Thomas, a human, has appeared in the magical land of Equestria, though it is much different from the show. Ponies of this world are all anthros. What's more, Thomas has been assigned as Princess Luna's royal concubine.
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Sort of reminds me of that Star Trek episode with teh valley of ghosts and the violation of the Prime Directive. In not the way expected.
Maybe Thomas can move up from being the Piano Man, and get teaching off Pinkie on how to play the One Man Band Organ.
Thomas and Moonlight are reincarnated lovers. Bet you didn’t see that coming.
wow talk about a shot in the dark and at the same time it works super good.
now all that is needed is one or more in the harem, well I think the word I am looking for is pregnant.
Hmm, not sure how I feel about this turn of events...
I suppose so long as it's mostly for back story, and doesn't effect the actual story much, I can get over it... I think.
Otherwise, a sweet chapter.
7577352 Patience, and glad you liked it.
Huh. I certainly did not expect reincarnations to show up in this fic.
I like it :D
7577433 Glad to hear it.
Eeeeeeh the reincarnation just doesn't make sense to me. How could the magic of an equestrian souls bind itself to a non-magical being like a human? Not to mention the souls and human biology considering they are from different environments and it would imply Thomas was already the reincarnate of her old lovers and..... Sorry for ranting it just i don't see how it would work.
Bull-fucking-shit
Great chapter. Not that I'm against the plot point but how can a human, who is from another dimension, be a reincarnation that originated in Equestria. Unless you're saying that the barriers that separate the dimensions have no rules against souls crossing between them, yeah but otherwise it's a bit of a stretch.
You lose.
...
What? You were really obvious with your foreshadowing of that point. The harems being built around repeatedly reincarnated lovers has been plain as day for the last 20+ chapters.
7577485
7577633
I was wondering the same thing.
7577633 That does seem to be upsetting people. I'll have to explore that later.
7577844 Granted I'm not well versed in subtlety, though it seems most people were still surprised.
This reincarnation thing also somewhat explains how Thomas ended up in Luna's room in Equestria.
I like this story but I call bullshit on the reincarnation.
7577971 Yup. Essentially they were drawn together from the start.
7577941 honestly what really bugged me is that it was spoken in absolutes. i mean how can she know for sure he really is the reincarnation? should she and celestia look into it? if it was more like "you seem to hold the same soul of our previous lovers but....yada yada yada. not to mention suddenly we get this huge drop that pony's believe in reincarnation which seems like something that would have come up at least in small doses before hand instead of "poof this is now a thing". it would have been better (in my opinion so feel free to disregard) if luna had informed them of their reincarnated selves and then brought up inquiry as to how odd it is for thomas to have a pony soul inside him.
sorry if i'm being to aggressive
You haven't made many mistakes in this story.
The first one that comes to mind was turning him into a pony for a while, that was awful. And now you've went ahead and forced reincarnation onto Thomas. That's puke worthy right there.
I wouldn't even care if you just kept it between the equestrians, but you pulled the only truly relatable character into it. The heck are you doing?
...
*tries to meter out a sentence*
The reincarnation thing is ... Interesting... I haven't really like reincarnation for things like this, for the reason as follows. This feels slightly contrived and follows a pseudo destined fate.
Couldn't Luna just connected with a human that is reclusive due to her return after a thousand year banishment? Couldn't this same human now having a bit more confidence and sharing similar interests with another pony fall in love with them as well? Why would Tali join with this human if they aren't fated to be together?
Sorry for the rant,(another rant incoming) but it feels like you are trying to take two stories and meld them together, maybe three. We have the stellar clop and the relationships. Then there was that weird Stallion that was following Thomas, the attempted kidnapping of Thomas, the "thing" that went and corrected the problem to make sure things happened as planned. Let's not forget Thomas getting that Bokken training sword (*snarky scarasim* what weeaboo trash), he wants to protect his loved ones with a training sword. Syrio Forel will tell how well that will go.
I await more chapters, but I fear the fall of a good story. I recently had to relive the failings of Bleach, please keep up the good work. I can't bear more stories dieing painful deaths.
I was reading this and plainly understanding... until you got to the part about reincarnation. Luna, first of all, seems far too certain of those two being reincarnated lovers, even though there's no real indication- for all she knows, at least to my knowledge, they might just be the random reincarnations of a Batpony maid and her lover, not anyone specific. Then there's the issue of reincarnation crossing into a dimension that neither knew existed until Thomas crossed the barrier. I'm not going to call bullshit on this one, but I'm hella confused.
