• Published 19th Jul 2021
  • 10,423 Views, 2,834 Comments

Shouldn't have enslaved humanity [OLD VERSION] - NoobMaster69



In 2018, a radioactive asteroid was discovered heading towards Earth. By 2027, the UN had built a bunker to hold 400,000 people and Cryogenics were used to keep humanity frozen for 1,000,000 years. When they awoke, they found the survivors enslaved.

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Idiot ponies come into contact with civilised people and a guy literally named Bob

Twilight Sparkle and her friends headed out of the main doors of her castle. They were headed for Canterlot, where they would discuss Sombra's recent appearance and the consequences of the destruction of the tree of harmony with the princesses.

"What do you mean, darling?" Rarity asked.

"I'm just saying, I'm genuinely worried about my human. He's been acting kinda… hostile towards me," Rainbow Dash explained.

"Well, you know the law, Rainbow. If ya think he might pose a threat, ya gotta hand em' over to the keepers," Applejack said.

"I know, but he's been my human for nearly three years now," Rainbow Dash replied.

"That's the problem when ya get attached. Ya forget what they really are. I hardly talk to the humans I own, not interacting with them keeps your position as master clear. If ya start getting friendly, they'll take advantage of you," said Applejack.

"I find it's always better to treat the humans with kindness. They show their gratitude and work harder without complaints. There's less of a chance of them going rogue if you treat them well. And besides, there's no need for unnecessary cruelty," Fluttershy reasoned.

"Treat them with kindness?! Did ya forget about the Manehattan rebellion?! They killed hundreds!" Applejack exclaimed, "They're the only species capable of killing in the Modern Harmonic Era! They're nothing but monsters!"

"Barbaric savages!" Rarity agreed.

"They're bad," Pinkie added.

"What if there's more to them?" Twilight asked.

"What do you mean, Twilight?" Rarity asked.

"What if keeping them subjugated is the reason why they do all this? What if they just want their freedom?" Twilight asked.

"If we let them go free, they'll enslave us! Or worse…" Rainbow said, "We keep them subjugated because they're dangerous."

"How do you know that? It's not like we've tried," Twilight reasoned.

"Come now, you're not going sympathizer on us are you? We're the elements of harmony, we can't sympathize with them," Applejack said, "And we know it because they're nothing but evil. Do you have any idea how many they… killed… during the war?"

"It's been like, what, a thousand years?" Twilight said, "Things have changed since then."

"Yea, things have changed," Rainbow Dash said, "The humans haven't. The recent rebellion just proves that. They're evil, and without us to keep them in check, they'll destroy everything!"

"Didn't you just get attached to your human?" Twilight asked.

"What?! Of course not! I've just gotten used to him," Rainbow replied.

"Yea, I suppose you're right about them probably destroying everything," Twilight relented, "But I can't help but think there's more to them than their barbaric and savage nature."

"Twilight, don't you think you're overthinking this just a little?" Pinkie asked.

"I mean - " she was cut off as she noticed something flying towards them.

"Twilight?" Fluttershy asked and she didn't reply, still trying to figure out what those things were "You okay?"

Slowly, they all noticed that Twilight was in fact looking at something. They turned around to figure out what it was, and to their surprise, they found three large objects heading for the town.

"Um… does anypony know what those are?" Fluttershy asked.

"They might be dragons," Pinkie suggested.

"Maybe, we can't get a good look yet,"Twilight said.

"They might be some kind of carriages," Rarity stated.

"Carriages need to be pulled. I don't see any pegasi pulling that," Rainbow Dash said.

"Maybe it's being levitated using magic," Twilight suggested.

"Should I fly over there and see what they are?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, they're probably vehicles of some kind," Twilight observed as they came closer, "And no, you don't have to fly over there. They seem to be making their way here.

At this point, every pony and human in the town noticed the strange UFOs heading straight at them. They were now very clearly not dragons. Soon, a faint 'whomp-whomp' sound could be heard, the sound increasing in volume as the trio of strange objects headed for the town.

As the objects came into view, more of their features gradually became more discernable. There were two smaller objects that were escorting the bigger one. One of the smaller objects was flying in front of the larger one, and one of them was flying behind it. They all seemed to keep a constant pace, without bumping into each other crashing flying in a straight line.

