11- At least the lizard got it
It was nice to have a little moment of solitude to ponder my situation once I closed the bathroom door. It was clear that I was in a real place, this wasn’t a dream, as I had been here for a few days and slept and woke up and so on…
I was also being taken care of, so my immediate survival wasn’t going to be a problem anymore, and these little equines seemed determined to help me, give me food and a place to stay. By this point, I was starting to lose hope in being rescued. This place looked like a fantasy book, and I couldn’t find a way back.
I needed to communicate more reliably with the locals. Now that my survival and wellbeing weren’t on the line and I wasn’t freaking out as hard anymore about this place, I could focus on investigating what the hell happened to me to end up in this place. I couldn’t figure it out on my own, so the next logical step would be to establish some kind of communication. I needed to learn their language, but it made little to no sense. All of them seemed to produce a different set of sounds, the only thing they had in common was that musical intonation that made it sound like a song. The only reaction I could get was when I reproduced the musicality of the word those little ones were learning, and what a reaction did I had…
I kind of have mixed feelings about Yellowings now.
Well, time to enjoy my alone time and get a refreshing shower in this hotel like room.
***
After the creature escaped into the bathroom and closed the door, Twilight lit up her horn ready to teleport…
“Twilight! Fluttershy told us to give him some privacy!” Spike interrupted.
Twilight groaned in frustration again. “Some privacy, give it a room… It’s not a pony, Spike! It’s a new kind of creature; there is no time to waste! There are a lot of things to do, a lot of things to record… a lot of… of…”
“Twilight…” Spike took a step back, knowing how crazy the young princess could be some times. Her disheveled mane, eye twitches and lack of sleep were the indicators of another ‘episode’ of hers coming. Princess Celestia asked him to send an emergency message if he suspected things were about to get out of control after the ‘tardy report incident’. Of course, it was his duty to protect Twilight even from herself. Spike started to consider doing so.
“I mean… it’s not a regular creature. Fluttershy said it is very intelligent, it learned how to say ‘mommy’. It could even be sapient… Maybe it can even talk in another language, but we can’t understand it!” Spike tried to reason.
“All civilized cultures of Equus have at least some notions of Harmonian Equii or talk a similar dialect with the common Harmonian roots… it’s the universal language established a few thousand years ago. The sounds this creature produces lack any Harmonian Pattern that could be identified as a civilized language. It is clear that it can’t talk.” Twilight explained.
“But… some critters can communicate between them with their sounds, maybe…” Spike reasoned.
“Elemental, my dear Spike. Some CRITTERS can use a complex array of sounds to communicate between them some simple messages of danger, food, and so on. This doesn’t make it intelligent! Further research is required for that.
“But it is able to learn, he said ‘mommy’ to Fluttershy…” Spike replied.
“That makes it as intelligent and civilized as a parrot. Really, have you read the book I gave you your last birthday? The one about the origins of the world, the different languages and their roots, how dragons adopted the Draco Harmonian and how it is related to Equii Harmonian…” Twilight went on with her theory.
“It can be an alien from a different planet!” Spike interrupted Twilight. “It can be a part of a really advanced sapient race with… I don’t know… super technology instead of magic! Space ships that can go around the…”
“Of course, you have been reading comics instead…” Twilight deadpanned. “Spike, we need to focus on a scientific study about what we know for sure and don’t go crazy with jumbo-mumbo theories. We know for a fact that this being is related to primates in some way, it is from a warm environment and lacks any visible fur. It’s a mammal because it has hair, might be related to minotaurs…” Twilight went on and on for a few minutes and Spike didn’t bother to follow.
“Um… Twilight… don’t you have, errr… better things um… more productive things to do than pacing around in circles in front of his door?” Spike tried to redirect the alicorn’s energy.
“Of course! We need to prepare the experiments!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Uh… not what I had in mind. Don’t we have princess stuff to do?” Spike muttered.
“The laboratory, we need to bring the intelligence tests, maybe some puzzles, the labyrinth for rats… Uh, were you saying something?”
