Dear Lauren Faust,
Ever since I was forced into Ponyville I've always wondered. Why was fate so cruel to me. This question has been plaguing me for such a long time. And then the drugged up party mare showed me a TV show from the "human world". Apparently I'm fictional. That's fucking fantastic. I can now be friends with fucking Darth Vader.
Anyways, so you're the bloody reason I'm living in this backwater town. I rather be star gazing in motherfucking G1 to G3 than be stuck with these revamps of my old friends Firefly, Posey, Surprise, Sparkler and urm... Applejack? But seriously, my G4 friends are the worse revamp since the Transformer Movies by Micheal Bay. I fucking hate your bi-pedaled guts. I'm so glad you left the show.
Your Annoyed G4 Pony,
Disgruntled Twilight Sparkle
P.S If your race ever tried to invade Equestria. Be prepared for a Rainbow-Powered Rapist and The Conversion Bureau as your opponents. See you in Tartarus.
Dear Brony Fandom,
So apparently people think I'm a edible food substance. Ehhh... interesting? But I honestly rather be fighting a giant crab monster than be called a big fat marshmallow.
Your Anorexic Fastionista,
Rarity
Dear Sergeant Sprinkles,
I don't butcher ponies and make them into Cupcakes for consumption. I just participate in parties and take lots of drugs.
Your Favorite Party Mare,
Pinkie Pie
P.S. Who the hell in the brony fandom said my mane taste like cotton candy? Some weird female Discord OC rip-off tried chewing on my fucking mane.
Dear Brony Fandom,
Just because I have rainbow coloured hair and likes to put up a good fight does not mean I'm gay. I just know what real cool things are instead of playing with Barbies or watching a TV show for little girls. Anyone who disagrees... I'll bring hell to their doorsteps.
Your Straight Tomboy,
Rainbow Dash
P.S. Who the hell started the ship of me with AJ?
Dear G1,
I am not a silly pony.
Just an ordinary country mare and not a background pony,
Applejack
P.S. Who the buck shipped me with Rainbow?
Dear M. A. Larson,
Is there a chance we can put Angel Bunny in my shed for the remainder of the series? Ponies seem to hate on my sweet little pet for some reason.
Your Gentle Doormat,
Fluttershy
Dear AstrumSpark,
I am not a robot. I'm flesh and blood for pony's' sake. What kind of drugs did you take to think I am one? Go to the mental asylum you freak.
A Normal Filly,
Sweetie Belle
Dear Brony Fandom,
Whose idea was it to say I'm an orphan? And if someone starts throwing bird seeds at me, I'll pecked their eyes out.
An Angry Chicken,
Scootaloo
Dear Blackgryph0n,
Up for another Michael Jackson Duet Song my special somepony?
Sincerely,Michael Creber Applebloom
Dear Brony Fandom,
Soo.... Trollestia, Tyrantlestia, Cakelestia or Molestia. All are crap portrayals of me but will make your life living hell anyway. Take your pick.
Your Supreme Ruler,
Princess Celestia
Dear Internet,
What in thy name of Fausticorn is a videogame? Thy still new to this "fun".
Confused,
Princess Luna
Dear M. A. Larson,
Any chance we can actually BE HELPFUL in Season 6 than just a burden?
Signed,
The Wonderbolts and The Canterlot Royal Guard
Dear M. A. Larson,
Any chance of putting me in Equestria for Season 6? I've got nothing better to do while waiting for the next EQG Movie Flop.
Bored,
Sunset Shimmer
Dear M. A. Larson,
So with what happen in the Season Five Finale... Can we have a second chance of ruling Equestria?
Curiously,
Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Sunset Shimmer, Tirek and Starlight Glimmer
Dear Discord,
YOU. ME. Sock Puppet Dimension. NOW!!!
Agrily,
Q
Dear Fluffle Puff,
Stay the hell away from me before I bring out a shaver. I DO NOT want to be shipped with you.
Creeped Out,
Queen Chrysalis
Dear M. A. Larson,
The Great And Powerful Trixie Demands You Give Her More Screen Time On The Show
Forever Great and Powerful,
The Great And Powerful TRIXIE!!!!
Dear Fimfiction Users,
You can stop writing stories about me getting my just deserts now. The Diamond Tiara Is Redeemed Trope is now cannon. Suck it.
Your Redeemed Filly,
Diamond Tiara
P.S. I Fucking Hate My Cannon Mother.
Dear Brony Fandom,
YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Pumped Up,
Bulk "Snowflake" Biceps
Dear M. A. Larson,
What's wrong with showing kids some lesbian-horse sex. Avatar: Legend of Korra did a find job with that.
Confused,
Lyra and Agent Sweetie Drops Bon Bon
Dear Marble Pie,
Thanks for sinking the ship about me being with Big Mac. It was getting as overused as AppleDash.
Greatful,
Ms. Cheerilee
Dear Peter New,
Could you please talk more. All I ever say is eyup and nope. I'm not Charlie Chappin. Please let me have a voice.
Quietly,
Big Mac
Dear Nowacking,
Please try to get a job in voice acting in the MLP Staff. I'm kind of a mute right now thanks to M. A. Fucking Larson so I would really appreciate the assist.
Your Wubilicious Vampony,
DJ Pon-3
P.S Why do people ship me with my sister; Octavia?
