of this argument. “I sent a doctor down here yesterday morning. I though she was going to take care of you.”
“Yeah, she was here,” Shane confirmed casually. “Oddly enough she suddenly recalled a pressing engagement and had to go away forever,” he explained. “Very sad.”
“You chased her off somehow didn’t you?” Luna sighed.
“Me?! Pfft! Come on now… ...maybe”
“She was just trying to help,” Luna said from behind the hoof massaging her forehead.
“She did… She helped marvelously by going away.”
“You are impossible.” Luna complained.
“I learned it from watching you,” he almost seethed through a grin.
Celestia couldn’t help but smile a little. “You can lead a human to medical care…” she murmured to Luna.
Princess Luna snorted softly, but cracked a small grin.
Fluttershy moved foreword, more than willing to step in and offer her services once again. Shane stopped her with a finger, “Nah ah ah, You stay over there. We’re still not friends.” The human growled at the mare, with considerable bite.
Fluttershy hung her head and slunk away behind Applejack, still thoroughly depressed. The human’s rejection stung Fluttershy more deeply than anypony probably knew. She only ever wanted to help, to make amends. Why wouldn’t he let her? It was her special talent, the thing that defined her, and he hated her for it.
Celestia finally took her leave, already late as it was.
Apparently realizing this was about as exciting as it was going to get for the day, Rainbow Dash took off as well, mentioning an aching desire to get back into the clouds.
Applejack took Fluttershy away before the human could reduce her to tears. Soon only Pinkie, Twilight, and Rarity remained with Luna and the human.
Shane was busy setting out an array of strange tools and supplies. “Hold this,” he handed Twilight a purple tube topped with gray plastic caps, apparently appointing her his assistant. He opened up a baggy filled with tiny silver staples. He rested his left arm across his knees and selected a staple, appraising a long tear near his wrist. He took a deep breath and pushed one end into the skin on the edge of a large gash. A pained groan escaped his lips before he muscled them shut. He pinched the incision closed before bridging the staple across and pushing the other end of the staple through the skin on the opposite side.
Rarity took the opportunity to turn green and excuse herself. Pinkie followed to make sure Rarity was alright.
Twilight watched with hesitant curiosity. His fingers were amazingly dexterous, manipulating the tiny pins with only slight trouble as he was limited to working with only one hand. She wasn’t squeamish, but even her nostrils flared every now and then from the unsavory sights. For the most part she just tried to focus on assisting whenever he asked.
A few more staples went in. Beads of sweat began forming on his face and neck. Another staple went in, he swore under his breath when his fingers slipped and blood began to leak out of the incision, streaking across his hide like crimson tears.
By the time he finished the first cut, his hands were shaking slightly. At his direction, Twilight handed slender tube, not unlike toothpaste. He unscrewed the cap with his teeth. He lined several beads of clear oozing liquid across the now stapled gap in his flesh. The silver pieces of metal held the wound closed as the liquid sutures apparently dried.
It was an ingenious way to treat such a wound she had to admit, if not somewhat impractical.
Twilight levitated a silver pair of tweezers to the human, who blew softly on the wound before seizing the first staple in the row between the pincers of the tweezers, removing the metal piece from his skin. He took out a few more before dropping the tweezers and swearing at his finger’s lack of cooperation.
Luna stepped up, confident she understood the procedure. She levitated the tweezers. ‘Here,” she beckoned with a hoof. “Just let me do it. You’re making a mess.”
Shane eyed the alicorn dubiously, which she returned with a stern motherly glare. He reluctantly extended his arm to the alicorn, still looking a bit skittish about the idea.
Luna was as gentle as possible as she removed the tiny steel staples from around the dried liquid stitches. Shane still winced or swore under his breath every so often.
He looked away form Luna’s work, apparently searching for something to distract himself, his blue eyes settling on Twilight. “So…what’s up?” he asked in a deceptively casual tone, despite his pained wincing.
Twilight chuckled at his faces, trying to think of something to take his mind off the pain. “Is it really as bad as you make it out to be? Earth?”
Shane snorted, amused by the question. “No,” he admitted. “I wasn’t lying…but I may have a tendency to over exaggerate to get my point across. If you can manage to get passed the existential nightmare that is life on Earth, you’ll realize it’s a pretty amazing place, filled with amazing things, and amazing people. It’s true, Earth is full of scary shit, yet despite that, there is good. Which, without getting too philosophical, I think makes it all the more special. Humans are a fun bunch, if not a tad unpredictable. I think you’d like the most of them. I kinda wish you could. I’m not a good example of the average human. I feel rather bad knowing that I’m the only one you’ll get to meet.”
Twilight felt bad too, the more she learned of this one, the more curious she became.
“Switch,” Luna commanded, as she finished up his left arm. The ability to magically manipulate several items at once sped the procedure considerably, and Luna was making short work of the human’s wounds. Shane shifted on his cot allowing the alicorn access to his other arm.
The shiny golden oak leaves pined on the human’s collar caught the purple unicorn’s attention. It was a question she had been meaning to ask. “Forgive the ignorance…” she began, “but you seem awfully young to be a Major. Isn’t that a pretty high rank?” Twilight knew it was. Having a brother in the military called for a rudimentary knowledge of such things. But it very well may have been different for humans.
Shane laughed. “Yeah it’s fairly high up there, and ordinarily you’d be right. You’d be hard pressed to find someone my age with this rank.” He flicked his collar with a free finger. “It’s very long and interesting story. I might tell you someday,” he grinned.
“How old are you exactly?” Luna asked still busy with her work, but genuinely curious. It was a question that had been in back of her mind for some time.
“Assuming I don’t have to convert it to like…pony-years? I’m twenty-six.”
“You’re not that much older than me,” Twilight nudged his shoulder playfully.
“Still so young?” Luna said in a whisper, finding the figure unusually difficult to digest.
“You can’t be all that much older. I thought horses only live to be about forty or so,” Shane retorted at the azure princess upon hearing her hushed remark.
Luna scoffed at the prospect. “I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that ponies live much longer than that. And I’m afraid I’m considerably older than twenty-six.”
“So, what? Forty? Fifty? Gimme a ballpark here.”
“Fourt…”
“Forty is pretty young.”
Luna cleared her throat awkwardly “…Fourteen hundred.”
Shane pulled his arm away from the princess and fixed her with an odd look. “…What?”
“I am one thousand four hundred and seventeen years old,” she said finally.
Shane regarded the alicorn for several minutes, eyes narrowing in and out as her inspected the princess. He looked over at the purple unicorn by his side.
Twilight nodded, affirming the figure.