As their features became more and more discernable, their method of flight became clear. The two smaller ones had two wings, along with strange rotating objects attached to the top of those wings, while having a tail attached to the back of it. Underneath these wings were what looked like a row of arrows, which while being larger than normal arrows, featured an extremely blunt tip rather than a sharp one, leading Twilight to quickly take note of its probable ineffectiveness if it was indeed a weapon. Right beside the worst arrows that Twilight had ever seen, was a box of some kind, the purpose of which was completely unknown to any of the ponies. The strange object also featured two holes near the bottom of both sides, two sets of vents on either side, and a multi-panel window on the front. The overall look of the two smaller ones was extremely sleek and box-like, with it having lots of edges.

The larger object was at least twice the size, and featured four 'circles' with rotating blades rather than wings. It was made in a completely different style to the other two objects. Unlike the previous one which was sleek and boxy, this one was rounded and extremely bulky, looking almost 'fat'. Rather than having one singular window at the front, this one had small windows along the sides as well, while not having any of those blunt tipped arrows that the previous one featured.

They stared at the strange objects, watching them and waiting for them to come closer. Unbeknownst to them however, they were being watched as well.


The UN headquarters was packed full of people. Every single leader of every single pre-flood nation was watching as the diplomat sent by Atticus approached the small town. All eight world leaders sat at the head of the room, right in front of the screen, with the other representatives sitting in rows behind them.

"What is the meaning of this?!" One of the African ministers asked.

"Trust be when I say, even our own ministers are asking that question," One of the USU representatives stated.

"What were you thinking?! Without congressional approval and despite the other leaders advising you not to?!" USU representative Olesia asked in an outage.

"You're not a king! You're not a dictator! You need congressional approval for these things dammit!" Another USU representative exclaimed.

"This man has to be removed from power! If this doesn't turn out to be a complete disaster, we just might not try you for treason!" Another USU representative shouted.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Atticus?" Olesia asked.

"Pardon me, I hope I'm not interrupting?" Russian President Alexi asked rhetorically. "I believe this is a UN meeting, not a USU congress meeting," he said and the USU ministers stopped their bickering, "And last time I checked, this meeting is meant for the observation of first contact. You can discuss the consequences to Atticus's actions during your own congress meeting later."

"Congratulations, Atticus," Oceanian PM Jack said, "You might have single handedly doomed all of humanity."

"Put us through to them," European PM Bjorn asked.

"Establishing communications," the IT guy said, "Communications established."

"Hello?" came the voice from the other side.

"Hello, can everybody hear me? This is Supreme Leader Xi Mingzhe on the line," she said, "You're already there, and seeing as your loyalties clearly lie with your idiot of a leader, I'm assuming you're not going to turn back?"

"This is diplomat Bob on the line. No ma'am, we are not going to turn back," he confirmed.

"As expected," King Osas said.

"We are not asking you to turn back," Hispanican PM Mateo said, "We're calling to give you direct orders that you will be required to oblige throughout the duration of the first contact operation."

"I'm sorry sir, but with all due respect, we take our orders from the president of the United States," he said.

"Not anymore," Aladeen said, "Tell them."

"Hello, this is Present Atticus," he said, "You are to take orders from all of the world leaders. I do not want to hear any objections, is that understood?"

"But sir - " he began, but was cut off.

"Is that understood?" Atticus asked sternly.

"Yes, of course," diplomat Bob replied.

"Good. Now since we're on the same page, you are to say exactly what we ask you to say, and do exactly what we ask you to do," Bjorn ordered.

"Yes sir, of course," diplomat Bob said.

"And remember, we're watching," Aladeen said.


The alien aircraft was now flying directly over Ponyville. It was approaching Twilight's castle, and it was closing in quickly. The sound of the 'fan blades' slicing through the air was a lot more noticeable now.

As they neared the castle, and the elements who were near the castle, the objects gradually slowed down, eventually stopping and hovering in the air, in front of the castle doors.

