Twilight was anxious, pacing back and forth in her bedroom, thinking of any way this situation could have been handled in a better way. She was the princess of friendship and has made the most stupid mistake…
“Twilight?” Spike hesitantly said.
“Uh… yes Spike?”
“What’s going on that’s got you pacing back and forth with a frown?”
“The apetaur thing, Spike… I… shou… I… becau…” Twilight sighed.
“It’s okay, Twilight…”
“No, it’s not… I failed.”
“No you didn’t, you are trying your best, and no real harm was done, I guess…”
“Maybe, but we need to make up with him.” Twilight replied.
“You are providing food, safety and shelter to him, you are doing plenty already.” Spike remarked.
“But we need to do better, I need to treat him like a fellow pony, it didn’t cross my mind he could miss his friends and family, and be scared because he is in an unknown place…”
“Well, you are the local princess, make him officially a pony?” Spike’s tone became awkward at the end of his sentence as even he was unsure about what he was saying.
Twilight though, was deep in thought, and then she perked up. “Spike! You are a genius!”
“I am? I mean… of course I am!”
“Yeah… pretty humble too…” Twilight rolled her eyes at the drake’s shenanigans.
“Of course, I’m the humblest… Uh… but what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to make him an official inhabitant of Ponyville, so he can be considered legally a citizen of Equestria, so everypony will treat him as any other pony!” Twilight explained.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”
“Although… I should at least inform Princess Celestia at this point. If everything we have investigated is true and he is from a different world and said world has an advanced society like Cheerilee said, we should take careful steps. The last thing we need is to create a diplomatic conflict with his people. Equestria is the land of friendship after all.”
“Great! I’ll take the quill…”
And just like that, Twilight was in her element, said element being to write an official document, in this case, a letter to Princess Celestia. Just like an old comfy blanket, the words just rolled out the way they always did…
Dear Princess Celestia,
A couple of weeks ago, my friend Fluttershy found an unknown wounded creature in the Everfree Forest. It is a big biped ape-like creature, and she nursed him back to health. It would not be of any remark if not for the fact that nopony seems to know what it is.
I personally investigated the case and found no other evidence of this kind of creature, so I assumed it was a new species. After more investigation, with the help of my friends and Miss Cheerilee, the local teacher, we discovered not only that said creature is intelligent, but also misses his friends and family. We are under the impression he was part of some kind of society, but we are having trouble communicating with him because he doesn’t speak Harmonian, nor any Harmonic language that is known to ponykind.
Despite lacking harmonian patterns in the sounds he produced, those seemed pretty complex, and in time, he started to imitate some harmonics and eventually formed words. This was highly troubling at first because we assumed he was an animal, but he has shown a high level of intelligence and has already started to learn our language. On hindsight, this assumption seems kind of silly, as he was wearing clothes and has a bag with unknown items, but we didn’t understand the use of most of them and he seemed protective, so we did not investigate too deeply.
He seems to lack any kind of magic, and under some conditions, he also seems resistant to it, but more experimentation should be conducted in that regard to draw any conclusions.
A few days ago, he changed his behavior and got really sad and reclusive. This is what ended up being him being depressed about his situation. He explained his teacher that he missed his friends and family and wants to go home, which brings me to the actual purpose of this letter.
He seems to have good intentions and his current situation was an accident. I want to investigate a way to send him back home, and maybe find a new fascinating society of these creatures, but in the meantime, I would like to propose giving him citizenship of Equestria and to register him in Ponyville under my care and protection as any other pony, so he does not get treated as an animal ever again.
I also want to proceed with caution, as the last thing I want to cause is a diplomatic incident, so I will consult him too about this and make sure he understands and that he is happy with this arrangement. That is why I am writing this letter, to keep you informed about the situation and to ask for any other advice you might have to handle a situation like this.
Yours faithfully, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
As Spike was finishing the last touches, Twilight thought about how she almost had said ‘your faithful student’ at the end of her letter like she used to do before becoming a princess of her own. This was something that was hard to get used to.
The letter was sent and after a few minutes, Spike burped and a new letter with the seal of Princess Celestia’s cutie mark started to fall, but Twilight got it with her magic and a wide smile before it touched the ground.
My dearest Twilight,
I’m glad you handled this situation and are taking care of it personally. As the Princess of Friendship, you have the authority make him part of our society. I trust your judgement in the matter and will fully support your decision.
I would like you to keep me informed of the progress he is making and any need or special request he might have, as we need to treat him as an ambassador from his people until we can establish a formal diplomatic relationship. We ponies need to cause a good impression on him just in case we end up discovering a whole new race of creatures that, as you described him, might be friendly to us.