Shane looked back to Luna who was beginning to blush slightly under his critical gaze.
“Oh…wow” he finally whispered. “…well…uhm…you look great,” he nodded exaggeratedly, as if to console the ancient creature. He turned back to Twilight and grimaced, mouthing what looked like ‘yikes’ causing the unicorn to stifle a chuckle.
Luna rolled her eyes at the two. She was more than certain his mind was racking itself to formulate all the old-mare jokes and jabs he could possibly conceive.
. “So is that a normal thing for ponies or did you like sell your soul for immortality? Because, I’ll be the first to admit I ain’t exactly the best judge of this kinda thing but you don’t look that much older than her.” He nodded toward Twilight.
“Most ponies live to be about one hundred or so. Earth ponies always seem to last a bit longer,” she explained briefly. “Celestia and I are …different. We are among the last of the true alicorns. Magic permeates every fiber of our being, and links us to the sun and the moon. Longevity is merely an interesting side effect. Barring any cataclysmic injury or illness, we shall endure.”
“For how long?”
“We shall see…”
“That’s…kinda depressing,” Shane decided.
Luna smiled. “It has its occasional advantages. How long do humans tend to live?” She asked hoping to get the topic off herself as she restarted her work.
“Depends,” he stared, “On average I’d say about a hundred thrity-ish. Hundred forty if you’re lucky. Hundred fifty if you’re lucky and rich. It’s another one of those things. I’m afraid any in-depth answer won’t make sense if you don’t know anything about bio-technology or our healthcare systems.”
Luna nodded sagely, returning to her work patching the rents in human tissue.
“Well I can’t wait to teach you all about Equestria,” Twilight beamed, thrilled at the opportunity to put all her lessons on friendship and magic to the test
“…All of my joy,” Shane panned, wincing as Luna jabbed him extra hard. She shot him a “be nice” glare, to which he rolled his eyes.
Twilight chatted with him idly about random things while Luna finished her work, Shane jerking or wincing every few minutes.
“Done,” Luna declared proudly, as she removed the last staple from his arm. “An innovative procedure. It seems a bit delicate for combat care though, if I’m not mistaken.”
“Yeah, you’d never find this stuff in the field,” Shane agreed. “This is more high level care, stuff they do in actual hospitals. These are just nicer than stitches because they’ll dissolve after a few weeks. They even threw in some antiseptic strips. You’d never actually waste time painstakingly stitching someone up in the middle of combat. It’s pretty much, slap a tourniquet on, wrap his ass up like a mummy and pray he survives till a corpsman gets there.”
“That seems oddly primitive,” Twilight noted.
Shane shrugged, “Not every grunt can be a surgeon. If your buddy springs a leak that you can’t fix, plug it up and take him to someone who can. You’d be amazed at the shit they can fix at actual Naval hospitals, but in combat, primitive is usually all you got. So we make do.” Shane flexed his arms happily rid of the bulky cloth bandages. He grabbed the purple plastic tube from Twilight, gripping the center of the tube in his right hand, pulling one of the grey safety caps off with his left. The cap was concealing a small silver needle.
He pulled the primer cap off with his teeth, spitting it on the ground before unceremoniously jabbing the needle into his thigh. The needle punched easily through the tough fabric of his utilities and into the meat of his leg. Twilight jumped slightly with surprise. The tube was emitting some sort of mechanical whirring sound as a tiny motor pumped the tube’s contents into the human’s leg.
“What is that?”
“Antibiotic,” he said grimacing slightly, “and a painkiller, all in one convenient, easy to use, auto-injector,” he quoted with a slight accented smile, sounding like he was quoting an advertisement. He removed the injector from his thigh, massaging the site, gingerly, before replacing the safety cap over the needle and tossing the spent auto-injector on his cot.
A royal purple coiffure poked into the doorframe. Rarity’s sapphire blue eyes quickly inspected the room, ensuring there would be no more stomach turning medical procedures.
Pinkie nudged Rarity inside, eager to get back amongst the others. Bouncing into the room, she seized her usual uncomfortably close seat on the cot next to Shane.
He amusedly reached over and scratched the pink mare behind her ear. “Mommy never taught us about personal space, did she?”
Pinkie Pie hummed contentedly rolling her head around his dancing fingers, “Mmmm…Nope!” she finally answered.
“Pinkie, dear, you really must show more restraint, especially in front of the Major. Whatever will he tell of us when he returns home? I simply won’t have all of humanity thinking ponies are so undignified.”
Pinkie stuck her tongue out very maturely at the unicorn’s scolding.
Rarity’s words struck a chord in Luna’s heart. She still hadn’t exactly told Shane that he was likely going to be stuck here forever. She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t told him yet. Maybe she was worried about how he’d react. He probably knew. He was certainly pessimistic enough about the idea. But Luna couldn’t help but think that somewhere under his abrasive demeanor was nothing more than a lonely man clinging to the shred of hope that he might one day see his home.
She looked up from her slightly grim thoughts, to find the human watching her from the corner of his eye. She hoped desperately he hadn’t gleaned anything from her reaction to Rarity’s quip.
Shane leaned back against the wall, releasing Luna from his gaze with the ghost of a smile on his lips. Luna relaxed a bit. She made a mental note not to be more cautious with her guard when the human was near. He would likely seize any opportunity to get inside her head, if he wasn’t already.
“So I have a question I’ve been meaning to ask,” he finally spoke to the three young mares. “I get her,” he pointed at Luna, “but why did they drag the six of you into this mess?”
“I suppose it would seem strange from your perspective,” Luna explained, “but do not let their appearances fool you, Major. Those girls’ power combined is host to one of the most powerful and ancient of magics known to pony kind.”
“…If you say Captain Planet I’m leaving.” he stated, confusing the shit out of everyone.
“What?”
“No? … Nevermind then. Continue,” he dismissed with a swish of his hand.
Luna shook her head deciding the issue wasn’t worth pursuing. “The Elements of Harmony,” she explained with gravity. “Each of those six mares represents her own element. The power of the Harmony elements is unparalleled. They stand as Equestria’s last line of defense, and have more than once saved Equestria from disaster.”
“The fuck is an element of harmony?”
“Every one of those mares is the physical embodiment of one of the Elemental aspect of magic itself. Harmony. They, and only they, are intimately linked to the most potent and powerful energy in Equestria.”
“How powerful?” he asked still looking at them like they were about to laugh and tell him they were pulling his leg.
“…very,” Luna elaborated.
“So let me see if I’m understanding this… each of you is an element of harmony?” Shane looked to the three girls, who nodded enthusiastically. Shane pointed to Rarity expectantly before the snow white unicorn caught on.