Royal guards began flooding into the area, adamant on defending the ponies against whatever these things were if they proved hostile. About a hundred royal guards were recently assigned to Ponyville for a few reasons. The first was because of the influx of attacks on the small town, and the fact that monsters and other threats seemed to gravitate towards the small town. The second was in order to protect the element bearers, who were probably the most important ponies in all of Equestria. The third was to keep the town safe from any possible rebellion. After the revolt in Manehattan, security was tightened nationwide in order to avoid something like that in the future.

The objects then rearranged themselves into a horizontal line rather than a vertical one. The two smaller ones flew towards the sides of the bigger one, while the bigger one stayed stationary. Then, the metal goliaths started making their descent. As they were lowering themselves, wheels seemed to pop up from seemingly nowhere, and they soon landed, with their wheels touching the ground and their backs towards us. Thankfully, everypony who was under the objects made a break for it as soon as they began hovering above them, so nopony was hurt.

The royal guards soon formed a defensive perimeter around the three objects, with the earth ponies pointing their spears at the objects from the ground while the pegasi pointed their spears while hovering in the air, and the unicorns charging their horns. Every single pony and human was silent, waiting with both fear and anticipation. For about half a minute, nothing happened.

Then, a mechanical whirring sounded, followed by some clanking. The back 'wall' of the largest one began opening, with the top part of it descending. Soon, it was fully opened, with the large doorway forming into a ramp. The other two objects opened up as well, but they were just regular sliding doors.

What stepped out surprised every single creature present. There were roughly four dozen of them. They wore mostly brown clothes, along with a helmet with a black tinted glass visor that obscured their faces. They wore some kind of strange long sleeved t-shirts that had a checkered pattern of brown, gray and extremely dark green, along with a thick brown vest over it. Going along with this was a pair of cargo pants that had the same pattern, and a brown waist bag with multiple pouches and straps. To complete their full body coverings, they wore a pair of gloves and ankle length boots. The strangest thing they had on them, however, was a complicated contraption of metal that clung to their arms and legs. They wielded some strange double handed staffs that looked like batons, though they looked like they would be extremely ineffective. Despite them wearing helmets and clothes that completely obscured their body, from the way their body was shaped, they were clearly humans. And the one that stepped out next confirmed this fact.

Right after all of the ones with the strange metal exoskeletons excited through the ramp, one last human followed, and this one was dressed differently. A young man, looking to be in his early thirties, stepped out. He was slightly overweight, not a lot, but it was visible in comparison to the rest of the slaves. That itself was highly unusual, as nopony fed their slaves more than what was necessary, certainly not enough to make them overweight. He wore a currently unbuttoned three piece suit, complete with a broad cut black coat, a slim grey vest, a pair of broad cut black slacks, and a pair of shining black boots. Underneath his suit, he wore a white shirt, along with a red tie that was tucked neatly into his vest. All in all, the suit was of the best possible quality, its tailoring far surpassing even the best pony-made suits, and made even the likes of Rarity jealous.

A regular human wearing a suit would already have been extremely strange, and a human wearing such a finely crafted one was even stranger. Nopony would have even given a human a suit to wear. The suit was, first of all, extremely expensive, with only the richest of ponies being able to afford the cheapest ones. In fact, the cheapest of suits would have the same price tag as an entire mansion. It was a sign of wealth, class, and importance. And seeing one, especially one as exquisite as this, was an insult, a mockery to pony culture. Just like that, they had already gotten off to a bad start. It was like a human was trying to outshine a pony, like a human had the audacity to 'one up' their masters.

The humans with the strange uniforms began to form into a circle around the three objects and the man in the suit. The royal guards kept up the perimeter, too stunned by the humans' sudden and dramatic appearance to do anything more than just stare while keeping their guard up. The humans took a slightly crouched down position, pointing the ends of their batons at the guards. They stayed silent and still for a full minute, nobody and nopony moving, waiting for the other to make the first move. The only reason the royal guards didn't rush them immediately was because their numbers were nearly equal, with about five dozen humans, and six dozen guards who had already arrived on site. The guards were gradually growing impatient though, wanting to put these showy humans back in their place.

"People, people!" the man in the suit said before things could get too heated, "Put your weapons down, we're not here to fight!"

