Thomas, a human, has appeared in the magical land of Equestria, though it is much different from the show. Ponies of this world are all anthros. What's more, Thomas has been assigned as Princess Luna's royal concubine.
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Liking the interaction with Celestia. Side chapter with them in the dream realm?:D
Or perhaps it happends for real aswell. She is going to investigate their relationship, so it might happen that she is going to become interested in Thomas aswell.
6460474 Glad to hear.
Celestia might find him cute in the same way her sister does, and she's not immune to his unique smell, but I don't plan for her to be into him like that. At best, she might want to borrow him for a little bit, but nothing more.
So here's a Question?
How are you going to put Discord into the Story, because that will be an Interesting Day and the Events after That.
When you say depression do you mean the type brought on by a problem in brain chemistry or the type someone develops due to traumatic experience?
6460594 I plan to have Thomas do something brave and slightly stupid, but overall relevant to the events.
6460615 I thought so. It wasn't in the original edition, but I felt Thomas was in need of a pick-me-up.
6460621 The former.
6460684 Not really something to be pulled out of, not fully anyway. But they can keep his head above the water so he doesn't drown.
Good chapter but Thomas is starting to irk me, stories with the main person being depressed, spineless, pansy, pathetic, woe-is-me, easily saddened or overall 'Needs to grow a pair and get a stronger spine' grind on me in the wrong way, like rubbing sandpaper on the skin. Hopes his depression gets resolved soon and if not I'm dropping this story and finding a different one to occupy my time between writings.
6460827 Depression doesn't get resolved, but I can divert focus elsewhere. If that's not enough, you're free to do as you wish.
You know, I immensley enjoy the whole "cultural thing" song and dance we can observe between Thomas and the ponies here. Normaly, it grates on my nerves rather fast but what you give us here is a glorious exception. Well done.^^b
Hmmmm, would changelings get drunk on Thomas or avoid him like the plague when the invasion happens? Or would Luna be off protecting him? Thus explaining why she was not there at the wedding, maybe he made a slip of the tongue or avoided 'Cadence' as if she were 'ultra' blueblood.
As for discord we would think the Spirit of Chaos would be fond of the chaotic human, though what would Thomas be like as his discorded self? Perhaps exposing all the under lying depression to the point of attempting suicide only to be stopped by perhaps said spirit of chaos himself because it 'isn't funny', though on another note Discord might be overjoyed how there is somebeing who understands his jokes and references? A male buddy could be made there, who could coax him out of his shell by his brand of fun.
Though what would happen if Thomas's trust was broken and he demanded a leave of absence, perhaps such a state could reveal how feelings truly go. Or even him telling the princess that 'It's just like I was told by talon, there is no feelings just a job.' of something hopefully written in a more profound way then we current state. Though it would be funny if such a case if heard got out causing a huge scandal for Princess Luna, while she wouldn't care what others say but trying to amend what she did wrong to her human stallion. Hmmm, would he during such a time move out of the palace to rent or something in canterlot? Since mares are the dominant species he'd find the role reversal to be quite weird but him not being in the castle may lead him to learn more about ponies, though Moonlight still being his guard would have to be one of a few concessions that Thomas would have to make if he left the palace.
These are our own thoughts and ideas for thou.
6460928 Really? I'm curious, what makes what I've written different from what normally annoys you?
6461000 I have an outline for what I want with the Changlings, but it still needs polishing.
Discord's return is more detailed. I like your ideas, though as of now they play no part.
Talon never said anything of the sort. That was just how Thomas chose to interpret her message, or rather misinterpret it. The rest of that, though, I'm not really sure about.
6460858 It's not that I have anything against it is just I rather not read a story about Captain Depression, finishing reading the go to college the next day to meet friend Captain Depression Jr. And if his depression is a brain chemistry thing just use magic to fix it, if they can heal body parts and injuries with magic just take a crack at his problem, remove the source of the problem and move on. If Discord can do the awesome Mind Screw then so can they, with the right application that is.
6461053 Hmmmm, have they done things that Thomas would find offensive and they would not? such as the differences of words from being said by a human could shock/upset a pony. 'Horse' to 'Whorse' there was another story where a human and his horse got sent to Equestria and the words spoken by either side causing miscommunications, that were resolved by the cutiemark crusaders finding a dictionary and pointing it out to the grown ups.. Though the horse mare he owned called him master and he was understandably shocked, also the ponies were shocked by how she gave 'rides' to children to learn. which they thought he was being paid for well whoring his horse out to minors.. XD
But back to Thomas's case, how could he had stuck his foot in his mouth around ponies?