“Generosity,” Rarity answered his unspoken question, beaming proudly.
“Magic,” Twilight answered as the human’s finger shifted over to her.
Shane looked over at Pinkie Pie. “No, let me guess,” he started eyeing Pinkie head to hoof, “Cocaine,” he guessed.
Pinkie snorted out a laugh. “No silly! Laughter.”
Shane looked around dubiously, obviously trying to puzzle out whether or not the mares were messing with him. “Well…I guess it’s not the weirdest thing I’ve heard today,” he concluded tiredly.
“I suppose it isn’t,” Luna agreed with a smile. “So what shall we do today, Major? Despite my sister, I have no intention of keeping you hidden away when my there is so much Canterlot has to offer a foreigner. The Archives, The crown jewels, the gardens, Tia’s golden apple tree. What would you like to see?”
Shane scratched his chin contemplatively, feeling the stiff bristles that had been growing steadily since his arrival. “A shower sounds pretty nice.”
Luna smiled at the simple request. “Easy enough.” Luna thought for a moment. “You can use the amenities in my quarters. I don’t think it would be wise to let you walk into the barracks facilities, and the royal apartments are probably rife with wandering eyes at this hour.”
Shane nodded, seemingly satisfied with the plan.
“Well girls, if I were you I would find the others, the kitchens should still be serving breakfast. They can cook you whatever you like while I give the human a bath.”
Shane snorted at the phrasing. Twilight gave him a reassuring smile. Luna moved to inform her guards of the plan. She requested two to escort them, the rest were to maintain their posts. Large troop movements tended to draw attention, and moving in the light of day was risky enough.
Happy with the admittedly short term game plan, Shane collected a few articles of clothing; a clean set of desert cammies along with some brown socks and a set of olive green skivvies. He meticulously folded them into a bundle and tucked it under his arm and grabbing a small brown tan bag from his bottomless green duffle.
Rarity cast an almost disapproving glance over his possessions. “They really should consider something that isn’t tan or green,” she commented idly.
“I’ll be sure to bring that up at our next meeting,” Shane smiled.
“Don’t get me wrong darling it’s a striking uniform I just don’t think it would kill them to have a little variety in their wardrobe. Maybe something in a blue or even a yellow.”
He laughed.
“Or perhaps not,” she deflated somewhat. “Regardless, you must get bored of wearing the same thing every day.”
“Not really,” he shrugged. “All my cammies broken in and comfortable. I own civilian clothes too, I promise. They’re just at my house. Or they should be. I haven’t been home in… awhile,” he recalled somewhat wistfully.
“But you’ve only been here for a little over a week,” Twilight noted.
“I mean like home home. As in, my personal place of residence.”
“So where were you before you came here?” Twilight prodded as they walked.
“Would the name of place in a totally alternate dimension really mean anything to you?”
“I suppose not,” Twilight relented. “But there’s something to be said about the benefits of the simple act of sharing.”
The doors to the courtyard open from the arcane influences of the two unicorn guards posted on either side. Shane pulled on his strange eight point hat, pulling the bill down low, obscuring his eyes in shadow. He sighed, “Nevada. We left from a place called Nevada. Before that we were in Ohio, before that we were in Colorado. It’s been almost…two years since I was home home.”
Twilight jolted slightly at the names. It was most likely just wild coincidence that the humans had similarly named locations. She decided not to pursue the subject, but made sure to keep a mental note for later consideration.
Luna could see ponies in the distance. So far it seemed that none had really noticed them. Luna saw Shane eyeing them. Even from under the brim of his cover, she could see apprehension cross his face. Perhaps more concerning was the way his fingers were drumming on the grip of his holstered sidearm.
“Relax, Major.” Luna soothed, “There is no cause for alarm. You are not the strangest thing to have walked the halls of this castle. However if you keep acting like an alien conspiracy I am quite certain everypony will react accordingly. Remain calm and act like you belong here and everypony will assume the situation is well in hoof.”
“Is it?”
“For the moment,” she assured. “Which is all the more reason I need you to follow my lead. You have ‘covered your bases’. Let me cover mine. Your arrival marks a monumental era in our history. If not handled carefully… It will go very wrong indeed.”
“…This is going to get messy…isn’t it?” he said rather quietly.
Luna looked back at him, an almost apologetic look in her eyes. “Yes.”
Shane looked down at the purple unicorn mare by his side, as if to ensure she was still there.
She offered a reassuring smile, but he just frowned and continued to let his eyes wander about the grounds.
“Don’t worry, Shaney! Everypony is gonna be super happy you’re here. And we’re gonna throw a BIG party to celebrate and everypony will be invited and there’ll be cake and dancing and songs and ice cream…” an evil grin came across the pink filly’s lips, “…and peppermints,”
“So there won’t be any candy?”.
Twilight’s ears folded in preparation of the impending debate.
~~~~~
Twilight, Pinkie and Rarity bid their farewells once they reached the castle walls leaving Shane alone with Luna, a prospect he seemed less than thrilled about when Twilight voiced their departure.
His demeanor rapidly changed when Luna made a tempting promise of half a bottle of cherry wine she kept in her cabinet. It could be his if he behaved.
Twilight shook her head, amused by the strange character. The girls all chatted as they made their way to the kitchens, but Twilight’s mind was firmly on her bed. From the looks of it, the others were tired as well. They were up all night after all. Even Pinkie was showing signs of fatigue. Rainbow Dash was probably well passed unconscious on a cloud above Canterlot somewhere. Applejack and Fluttershy were sure to be around if not already in their rooms.
As soon as her stomach was full, Twilight planned on taking a nice long nap. Her brain needed time to properly process the past twenty four hours. Rarity agreed wholeheartedly. Staying up all night was a nightmare for her complexion. She could practically feel bags growing under her perfect blue eyes.
~~~~~
“I like your room.” Shane commented randomly as his eyes wandered Luna’s bedchamber.
Luna had to almost do a double take of the human at the remark. It was the kind of casual compliment that she had come to associate with everything that he was not. “…Thank you. I am rather fond of it as well,” Luna said after a moment, “My sister seems to think it gets cluttered but I cannot help myself. These baubles and trinkets hold many memories for us.”
Shane nodded absent mindedly. He unclasped the buckles strapping the holster to his thigh. He peeled off a strap of Velcro that wrapped around his belt, removing the holster and sidearm entirely. He set the bundle housing the heavy forty-five on Luna’s desk before turning to the starry alicorn. “Alright, I behaved. You owe me a drink.”
