• Published 7th Nov 2015
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Letters From Across The Disgruntled Multiverse - MixMassBasher



Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's most prized and faithful student, is being sent to Ponyville to learn about the magic of friendship. And she's not happy about it.

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Past Sins by Pen Stroke: Prelude

Letters From Across The Disgruntled Multiverse
by MixMassBasher

Past Sins: Prelude : Resurrection OR (The Night of Sexual Frustration)

Dear Princess Celestia,

So, how do I even start? I was stuck in the Everfree Forest, hogtied with rope, with a dog collar on my neck and a sack on my head. I was really hoping I was getting myself into a freebie bondage session but when one of them said they would break my horn, I knew I was screwed (sadly, not in a good way).

I had no idea how I even got here in the first place. All I can remember was that I was walking back to my house from Pinkie’s Drug Party preparation (I even got a new drug from her called Blue Sky, which I totally wanted to try!) and then I was suddenly hit with a frying pan from behind me. What a perfect way to end the day.....

Why do I have the sinking feeling that Fax Machine might have put them up to this? I am so definitely going to starve him to death again when I get back from this ordeal.

After the first few hours of boredom, my sack was finally removed only to meet my eyes with some Zecora rip-off. He seriously thinks he can be intimidating dressed in a Grim Reaper costume for Nightmare Night! Rarity might probably end up having a heart attack from seeing such a terrible crime against fashion. If only I had a camera with me...

Apparently, the Zecora rip-off is part of a group of loyal servants to Nightmare Moon, gathered together to revive her... Blah... Blah... Blah... Really? Since the day I arrived, my opinion of this backwater, one horse town has been going downhill pretty fast. How can you serve a person who is already dead? Also, if they are serving Nightmare Moon, shouldn’t they be serving Princess Luna? (probably helping her beat Halo 5) And last I checked, Nightmare Moon was already terminated. What a bunch of crazed Lunatics.

Either he did not like my opinion of his attire —or his crazy cult— because he put the sack back on my head and proceeded to kick me in the stomach.

I am SO killing Fax Machine when I get out of this mess!!

Who the hell does this guy think he is? I am the PERSONAL protégé of Princess Celestia herself; these foals don’t know what they are getting themselves int—

They cut me! A small cut, but seriously? I will find them and see how they like being cut by a bitch, a pissed-off one.

Even worse, after they knifed me, they started to do some weird voodoo incantation.

I think they said something like:
“For thou who sleeps in stone and clay
Heed our call, raise and we obey,
Trot on from the depths of Tartarus door…”

I pretty much zoned out after that. Do you have any idea where these amateurs learned to say this crappy poetry? Magic Kindergarten?

Thankfully, you showed up before he could speak any further. Because if he started doing limericks and the poem that started with, “There once was a princess from Sparta—”, I’d have stabbed myself to death with the very dagger he used on me.

By the way, cool effects with the lightning, did you learn it from your sister?

In the end, they manage to evade capture. Couldn’t you have, oh, I don’t know, use the freaking sun as a spotlight to catch these crazy colts?!? Because searching in the dark is definitely not the smartest idea you could have done.

Also, you don’t recognize the spell they did? What a surprise. The ruler of Equestria doesn’t know jackshit.

You would think a thousand years would make you wiser, but frankly, you’re in denial of being senile once again. Someone call the Old Folks Home, they've lost another one.

Oh, and thanks for sending me home to get some rest.

HOW CAN I GET SOME REST WHEN I JUST WENT THROUGH A NEAR POSSIBLE BONDAGE SESSION? I'M STILL HORNY! BUCK YOU!

You could have at least left some of the guards with me for an orgy session. That seems to be the only thing they’re good at since they couldn’t capture all the ponies involved.

I honestly better get Fax Machine to remedy that situation, he owes me one anyway.

Your Horny Student,
Twilight Sparkle


Dear Royal Guards,

You’re hereby fired for failing to apprehend all of those hooligans.

Your “Kind” Ruler,
Princess Celestia


Dear Princess Celestia,

Can you blame us? Why ask us to search? It was way past our shift anyway. Why not ask the Bat Ponies or the Night Guards? It’s not like their families are in trouble or something.

Your Most "Faithful" Guard,
Captain of the Royal Guard


Dear Princess Celestia,

Perhaps they just need some EXTRA training…

Your friendly neighborhood pedophile,
Princess Molestia


To Revered Brother Nexus – High Prophet of The True Queen,

Our Resurrection Spell has failed. What do we do now?

I patiently await your reply.

-Sister Night Wind


To Sister Night Wind,

Stay in hiding, fellow OC. Wait it out until following chapters. Then we plan our attack.

- High Prophet Spell Nexus


Dear Sister,

Why did thou save Twilight Sparkle? She clearly does not like thee. Did she owe thou money or something?

Very Confused,
Gamer Princess Luna


Dear Luna,

It's not because she owes me money. There can only be one pony that can torment Twilight and that pony is me. And stop using Ye Olde Tyme Equestrian, that was sooo a thousand years ago. Stop playing video games and get with the times.

Sincerely,
Princess Tyrantlestia Celestia Supreme Ruler of All of Equestria


(Extracted From Spike's Distress Letter to Princess Celestia)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Twilight is missing. But please, don’t send reinforcements. Let's celebrate!

Hopeful for the Best,
Spike

Author's Note:

Original Story Here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/41596/past-sins

Please Keep in mind that this Fimfiction is not an attack on the Author or His Work. I actually like his story and this letter is done just for the laughs. I have already gotten permission from the author.

Also,

#NyxisbestPrincessFilly

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