OK, this chapter was interesting. I honestly found Back Breaker's massage treatment for Thomas to be highly amusing. Likewise, I found Celestia and Luna's conversation regarding Luna's harem and their views on Thomas' culture to be intriguing. The emphasis on ponies' willingness of trustful nature vs humans' independent mentality, ponies' reliance of body language vs humans need for verbal language, Celesita's shock at Thomas being bent and refusing to fantasize about her body due to his string attachment to Luna, and Luna's intense love for Thomas (as usual, her interaction with him is very sweet) despite Luna's near bent preference of mares in the past according to Celestia. Furthermore, I enjoyed watching Celestia developing a hint of awareness about Thomas' condition and his, in her POV, bizarre relationship with Luna along with Luna being unaware of Thomas' insecurities. Overall, this chapter was amazing and I can't wait for the Monday update to find out more about it (and maybe see that dream scenario that Celesita and Luna hint about)
6461076 I'm not about to pull a deus ex machina this early in the story. Magic doesn't solve everything. If it did, then why not just blast the bad guys with happy feelings until they magically stop being evil? Plus, as mentioned, spells like that are temporary and would need constant maintenance. Further, how the hell is a pony supposed to know what normal human brain chemistry is supposed to look like anyway? Even if such a spell existed, trying to use it on an alien could have roughly the same results as using horse tranquilizers on a mouse.
6461077 Hasn't happened yet, but I like the idea. Thomas is pretty shy and usually waits for others to address him before saying anything. However, as confidence builds, perhaps he could let slip something. Have to think of what though.
6461245 All of the thank you. Love comments like these.
I enjoyed this chapter.
He really needs to get over this taboo with nudity. How could anybody not want to be in a sauna with both Celestia and Luna naked?
6461321 Happy to hear.
6461385 Don't worry. It'll happen eventually.
6461036
Hard to say. It´s a kinda unique feeling when reading. You don´t shove the stories development, the crucial parts like the cultural diferences down our throats, the ponies (and Tali) are actualy mindful of the little human amongst them (except Blueblood of course), Thomas is "feels" well fleshed out/alive with all his struggles without bordering to the horrible Gary Stu land and the little background tid-bits about norms and traditions in Equestria, well, all that together makes for a really tasty story-stew.
I hope that somehow makes sense to you.^^°
6461498 It's more like a failure to communicate, missing each other's body language, combined with the main character having depression, that condition which gives you little choice but to be down on yourself.
6461499 It does, largely. I want to know what I'm doing right in addition to what's wrong so I can keep the story good.
Hmm agree with your author notes.
Hmm seems that Celestia will take some interest and try to understand Thomas.
Can only image what they do in the dreamscape.
Wonder how long it will take for Celestia to make a move and try to make him more relaxed seeing them naked.
Hehe wonder how he will take it if he for example see them deep kissing
But think Talon and some others will also help make him in some way.
Wonder who Luna's new helpers will be?
Hmm wonder if Celestia will call Thomas to have a talk about things, she trying to understand him more and doing so trying to help her sister.
hehe see doing her talk while taking a bath or something else, Thomas getting somewhat distracted by her. Hehe
------------------
Go tia ! go tia go ! go ! Yaaaaay !
Fu-tia-nari incomiiiiiiiing ! o/
6461782 A naked alicorn can be most distracting indeed. Though I like the idea of walking in on the kiss. Might have to hold on to that one.
6461829 Just give it time.
Humanity being of chaos that grave order. We are the out casts and we are followers. We strive for perfection but at the same time break all aspects of normal and perfection.
We wish for order but crave for chaos. We are those who follow and those that rebel. We are nothing yet we can become everything. We are low near the bottom of the food chain but yet we are the breakers of the norm
For humanity is the same yet different. We are walking paradoxes
6461628 Depression isn't the same as a low self-esteem, in fact it's quite possible (and common) to have one and not the other. Even still, poor communication is one thing but he's psyched himself out of even considering it, or better yet, asking and talking like a rational being... Y'know like he's been told to. Several times.
In the end whenever this particular trope comes into play, it almost always just leaves the impression that the protagonist is either lacking in intellect, or lacking in sense; the latter here seeming to be the case. If a story's conflict can be resolved by a slap to the face, a spritz bottle, and one sentence or less*, it's painful or frustrating for those of us who recognize this. That said, this story is enjoyable enough because of the content, world-building, and characters, that I've just muscled through. As far as Thomas' constant floundering about on the subject, however, I still just want to slap him.
