“My life is over!” Cried Anon. He lay in his hospital bed, surrounded by his closest horse friends. “Pull the plug on me doc, I want to be un-alive now!”
“You aren’t on life support,” replied Mr. Doctor Man (Horse).
“Then put me on life support, and then take me off it!”
“That wouldn’t do anything,” said the doctor, deadpan.
“Why are you so negative?” Questioned Anon.
“There there Anon,” comforted Celestia. “Don’t be so glum chum, you can still live a rich and fulfilling life!”
“No! If the comments have taught me anything it’s that this is a fate worse than death! Now load me into a cannon and launch me in to a volcano, I want to go out in style!” Twilight was about to open her bitch mouth when the door to Anon’s room was kicked open by none other than Elon Musk(c) himself! He somersaulted into the room, and every pony there clapped.
“It’s your lucky day today Anon!” Announced the fabulous billionaire as he did the Macarena. “The FDA says I can start putting stuff in peoples brains! You want to test out my new Neuralink?”
“Will I be able to walk again?” Asked Anon seductively (because why not?)
“Probably!” Replied Elon as he brought it around town at the speed of sound. “Just sign this 400 page document waiving the rights to sue in the case of; death, immolation, super paralysis, blindness, retardation, brain worms, loss of taste, loss of smell, the inability to see the color blue, schizophrenia, autism, internal bleeding, Marfan syndrome, veganism, becoming a Taylor Swift fan, and or becoming a member of Gen Alpha.”
“Anon, are you sure this is a good idea?” Questioned Twilight. “Not that Elon Musk isn’t the most trustworthy person on Earth, but this doesn’t sound safe.”
“Shut your bitch mouth Twilight, I want to kick Rainbow Dash to death and moonwalk on her grave!”
“Excellent choice!” Screamed Elon, so loud that his eyes started to bleed. He stuck a dick shaped pen in Anon’s mouth, and allowed him to sign the paperwork. Once it was done, Elon swallowed the paperwork whole.
“So, what now?” Asked Anon. Elon pulled out his Neuralink thing, and a large wooden mallet. He placed the Neuralink thing onto Anon’s skull, and slammed the hammer down like the hammer of Thor. The thunder of his vengeance echoed through the corridors like the gust of a thousand winds. Elon stepped back and examined his work with pride.
“How do you feel Anon?” Questioned Fluttershy. Anon blinked once…twice…then his head exploded, covering everyone in the room with blood and brain matter.
“Well shit…” said Elon. “Guess it’s back to the drawing board.”
“Elon!” Cried Celestia with tears in her eyes. “Do you not see that your reckless abandon has taken a life on this day!” Elon gently placed a hand on her wither and looked her in her oversized eyes.
“Go fuck yourself,” he said. And she did.
The end…or is it?