Luna frowned, “I normally wouldn’t give a reward for merely maintaining the absolute bare minimum of social conduct. But I suppose I did promise.” Luna opened a drawer in her desk forking over a slender bottle of cherry wine she kept for the occasional nightcap.
Shane smiled, pulling the cork with his teeth. He saluted Luna with the bottle and took a hefty swig before scrunching up his face. “Jesus, that’s sweet.” He took another swig regardless, licking his teeth like a satisfied wolf. He offered Luna the bottle.
Luna regarded him and the proffered bottle with a slightly dubious smirk. Shane shook the sleek glass bottle temptingly with a questioning lift of an eyebrow. Oh why not? Luna thought throwing her better judgment to the wind for the moment.
She levitated the bottle from his offering hand, however pausing to also telekinetically pull a tall crystal glass form the same drawer in her desk. She proceeded to fill the glass with the bright, almost pink, cherry wine. “We can at least pretend we’re not complete savages, Major.”
Shane sighed, “If the shoe fits…”
Now it was Luna’s turn to smile. “Finally admitting it then?”
“Never denied it. We can’t all be perfect little pony princesses now can we?”
“No I suppose we can’t,” Luna beamed as she sipped her drink. “Perfection is so rarely found these days.”
“Hmm,” Shane grimaced, “I need to go wash all this royal egotism off before it infects me.”
“I have a feeling you were lost to narcissism long before we ever met, Major.”
“A moot accusation,” he noted. “Regardless I still strangely feel the need to clean myself… Also shave before some salty ass Sergeant Major pops out of a bush and tells me to un-fuck myself.” Shane picked up the brown ditty bag, full of various hygiene instruments.
Luna smiled, despite not quite understanding the remark. “Through there,” Luna pointed a hoof though an open marble archway. “Do you need anything?”
Shane pulled the pistol from the holster on Luna’s desk. “I need this.” He waved the black steel piece a bit. “And this…” he snagged the bottle of wine out of Luna’s magic, before turning on the spot and heading for the washroom.
“Shower booze,” He explained in advance. She didn’t even bothering to ask why he needed the gun. He shut the dark oak doors behind him; Luna heard the brass lock click into place.
She rolled her eyes at the sheer strangeness of her situation. In the past two weeks her world had been turned on its head. From Empyrean stream theory, to extra-universal transit, to inter-dimensional creatures themselves, it had been a busy week. Although Luna had to admit even she was expecting aliens to be a bit more like the campfire stories of little green ponies with huge black eyes that built crop circles in their flying saucers, full of some ancient galactic wisdom.
But a little green pony, Shane was not. Sociopathic frat boy, was a more appropriate description in Luna’s opinion. She heard the water turn on. Luna settled down on her dais with a stack of legal documents that needed her signature.
A gentle rapping came from the other side of Luna’s chamber door. At the princess’ word, a Night Sentinel nudged it open favoring Luna with an eager bow.
“Yes?” Luna spoke, after nodding the stallion to return to his hooves.
“Forgive the intrusion, your majesty, but will you be dining in your chambers this morning?”
Luna was rather hungry. She also supposed the human probably needed to eat soon. The last thing she needed was a hungry carnivore loose in the castle. She gave the guard her orders, to be brought back to her room.
The Sentinel cleared his throat rather awkwardly. “And what of your…guest, highness?”
“Hold on,” Luna trotted over to the door, unlocking the brass mechanism with a flash of magic, before striding into the washroom purposefully.
The guard stood for a moment in silence before overhearing the princess speak.
“Major?”
“WHAT THE FUCK?! GET OUT!”
The guard winced at the ruckus coming from the bathroom, it sounded like someone took a rather nasty fall, followed by breaking glass, the human shouting obscenities the whole time.
Luna ducked back out the doorway before turning back around. “Oh Calm down! You are overreacting! It’s not like I haven’t already-EEP” Luna yelped and ducked just in time as a large boot whizzed over her head. “I just wanted to know what you wanted for-” Luna shrieked and slammed the door shut just as something collided into the other side with considerable force.
Luna blew an errant strand of starry hair out of her face. She turned back to the guard, smiling somewhat embarrassedly. “He’ll just have what I’m having.”
The guard bowed, eager to be free of the awkward situation, and departed.
Luna sighed, turning back to the washroom door. “Was that really necessary, Major? I just wanted to ask you something.” She spoke through the door, annoyance heavy in her speech.
“I don’t have any clothes on!” he shouted back.
“I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m not wearing clothes either.”
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER!!! If anything that makes it worse!”
“Well excuse me for not knowing humans were so self-effacing.”
“Then consider yourself educated, because next time I’m just going to shoot you.”
“I don’t think you will. You need me.” She challenged teasingly.
“Keep pushin’ it then. We’ll find out together.”
Luna chuckled at the flustered human, wandering at the creature’s obsession with constant clothing. It might make sense for a race with no fur coat to develop a nudity taboo. She settled back down to her paperwork contemplating the information.
Luna worked diligently through her stack of paper work and legal documents. A noticeable span of time past while Luna worked, her ears occasionally overhearing the sounds of human hygiene rituals. She signed yet another form with the phoenix quill Celestia gave her. Carefully allowing the nub scratching softly against the parchment.
Another knock at the door made it clear to the lunar princess that she was, in fact, not going to get any work done today. “Come in,” Luna spoke, attempting to keep the annoyance from her voice.
Aegis poked his nose inside the door tentatively scanning the room but finding only the princess sitting at her desk expectantly. He pushed into the room, pausing to lower his head in a reverential bow.
“What is it, Commander?” Luna questioned.
Aegis looked uneasy. “I’m not sure, Highness. Possibly nothing.”
Luna cocked an eyebrow at the armor clad stallion.
“A missive arrived this morning,” the stallion began to explain, “…from the Griffon Prime Minister…”
‘Strange.’ Luna perked up, suddenly very interested. She was on friendly terms with the griffon, but he was hardly the type to play pen-pal. “What did Celestia say? The court is hers while the sun continues to shine. Why do you bring this to me?”
Aegis scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, highness…It’s addressed to you…specifically.”
Now Luna was thoroughly puzzled. She beckoned with a hoof. The Guard Commander stuck his muzzle into the saddlebag resting neatly over his armored flank. He pulled out a sharply marked envelope, complete with Magneus’ personal crest stamped onto the wax seal. Luna turned it over on a telekinetic bed of starry magic.
The brass knob of the bathroom door broke Luna’s attention. As the human walked out now dressed in a new set of desert digital pants and form fitting green skivvy shirt. His slight limp made Luna realize he was still missing the boot he threw at her after their…exchange.