If he is as intelligent as you are describing him, once you manage to help him learning our language and he has a basic understanding and can maintain a conversation, I would like to personally interview him to assess his situation.
We can also catch up the next time we meet, and this seems like a nice opportunity to do so.
Sincerely yours, Princess Celestia.
Twilight felt a little bit of apprehension as the decision making was upon her shoulders, and Princess Celestia limited herself to grant her the authority to do what she considered to do, but it lasted little time, as she had already made up her mind about it. Tomorrow, they would go to the town hall.
***
Three equally spaced, average force, standard and measured knocks were heard in the mayor’s office in Ponyville’s Town Hall. Such an inconvenience, why couldn’t her secretaries handle this one? Mayor Mare thought she had made it clear she was not to be disturbed at this moment.
“Excuse me, but I’m very busy right now.” She answered and didn’t open the door.
The pony behind the door had other plans by the look of it, as the knocking repeated.
“Far too busy to talk right now, I’m the mayor, after all…” Mayor Mare kept a calm tone, while she continued to go trough some documentation regarding the new market rights and taxes.
But the door had other plans, and one of Mayor Mare’s assistants opened it.
“Mayor mare? Princess Twilight…”
“I told you I was not to…WHAT!? Oh… I’m sorry Your Highness… I was… um…” Mayor Mare almost did a backflip at the sight of the local princess in her office. And the elements of harmony, and… the weird creature that has been around Ponyville for some days… And the local teacher.
“Mayor Mare! Good evening, I have a very important case that need to be solved.” Twilight came inside the office, followed by her friends and Miss Cheerilee to act as a translator, and of course, the apetaur. She needed to have as many witnesses as possible to spread the information that the creature was an official inhabitant of Ponyville.
“Oh… and… what will it be? If I may ask…” She was a little overwhelmed by the sudden outbreak of ponies into her office.
“We would like to inscribe a new citizen into Ponyville’s registers and to give him the proper documentation.”
“Oh… of… course. The 404 formularies are in the main hall in the left top corner of the rack… Once one of those is filled, the request may be sent and then processed and granted by the authorities and the crown…” Mayor Mare started to tell them the standard procedure.
“I have already consulted with Princess Celestia herself, and I also grant the permission required, so there is only a matter of paperwork.”
“Ugh… of course, Your Highness…” Mayor Mare barely contained a coughing fit.
“Twilight, please… just Twilight.” The alicorn interrupted.
“Oh… kay… I’ll send… Inkwell! Please, would you be so kind to bring me a copy of the 404 form?” Mayor told one of her assistants.
After a couple of minutes, said assistant came back, sans the form.
“I’m sorry, Mayor Mare, but the form 404 was nowhere to be found…”
“Seriously? No matter how many of them I order, or where I put them, they always go missing… Well, we will have to make do with the 502 form… is not the right way, but it will serve for us.” The 502 was always the wrong way to do things, but with the 404 missing, she would only need five minutes to patch up one of those and annotate the pertinent clarifications.
Twilight had tried to explain the situation to the apetaur with mixed results, so Cheerilee was needed, and she translated the current procedure mostly, for the most part, to the creature. He seemed to understand the general idea at least. Most of the words didn’t make any sense to him, but with basic words, the teacher was able to convey the basic idea of an official document for him to have a registered identity. But there was still a problem…
“This could pass as his signature, but we still need an official name, one that is legible.” Mayor Mare, Cheerilee and Twilight looked at the unknown scribble that was put down on the ‘name’ department.
“His sounds don’t make any sense to us… We can’t even transcribe them…” Twilight pointed out.
“That wont work for this…” Responded Mayor.
“But… can’t we bypass that somehow?”
“Well, Pri… Twilight, you are the princess, after all, but… if we want to give him an official identity that can’t be pronounced, identified or read by any official institution, what’s the point then?”
“You are right… How do we do this?”
“Eeeeh… can’t we just give him a nickname or something?” Rainbow dash intervened.
“Uh! Uh! Chimicherry!” Pinkie bounced around with her suggestion.
“Um… Bu… Bu… Butterscotch?” Fluttershy, who was already cowering in a corner, just tried to make herself smaller when everyone looked back at her. “Eeeep… I just wanted to call him something sweet…”
“Tall Stuff.” Said Rainbow.
“Mr Handy?” Suggested Applejack.
“Gentle Pants?” Said Rarity.
“Picklebarrel! Because he was kind of a pickle when I tried to throw him a welcome party.” Pinkie made another suggestion.