“Uh… not really… Um… isn’t he too big for the labyrinth?” Spike asked.
“I know a couple of temporary shrinking spells. Don’t worry, they are totally safe.”
‘Totally’ and ‘safe’ in the same sentence coming from a frazzled-out Twilight were usually a sign of danger.
“Can’t we begin with letting him draw with pen and paper and see what he can do?” Spike offered.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Spike. That would require a level 3 intelligence according to Hooffington’s Theory of Intellect. We need to prove the previous two levels before moving on.” Twilight explained.
“I’ve already seen him drawing when I was helping Rarity make him a dress…” Spike interjected.
“Yes, my dear Spike, but this is a whole new species, this might be big for the scientific community, I need to make the scientific paper as accurate, precise, formal and by the book as possible, or else, it’s going to be picked up by other scientists, and I don’t want that to happen to probably one of the most impressive species discovery in years!”
At least, Spike succeeded in bringing Twilight down to the castle’s lab and away from the creature’s doorstep for some time, giving him some space. Spike felt a pang of guilt about what was about to happen to him, but there was no way to stop the trainwreck in time, he was in damage control already as he watched the impending crash approach. He reached for the emergency breaks in the form of quill and paper while Twilight was rummaging the various lab items that were going to be used.
“Spike! What is that for?” Twilight pointed at the parchment and quill.
Spike jumped out of his scales for a second there, but he quickly recovered “Oh! This! Um… we want to… make a record of the… preparations?”
Twilight stared for a few seconds, the gears in her head grinding and for a moment, Spike got hit by the paranoia that maybe the alicorn has seen through his plan.
“PERFECT! Good idea, Spike! If I want to make this serious, we should record EVERYTHING!”
Spike let go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
After some more rummaging and setting up some tables with all sort of puzzles and intelligence related tests, Twilight redirected her attention to Spike and cleared her throat with an obviously fake sound meant to tell Spike she was about to say what was meant to be written.
“The first step of the intelligence estimation will be a basic stimulus and reaction test mechanism…” She said out loud.
‘Dear princess Celestia. I hope I’m not interrupting you doing anything important, but I need to tell you…’ Spike wrote.
“…For that purpose, and assuming the subject is related to primates, a banana is going to be used to attract his attention…”
‘…that Twilight is likely going to have one of her breakdowns soon.’
“A bell will be ringing every time a banana is given, then, only the bell will be ringing to check if a basic association of stimuli is achieved.”
‘…She is starting to become obsessed with the investigation of a new creature Fluttershy found in the Everfree Forest, and I am seeing all the signs we talked about.’
“This will show a level one intelligence according to Hoofington’s theory, then, the next…”
And so on, Spike continued writing his emergency letter for Celestia as Twilight continued to describe in detail the tests and experiments she was about to conduct. At least he was able to get her away for around half an hour before she went again to the creature’s door to wait for him.
***
Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop… *whinny-snort-neigh*… Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-… *Roar-grunt-growl*… CLOP! *Whinny neigh*… Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop…*Frustrated neigh*… Clip-clop, clip-clop…
Yes… they were in front of my door again, waiting for me. It looked like Purplesmart was pacing in circles and having a conversation with the little purple and green lizard. And Purplesmart wasn’t happy about the waiting. I was amazed how different their voices and vocalizations were, but how similar intonation and cadence they had, giving a certain kind of musicality to it. Only that rhythm and pitch variation that made it sound like a song was present in both voices, the same musicality I reproduced for Yellowings. Maybe it wasn’t about how they vocalize, or how they articulate the sounds what made out their language.
Apart from the slight differences in size and shape, all the bathroom applications were completely functional for a human like me due to the fact that they were all very generous in size when compared with the ones in Yellowings’ house. I have been in the shower and I had taken my sweet time. That’s probably why they were getting so nervous out there.
Opening the bathroom door, I looked carefully around the room. They were outside. I hastily took my belongings and hid them under the bed. That was probably not a very clever hiding spot, but I had no time to do any better than that.
