A few days passed. The rest of the world continued its course without me, ponies went on with their lives, and Purplesmart kept checking on me every couple of hours, brought me food and tried to engage in small conversation, but I was in no mood, and I was unable to understand most things she said and she was not pushy about it, which I really appreciated. The rest of her friends visited a couple of times each and I just stayed in my room. Despite not doing anything I had no energy and felt tired, no motivation to do anything, I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t despite feeling sleepy all the time.
One day, both Purplesmart and Rainbow had something to do, and their butts were sparkling… which should disturb me, but I had worse things to worry about at the moment. The only important issue for me was that they were going to be away for a while, leaving Smartylocks in charge. Rainbow was wearing an olive-green jacket and was carrying some bags when she arrived, and she was not very happy about something, but Purplesmart seemed to cheer her up. Of course, I didn’t care so I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the predicament. At least they would leave me alone, or so I thought…
Apparently, they have decided beforehand that I should go to the teacher’s house again for more lessons, probably because Smartylocks was going to be busy again with her studies and they didn’t trust her completely to keep an eye on me after the previous episodes. Moreover, Yellowings was nowhere to be seen. Not that I enjoyed being treated like a pet or a child, but she was kind of nice, especially when you were feeling down.
Talking about being treated like a child. I could perfectly stay alone on my own, I didn’t need to have a babysitter all day, but in my current status I couldn’t find it in me to try to resist, I was on autopilot. On hindsight, probably it was exactly that what made them get to the conclusion I needed to be watched over. And for the surprise of no one, the chosen pony to keep an eye on me was the teacher pony, Smiley, again.
This time, when Smartylocks knocked on the teacher’s door, they exchanged some conversation, and Smarty seemed to realize the teacher’s mood and apologized for the inconvenience, the other mare smiled sadly and told me to come inside.
The awkwardness was as intense as always, the only difference was that instead of trying to avoid it and being polite and helpful, I didn’t feel like doing much and just slumped on the old sofa in the living room, we both wanted these lessons to be over as soon as possible and neither of us had the energy to hide it. Me because of my mental state and she, probably, because she was too tired after dealing with the pony children for the whole day. The house was as usual for Smiley, slightly messy, and she tried to take me to the classroom, but I was too tired and, after some nervous glances around at the coffee table covered in papers, the kitchen sink full of dishes and some other assorted items scattered around, she looked back at me and narrowed her eyes. I didn’t know what was going on, but I didn’t care. She seemed to relax a little at my lack of energy, so she put on a slightly forced smile and began her lesson.
“Hello, how are you today?” She asked, talking deliberately slow.
“Fine, thank you.” I answered with the learned formula, but my expression and intonation said the opposite of fine.
“Today, we learn about friends and family! Are you ready?” She announced with cheers, pumping a hoof in the air enthusiastically, but with that forced awkward aftertaste.
This particular subject felt like a punch in the gut, her fake enthusiasm was the icing on top of the cake, and the worst feelings that I’ve got these days came back with a vengeance. “…No… sorry…” Was the only thing I could muster.
A spark of anger crossed the mare’s features, but soon she calmed herself, snorted and looked at me with that expression that teachers use when they met a particularly wayward child trying to disrupt their classes. “Why no want classes?” She said arching an eyebrow at me.
“No fine.” I tried to say the formula for feeling fine, adding the word for ‘no’.
“Are you ill?” She asked, tilting her head to one side.
“No ill… but no fine.” I replied.
“Why no fine?” She asked, a little of puzzlement replacing her anger.
“Friends and family.” I replied.
“What?”
“Friends and family no see. Long time no home. No know how to… back home.” I tried to explain with the few words I already knew. She understood, because all her contained anger was slowly replaced by shock, she raised a hoof, unsure of what to do, then shifted hooves and finally looked down, her ears flat.
“I’m… sorry.” She said.
We spent some time in silence. I just sat there on the couch, looking at the wooden, slightly worn ceiling beams, and she just stared at the floor, scrapping it with a hoof from time to time, probably trying to decide what to do next. Slowly, she walked away and left me alone for some time, and then she came back with some material on her back and mouth. Then, she cleared the coffee table dropping everything on the floor and replaced it with what she was carrying.
“New lesson about (unknown horse noise).” She said while sorting all the items she had just brought and arranged them on the table. There was a globe of the planet, some paper, quills and maps. I didn’t understand the last part of her sentence, but probably it was about places.
And just like that, the lesson changed. She took the globe of this weird planet and started to teach me words about places. ‘Where are you from?’, ‘I’m from this or that place’, ‘I live there’ and other similar phrases. After a couple of hours, I had memorized some formulas and phrases to say basic stuff about this subject.
