This story is a sequel to Cold

Time flows differently, in the multitude of plains that make up the universe. Seconds here can be hours there... and hours here can be decades over there. There is, however, one universal constant among all time and space: Time never stops. Perhaps I counted on time as my ally when I cast that spell and dove into the past... if only I'd know just how cruel and unwavering it can really be.

Thirty years, I've tried... in most other worlds, it's probably been hundreds, but I've managed to keep track. Thirty years of searching, trying and trying again, desperately doing everything in my power to bring you back... and all that I've learned is that unless I make this choice, it's simply not possible... I hope you'll forgive me. I know that'll be hard... but maybe given enough time, you'll understand... -Twilight Sparkle

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Rainbow Dash is widely known for her propensity for pranks. While seeing an unsuspecting Anonymous the human in the outskirts of Ponyville, Rainbow decides to hit him with classic from her arsenal, the ol' lightning stomp prank. It's simply really, she's played it on tons of ponies before.

Rainbow didn't think Anon would get hurt. She didn't think he'd become paralyzed. It was supposed to be a harmless prank!

'What have I done?!

Officially Featured March 1st 2023

What was going to be a relaxing weekend camping turns into a nightmare as a human gets lost in an unknown forest. Also, his phone decides to stop working for some reason, so he can't use it to orient himself or even for an emergency call. Maybe it's not the phone's fault at all, because you all can imagine where he actually is now.

Will there be adventure? Maybe a little at the beginning, but mostly slice of life afterwards. Sudden unknown OP human abilities because reasons? Well, if you count ear scritches, maybe? Instant romance with all the equestrian heros? Probably not, gee...

Then what's the point!?

... Uh... yep, that's the question, isn't it?

This is my take on a cheeky human in equestria self insert a human in equestria doing all the human in equestria things there are for a human in equestria to do. There is language barrier to spice it up a little bit, so it will focus on cultural differences, how to even communicate with the locals and coping with all the weird things this world can casually throw at a regular, out of the mill, human.

May contain subtle traces and hints of RGRE.

For those who know of Cheery Cheesy Cheeky Romance Hoers Words, this is the original setting and story I had planned but never published.

3/14/24 Still Alive Edition

There's only one pony in Ponyville that the Mane Six have never met. Pinkie Pie has never thrown him a party, Applejack has never sold him a mug of cider, and Twilight has never seen him check out any books. And as far as that unicorn, Lapis Print, is concerned, that's exactly how it should be.

Lapis can't risk them knowing where he lives, what he does for a living, or even what his name is - if he gets his way, the Mane Six won't even know he exists, and nopony in Ponyville will miss him once he's gone.

It should be a piece of cake - after all, it's not like the biggest magical power in Equestria is about making sure everypony looks out for each other, right?

(Rated Teen for language - mental cursing mostly.)

I have no idea what happened. One second, I'm sitting at my desk, working. The next second, I'm Sombra. Or rather, I'm in his body. And nobody seems to believe me about it...

Now with (amazing!) cover art by Mix Up. You can find their work here.

In one world, a high school graduate settles in for the night after a mundane day. In another Twilight Sparkle miscasts a spell. This will surely end well.

Yes that’s right folks, yet another shamelessly self indulgent HiE fic. Ill try to put my own spin on it to keep it interesting.

Begins after Friendship is Magic but before The Ticket Master.

"And we are absolutely certain that's a settlement? That Rhysling already has Indigenous populations?"

"Yes, Commander. There is no doubt. An engineer can fix the probe, but he would not know how to talk to them."

"Alright. Forget the engineer, then. Get me the linguist."

Coverart by SagebrushPony (not on Fimfiction).

Preread by Sunnypack, Shinzakura, Ghuntz, and Admiral Biscuit.

French language support by Conflicting views and Sparktail. German language support by Purple Smart. Russian language support by Alkarasu.

This story follows show canon until the end of Season 1.

Featured on 30 June -- 4 July 2021.