Clean and groomed, wearing the dark outfit with light blue trims I opened the door of my room. Purplesmart scowled at me and said something that sounded slightly angry. Then, the lizard interrupted her, causing Purplesmart to roll her eyes.
Then she turned around and started to walk away, pausing to look back at me and talked to me again. I could guess she was explaining something. The lizard interrupted her again with the same sound as before. One of Purplesmart’s eyes twitched and a single strand of her bangs sprang out of place. She smiled awkwardly and motioned me to follow.
We came into the castle’s library. There were papers, books and notebooks everywhere. It looked like a lot of people had been studying here recently…
***
“There you are! Do you have any idea for how long we’ve been waiting for?!” Twilight shouted at the creature. “There is no more time to waste, I want to perform a few experiments on you and we are running late on the schedule.”
“Errr… He can’t understand you. You know, right?” Spike interrupted her.
“Okay, come with us.” Twilight turned around and headed towards the library.
“Twi… He can’t understand…” Spike repeated a little more concerned.
Another bang of Twilight’s mane sprang out of place and her eyes twitched. After a moment of thought, she tried to make a gesture to catch the attention of the creature for it to follow her. It kind of worked, because it started to walk behind them, letting her lead the way.
The library was a mess… another danger indication and another step into the ‘tardy incident’ protocol. The usually tidy and organized alicorn making a mess of her work space was something to take into account. Spike was holding the letter to Princess Celestia in his claw already, waiting for Twilight to be distracted to send it via dragon fire.
“Keep an eye on it, Spike. I’ll be right back!” Twilight ran out of the library. After a few loud noises of something dropping to the floor and some intense rummaging in the cupboards, Twilight emerged from the kitchen with a single banana in her telekinetic aura. Spike didn’t have time to send the letter.
“This!” Twilight showed the piece of fruit like if it was the ultimate answer. “It is a primate, so it will like a banana. We are going to be able to control it with the correct incentive! We will use this method to lure him into the lab, as a part of the first experiment.”
“Errr… I think it’s going to be more complicated than that…” Spike said quietly.
“Ba-na-na.” Twilight emphasized each syllable with a telekinetic movement of the piece of fruit. “Do you like it? Of course you do… come here… let me study you.”
But the creature just deadpanned at her.
“I think it’s not working…” Spike observed.
“Nonsense! It has to work.” The creature just stared at her, and it looked mildly offended.
“He… not like…” Spike stuttered.
“Hush!”
“The banana…” Spike whispered.
“Shut up, I almost got it!”
“Angry…” Spike smiled awkwardly at the creature. “Creature no banana…”
In a quick motion that took them both by surprise, the creature grabbed the banana from Twilight’s aura before she could react. “Banana” The creature said, raising an eyebrow to it, and then left it on the table and crossed his arms. Spike sighed in relief.
“He… learned a new word!” Spike exclaimed.
“Wow… he is going to ace all intelligence tests I’ve prepared for him! This is going to be HUGE for the scientific community!” Twilight giggled.
“Can we just… start teaching him words and how to talk?” Spike ventured what looked like the best course of action.
“Don’t be silly, Spike, we have to gather EVIDENCE first! All the tests are ready downstairs anyway. Then, when we have the whole mental and biological profile, we can come up with the best course of action.”
“But what if we… kind of… offend him with the more basic tests?”
“It is calm enough now… I will perform the scans for its natural thaumatic aura first.” Twilight’s horn lit up and a few symbols appeared out of thin air around the being, forming a cylinder of spinning purple light. They circled around it for a few seconds. The creature looked at them in fear, not daring to move for a moment. Then it took a few steps back and the symbols sparkled and fizzled out of existence, startling it further.
Twilight looked in shock as her scanning spell fell on itself as the creature ran to the opposite corner of the library, keeping a wary eye on her.
“This is not… possible. It’s like it didn’t even have a magical aura… a creature like it… shouldn’t be… alive…” Twilight said to herself. “N…No… I have to be missing something, maybe a protection spell… a magic shield… or… or… COUNTERSPELL!”