Also regarding him lacking sense, here's some rationality: If he IS just Luna's fuckbuddy, then he loses nothing by asking about emotional attachments and how she feels about him, and how he should feel about her. If it goes beyond that, then he gets a definitive answer either way and his emotional needs get met all the better. If he does not ask, then he only stands to lose face, status, or worse, by making assumptions and risking being wrong.
(Five words. Ask. Luna. About. Concubines. Now.)
what is gonna happen next?
6461961 Neat.
6462048 I'm considering having this matter confronted earlier than is currently written. However, that's just it. It's currently written almost to chapter 50. By that point they've had their talk and have begun moving onto the next step, new concubines, but rewriting is not so easy as writing.
6462077 Probably something relating to, or at least alluding to, sex.
Okay. I am going to guess that Depression doesn't exist in Equestria due to the lack of restrictions on their society compared to ours. Which is why Celestia, though centuries of experience, knows that something is wrong with Tomas, but can't exactly tell what. I look forward to seeing more of his interactions with ponies, as well as Celestia's observations on Tomas.
6462458 Depression can be brought on by trauma or a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's possible that the second doesn't exist due to different physiology and magic, but you can't have a society free of all tragedy. Celestia's experience with ponies tells her something is wrong, but her inexperience with humans causes her to second guess herself because she doesn't know what passes for normal with his kind.
And I look forward to writing them.
You know, the subtle dance and reactions and hinted mental health understanding gap you have going on is fascinating. This chapter is easily the best yet for bringing this to the fore and making one think about how there is more miscommunication going on between Thomas and Luna (and all others for that matter) than either side seems to have realized just yet, but Celestia is starting to grasp the notion that there is more to understand in the culture gap than expected.
You're attempting something very difficult to get right, to put in the right pace and tone. I applaud the effort and hope you continue all the way through the entire story with this kind of consideration. I will read the whole thing eagerly.
And noting your complaints about some reader complaints about not understanding the challenges of depression (in the thick of it myself, so I'm quite aware of how it messes with thought processes)... I say go forward anyway. People that do not understand mental health challenges, let alone not empathize with them, are a group I personally feel you should more or less ignore. Yes, acknowledge the feedback, but do not let it discourage you for a second in pursuing the direction you have taken. I will point out that the longest story on this site, The Chase, has a primary OC riddled with mental problems by design. I understand it was a character designed very much on purpose according to a psychological formula. More or less, people that empathize with mental health concerns find him tragically sympathetic, constantly forced into impossible situations with no nice way out, forcing constant horrible actions to protect loved ones in some way. Those who can't see the complex depth going on are typically the same types that can't accept challenges to their own worldviews and can't understand that life never operates in strictly black and white situations.
Not only is depression and it's attendant challenges difficult to write in a manner that will feel both accurate and genuine without drifting into sap crap (which you avoided with grace in this chapter, by the way), but it will help make the story that much more intriguing and memorable in the long run. The complexities and dynamics are also going to teach you a shittake in writing.
Again, keep going. You've got a good thing going with this. When you doubt yourself, remember to look at your story rating again. There will always be negative opinions, no matter the story. Your rating count is a blunt expression of doing a good work that many approve of upon reading. Take your chances and push your envelope. Your present progress says you'll do just fine going forward if you keep up the same effort.
Thomas.....WHY Y NO LET CELESTIA SNUGGLE Y IN THE SAUNA?!
XD
6462855
I second to that
Let the sun princess snuggle thomas into her fun bags.
Hmm another thing that comes to mind then. :)
Thomas sees Luna and Celestia talking and sitting. He can't help letting his eyes travel down their bodies and compare them.
Celestia having wider hips and booty, but Luna nothing to sneeze at (Thomas would know he have fun being inbetween her cheeks).
Hehe Talon with a smirk elbow thomas to get him to focus.
"You can have fun ogling the princesses later, even join them. But back to training and your mission to find a mare to kiss for the day."
6462254 If you've written that far ahead it would be wrong to expect you to 'fix it' but in future endeavors, please try not to make this trope a long-running thing. I like to think males are only dense because the culture says they need to be, not because they're just that thick about their emotions. Plus so many stories drag out the actual beginning of the relationship and then just kinda ease off the romance and treat it as going into 'maintenance'. Arguably a romatnic relationship can be just as turbulant and such as trying to start one, rife with struggles, stories, and intrigue. It's just harder to come up with than the usual hollywood stumbling blocks in a rom-com.
Ì like it, please sir may have some more?
First it looks like Tia is fallin for him .Second Bro needs to reallize his her cultfrind alredy.. This was a awesome read.
Hmmm,.. I wonder if Luna will break out the gender bending magic on Tommy..
This is getting good!
6462587 Thank you. I needed to hear this.