27- A dairy daily job, at long... last?
“Oh, good morning, sir. I look for ‘help offer’ to earn bits.” I ventured when I saw one of the ponies who was looking at the board take a piece of paper to put it there.
“I am the milk pony. My milk is delicious.” He just answered.
The guy just appeared out of nowhere, carrying a basked with a few bottles of milk. That wouldn’t have been strange, we are near the market place after all, but what stood out of this pony was that he was wearing a white jacket. His modesty was preserved though by not wearing any pants. He had a dusty blue coat and jet-black mane and tail.
“If you need bits, I need help. My name is Dairy Cooper, by the way.” He said offering me the flyer he was about to stick to the board.
“Smarty Pants… The pleasure is mine.” I took the piece of paper.
“Special delivery today… and this one is for you.” He offered me a bottle of milk.
“Oh, thank you very much. What you need me to do?”
“This afternoon, in the cow barn. It’s south of here, down the main street, then turn right and walk until you come out of town, you will see the barn. I will be waiting this afternoon, but now I have to deliver this milk to my customers.”
“I will be there, thank you, sir.”
He nodded and walked away.
Such a peculiar pony indeed. He always looked like his stare was lost in the middle distance and he talked in short simple phrases. That worked just fine for me, as I was unable to catch it when a pony went on rambling, used grammatically complex structures or just talked too fast.
I was going to be unable to attend class this afternoon though, so I went to inform Cheerilee (huh, that’s her actual name indeed) to the schoolhouse. I waited for the recess and when she came out, I greeted and told her. She said it was no problem at all. Was she blushing again?
Twilight Sparkle was another thing…
She was at her desk, engrossed with something she was writing.
“Hey, Twilight…” I greeted the purple pony.
“Uh… huh…” She acknowledged my existence, but nothing more. Only the scratching of her quill could be heard in the quiet library.
“I will skip class today. I have job the afternoon.” I informed.
“Huh…” Scritch scratch… dip, dip… scritch scratch… and so on.
“Twilight, you listen me?”
“In a minute, Spike…” Scritch scratch… dip, dip… scritch scratch…
“I see…”
She continued her scribbling. Probably some princess paperwork or something. Maybe her research or a letter to the bigger princesses… I could just go and leave it at that. She wouldn’t discover anyways. Maybe I just could come back after work and tell her my classes went alright, but I was no liar. I would tell her that I had been working instead, and that would probably get her angry or something. I could deal with it later on, but some part of me urged to mess with her just a little bit.
I pushed the inkwell a couple of inches forward with a finger and waited for it to happen.
Scritch scratch… click, clack… scritch scratch… scratch… scritch… scratch? She looked at the nib for a moment, then again tried to dip it in the inkwell, only for it to click-clack on the table.
“Huh…” She frowned at the slightly out of place ink bottle.
“Twilight?” I asked the moment she was out of her trance.
“Oh, hello, Smarty!” She finally greeted me while her magic aura pushed the inkwell back into the perfect spot with a frown.
“I got help offer this afternoon. Talked with Cheerilee and no problem to skip one class.”
“Uh… Smarty, you shouldn’t do that. I will cover your expenses, but your education is important.” She said, deliberately slow for me to understand.
“Cheerilee told it was okay.”
“Okay, but don’t make a *unknown noise* out of it, alright? And study to catch up.” She replied, with a frown.
“Okay, okay. I always study, Twilight.”
“Huh… you finally said my name correctly…” She muttered for herself.
“See? I learn.” I concluded.
We finally said our goodbyes and after a remarkably unremarkable morning and having lunch with the bunch of inhabitants of the castle, I went to the streets and followed Cooper’s instructions to get to the barn.
***
“Don’t worry, Muriel, Cooper said he would bring somepony to help today.” Said Monisha
“I worry indeed, Monisha. Last time, the mare he brought had no idea about how to milk a cow! And hooves are hard, you know.” Replied Muriel
“Imagine if he brought a handsome minotaur!” Said Monica.
“Mind out of the gutter, Monica, stay professional, girl. And you know, not all minotaurs know how to do the job.” Added Monisha.
“But they sure know how to treat a cow…” She fluttered her eyelashes in a dreamy expression.
