Thomas, a human, has appeared in the magical land of Equestria, though it is much different from the show. Ponies of this world are all anthros. What's more, Thomas has been assigned as Princess Luna's royal concubine.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nothing like a surprise from Mother Nature!
its got world-building bois! WOOT
Noice
10966649
Always keeps ya on yer toes, or hooves, in this case.
10966706
I know. Always a treat to write.
10967151
Thanks.
Nice. It'd be pretty weird to me if they wanted kids only a year into the relationship.
10967596
Not even a year, but some couples really are like that. Not these, though. There's still a lot more stuff for all involved to do.
One Week Later…
_______________________
HERE LIES THOMAS
BELOVED FRIEND
AND STALLION
GRANTED A
WARRIORS DEATH
….
BY SNU SNU!
…………………………………
10975559
Nah. I'm saving that for Luna's heat. Funny, though.
dont worry about your writing being all over the place. the episodic nature of the story means most readers won't notice / care.
as long as it isn't as egregious as Winter Wrap-ups placement was then you'll be fine.
10984760
That's good to hear. Even so, I'm still trying to do better.
10985660
You need an outline of what character developments have and have not happened yet. You've repeated a few moments (like the whole "I don't want you to be walking on eggshells around me" bit) several times. The Post-Honeymooning arc really shouldn't have kicked off until after Heat Weak due to the tone and contrast that arc's meant to set, and the lack of attention to those moments leads to the story feeling incoherent. Outline what's happened and figure out when certain things need to happen and you'll solve all of those issues in a jiffy.
Ya know, it occurs to me that Thomas is the equivilant of a Equestrian Petite Tomgirl. (Tomcolt?)
11786601
Hmm, I actually had to pause and think about this one. I see where you're coming from. However, this is an RGRE universe, meaning the ladies are naturally the more take-charge sort. Or, at least, they should be. In that sense, Thomas' passivity fits in pretty naturally.