After Planet Aether has been brought to peace and stabilized, Samus Aran doesn't get much rest when she's sent to reconnoiter a nameless planet on the edge of Galactic Federation space. Ostensibly, she was supposed to determine the size of a Space Pirate operation that was mining Phazon on this planet... and mark the place for a quick strike by Federation forces if it came down to it.

But when things become much more complicated beyond what her mission brief had stated, she may find that her fate and those of some unlikely allies may be intertwined. The battle that rages on the ground in a fight for survival and duty may have Samus questioning herself when a new front in an undeclared, nameless war is opened... in her mind.

-This is in no way related to Metroid Equis. No required reading, no relation, nothing. Pretend it does not exist.
-Takes place between Metroid Prime 2 and Metroid Prime 3. Metroid Timeline can be found here.
-Art by Pridark, sourced to her DA. Full picture is there.
-Story assumes very basic knowledge of Metroid universe, but I'll be doing my damndest to make this as accessible as possible.

The Equestrian Northwest is a strange place. Sixty miles northeast of Vanhoover, two towns lay in almost complete isolation. Cascade Hills is a logging town populated primarily by Earth Ponies. Hornloft is a cult colony dedicated to getting away from Equestrian society, populated by unicorns exclusively.

Both of these towns do not like outsiders.

Thirty-three humans find themselves in the midst of these two towns. Outnumbered and limited by a language barrier, they become involved in several cultural misunderstandings, culminating in an incident that leaves at least one pony dead. All of a sudden, it seems like all of Equestria is after them as they make the trek to the southeast in search of safer territory. Some of them have not given up hope on returning home, but they have only one main goal at the moment: get out of Equestria.

With a country to cross, and a military, six national heroes, and a diarchy after them, it may not be so easy. They may seem doomed, but the humans have yet to play their own trump card.

One million years ago, in the year 2017 A.D., humanity discovered two new types of radiation that were being emitted from an unknown region up in space. Using the Hubble space telescope, scientists were able to discover that the radiation was being emitted from an asteroid, which was on a direct collision path with Earth. 

These two newly discovered radiation types were dubbed Keifer's radiation (later nicknamed harmonic radiation) and Chaotic radiation. Keifer's radiation was found to be completely harmless to humans and animals, although it was later discovered that Keifer's radiation tended to be attracted to certain animals. Chaotic radiation, on the other hand, was found to be extremely harmful to humans in large amounts, causing fatal mutations to humans. 

The discovered asteroid was found to be over twice as big as the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. In the year 2018, scientists predicted that the radiation was expected to reach fatal, critical levels by the year 2027. The asteroid itself was estimated to only crash into Earth one thousand years later, long after the rest of humanity would be wiped out by the lethal Chaotic radiation.

As a result of this, world leaders got together and began construction of Utopia, a large underground bunker, capable of housing four hundred thousand people, two thousand from each country. The chosen few were gathered together within Utopia and would be the last of humanity.

However, the radiation was estimated to have a half life of at least 1,000,000 years. This led world governments to invest heavily in suspended animation and cryogenic technology. And finally, in the year 2024, the first cryogenic pod was invented, capable of freezing someone for an infinite amount of time, without the need for sustenance, as long as there was a power supply.

Exactly one million years later, the humans reemerged to begin recolonisation... only to find several sentient species currently inhabiting the planet that they once had absolute, unchallenged authority over. 

One of them was humanity, which was able to recolonise and repopulate the planet from the few members of the human race that managed to survive the Second Flood, long before the Utopians woke up. But there was something wrong, humanity was being used as slaves by the ponies and several other species.

How will humanity answer to the fact that Planet Earth (now renamed Equus) is no longer theirs? Will they make peace with the locals, or will they attempt to wipe them off the face of the planet with their stockpile of nuclear weapons, that were there for the very purpose of reinstating human rule if another creature evolved to their level?

[Heavily inspired by the tv series The 100]

Featured from 19/7/21 to 23/7/21

Featured on 25/7/21

This is the old version of this story. The rebooted version is available here:

Beyond Earth Phoenix Rising