“Or they just might be a prick like that Iron Will…” Added Muriel.
“It was just the one, Muriel. Stop rubbing salt in the wound!” Monica hmphed.
“Uh… girls? There is somepony coming our way. Or I might just say… somecreature… Wait… Is he a minotaur!?” Monisha exclaimed.
A round of gasps went through the barn as the cows hurried to the fence to take a look at who was coming. Indeed, it wasn’t a pony at all.
“He looks like a minotaur indeed…” Said Muriel.
“Oh, but he has no horns… and looks kind of scrawny.” Added Monica.
“Uh… girls, I don’t think it’s a good idea. If he is ill, I don’t want him anywhere near my udders. Also, he should be resting and recovering.” Monisha took a step back.
“I have heard something about a weird creature, maybe he is no minotaur at all!” Continued Monica.
“Let’s see if he has any idea about how to be around a cow…” Concluded Muriel.
The weird creature went inside the barn, and after a few minutes, Dairy Cooper and him emerged from the back door, carrying the buckets and a wooden stool.
“Good afternoon, girls, this is Mr Pants, he will help us today.” Said the pony.
“Uh… good after… noon?” The creature seemed to hesitate.
The cows all seemed to timidly nod their heads, then looked at each other.
“They are pleasant ladies, Mr Pants. You will have no trouble with them. I have to go now, will be back in a couple of hours. Just do what I told you to do, got it?” Dairy Cooper explained.
“Of course, sir. I got it.” The creature suddenly seemed a little less confident.
The cows retreated a little bit and formed a circle to discuss the situation in hushed tones.
“I’m not letting him touch my udders, no way…” Said Monisha.
“Hmmm… So, is he not ill? Is he just a weird creature? He looks kind of like a minotaur…” Monica smiled a little bit.
“So, you want to go first, Monica? Just remember, mind out of the gutter…” Chided Muriel.
“Uh… I’ll let you go first, Muriel.”
“I’m always testing the grounds. You two should at least step up a little bit. My udders are still sore from the last time we had to teach that mare how to milk a cow.” Muriel protested.
“Nope. No way.” Monisha took a step back.
“I’ll never take away that pioneering spirit of yours, dear.” Monica smiled at Muriel.
“Goodness gracious, you two… Okay, I’ll go first this time… again…”
And so, it was decided. Muriel came close to the creature and adjusted herself near the stool he was sitting on. Monisha took a step back and was watching from a distance, pretending to be ruminating while Monica laid down near Muriel and watched intently. The creature seemed to steel his nerves a little bit.
“Okay… here we go…” He said. Under the watchful eyes of the three cows, he started to milk one of them, Muriel, yes… that one.
Muriel’s face was scrunched in anticipation, like that of a child waiting for an injection or someone bracing for a blow or something painful, but that face didn’t last too long, as she gradually relaxed.
“So?” Asked Monica.
That seemed to startle Mr. Pants a little bit, like he didn’t expect her at all, but he continued. Muriel just nodded in approval, but remained silent, and that sparked a smirk on Monica’s face and Monisha let go a breath she didn’t even know she was holding.
Mr. Pants took a glance back at Monica and saw her intently watching him, then looked around, quite bemused.
“We are not made out of wet paper, dear, you can go a little bit harder on her. You will finish faster that way.” That could have been a perfectly innocent statement if not for Monica’s half lidded eyes.
Now the creature was properly startled. He went from his normal color to pale white and then blushed.
“Monica, stay away. Some creatures feel awkward if you stare at them too much while doing the job.” Chided Muriel.
“Oh, you are no fun.” She turned around and walked away.
“It’s quite alright, dear, don’t listen to her, she’s always the troublemaker.” Muriel tried to calm down the creature.
“Uh… oh… kay…” He replied, while concentrating on his job.
“And you are doing fine, dear, it’s a nice change of pace not having to teach the new pony how to do it all over again.”
“Th… Thanks… you too…” He stuttered.
“Hmmm, a bull of few words, I see.” Muriel muttered to herself.
After a little while, Smarty finished with Muriel, and when she asked who wanted to be next, the answer was clear. There, grinning like a loon was Monica, and even Monisha was stealing nervous glances their way.