"Well, these horses certainly seem to want a fight. Just take a look at how these savages are treating these people," one soldier replied. His words made everyone furious. Not the part where he called them savages, but the part where he called them horses. The term 'horse' was an extremely derogatory and racist word to call a pony. It was pretty much indirectly saying that they weren't even sapient.

"Excuse me?!" a female voice came from one of the guards, "How dare you?! You'll be put in the mines for that!"

"I think we should just all calm down and STOP POINTING GUNS AT THEM!" the man in the suit shouted.

"Lower your weapons. If they attempt to harm you, shoot to incapacitate, not kill," the voice of PM Jack came over their earpieces, and the soldiers and diplomat replied with variations of 'yes sir'.

The humans lowered their strange weapons, but the guards did not lower theirs. They were determined to capture these rogue slaves.

"You will be given one chance to surrender. Hand over your weapons, step away from the flying contraptions, and submit yourselves to our custody. You have sixty seconds to do so, or we will use force to subdue you," one of the guards, the sergeant who was a unicorn, ordered.

"We are not here to fight. I am a diplomat sent by the United States of Utopia in order to enlist the aid of the one you call Twilight Sparkle," the man in the suit said, and the guards just burst into laughter.

"A… a h-human d-diplomat from some unknown nation?!" The command said in between laughs, "Where exactly is this… United States of Utopia?"

"I apologise, I am unable to disclose that information," the 'diplomat' replied.

"In that case, surrender now, or face the wrath of the Royal Guard," he said in an amused tone.

The human 'diplomat' ignored the guard and began walking forward, towards Twilight and her friends. "Good afternoon, Miss Twilight," he said, buttoning his suit as he approached. "Would you be so kind as to have a chat with me?" He asked.

"Whoever you are, I recommend you surrender now," Rainbow said.

"Who exactly are you?" Twilight asked, "And what do you want from me?"

"I am Diplomat Bob, and I have been sent by the USU to enlist your aid," he replied, still walking forward.

Two of the guards immediately converged on him, shoving their spears right into his face, while two unicorn guards immediately turned their lit horns towards him.

"Not another step," one of them said.

"This is fun and all, but I really have somewhere else to be," the sergeant said, "So hand over those weird staffs of yours, hand over your flying machines, and surrender. You have ten seconds to comply."

"Miss Twilight, I'm sure we can come to some sort of - "Twilight cut him off.

"No! You're all clearly a part of a rebellion of some sort, and I can't allow you to endanger the lives of these ponies," Twilight said, "And you're clearly delusional, thinking you're some kind of diplomat from some unknown nation. Just come quietly. You'll be returned to your owners, and you won't be harmed."

"Your time's up," the lead guard said, "Toss your weapons over and put your hands over your heads."

"Like I said, we come in peace. We're not slaves, we never were, so I see no reason for all this aggressio - " he was cut off as one of the unicorns hit him with a powerful energy blast. The bright light came into contact with his stomach, but to their surprise however, the energy blast did nothing. There was no burn mark, not even a scratch, and he didn't even flinch. Even one as powerful as the Alicorns themselves would have suffered a slight amount of recoil from the kinetic energy of the blast, like being suddenly shoved, but he stood completely still, as if a powerful blast of magic didn't just hit him. The light of the blast seemed to disappear into him, like it would with all other creatures, but there was no effect. Diplomat Bob looked down at his tummy in confusion, where the light seemingly absorbed into it. "That was cool," he said absentmindedly, "Was that supposed to do something?"

Every single pony and human now stared at Diplomat Bob in shock. Even Twilight and her friends had looks of disbelief plastered on their faces.

"That should have flung you back a few metres," the Sergeant said in disbelief. "Hit 'em' again!" He ordered, and Diplomat Bob was struck with three powerful energy blasts in quick succession. The result was that not even his suit was harmed. "Fine, I'll do it!" The sergeant yelled, before firing off his own blast of magic, which was about three times as powerful as the others'. This time, he was affected. He was pushed back, very slightly, and even he himself hardly seemed to notice. But still, he remained completely unharmed.

"That tickled," Diplomat Bob stated.