Finally, when she was happy with my level of Horseish, she asked directly at me “Where are YOU from?” pointing at me with a hoof, and then she offered me the globe and the maps to point the location.
“Not from here.” I said pointing at the globe, and she looked at me confused, but didn’t say anything.
Taking some paper, I drew the same diagrams as I did to Purplesmart before, but this time for Smiley, and her astonishment grew as piece by piece, I explained the universe again using my trusty fountain pen…
***
I felt terrible for him…
This creat… this guy was from another world or dimension, and we’ve been treating him like some strange creature… which he actually is, but nopony stopped and considered that he could be a lost creature with friends and family like any other pony!
I didn’t understand everything he told me, but a lot of what he drew on the paper described an orb-world like Equus, but in another place, with many other orb-worlds going around other orb-worlds and around themselves and… with some crazy princesses messing up the Sun and Moon position. That’s Twilight’s cup of tea… I’ll let her know and see if she can figure out what this guy has to say about his home place, or universe, or whatever. I’m a teacher, not a wizard or a scientist.
Twilight has been studying, analyzing and researching this strange being for a couple of weeks by now, and they didn’t have it figured out yet… You know why? Because nopony asked him directly…
Yay… go, Princess of Friendship…
There was an inside joke around Ponyville, and it was that Twilight’s title, Princess of Friendship, was actually a joke from Celestia. Twilight was always going to be Twilight, or just Twilight being Twilight was said a lot, especially by Spike.
Of course, nopony told her directly, but it was a thing every time Twilight messed up big time because of her lack of common sense regarding basic interactions with other ponies. But we still love her, of course, she is a hero and has good intentions after all.
Except when she showed up out of nowhere and dropped this guy here… like if I had nothing else to do in the world. At least Starlight understood that I was doing a lot of long hours recently.
Probably part of the problem was that he didn’t understand Harmonian, and we couldn’t communicate with him… Maybe Twilight was really doing the sensible thing sending him to me so he could learn the language and then communicate with us ponies. Maybe this whole situation was getting under my skin more than I thought…
And why was I so uncomfortable around him?
Well, he WAS a daunting creature, so tall and weird… and I was supposed to do my job, and teach him like if he was a foal? Truth be told, he was learning really quick. Not only that, but he had managed to learn our basic math system in a couple of days! That would take YEARS for a regular foal.
He was no foal after all, he was from a different society, and he was smart. His society should be really advanced if he could grasp so many new concepts in such a little amount of time.
The lessons were actually over for the day already, and here I was, exhausted, sad and confused. Well, yes, confused because what should I do with this guy? An alien stallion from another world who is depressed because he isn’t sure if he is going to see his friends and family again, confused and scared because our world should look bizarre to him. Yep, I had enough, I did the only thing a Friday evening after working long hours could call for…
I went to the pantry and took a look inside. “Berry Punch’s Double Buck Punch, my cousin’s specialty. I bought a couple of bottles from her because she was bankrupt, as always, after drinking all her money off. She brews some crazy stuff that would be worth quite some bits, but she ends up drinking most of it. And of course, I end up buying some alcohol from her as a way to keep her alive, taking away some booze from her liver and providing some bits for her to buy groceries.” I said it out loud, more to myself than anything, but I felt like keeping up the conversation no matter if he could understand me or not.
“And if you think my cousin Berry Punch is crazy, wait until you hear from my OTHER cousin… Cherry Berry. An earth pony mare with a passion for flying machines. Last thing I heard about her was that she got kidnapped by changelings because she was trying to fly a giant firework, somehow. Oh Celestia, I hope she is alright…”
Oh Celestia… the first bottle was almost empty… and I’ve been ranting out loud all my thoughts. Thank goodness the tall guy doesn’t understand most of it.
I took the mostly empty bottle and a couple of glasses and put them on the coffee table in front of the sofa. The creature was lost in thoughts and didn’t pay attention until I offered a glass of punch to him.
Oh, goodness… I was offering alcohol to a student, what kind of teacher I’ve become? No, not going there. This is a grown-up stallion and I’m a responsible mare, there is absolutely nothing wrong here.
He took the glass of punch, smelled it and took a taste. I raised my glass for a toast, feeling incredibly silly because he probably didn’t understand the gesture, but for my amazement, he actually did, and after that, we both drank our glasses in one go.
“Not fine.” I pointed at me with a hoof, sparking the curiosity of the creature.
“Not fine?” He asked, pointing a claw at me. “Why?”
“Tired…” I said, sprawling on the empty space of the sofa and making a dramatic act of exhaustion, panting with my tongue out like a dog. That actually got a chuckle out of him. “…Worried about my cousins…” I tried to explain, but realized that he didn’t have the words yet “…and bored.” I made a bored face.