“Do me! Do me!” She giggled and pranced in place.
After an awkward moment, they were all set up and he continued doing his job.
“Uhhh… that’s soft. I wouldn’t mind having you around for the milking business.” Remarked Monica in a kind of questionable tone.
“Indeed, dear, those paws of yours are much better than hooves. Even better than a minotaur’s hands.” Said Muriel with emphasis on the ‘minotaur’ part while frowning at Monica antics, trying to re-rail her derailing of the situation.
“Muriel! Did you get a minotaur to…! Oh dear, I can’t believe it!” Exclaimed Monica.
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Monica. I have worked for many farms already.” Explained Muriel, unfazed.
“I want all the juicy details.” She grinned at her.
The creature continued doing his job with the occasional giggle and awkward moment provided by the outgoing Monica, who took particular delight in pestering their hired worker. Finally, it was Monisha’s turn.
The shy cow approached in a very professional manner, and made it easy for him to do his job, she just stood there, with a pensive expression. Monica and Muriel, knowing their friend and cow-worker (huh…) wouldn’t appreciate it, they didn’t interrupt. Also, the creature was already paler than milk itself. If he wasn’t feeling alright, he ought to finish as soon as possible.
Soon, the job was indeed done, and Mr. Pants, the weird minotaur looking creature, took the buckets of milk inside for the pasteurization process before filling up the bottles for the next day. It was a weird change in schedule, as the milking process usually took place in the morning and the deliveries in the afternoon, but as always when a new worker joined the farm, they were a little more flexible at first. And also, the extra milk would go to places like the Leaf Tavern and Sugarcube Corner. Those got iceboxes that kept the milk fresh, so it wouldn’t be a problem. There was also an icebox in the farm, just in case they got a surplus like today.
Mr. Pants also seemed quite deft dealing with machines, like if it was his second nature. The three cows watched from the windows how he operated everything with clockwork precision and got the right buttons and levers actuated. He seemed to be recovering a little bit of color.
He also seemed to be purposefully ignoring the three pair of bovine eyes fixed on him while doing the job. Machines didn’t judge, they just did what they were supposed to do, and indeed didn’t talk back or provided chit-chat while working. That (the chit-chat), believe it or not, might be a plus in some situations, but other individuals preferred the quiet and silence to concentrate on the task at hand.
The job was inspected and Cooper found it satisfactory, excellent, some might add. It was second nature for this creature, his hands were dexterous and his knowledge of machines was sharp, he could be a valuable asset for the farm. Only ponies had cutie marks, but some of the farm workers thought that if he could get one, it would probably be a dairy related one.
As the creature walked away, the three cows leaned on the fence to watch him walk into the sunset, just like a cheesy western movie ending.
“He didn’t say goodbye…” Muttered Monisha.
“He is a bull of few words it seems.” Acknowledged Muriel.
“And he does the job just fine…” Remarked Monica.
“And you scared him away.” Monisha frowned at Monica.
“I what?” Monica looked offended.
“You hurt his feelings with your indecent remarks, and he is a pure and innocent bull for sure.”
“Oh, come on!” Monica said.
“It was quite okay for his first day, if we are lucky, we could have a regular worker in him.” Muriel added.
“I hope it too…” Monisha had a dreamy expression for a moment.
“Monisha?” Monica asked, a little bewildered.
“Good bye, Mr Pants! I hope you come back!” Monisha shouted at him and waved her hooves.
The creature seemed to flinch a little bit, looked back and waved at her. The cow smiled at him and watched him go until he was lost from sight when he took a bend in the way heading to the town.
“He is not coming back…” Monisha sighed and turned around, looking sad.
The silence stretched as the other two cows watched their friend walk away, then they looked into each other.
“It’s always the quiet ones…” They whispered at the same time.
***
Back in the castle, the apetaur returned, but he didn’t say a word, he directly headed to his room. This, on its own was kind of weird, as he usually at least said hello. Spike was the first to notice and he went to his room to check on him and Twilight followed soon.
“Is he really going to be okay?” Twilight asked.