He was busy thoughtfully contemplating the bottle of Luna’s shampoo, while scratching his head with the barrel of his pistol. “Un nom à consonance française,” he read the label aloud. “Moisturizing formula with crushed crystal berries and sweet almond oil is sure to bring out the luster in even the most ethereal and astral manes.” He snorted amusedly but kept reading, “Guaranteed to rope in the stallion of your dreams.” He looked up and around the room expectantly. “Well? …Where’s my stallion” His eyes fell on Aegis. “It better not be him,” he frowned.
Luna chuckled at the thought. “It’s just an marketing gimmick, Major. You don’t actually get a stallion.”
“Pffttt,” he tapped the shampoo bottle with the pistol. “Your soap made promises of a romantical nature and I expect you to live up to them.” he asserted adamantly.
“We won’t though. Plastic bottles do not a binding contract make, Major.” Luna chuckled.
He was only playing. His poorly concealed smile made that clear, but Aegis still felt compelled to lean into Luna and quietly question, “What’s gotten into him?”
Shane set the now empty wine bottle on Luna’s desk with a soft clink.
“Ah,” Aegis concluded to himself.
Shane strolled over to where his boot lay, pulling it over his brown socked foot. He tied and tucked the laces before neatly blousing his trousers at the boot.
Luna and Aegis both watched with admitted fascination as his fingers worked the slender laces into complex positions without any magic at all.
Shane stood back up and noticed the two staring. He furrowed his brow, apparently confused by the attention, but shrugged it off before snagging his holster off Luna’s desk. He secured the top strap to his belt, and the other two around his upper thigh. He stuck the pistol in its tan housing with an unnecessary little twirl.
He pulled out the pack of cigarettes from his cargo pocket, grabbing a slender stick between his lips.
Luna stirred out of her observational trance. “Nah ah ah,” she scolded, telekinetically removing the stick from his mouth before he could fish out his lighter. “Not in my castle! If you insist on spewing noxious fumes, you will do so outside.”
Shane rolled his eyes, snagging his cigarette from Luna’s magic and walking to the ornate glass doors leading to the princess’ balcony. He popped the brass latch, and strode out onto the sunlit marble mezzanine, pushing the door closed behind him. He seated himself on the edge of the golden banister and bringing the silver lighter to his lips. He lowered it, exhaling a cloud of hazy gray smoke, and staring out into the expanse of Equestria.
Luna and Aegis watched him through the massive glass doors for a few seconds, before Aegis finally spoke. “He’s doing what?” he asked confused by the princess’ remark.
“Some masochistic human ritual,” she sighed. She shook her head to get her thoughts back on track. She stared down at the missive on her desk, the bright red wax seal still staring back at her expectantly.
Well, gawking at it won’t make it go away. She thought to herself, tearing into the envelope. She pulled the letter out and set her shining sapphire eyes to scanning the elegant scrollwork of the Prime Minister’s script.
Her Majesty Princess Luna,
I do hope I’m not overstepping my bounds by contacting you directly, but I simply could not restrain myself. There have been trappings of rumors floating about parliament of some sort of meteorite landing somewhere in Equestria. It very well may be just the gossip of idling politicians, but I’ve always had a small affinity for astronomy, and so few actually make it through the atmosphere… I apologize for wasting your time with my hobbies. But if it is in fact true could you find it in your heart to send a copy of your notes on the rock to your dear old friend?
As always give your sister my best,
~Magneus
Aegis sat dutifully awaiting the princess’ explanation.
Luna set the letter down on her desk, finished reading a perfectly indecipherable expression on her face.
“Well?” Aegis prodded expectantly. “What does it say?”
Luna should have seen this coming. She had known Magneus kept an eye on the skies. Of course someone else could have seen the ship, it was a giant fireball tearing through the upper atmosphere. But in all honesty she wasn’t as worried about her own subjects, most of whom just seemed to assume the princesses had the cosmic venue under control. The ‘meteor’ received relatively little attention in the Equestrian media. So she dismissed the issue. She had failed to consider eyes from beyond her borders.
It seemed word of the event finally spread across the sea. Luckily for her it seemed the attention was nothing more than an idle curiosity. She silently wondered if he had even bothered to bring it to the attention of the queen herself. She had no reason to suspect he knew the true scope of the situation.
Yet she hadn’t the slightest idea of how to proceed. She knew Celestia was planning on revealing the human’s existence at some point. That was technically the next logical move.
A sudden thought struck the lunar princess. Luna set the letter aside. She could spare a few days to respond. It was just an idea, but she should probably run it by her sister first.
Luna realized she never answered the patiently waiting stallion. She brought the old war horse up to speed.
He ruminated on the incident for a few seconds. “I met him once,” he started. “If it is any comfort to you, highness, I think your secret is still safe. Griffon politics can be a bit underhanded but even he doesn’t strike me as the type to play something so roundabout. If he knew, he’d have asked already.”
Luna agreed, but couldn’t afford not to assess the situation from all angles. She looked out onto the veranda. The human’s cigarette was gone. He was just sitting there, perched on the marble banister with one leg cocked up to his chest and the other dangling out over empty space.
She considered going out and telling him to get down before he fell, but knowing his seemingly never ending love for irritating her, he’d probably jump off out of spite.
She noticed him fussing with something. It was quite small but he held it reverently. A small black square. He held it up against the sunlight, twisting and turning with studied curiosity. He brought it back down, tucking in his pocket and looking around. His eyes caught Luna staring and froze.
Luna blinked… he blinked back. This went on for several seconds. He eventually just frowned and turned back to his view, sticking another cigarette in his mouth, leaving Luna to her conjecture. His constant air of furtive up-to-something-ness was growing more and more worrisome. She could never tell if his behavior was genuinely suspicious or if it was all misinterpreted cultural differences. It irritated her.
“We aren’t going to worry about this now” Luna said to the waiting stallion. “I have a few ideas. But I shan’t be doing anything without first running it by Celestia.”
Aegis nodded and bowed. “Of course, highness. If you’ll excuse me, I believe your breakfast is waiting. I have a few things to take care of. I’ll come check on you in a few hours.” The older stallion excused himself with another bow. Sure to his word, he opened the door to find two carts laden with breakfast foods. The servant was gone, the staff tended to know better than to disturb the princess when she was meeting with somepony. She never actually got around to figuring out how, but they always seemed to know when she busy with something.
She smiled and pulled the two carts in herself, parking them by a few cushions by her obsidian fireplace. She flicked the brass latch on the doors leading to the veranda.