"Umm, princess, what do we do?" The sergeant asked.

"I don't know," Twilight said.

"Maybe you and I could have that chat I requested," Diplomat Bob suggested.

"Just tell me what you want," Twilight said.

"I want you to come with us. We require your assistance," Diplomat Bob said.

"You want to kidnap our princess?!" The sergeant exclaimed. "I have no idea why Princess Twilight decided to entertain your nonsense, but I will not allow a bunch of rebels to run rampant!" He shouted, before lifting one of his hoofs above his head. "Attack on my command!" He ordered loudly. The humans lifted the tips of their batons and pointed them at the guards. The guards took up ready stances, and began pointing their spears and horns at the humans.


Back in Utopia, the entire UN was in a panicked frenzy. Every single representative of every single country was shouting out ideas or opposing the ideas of others. The entire UN headquarters was like a fish market, at least until…

"Shut up!" The Russian President shouted, and everyone fell silent. "Thank you," Alexi said, "Now let's discuss our course of action. We don't have much time.

"Three!" The leading pony called out, which they saw and heard through the view of the drone. Everyone then began speaking in rapid, hurried tones, scrambling to find an appropriate course of action.

"We can't just let them stand around and do nothing!" PM Bjorn Earling said.

"So what do we do?" PM Mateo asked.

"Well it's either allow them to be captured, or allow them to use lethal force," King Osas said.

"Two!" The lead pony called from behind the screen.

"I vote we use lethal force. We shall put these colourful horses in their place!" General Aladeen suggested, "We shall assert our dominance!"

"We should ask them to surrender," PM Jack suggested, "We may still be able to avoid a war."

"Look at the level of savagery these creatures display!" Supreme Leader Mingzhe said, "There's no hope for peace with them! We need to proceed with a show of strength! If they fear us, we'll be able to control them! We must show them that humanity is not to be messed with! We must take back our planet!"

"One!" The sergeant said.

"There's no time to argue! Let's put it to a vote!" PM Jack said. "All in favour of using lethal force, raise your hand," the hands of President Alexi, Supreme Leader Xi Mingze, General Aladeen, King Osas, and President Atticus were raised. "As much as I hate to say this, I guess it's settled then," PM Jack said, "Atticus, relay the orders. They're you're men."

"Attack!" The voice came over the speakers. The ponies began charging forward with their spears, while the unicorns started charging their spells from the backlines.

"Diplomatic team, you are clear to use deadly force. Eliminate all enemy combatants, protect Diplomat Bob, and retrieve Twilight Sparkle, unharmed if possible," Atticus ordered, and the soldiers immediately got into action.

Author's Note:

Finally first contact. I'm guessing it was a little underwhelming, but that's because it was mostly from the ponies' perspectives. When the people who exited the helicopters revealed themselves to be humans, they pretty much took it as a joke.

So, humans do have an immense amount of magic resistance, but they aren't completely immune, seeing as Mr. Bob was pushed back slightly by an extremely powerful spell. The reason for this is because, as it had been implied, magic reacts with magic. The Utopians aren't completely devoid of magic, as Tirek suggested. They just have extremely low levels of it, even less than the ambient magic in the atmosphere.

I hope the helicopters and the soldiers' gear puts their level of technology into perspective. More advanced than us, but not by much.

Lastly, I know there are gonna be some keyboard warriors saying 'HeY nOobMasTeR, tHe levEL of ReCKLessneSS DispLAyeD bY the WorLd LeadERs iS UNREALISTIC!!!!1!!1! >:OOOOO
To those people, I say: they had like one minute to come up with an appropriate decision and an acceptable solution. They were under extreme pressure, and didn't exactly have 696912629 hours to debate on what to do. They basically had to run with either letting them be captured and being possibly tortured for information, or killing their would be captors and asserting their dominate in the process... while also committing an act of war.

Everyone is welcome to critique my work and offer some advice and constructive criticism as they see fit. Next chapter will be out in three days. Not spoiler alert: let's be fair here. We all know it's gonna be a massacre. And to appease the would be ranters, Atticus's villain ark is still in the making (don't worry this is just a very minor spoiler).