Dear Jan Animations,
Please bring me back!!! I still haven't got to see my brother and I don't want to be forgotten by Sweetie Belle. Don't lose to King Hasbro's commercial tyranny.
Your number one mustache colt,
Button Mash
Dear Brony Fandom,
My name is Muffin. Not Derpy. Certainly not Ditzy Doo. It's Muffin. Like the food I so love to eat. Now if you'll excuse me I have to mail this other letter to a Doctor Whooves? of The T.A.R.D.I.S?
Your Number One Mailmare,
Muffin
P.S Thanks M. A. Larson for a cannon name. Finally.
Dear Brony Fandom,
So apparently my other fan name also the name of a substance people used to clean their dirty little mouths. Fuck You.
Your Number One Tardis,Colgate Minuette
Dear Time Turner,
Hello!! I'm the Doctor by the way. I represent BBC and you are to be exterminated. Eat sonic screwdriver you impersonator and consider this a war on King Hasbro by King BBC.
Full Of Regenerative Time Lord Rage,
David Tennant
Dear Dr. Wolf,
Can I have a session with you sometime next week? I've been very depressed lately. I've been harassed by the recently appointed princess and been hated on by thousands of people even being physically abused by a demonic hippogryph for no apparent reason. Seriously it's like they think I'm Justin Bieber or something.
Depressed,
Flash Sentry
Imma do it.
I understood that reference.
I want that.
I want this.
Brotherhooves Social.
Actually, from what I heard, she was offered the job, but she said no, because due to the contract, it'd mean she wouldn't be able to work on fan projects.
I want this. I personally don't mind Flash, he's a little bland, but he's OK in my book.
here you go
Dear
Angry ChickenScootaloo:Can you really blame the fandom? They don't know who or where the buck your parents are! At least I'm aware that Lauren Faust claims you have loving parents.
Though if they were so loving, where the buck are they?If you want people to stop saying iyou're an orphan, then take your complaints to Hasbro. They're the one's who aren't showing who you're parents are.Can you at least take pride in the fact that so many people wants Rainbow Dash to be your adopted mother? I mean, you basically worship the ground she trots on. I've even seen someone make Daring Doo you're mother. Granted, it's a different idea of what Daring Doo is like. But it was a fic written before Daring Don't. And personally, I think that idea would've been a better idea than what was made cannon.
You're resident dark alicorn,
Dark Angel.
P.S. I've heard that Angry Birds are looking for a new character to add to the roster. You should audition for the part.
-----
Dear
DerpyDitzyMuffin:I don't care what Larson says. YOU'RE NAME IS DERPY! It was established in Season 2 until a bunch of soccer moms insisted to take it out.
Actually, that's not fair of me. I understand why they wouldn't use either Derpy or Ditzy. My issue isn't that they retconned your name, it's that they retconned a name that was a nod to the fans. If they were to change your name, then why not choose another fan name like Bright Eyes? That way, it's still a nod to the fans and is even a respectable name.
Someone who voted for your name to be Ditzy,
Dark Angel
-----
Dear imposter Sweetie Bell:
I am the real Sweetie Belle! You must be a robot impostor! There being two Sweetie Belles does not compute! I will contact the authorities so that they will exterminate you! EXTERMINATE!!!
Not a robot,
Sweetie Bot.
-----
Dear Flash Sentry:
If it means anything, I don't hate you. Granted, I don't exactly like you. But I don't have anything against you personally. In fact, I would've supported a cannon relationship with you and Twilight. I gotta go, since I can already hear an angry mob forming outside my door for saying that.
Sincerely,
Dark Angel
-----
Dear
ApplebloomMichael Creber:I vote for either Smooth Criminal or Thriller if it's Nightmare Night.
A Big Micheal Jackson fan,
Dark Angel
-----
Dear Lyra and Bon-Bon:
Don't take it the wrong way. M.A. Larson doesn't have an issue with lesbian horse sex. Larson just has an issue with sex. The show is after all supposed to be for little girls. I'm just glad that he didn't try to use the idea of Lyra being obsessed with humans and anthropology.
Sincerely,
Dark Angel
P.S. Have you ever seen the fanfic Love Letters by Obabscribbler? There's a reading that's gonna be made, and I'm auditioning for the part of Bon-Bon's father.
-----
Dear Tia:
If it's any consolation, you have a much more relatable character in one of the comics. And it's a comic that I think should be reproduced in the show, since not only does it make you more relatable, it also shows you with Starswirl the Bearded. Unfortunately, I think he's been taking the same drugs as Pinkie Pie. And it also shows you as younger.
A fellow MALE alicorn,
Dark Angel
-----
Dear fellow bronies:
I insist that we storm Hasbro studios and get them to make a couple episodes based on the comics that involves the alternate reality (not the human world). It shows that Princess Celestia is NOT perfect! IN fact, it even has a confirmed version of Tyrantlestia. Also, it brings back King Sombra, actually gives him a personality, AND HE'S A GOOD GUY!!! And Celestia and Alternate-Sombra are in love!
M.A. Larson, we insist you do this! (And not just because it actually gives King Sombra a personality.)
You're fellow brony,
Dark Angel
P.S. Is anyone else suddenly craving hummus?
I will never call her Muffin.