7578179 Fair enough, though others seem to think this outcome was obvious and that I had planted too many hints that it was coming. The absolute thing comes from the alicorns being able to see features of a soul the same way we see features of a face. We know the difference between when someone looks like someone we know and is someone we know.
7578259 I'll agree that turning him into a pony wasn't that enjoyable for me either. Mostly this is just free writing with me including whatever pops into my head. I've asked for editors, but none of them seemed terribly upset by this, so here we are.
7578310 Luna did join with an introverted human. She was told by Celestia later about their deeper connection, but the impact of that wasn't much different than getting a pep talk from your friend to go over and talk to the person. Thomas and Luna fell in love on their own. The reincarnation thing was an added incentive, not unlike alcohol. As for Tali, she does what she wants. There was something she liked about him, so she volunteered to help him out as the attraction grew of its own accord.
There is a plan for this story only in the loosest sense of the word. I started this with no idea where it would go and have basically been free writing additions as it became popular. I'll try to stick to what I think are the story's strengths, but I can't promise I won't feel compelled to throw in other things, or that I won't follow up on those elements you listed that you didn't like. Sorry, but this story is going to be written the way IT wants to.
7578328 Luna and Celestia can see souls. That much is pretty apparent, so there's plenty of certainty. The dimension thing will be addressed later, as soon as they figure it out too.
i think the part about being fertile once a month is wrong. not good with remembering human function but isnt it that humans are fertile all the time, and go through that once a month where they bleed because they were not impregnated and thats the lining of the womb coming off as the bodily function of cleaning.
also reincarnation is BS unless you throw it in somehow as bronze was lost through teleport failure/rift/discord shenanigans/other bullshit to where his soul is on earth
7578505 Human women actually have little mini-heats. It's not as apparent, but there are measurable qualities where their voices become higher pitched and so on. This is when they're fertile. If their not fertilized in this limited time frame, then they have their periods.
Discord might actually make for a good excuse. I'll look into that.
7577946 Obvious foreshadowing is only really a bad thing in two cases;
1) It is a suspenseful thriller/mystery story.
-or-
2) It is so blatantly obvious that the protagonist would have to have the IQ of a potato to miss it... but somehow still does.
This is a RomCom where Thomas only had couple small pieces that wouldn't really mean anything by themselves... especially given how inherently emotionally turbulent his situation is. Here it just means we get to enjoy watching him fumble his way closer to the big reveal and trying to image how it will go down and how he will react.
7578179
Did you even read this? She made it very clear that both of them could perceive and identify the souls directly. That their immortal alicorn nature eventually allowed them to essentially astral project beyond the veil of death.
7578444
I also have a question about that!!
*ehem*
Why the hell does everyone think it's so 'obvious' that death, a constant anywhere life exists, is limited by dimension? That purgatory, a metaphysical place, is bound by physical barriers? What, did they think every single HiE, PoE, dimensional traveler, Displaced, and cosmic castaway was forever separated from their loved ones in the afterlife? No. No, they most certainly did not. At least 90% of these people would never once have even considered the possibility.
Did the people *cough*ultrapoknee*cough* who read and Favorited such titles as; Equestria's Strongest Wizard, Descending to Equestria, Ponies, Pirates, and Navy, Friendship is Magic:Equestrian Heroes, A New Life, and Unlikely hero object to how none of the protagonists would ever be reunited with their loved ones when they died? What about all those fans *cough*Brasta Septim*cough* of; Ned Stark in Equestria, Griffin the griffin... (on second thought, unlike ultrapoknee, I am just straight up calling out Brasta Septim. His list includes Over the Edge and Over Again where Barbarossa ends up in Equestria while trying to reach Davey Jones' Locker which is of course an afterlife specifically for sailors, and The Wizard and the Lonely Princess where Luna and Harry Potter's souls cross between the two dimensions every fucking day! as a result of Moldywort punching a hole into the Between when he tore the veil of death by surviving his first death.) If just changing dimensions is enough to baffle death are these beings all undying now?
Again not to pick on ultrapoknee, they were just the first person I found questioning it when I scrolled down to scan someone's Library. They did at least acknowledge that dimensional boundaries might not apply to souls... and hadn't Favorited any other stories where that was in fact the case.
7578689 Interesting and appreciated. However, with all the contention, I still feel some kind of explanation would be called for.