Twilight continued using one counterspell after another, but all of them seemed to fail. It just looked like there just wasn’t any spell to counter. Meanwhile, Spike tried to calm the panicking creature. Twilight’s magic was freaking him out.
“Spike! Bring me the Tome of Passive Defensive Magic volume 3! I have to check all the possible spells that may be protecting it…” The alicorn demanded.
The drake brought her the book and took a few steps back. Twilight grabbed the tome in her magical aura and began flipping the pages back and forth. Taking the opportunity, Spike started to consider ways of slipping away from Twilight for enough time to send his emergency report without suspicion.
“Oh… no… nononono… Already tried this… and this… this can’t be… This can’t be happening… *sniff* If I can’t even figure out a basic counterspell for a passive protection… Celestia will take my wings off… and she will send me back to… to…” Twilight banged her head against the desk.
Oof… Both Spike and the creature cringed at the sound.
The creature had been staring at the panicking alicorn for a while. Twilight was crying. Spike was keeping an eye on the young princess and another on the creature, ready to tell her he had to go to the bathroom for a moment. The creature also looked concerned about the princess.
“Don’t worry… She will get over it. I have everything under control…” Spike tried to comfort him. “…Of course… you can’t understand me…”
“Uh, Twilight… I need to go to the bathroom for a mo…” But his words died in his throat as the creature got up and walked slowly towards Twilight.
***
Yep… Purplesmart was crying… Then she said something and banged her head on the desk.
I was having mixed feelings.
I was scared of her after all of her magic tricks and light shows and stuff… but that cute little thing crying was too sad… And I wasn’t hurt, so probably she was sorry for scaring me? I felt the need to do something, but what?
The little lizard told me something in his rhythmical and musical grunts and growls. He had a piece of parchment rolled up in a claw and a red quill in the other. He looked apologetic? Sad? I didn’t really know.
Considering my options, I decided that I was going to try to cheer that little purple equine up. I wasn’t hurt and she looked stressed all the time. I walked on trembling legs, slowly so I wouldn’t startle her. The little lizard was saying something, but stopped to watch me with wary eyes.
The mare was quietly crying and sobbing with her head resting on the desk near her book. She saw me out of the corner of her eye and turned her head to face me. Her cheeks were frazzled and damp with tears; her coat was a mess and her mane disheveled. She even smelled a little bit.
Okay. Yellowings loved when I petted her… for some reason. If they are the same species… well, at least similar enough, they might like the same things.
“Okay, look… It’s okay… I’m not mad, please, stop crying…” I raised a trembling hand towards her chin, but she looked suspiciously at it and leaned back a little. I continued to approach her and she leaned back further, then frowned at me and squinted her eyes in suspicion. Probably she was trying to look slightly menacing, but in her state, she only managed to look like a confused puppy.
The moment she looked to me and away from my hand I took the chance and scratched timidly her chin. She flinched at the contact, but didn’t retreat. She said something in a low voice, still staring at me with her eyes squinted in suspicion.
Her mane was a mess, so I rested my other hand on top of her head and ran it through it and down her neck using my fingers as a comb. She immediately tensed and her eyes went wide open, but stayed still.
I repeated the action and her wings ruffled slightly, then her eyes started to close slowly. I could see that they were reddened and had dark bags under them. When was the last time this poor thing slept? Or took a shower?
She faced toward the desk again and her head wobbled, then leaned into my other hand as I continued to scratch her chin and comb her mane, adding a little pressure on my fingertips to massage her scalp and neck. She mumbled some unintelligible neighs that lacked any cadence or pitch variations and her wings went limp on the floor as she rested her head on the table. Soon, cute little snores could be heard.
The little lizard came closer and chuckled, still holding the piece of paper in his claws, he seemed relieved.
***
Spike couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The creature got up and approached the distressed mare, then gave her a massage and Twilight fell asleep! This could actually be really good. Without her tired brain going paranoid, she would probably be a lot more reasonable tomorrow. Spike still kept his emergency report just in case, but this creature had managed to put Twilight to sleep.