“Can’t we just ask him what he wants to be called?” Proposed Cheerilee.
“I think that could work…” Responded Twilight.
“Pants… pants… oh, I think I got it, girls…” Interrupted Rainbow.
“Yeah? What is it?” Twilight arched an eyebrow, already wary of the way the prismatic pegasus had said it.
“SMARTY PANTS!” Rainbow Dash snickered afterwards.
“Uh… that…” Twilight ears went flat and absolutely not a blush adorned her features.
“Oh, darling, that’s quite lovely!” Rarity added.
“See, Twilight? It fits!” Rainbow grinned down at her.
“Uh… I… he is kind of smart…” Fluttershy added.
“And… he always wears pants.” Applejack said.
“See? It’s perfect! Unless, of course… you are not over that little incident back then and it reminds you of that and WANT or NEED to use another one…” Again, Rainbow snickered.
“FINE! I’m fine!” Twilight was absolutely not blushing in embarrassment, no, absolutely not, it was just the heating of the building… She was totally fine.
“So, have we decided it yet?” The mayor coughed to call for attention.
“Yes, yes… his identity in Equestria is going to be Smarty Pants…” The alicorn said, puffing out her tuft and adopting a dignified pose, and absolutely not a blush in her face.
And so, it was decided. After a few minutes of paperwork and a couple of old fashioned black and white pictures of his face (they were wary of him freaking out at the advanced piece of equestrian technology the camera was, but he seemed just kind of amused by it, even when the pyrotechnic charges went off for the flash), they got all the documentation needed and a provisional Equestrian Citizenship Certificate was provided until the definitive one could be printed and sent directly to him via royal mail.
Fluttershy hurried away, saying she had to take care of the needs of yet another animal, Rarity back to her store, Applejack back to her family farm and so on… Only Rainbow Dash, Cheerilee, Twilight and the new named Smarty Pants were walking (And in case of Dash, flying) back to the castle to escort him back to his room. Rainbow still was giggling like a loon.
“Rainbow? Do you have something to tell us?” Twilight scowled at her.
“Nothing… *snort* Nothing at all…”
“You sure?”
“You know… you just got a new Smarty Pants; he could just be your new doll…”
“RAINBOW!” Twilight chided.
“You called for it!”
Rainbow flew away, laughing madly at her joke. Twilight huffed and put her snout up in the air with an indignant ‘humpf’ that would make any canterlotian proud. And of course, definitely…
Still not blushing.
Awesome job making a new chapter from scratch! Can’t wait to see it get finished one day
I'm glad Twilight is trying to make amends, but shouldn't she have mentioned to Celestia that the "apetaur" may be an alien, from an heliocentric system?
And then they promptly ignored this completely reasonable option for the sake of a name that came out of a joke. Kinda disrespectful...
Can't say I am fond of Dash here in this fic. First she embarrasses Fluttershy, one of her closest friends since childhood, by joking about her becoming intimate with the human, and getting in the way of progress for them getting anywhere with him, without one shred of remorse. Sure, she saw she made a mistake, but still laughed and carried on without trying to make up for it, as if it's all one big joke. And now she does it again by bringing up something that should be a sore subject for Twilight, her going crazy after her friends wouldn't give her the time of day with her problem and treating it as no big deal. I guess that doesn't matter to her and it's all one big fucking joke. God, I hope karma hits her and hits her hard,
Can we expect Rarity to make him a Smarty Pants costume come Nightmare Night?
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They are still working on that part. It's a mix of half not believing what he drew and half not understanding it. They will come to that at some point.
11526081
Indeed, a title. Glad you enjoyed it!
11526083
It kind of is on hindsight. They got caught in the heat of the moment.
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Smarty Pants will absolutely not be happy about it... Hmmm... a comeback for Dashie would be nice indeed, I will have to think about something.
He also mentions in the sequel that he got that name because someone found it hilarious and there was nobody to stop them. Probably not a fan of Dash either.
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References are a guilty pleasure...
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That's an idea... I don't know if I will go as far as that in the story to be a Nightmare Night chapter.
11526083
But they had just pointed out how it was impractical. None of our phonemes have written equivalents in their language. Yeah, asking him would have been good, but A) it would probably produce something irrelevant and B) not asking is still in character for this crowd.
The reference hit me IMMEDIATELY
Clever touch with the form numbers. Hopefully they'll be able to figure out how to get him home, otherwise they'll need to add Form 301 to his registry file.
"Well... huh, yeah, you did!"
"Oh no..." "I... FAILED! FAILURE!! FAILURE AT MAGIC!! FAILURE AT CUTIE MARK! ERROR 404!!!"