7578433
Go for it! Don't let me stop you. I'm just pointing something out. Artists won't grow if they stop at the first sign of adversity. I just want this story to succeed, and I wanted to state my opinion and will reiterate one of my sentiments. Please keep writing but don't let this story spiral out of control into a messy amalgamation of half filled promises. Don't be "No Man's Horse". Be Horse People Go Naked. Greatness Awaits.
7578788 One can only hope.
7578809
Aye Gray, that we can.
I'M SORRY but I'm in the camp that belives reincarnation, kills the story... not to mention any thought of identity and free will...
I'm fine with with the reincarnation, but how the fuck does it work for Tom?
Also, I love this group's shenanigans. Not a moment this chapter I wasn't laughing.
7578413 but didn't you basically turn him into a pony on a spiritual level when you decided that he had +38 lifetimes as a pony that can basically pull his strings and tinker with his feelings?
How can a human (from another universe) be the reincarnation of any pony, let alone that many?? Kind of an important piece of information there that needs more explanation.
Interesting and unexpected twist. I never once considered Reincarnation as an explanation for some of the events since he is so un-pony in some ways, much less as a reason for his being drawn there. Will more pony ways of thinking of things start manifesting for Thomas from this point? His entirely human viewpoint is what kept me from twigging to the clues others claim to see.
This revelation is kind of a funny contrast to a misborn Therianthrope like me who has to work sometimes at being more human...
Reincarnation huh?.....that could be an interesting add to the plot.
i honestly do not care for that bit you pulled with the reincarnated lovers. I got into this story for the feel good romance and your focus on the cutural differences between two socities i stuck around for the great character arc you have for thomas. As far as Thomas's romance moonlight goes, it works just fine. it wasnt rushed and we got plently of time to see them interact and build up their relationship and i bet more then halve your readers where with me and talon going it is about dam time when the two finally decided to go out. But now with this reincarnated BS come up and it is like says "hey, you know those last 70 chapters you spent reading about these chacaters worring about their relationship trouble well they dont matter and they never matter cause see they were going to end up lover all along cause they where in a past life and some other BS." Right middle finger that is to both the your reader who spent time reading the story and your past chapters.
that is not to say reincarnated lovers is a bad thing just that it is the kind of thing you kind of want to establish about two characters before they get into a relationship and normally leave some ambiguity otherwise there is not a whole of point to tell the reincarnated lovers romance story as opposed to the OG couple.
what ticks me off more is why as a writer you might have done this. now im giving you the benefit of the double and ruling out this being a case of not thinking things through and it being a on a whim. i see 1 of three reason for doing something like this 1) introduce possible way for Thomas to return to his world (spoilers he doesn't and boo for overused troupe), 2) explain how in the world thomas ended up here in the first place as appernatly lovers souls attract each other because how else would the sisters find old lovers in only a few decades? (it has been 75 chapters and 275k words at this point any explanation would either be oh thats nice or the same as when we learned how the Force works. no one who is current really cares), or 3) a means to justify killing off chacater(s) because they will just reincarnate and everything is all good (FU)
Great chapter! Kinda sad it took so long but that's life for you. But my question is, when is he gonna get to nail celestia?
7579434 Fair enough. Something worth exploring.
7581065 Sorry to dissapoint, but it more or less was a whim. Thought it'd be a good idea, but seems otherwise.
Wow that whole reincarnation thing and how it ties all up with the story of love kinda blew my mind. It was great but...
If Thomas is reincarnation of ponies... How is he a human who landed in another world, how did they (they being the ponies) pick to be reincarnated of a creature not of that world, and how did he come back?
Hmm...
Either way cannot wait to read more about it and to see what happens next. How this new information affects them.
7582629 Im more annoyed then disappointed. I think your other reader have made their feelings known so at this point you can either drop it and hope people do as well or own it and make it your own. Honestly as a fellow writer I would drop it simply because it is a big metaphysical issues dealing with life death and religion and one's personal beliefs. This story is not really set up to tackle a issue like that but more the interpersonal ones. But hey that is my personal opinion and what I would do. You have your own thoughts and opinions so you do you. I am looking forward to seeing what happens next
7583050 Questions to be answered at a later date.
7583066 Fair enough. Thankfully the story is already set up to give this new element only a minimal presence.
I was about to say a few things about the reincarnation thing, but I remember that this is a different universe all together. You made that clear earlier in the story. I think I know why you brought it up now...
Now I'm curious if the spirit of Bronze Aura decided to be a human or if it just appended to Thomas after he entered Equestria. A very interesting twist there.
I have to admit, this is one of the most creative spins to a HiE fic. This one is right up there next to Echo the Diamond Dog.
7600848 Glad you think so.