Chuckling, he approached the strange being. “Wow, dude… that was amazing. You have no idea how much that helped.” Spike looked up at the creature and shrugged. “Oh, right… you can’t talk.” The mysterious being shrugged back and they both smiled at each other.
“Well… I need to bring a blanket and a pillow to her… If she sleeps all day like that, she is going to have a terrible backache tomorrow.” Spike started to move the mare into a comfortable position on the floor. Then, a spark of realization shined on the creature’s eyes.
The creature bent down and grabbed Twilight carefully and lifted her from the floor. Twilight curled up immediately on its arms like an oversized dog. Spike looked at it a little bit confused until he realized what was going on.
“Oh! Of course! Twilight’s room is this way.” And the baby dragon pointed the creature in the right direction and they put Twilight on her bed. Spike and the creature came out of Twilight’s room and the drake’s stomach growled.
“Uh… I guess its lunch time. Well… we can cook something. Do you want to help? I could teach you a few more words too meanwhile!”
Finally, they both left Twilight resting blissfully and went to the kitchen.
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At least Spike is willing to think outside the box.
Ah Spike the intelligent and reasonable. Hopefully he teaches the guy important word so Twilight can top being retarded. Is this guy going to ever get a name?
Spikes emergency protocol was funny 😁.
I hope SI knows how a lot of how technology works so he can give Spike the super tech he deserves.
Computer science basics with CrashCourse:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8dPuuaLjXtNlUrzyH5r6jN9ulIgZBpdo
A visually accurate set of videos from BranchEducation:
https://youtu.be/5Mh3o886qpg
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Spike is such an underrated character sometimes.
11398776
Twilight will be probably more reasonable, and yep, he is going to learn more words and figure out the language. And about the name... well, it's part of the joke of this story, as I was in part inspired by a spanish book called "Sin noticias de Gurb" in which a couple of aliens come to Barcelona in Spain and one of them, Gurb, goes out in a mission and goes missing, the whole story is about the other one talking in first person and never mentioning his name, looking for Gurb and always finishing each chapter with "Still no news from Gurb". As 'Anon' stories are plenty in this site, I decided to do kind of a joke about it, making the character anonymous without being 'Anon', just making it so that his name just never gets mentioned. Well, he gets a pony name in the future, as in 'Cheery Cheesy Cheeky Romance Hoers Words' they call him 'Smarty'.
11399271
He knows some. Interesting videos by the way. I had a general idea how memory worked, but not the exact terminology and the details. Anyway, there will be exchange of ideas, but I don't think they will delve too deep into it. Probably the phone will spark some interesting conversations.
I love this story keep up the great work can't wait 4 more
The human will learn Spike is a dragon, and promptly teach him that on Earth, a dragon's favorite food is... UNICORNS!!
11432312
That's a thing? That's hilarious.
finally...
SANITY
This chapter shows why Spike is the most underrate of all the MLP characters. He may be young, but he is really more level-headed than most ponies. Without him, Twilight would become worse than a shut-in Moondancer.
If I was in his place, I would go to the blackboard, pick up the chalk, and write this:
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1+2=3
3-2=1
1*2=2
3/2=1.5
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
This is why Toollight is the last pony you want helping a human.
If something does not fit neatly inside her existing notion she MAKES it fit. No matter what sort of damage it ddoes. She is basically like the "scientists" who "proved" that X group (African/ Irish/ etc) was inferior to their own. Sounds well intentioned and ethical but really just parroting other bigots and using bad or even fake data to validate a preconceived idea.
Next time Spike, try punching her in the face. Where reason fails to dislodge the stupid, violence - especially the unexpected variety - succeeds.
I firmly believe that Spike is actually the protagonist of FiM, and no one let the writers know. This is why Spike-centric episodes suck, because they're treating him like a background character promoted to center stage. Nope, he just doesn't want Sunbutt to know he's setting himself up to take over Equestria - for their own good.