“Sorry…” He said.
“No sorry.” I pointed at him. “Not your fault… Twilight should hire someone instead of dropping you at my doormat and asking me to do all the work while she goes on adventures. And my cousins are my cousins… you have nothing to do with them…” He looked at me with puzzlement.
“The bottle is empty… I’ll get the other one.”
***
It was getting late, way later than usual, and we had been drinking a little bit too much. I don’t usually drink, but today felt kind of special. Well, it’s been special ever since I got lost in this place, but you know… even more special today, because I was feeling really down and I needed something to cheer me up. Alcohol wasn’t usually my escape, but the slight buzz that made the existential terror recede a little was a welcome outcome, it made me feel more at ease. Running away from your problems with alcohol is not a healthy thing to do, but sometimes, it is worth to take a break before going back to work at full force. And this girl showed some empathy and seemed to understand a little bit my predicament.
We had been talking about places, but also a little bit about family. I wasn’t sure, but Smiley seemed worried about someone and feeling under the weather right now. She offered me a drink and we drank and relaxed together, but I was starting to worry about my caretakers. None of them showed up to take me home.
“When me go back castle?” I asked, slightly tipsy but still under control.
“Um… tomorrow. (unknown noise) is busy and me take care of you.” Smiley answered, talking slowly and pointing at her and me when she referred to each of us.
“Me sleep here?” I asked. Smiley looked slightly confused, tilting her head in an adorable way.
“Oh, yes! I show you! Come here.” She pointed at her and motioned for me to follow.
She took me to a bedroom, probably her bedroom by the look of it. Actually, her little house only had one, so that was it. She pointed at the bed, then got close to it and pulled the covers a little with her mouth, inviting me to take a seat, so I did.
“You sleep here.” She pointed at her bed, and I frowned a little.
Smiley rummaged in her slightly untidy closet, took a blanket and a pillow with her mouth and trotted out of her bedroom. I didn’t like the situation at all, after all she had done for me, it felt wrong to take her bed and let her sleep on the couch. I stood up and went after her.
“Me sleep couch, you bed.” I said, pointing at the piece of furniture in question.
Smiley paused and looked back at me, slightly confused. I could see the bags forming under her eyes, I knew she was tired. She rubbed her eyes with a hoof and groaned. “No… you bed, me couch.”
“You tired, I problem. I want you in bed.” I replied.
The mare snorted, half amused (probably a moment for a ‘that’s what she said’ kind of joke right there) and half annoyed. “No… You guest, you sleep bed.”
As tired as she was because of me, I wasn’t going to let her sleep on the couch. It felt wrong. “I sleep couch.” I said, taking a seat on it to make it clear.
Smiley said a burst of unintelligible noises, way too fast and way too complex, then she stopped, frowned and rubbed her temples. “I’m a (unknown noise) female, no let male sleep in couch while I sleep in bed, wrong.” She explained, using the words that she used to refer to female and male ponies. “I polite to males.” She concluded, adopting a kind of majestic pose (or at least as majestic as a slightly tipsy, pink miniature horse with bags under her eyes could ever be).
“I’m a male, no let female sleep in couch while I sleep in bed.” I used her own formula, but flipped against her, just changing the order of male and female. That took her slightly aback, but she recovered quickly and narrowed her eyes at me, taking a menacing step forward.
“You… bed… now…” That made ME snort a chuckle.
“Nope, me couch.” I said laying on the sofa and pulling the blankets on top of me. I turned my back to her and took a glance, she was staring at me, so I did the only thing that could be done, I stuck my tongue out at her, like a very mature person would do, and curled back into a defensive ball.
“You bed, ME couch!” Smiley growled.
“Shhhh… it’s fine.” I replied.
I felt her hoof grabbing on my shoulder. “Nah, you are way too small for… WHOAAAH!!” I almost fell to the ground, surprised by the sheer force of her pull, but at the last moment I was able to remain on top of the couch, thanks to the superior reach of my limbs that allowed me to stabilize myself and my grabby hands.
After a few seconds of wrestling, she changed her tactic and climbed on top of me. I was prepared for round two, but instead of fighting, she let her weight rest on top of me.
“Me couch.” She proclaimed.
“You fine?” I asked and chuckled at her antics.
“Yes! Very fine!” She wriggled aggressively as if trying to make me uncomfortable. “And you?”
“I’m VERY fine…” I wasn’t, but I wouldn’t admit it. I could bear her weight on top of me, at least until she got uncomfortable and gave up. I only needed to resist for a few more minutes to get the message across.
“Fine…”
“Yes, very fine…”
I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep…
…