Shane didn’t turn to look back at her. Instead he stared out over the sprawling green hills of Equestria as it basked in the morning sun. Idle pockets of rolling storm clouds cast powerful columns of shadow. Luna had not looked upon the weather schedule in a few days. It had been almost a week since their last good rain. They must be overdue. The tall spires of darkness were still far off. They contrasted the brilliant blue skies with hauntingly beautiful efficiency.
The two were quiet. Luna was perfectly content to keep the silence. It was nice to have a moment just to sit and simply be. Luna stretched her glorious wings, her indigo feathers drinking in the warmth of Celestia’s sunrays. Contrary to popular belief, Luna held no aversion to sunlight. It was true, she preferred the cool embrace of her velvet night, but the sun was not without its charms. She even enjoyed it…in small doses. And there was no denying that the view was spectacular. The far-flung storm casting shadows across the shimmering greenery, the rays of sunlight trying to pierce the inky black clouds. It was stunning display of nature, beautiful and terrifying. Like a super-model with a chainsaw.
The human seemed oddly contemplative of the distant thunderheads. Luna came to the golden banister by his side, admiring the view as well. Shane put the cigarette between his lips. A long drag cut the smoldering end to the filter, and Shane flicked it away. He closed his eyes and blew the ashen poison from his lungs toward the sky, where it was whisked away up into the crisp Equestrian atmosphere.
“It’s pretty,” Shane said, almost startling the lunar princess. His, now open, eyes glossing over the view.
“It is,” she agreed quietly.
“I’d say it looks like home,” he started wistfully. “But all the little things give it away.”
“Oh?”
He nodded. “You really only notice the differences when you really pay attention,” he clarified as if Luna could understand the distinction of which he spoke.
“Like what?” she prodded.
“I gotta admit the whole sun and moon show was bit much,” he said scratching the back of his head.
Luna chuckled. It was more of a chirping amused noise rather than an actual laugh but she continued all the same. “Perhaps it was. But we were trying to make a point. I take it nopony raises the sun back on Earth?”
“…no,” he panned. “I’d tell you it’s impossible but I’m getting kinda sick of pointing offences to the laws of physics when you guys clearly don’t give a shit about them.”
“Forgive me if I am wrong but it sounds like you’re building to something.”
“Is it just you and her? Or are there more?”
“What do you mean?” Luna asked, confused.
Shane was quiet for a minute, ignoring Luna’s query. “This morning I saw you moving the sun around like it was on a string.” He was almost whispering.
“Celestia was moving the sun. I was moving the moon,” Luna corrected.
Shane scoffed. “Oh! Well that makes MUCH more sense. I don’t even know why I was confused in the first place. OF COURSE you were moving the moon!” If Luna had a container, she would have tried to see if she could capture the pure undiluted sarcasm leaking out of every orifice on the human’s body.
“Point made, Major.
“Can I ask you something?” he finally spoke.
“Of course,” she assured.
“What are you?” he asked seeming genuinely curious.
“I am many things,” Luna said, unintentionally mirroring their past conversation. “Narrow your search and it may yield more fruitful results.”
“I don’t even know how to ask it,” he admitted. If he had normal ears, Luna was sure they would be laid flat. Still watching the rolling clouds, he let a resigned sigh. “I’ve seen a lot of weird shit since I got here. I let a great deal of it slide because there are clearly different rules here. But that? …a lesser man might even venture to say such feats were, dare I say, Godlike?” he asked, straight out of left field.
It was an amusing question if not posed somewhat unexpectedly. Although it would be a lie if she were to say he was the first to have asked it. Luna smiled. “Ah…It’s that question.” Shane nodded. “If told you yes, would you start being a little nicer?”
“No,” he said perfectly serious.
Luna’s grin widened. “What difference would it make then?”
“Humor me.” The human finally turned to look at the princess directly.
Dancing around the question got her nowhere in the end, so she chose her words with great care. Religion was a walk of razors. “Short answer; ‘Yes’ with an “If”. Long answer; ‘No’ with a ‘but’. I am what I am. Nothing more or less,” she started cryptically. “I am the harbinger of the night, keeper of the moon and stars, and patron of darkness. I am a goddess, yes. But I think not in the sense you are implying.
I am an integral part of this world and have done my share to shape it…But I did not create it. This plane was here well before I was born, and shall continue well after I am gone. The Old Gods are long from this earth. They return only fleetingly to wander like shadowed memories in a forgotten dream.”
Shane listened attentively, but kept his gaze focused on the horizon. It was a difficult thing to communicate to a mortal, especially one not of this world.
He nodded as if he understood. She couldn’t know if he actually grasped what she was trying to say or if he was just nodding for lack of a better response. But he didn’t inquire further.
“What of you, Major?” she prodded, hoping to coax the human from his brooding. “Such questions betray a familiarity of such things. Have thou any inclination to the divine in your world.”
Shane shrugged, “Some do,” he said vaguely. “Afraid it’s another one of those things where every human you ask is going to have a slightly different opinion.”
“What about yours?” she clarified.
“I doubt God would have any interest in me,” he smiled almost painfully. “In my humble opinion… if there ever even was a God…He left us a long time ago.” Shane looked back at the palace tower and frowned. “He sure as fuck ain’t sitting in a castle in Washington. If that’s what you’re asking.”
The silence returned. Luna didn’t know enough about human culture to comment, so she stayed silent lest she make a fool of herself, or worse, offend him. She felt like she was on thin ice as it was. Luna could see the conflict in the human’s eyes. The subtle traces of turmoil in his voice told her that it was a sensitive issue. So the silence continued.
Shane rolled his broad shoulders and stretched, cracking the bones in several key joints. “Storms coming,” he noted in a quiet mumble.
Luna looked out at the looming thunderheads smirking. “What clued you in?”
He tapped his waist with a fist. “Hip,” he said with a straight face, seemingly un-offended by Luna’s jibe.
Luna didn’t ask what he meant. She stood and nudged his shoulder with her muzzle. “Come. Eat with me, Major. I had breakfast delivered.”
The human got up without question. The promise of food apparently enough to spur him from his thoughts and follow the alicorn inside.
~~~~~
Shane picked at his food, clearly wishing for some form of meat. He was pleased to find scrambled eggs under one of the silver trays.
“Thought you guys were like vegan or something,” he accused smiling happily. He speared a fluffy yellow morsel with a fork and seizing it with his carnivorous front teeth.