“Um… I think the best thing we can do is to give him some space, I don’t think he is in the mood for a chat.” The small dragon waved his claws in front of him.
“Uh…huh… You are the expert here, Spike…”
“Hey, dude, are you okay?” Spike asked.
“They… talk…” He muttered.
“What does he mean with that?” Twilight asked.
“Um… I think it’s the cows he is referring to…”
“Cows… they… talk…” The apetaur sat on top of his bed, embracing his own legs with his arms and rocking back and forth, his eyes were unfocused.
“Um… of course, they talk, Smarty…” Twilight confirmed.
“Equestria to Smarty? Hey dude!” Spike waved, but the apetaur didn’t respond.
“Yeah… let’s give him some space, he is not responding to any signal…”
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11653439
I have the name in my head... but I want to play with it for a little while. Maybe in a sequel it will be revealed.
Hey I kinda want him to still go to that farm... ya know after he gets over never being able to look at steak the same
Nice. Nice, nice, nice, nice… A very nice chapter indeed.
Brain has encounterd a double bull exception. Please restart system.
It seems Smarty just became "lactose intolerant."
I think he didn't expect talking cows. I'm sure cheerilee will get it soon and explain why he a bit freaked out. She was the first to get that he wasn't a pet or some sort of animal but just as a person as they are.
Tbh I don’t think I seen HiE stories with the human taking this kind of job. It would work for anyone and easy money. Though, them talking can be awkward at first but over time he probably get use to it.
Wait… I think I’ll have a hard time telling them I love steak 🥩
And the sea shall run white with his rage.🫡
Did he do some accidental cannibalism in Equestria or something?
Yep Mr. Pants. The cows can now talk!
Wait now that he can communicate with them cant he just tell them his species name?
lol Spike said the thing at the end.
Maybe I should buy Psychonauts 2 at some point. I heard that game was good.
What? He felt down after seeing cows talk? As if he hasn't seen ponies talk all day already.
11655715
There's likely no word for humans in the equestrian language, so he might need more experience with it to correctly communicate that.
Ya… that would be awkward for anyone… have a feeling he’s gonna need a break
Later that night, Spike is going to find him sitting in front of the fireplace...
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/590/388/409.png
They talk...
> carrying a basked
… basket
This chapter had me cackling. The greatest of culture shocks upon landing in Equestria, for sure
Guess he isn't gonna be able to look at dairy the same way
Poor guy he's never going to be able to look at hamburger the same way again.
Best way to convey it to them is, "imagine if the flowers you eat started talking to you. Though it's not exactly the same thing, it's close enough." ... Plus the innuendos...
few people were going on about meat what about when he realises he's been grabbing hold of some.
11655763
And? Are you saying you wouldn't react the exact same way if an animal that you ate as food for your whole life could suddenly talk to you out of the blue? Equestrian ponies are different enough from Earth native ponies the culture shock of them talking wouldn't hit as hard anyway. Oh, and ponies aren't food on Earth, so no horror aspect to it either.
11655761
Oh, it is. Specially when exploring the mindscapes, which are gorgeous, filled with symbols and deeper meanings connected to each individual's backstory.
100% recommended.
Special delivery today
Proceeds to throw molotov
11655763
More like culture shock. He felt surprised and overwhelmed and confused because despite ponies being the humans of their world he hasn't seen anything really that unfamiliar but I think the cow being so similar yet so different caught him off guard. He just needs time to get used to it.
Oh geez dude, you should have figured you're in a different world by now. Talking ponies and a dragon should have given you the clue and desensitized you. I absolutely would have had fun talking to those cows. Women love chit chat gossip and if you can keep pace with them as a guy, they'll treat you all sorts of nice.
11659565
Yeah but they are just different enough so that he doesn't expect that so similar to home and yet not in the slightest way similar. Yes he probably could have guessed but he didn't expect that and got culture shocked.
Of course cows talk. Clearly, Smarty has never read "The Far Side" comics!
nice story so far, would love to read more ^^
No, I caught up! Well, I’ll just have to wait for the update.
11666527
I don't have that in mind for the near future
Ok. I now feel uncomfortable of intelligent cows being milked because........
you know if you think about it out of context.
11690078
*Wolves by Kanye West plays*