Twilight experiences Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome Level 9 and "Lesson Square Root of Negative One" happens... Nopony survives the onslaught of killer Smarty Pants Terminator dolls.
I just noticed that this story has a "At least..." story arc and a "...At long last" story arc
Phonemes in humans are one thing, English only uses 60 somethoing out of the 70 possible, and I have no idea what the X!ohsa and others click based thing is called amongst others, so currently I can onyl think of score notation or guitar notation etc as varients, and if dry spit, heavy nose blow, squeeky fart means something besides your father smelled of elderberries?
Oh my god. You really did it. I hope you're proud of yourself and your http puns. They are 200.
Good thing Celestia wasn't against this idea and didn't issue Form 403
Also, they should check if Pinkie haven't planted fake Form 418 again...
Maybe if he could get across the translation of his name, he could go by that. For example, "markus" means "warlike" and "jacob" means "anklebiter".
As expected from a good teacher, always trying to understand the need of her student.
I don't know whether to call this a brilliant prank or she just really good at looking for opportunity?
“This is what ended up being him being depressed about his situation. ”
“Twilight, are you having a stroke?”
“shoulders, and Princess Celestia limited herself to grant her the authority to do what she considered to do”
Author, do you need an editor? Some of these sentences are …. not good.
Thanks for the update!
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Honestly, I never considered this important enough to ask for an editor. Probably it needed one from the beginning. I wrote this in a time bracket, so it got very limited revisions and editing.
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On hindsight, I think the joke was a little too much, even for Dash, but it's done.
I never thought Cheerilee would be the sarcastic type either, it just happened. Yes, EQG never happened in this setting, I just watched the first thing of it, didn't like it, and proceeded to ignore the rest.
Spike is indeed really underrated. And yes, I wanted to write this with a non-brony human, maybe slightly into Sci-fi, but not a total freak
like myself. And I'm glad you enjoyed the ride so far.11526461
That would be a fantastic idea. A shame they didn't think about it, probably the language barrier prevented them from suggesting it, or didn't even think his name could have a meaning.
11526413
Come on! I'm a Coffee man, I need the extra caffeine, tea only makes me funny and giggly...
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That seems like an inductive power factor issue. A propper capacitor was provided to bring it back to unity and go back to normalcy. Lost contact with terminator dolls after trying to step on wet floor... it was too quick, data lost.
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If the sequel already out is something to go by... it is probably the case.
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With a slightly jerky and poorly animated and unremarkable but surprisingly effective punch?
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Of course, and besides; when it comes to this fanfic, "looking back, you'll find that coming here was the best decision you'll ever make for yourself". I know it was for me :)
An excellent chapter in one of my favorite mlp verses. Very nice. Cheerilee is well written and deserves Smarty Pants for a husbando.
Ammazing ch thank u
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Dude, EqG didn't need to happen. I didn't like fat lunch lady Granny Smith, didn't like a lot of other things.
Can’t be a mayor without a mustache!
I’m the ma-
I’m the…
I’m…
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I guess I've created a universe with this one... never thought it would go that far. Considering the other story and the plausible sequel to CCCRHW, there is quite a lot to be written.
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Yes, you did. Anytime you take a unique spin on MLP, you make a verse.
I see what you did there
(Rapidly shaing head) Bad idea, we humans, mostly the government, aren't really.......
A war would spell doom.
11528936
(Rapidly shaking head) Bad idea, we humans, mostly the government, aren't really.......
A war would spell doom.
Welp, reached the most recent.
Been quite fun this far, but poor fluttershy... needs to be resolved.
Will hold off reading your "sequel" until this one is complete.
I don't know if someone pointed this out already or not, but since you said that the ponies count in base 4, they wouldn't have numbers 4 and above (in terms of individual digits) so... your error jokes are even more error-y than they're supposed to be
isn't 404 the error code for site not found?
Bad Mondays reference?
11561088
That is the joke, yes.
Hehehehehe I see that ‘error 404 not found’ joke.
you are 403 from making any more http jokes
And points deducted lizard. That sort of thinking is why Twillight keeps makes stupid decisions. She needs someone to tell her "yes you screwed up badly. No, you are not going to be forgiven for a long time if ever. Now how are you going to make sure you do not do this again?" Not to keep telling her its okay when she keeps repeating the same mistakes.
You did say that the EG story never happened in this timeline, but has Celestia been through the mirror, or the Sunset event never happened?
It would be interesting to see Smarty Pants going through the mirror and recognizing that he is in a different earth. Maybe also transforming into some other animal