“Hardly,” Luna clarified, amused. She nibbled at a piece of toast. “Pony’s digestive systems were simply not made to handle meat. Seafood is not uncommon fair for cities along the coast.” she noted, “The fact merely is there are not very many civilized carnivorous species native to Equestria. So a bit of a social stigma took root. When most ponies hear ‘carnivore’ they will naturally think of the wild hydra or fearsome manticore, rather than a civilized species. Experience has taught them so.”
“Makes sense,” he said idly, cleaning his third plate. Luna was almost impressed with the amount of food he could put away. She wasn’t complaining though. If anything she encouraged it. She had no desire to see what havoc a hungry carnivore could wreak on her court.
Luna had finished as well, she levitated the tea set over to low oak table they were sitting at and poured herself a cup. She filled the cup nearest the human as well.
Shane stared at the swirling dark liquid in the delicate teacup in front of him. He watched the cup for an inordinate amount of time as if not sure what to do with it.
Luna couldn’t imagine what where the lapse in understanding was stemming. “Do you not like tea, Major?”
He shrugged. “I like coffee,” he offered.
Luna smirked. “Cadence drinks coffee too,” she mused.
“Who?”
“Princess Cadence,” Luna clarified. “I’m sure you’ll have a chance to meet her soon enough.”
“Jesus…Another princess? Do you guys just slap the ‘princess’ label on any chick that walks in the door?” he asked rubbing his head.
“We most certainly do not,” Luna rejected somewhat offended.
“I’m never gonna remember all these princesses,” he murmured poking his still full teacup with a finger.
“Yes I can see how three whole names might be a bit much for you…” Luna noted.
“Yeah but they’re like…improper nouns and adjectives and shit. That’s not how names work,” he complained, still contemplating his teacup. He lifted the cup to his nose sniffing curiously.
“Try it,” Luna encouraged, sipping at her own cup.
He shrugged idly before tossing the teacup back like a university student with a shot glass. His face immediately soured, nostrils flared, his unhappiness apparent.
Luna had to forcibly restrain her laughter at the scene.
To his credit he did try to hide his revulsion at the beverage as quickly as he could.
“You don’t have to drink it,” Luna reminded.
He set the cup down as quickly as he could without shattering the delicate porcelain.
Luna chuckled amusedly. It isn’t for everyone I suppose.
The day carried on somewhat uneventfully, all things considered. Shane wandered around Luna’s room investigating the mysterious belongings of a dark alicorn princess. Luna sat and watched him explore while she worked at her desk. She equated the sight to a puppy in a new home, eagerly prodding about, curious of every nook and cranny.
He settled down on a plush dais, inspecting Luna’s crystal chess set, the scene of his past defeat at her regal hooves. He started setting the pieces back in their proper starting places.
“Keen on a rematch so soon?” Luna quipped from her desk.
“…I don’t think so,” he smiled.
“Hmm pity. We can never seem to get ponies to agree to a second game.”
He muttered something under his breath that Luna was quite certain it was better she not hear.
“If it’s any comfort to you, know you did better than most tend to their first time,” she offered.
He grinned deviantly. “What makes you think it was my first time?”
“First time playing me,” she clarified ignoring the blatant innuendo.
“I’m a bit out of practice,” he excused. “I haven’t played chess in years.”
“You played often?”
“Used to, till I got kicked off the chess team.”
Luna seized the little fact immediately, grinning at the implications. “You were on a chess team?”
“It’s that tough to believe, huh?” he smiled, voice colored with mock offence.
“Yes, actually,” she chuckled softly. “Why and how did you manage to get kicked off of a chess team?”
“Starting fights,” he recalled, whimsically knocking a king on its side.
Luna finally allowed herself to laugh out loud. The thought a little too painfully obvious for her to have not considered. Shane smiled good naturedly, allowing the alicorn to have her moment of mirth.
~~~~~
After several hours sitting on her throne, it felt good to finally stretch her long slender legs. Had she more time she may have even taken a small fly around the castle. Alas, time was not a luxury she enjoyed much of these days.
The door to Luna’s chamber came quickly. The two night sentinels snapped to as she approached. Celestia walked in the door tiredly. Stopping in her tracks as she noticed Shane sitting cross-legged on Luna’s bed with a puzzle of black steel pieces laid out in neat display. It took the princess a moment to realize they were the pieces of his handgun. He wiped a small piece with a spotty white rag before setting it down and selecting another. She dismissed the initial thought that the weapon was broken, realizing he was merely cleaning it.
His face actually brightened when he saw Celestia. He even greeted Celestia with a familiar little wave.
Luna was gathering the scattered pieces of her crystal chess set from where they lay strewn about the room. Despite the chore, Luna held a victorious smirk. It didn’t take a genius to riddle out what happened. Luna finally turned and noticed the new arrival. “Ah! Hello, sister. You’re back early. Have your courts convened already?”
“I’m afraid not,” Celestia sighed. ‘I merely ordered a short recess for a midday meal. I was going to check up and make sure you two hadn’t caused too much trouble. I hope nothing to catastrophic has occurred?”
“Luna tried to rape me in the shower,” Shane noted casually.
“WHAT?!” Luna bellowed in disbelief. “I did NO such thing!”
Celestia’s wings sagged. She was probably a fool for thinking that time spent with her sister and the human would be some sort of respite from the monotony of politics.
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Dear God in heaven, Hell must have frozen over. Another update THIS FAST???? Marine, you have the makings of an officer if you can pump out paperwork as fast as this.
I'm loving this. Keep at it!
Laughing my fucking ass off.
Especially the last bit.
Two Article 2 updates in a single week? BEST. WEEK. OF MY LIFE
Dude with the amount of shits you give us there is not enough giggles to compensate.
Another update!?
This Pleases me Greatly! I love how you write Luna and Shane.
I demand MOAR!
I didn't spot the Simsons references, but I did spot a possible RvB reference.
2726459
The story is loaded with RVB references.
Loving it.
Keep it up, we demand more.
- T
Stop making me look bad, damnit. Two chapters in less than a week? Shame on you!
That said, I enjoyed the chapter, as always.
Dear god in heaven, I need MORE!
Damn. Two.
ANOTHER UPDATE?!?!
whats going on mommy i'm scared
You never cease to entertain us with the amount of thought put into each chapter.
Come with me, Mr. Muppetz. Let me show you my god and where he is.
You definitely succeeded at what you aimed for. Not only was this chapter great for exploring the characters, it had a ton of easily-quotable wit. This would have been worth the wait if it had been five times longer. :)
However, a hungry carnivore "wreaks" havoc. (They probably "reek" too, but not havoc. "reek" is intransitive.)
Heck, I said 'squirrel sized' and look what happens. I noticed the switch this chapter between the clean-up of his issues and crap from before and the return to a more slice-of-non-normal-life interaction this time. With the final stitching of his wounds, the man is now ready to move forwards, it shows.
That said, isn't everything a bit of 'yes with an if, or no with a but'? I always thought so after Rev. Lovejoy said that.
"Un nom à consonance française"
Pffff I almost choked on my drink. That's actually a pretty clever and hilarious joke.
It means "A french-sounding word" btw, for those who do not speak french.
I am really liking the new direction the story is taking, but it seems like more errors are starting to slip in there so you should probably think about doing another pass of proofreading before posting. In addition to the "reek" issue, I also noticed "Lunathought" (no space) and a few others I cannot find any more.
2726667
Implying Princess Luna was born Nightmare Moon?
“Antibiotic,” he said grimacing slightly, “and a painkiller, all in one convenient, easy to use, auto-injector,” --- , easy to use auto-injector,
“…If you say Captain Planet I’m leaving.” he stated, confusing the shit out of everyone. --- Captain Planet, I'm leaving.
“Don’t get me wrong darling it’s a striking uniform I just don’t think it would kill them to have a little variety in their wardrobe. Maybe something in a blue or even a yellow.” --- Don't get me wrong, darling, it's a striking uniform. I just don't think it would kill them to have a little variety in their wardrobe; maybe something in blue, or even a yellow.
“Never denied it. We can’t all be perfect little pony princesses now can we?” --- princesses, now can we?
“Regardless I still strangely feel the need to clean myself… Also shave before some salty ass Sergeant Major pops out of a bush and tells me to un-fuck myself.” --- Regardless, I
“Point made, Major. --- you missed "
“Hmm pity. We can never seem to get ponies to agree to a second game.” --- Hmm, pity.
In school, studying grammar?
I perked up when I saw there was a new story in my queue, and again when I saw it was an Article 2 chapter. This is a really fun story and an absolute joy to read. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.
Crowning Moment of Funny right here.
i have the notion as to what it's in that little black case. not sure if i should say, lest it prove true and spoil something later. let's just say if i'm right i'll be sure to say so. if not, i'll admit im wrong, on my honour.
(Insert smart ass comment here)
I powered through the whole thing last night, and there was a new chapter this morning. YESSS
Also, Shane is the greatest character ever.
My god is here.
And it is Glorious.
People do tend to call him fiction. I don't see why. Written text has chance of being truth in the future.
Also, I'm awaiting your response to my PM. I have Blindbag Celestia hostage here.
Well it seems the anger and angst he possessed has gone on a hiatus
Wait...An HiE got featured on EqD?
I thought that didn't happen anymore!
EDIT: I think I know why, and it's because it doesn't have romance or gore in it.
2726667
It's JUST an old mare's tale.
Best part of this chapter.
Okay, you go wear a blue/yellow uniform into combat. See what happens.
"Vodka... is a luxury we have. Caviar is a luxury we have. Time is not."
Hmm... I wonder how well Luna would do in chess against a computer. Perhaps one of the tablets has chess on it?
"Hundred and thirty-ish. Hundred and forty if you're lucky. Hundred and fifty if you're lucky and rich."
If you wanna get adventurous, just add "an'" rather than "and."
“And not a moment to soon,”
Should be too, not to.
“She’s doing what?” Shane asked confused.
Should be a comma between asked and confused.
“You know…the big fireball in the sky?” Twilight reminded annoyed.
Should have either a comma between reminded and annoyed or have annoyed exchanged for another word.
"...he raised an eyebrow playfully..."
The H in he should be capitalized, I believe.
“Hold this,” he handed Twilight a purple tube topped...
That comma should be a period, I think, and the H in he should be capitalized.
“On average I’d say about a hundred thrity-ish. ...
Should be thirty, not thrity.
The Archives, The crown jewels...
The probably shouldn't have a capital T, unless the C in crown and the J in jewels is also capitalized.
“Easy enough.” Lunathought for a moment...
Needs a space between Luna and thought.
“Shower booze,” He explained...
No need for a capital H in he.
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER!!!
Only needs one exclamation point, the others are unneeded.
wandering at the creature’s
Should be wondering.
“Well, highness…It’s addressed to you…specifically.”
Should be some spaces after the ellipses.
“We won’t though. Plastic bottles do not a binding contract make, Major.” Luna chuckled.
That period before the last quotation mark could/should be a comma.
“Of course, highness..."
Earlier, you had Aegis say Highness as a proper noun, but in this sentence you have it as a non-proper noun.
"...Have thou any inclination to the divine in your world.”
Should have a question mark, since it is a question.
“Storms coming,” he noted in a quiet mumble.
Should be an apostrophe in storms, as Shane is saying "Storm is coming,"
luna tried to rape me in the shower... pfft xD
Pinkie isn't the element of cocaine!?
Two updates! The fun has been- Nope, not saying it.
Anyway, good chapter.
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Madness is like gravity...
This is a shining example of how to write a good human in Equestria story. Feel proud of yourself.
i dont even
Other than that, yay another great chapter!
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He said last time he writes in batches of 25k words, then broke it down into smaller lumps since his fans 'have the attention span of a squirrel.' Its not impossible there is a part 3 to this batch if he wasn't exaggerating the number for emphasis.
Oh my god this story is like spaghetti i love it
lol, he's such an ass.
And I love him for it.
...
No homo.
Ha ha ha! Shane you troll! I had a feeling he would make a joke like that. And it's also payback for Luna cheating at chess.
That's why you get shower mirrors-- never fail.
I'm guessing you're an american soldier. I tried to get into army, but I failed the medical. Now I have to wait 3 years till I can try again.
I know where my god is.
In VALHALLA!!!
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Oh Celestia that sounds dangerous. Please tell me you guys don't actually do this.
I don't get the whole "ponies don't eat meat" thing. Herbivores can and will eat meat if it is conveniently available and they are hungry.
OM NOM NOM
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Snark-questria, there was a United States Marine being sexually assaulted by a magical princess with a big-ass horn and a desire to see the Marine squirm under her might. There was lovable verbal battle and hysterical communications between the Marine and the other inhabitants of Snark-questria that made those who read about it laugh uncontrollably. The Marine proved that Navy always beats Army and Princesses and Army Princesses and lived snarkilly ever after. May it never end.
OH YES! MORE, MORE!
Could be worse, if he ended up in a different universe Molestia wouldn't "try".
I wounder how he'll take finding out that any Pegasus can manipulate the weather. Probably not too bad after what he's seen, but 2 demigods isn't the same as 1/3 of the population.