I had nothing to do but stare out the window of this bedroom until, around late afternoon, my solitude was interrupted again, this time by Princess Luna quickly making her way in with a tray of hot food.
“I apologize,” she told me, looking like she had just woken up. “I meant only to sleep for a few hours. I truly did not mean to forget about you.”
"It's fine," I told her, rolling my eyes as she set the tray down on the dresser. "It's my fault anyway, even though spawning here into this body was completely out of my control."
"Trust me when I say," she started, "that we will be looking into your problem beginning tonight."
"If Celestia lets you," I muttered. "Even Fluttershy, who's supposed to be on my side, thought it would be a good idea to go to her before trying to help me."
"I have already spoken to Fluttershy about the matter. As well, as I've told her, ponies seem to forget that Equestria is a diarchy. However, I would appreciate it if you kept the things I have told you alone private."
"I can't do that," I told her quickly and honestly. She raised an eyebrow at that, and I continued. "If what you tell me gives me a better chance of leaving here by telling someone else, then I'm going to tell them."
She thought about my response for a second, then decided, "It is an understandable reaction… very well. For now, though, I will let you eat in peace before your food gets cold."
"Wait," I started before she could turn to leave. "Tell me why Celestia and Cadance hate me so much."
"For Cadance, it is the simple subjugation that Sombra brought under the crystal ponies. He forced them into slavery to dig up the umbrum, and then made the empire vanish for a thousand years. As well, he sought to hurt her immediate family, including her daughter. However, I am certain that once she learns the truth about you, that hate will dissipate."
"And Celestia?" I asked.
"That one is a bit of a story."
"I have time," I told her. "It's not like there's much else for me to do."
"As you wish. Just know that this is likely only part of the story of her hate. As well, much of what you will be told was relayed by Sombra's childhood friend, Radiant Hope."
I quickly tried to think of if I heard that name before in the series, but came up empty. So I hopped away from the window and back onto the bed, making myself comfortable to listen to what she had to say.
“The story begins with Princess Amore, who was a deep friend to Celestia. My sister had known her since childhood, and she became the princess of the Crystal Empire before even Celestia and I became the rulers of Equestria. She was her best friend, and there were few ponies Celestia cared more for than her.
“Before she became princess, however, the Crystal Empire was ruled over by umbrum, shadow ponies, who burned the homes and crushed the hopes of the crystal ponies. However, Princess Amore used the Crystal Heart to drive them away and lock them in a prison underground, the entrance to their cage being in the Frozen North. A short while after this, her crystal guards found Sombra in the wasteland, and brought him back to the Crystal Empire. Despite knowing what he was, Princess Amore took him in with an open heart, sure that he had the potential to change his destiny. He was taken in and knew few words, but he did find a friend in a certain mare. From what she told, she and him were best friends, and she was his only friend.
“She and him had an intense desire to see the Crystal Faire. The mare described it to him as the most magical and beautiful event in all of the world, and the Crystal Heart as the most beautiful object in the Crystal Empire, and the two made plans to watch the event. One day, however, before the Faire, they went to see the Crystal Heart. It is said that, when one looks at its reflection, they are able to see their destiny. While the mare saw herself as a princess in her reflection, Sombra, however, according to Princess Amore, saw himself as a shadow pony. She described him as afraid of what he saw, and told him that he had the power to change his destiny. Despite this, however, he and Radiant hope set out to see the Crystal Faire.
“However, Sombra was an umbrum, and every year, during the Crystal Faire, the Crystal Heart burned him, making him writhe in pain, until one year, he began to break apart and die because of it. However, the mare saved him, getting her cutie mark in the process, and shortly after that, Celestia and I offered to tutor her. However, hearing the news, Sombra ran away and stole the Crystal Heart. He was likely filled with hate and fear for it because of how much pain it caused him, as well as the prospect of him being alone without his friend and becoming the shadow pony he saw in his reflection.
“Princess Amore confronted him, offering him a chance to return the Crystal Heart, revealing in the process that she knew of the pain it caused him. Filled with rage, he attacked her and turned her to stone. The mare watched the scene unfold, and Sombra, telling her his plan to rule the Crystal Empire, offered her to rule by his side. However, she declined, and offered to him to save her, and even to run away before she told Celestia and I of his actions. Despite this, after declaring to the mare that he was a monster and would enslave the Crystal Empire for what they had done, he killed Princess Amore. As well, before we imprisoned him in ice, he placed a curse on the Crystal Empire, causing it to vanish.”
With that, the blue mare finished her story. I had to admit, that story was a bit… scary. Knowing that Sombra killed Celestia’s friend put me on edge once again. It was a bit more understandable why just the sight of me made her seeth. But still…
“It seems like there’s something missing,” I commented. “If all of that’s true, then Celestia shouldn’t hate me because she can see that I’m not him. Even if Sombra did those things, how I look shouldn’t have that much bearing on how she feels. Actually, knowing her, she should have sympathy for me, and maybe even Sombra.”
Luna sighed. “As I said before,” she told me, “that was likely only part of the story. I do have a theory as to what else is causing her to act in this way, but I will not be discussing rumors about my sister. In any case, your food is getting cold, and you should eat. Sombra’s body does not look healthy.”
Looks like Alex hasn't read the comics. (me too)
Yeah can’t really blame Cadence for having concern for Flurry.
10163795
He probably read comics, because Radian Hoper name feels familiar to him
So events from this already happened?
Also this comic still doesn't explain why Celestia hates him
Good Sombra turned himself evil by siphoning "evil" from his world Celestia and Luna
for some reason this line and celestia still hating him, and the idea that there may be more to it... it reminds of the story Child Of Misery.
like Sombra is hiding behind another soul to lay in wait for him to recover, and celestia knows this. it would explain why she is being so heartless
Wait, so, is she angry because Sombra’s only turned good because the love of her life turned evil? That... Okay, yeah, that’s definitely an understandable reason.
And this is such a moment where my sympathy for Alex meets, at least partly, an end. Luna didn't have to help him, like at all, she could have left him to rot instead of going against her sister. But she did, she is his greatest defender in the moment. And he bluntly tells her that he will toss her under the bus without a second thought if it helps him to earn his freedom. That just makes him a selfish prick and I don't care that his treatment is unjustified, because when you have no problem with undemining the very people who are trying to help you, then you are digging your own grave.
You are not helping your own situation if you make things unnecessarily more difficult for everyone involved.
This whole story seems to be degenerating into attempts to justify itself.
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ShowDontTell
Nobody cares about random dead ponies from a thousand years ago who don't appear in this story. Why are you spending an entire chapter telling us about them? At the same time, the backstory doesn't justify Celestia's behavior, and even your protagonist is pointing that out:
Your readers already came to that conclusion several chapters ago, but here you are giving us this backstory that isn't very interesting about ponies that aren't actually going to appear in the story, and doing so doesn't appear to justify anything. You would have been better off to have simply not explained it at all. At least that would have left some mystery, and it would have been far more interesting to have the story progress rather than dropping backstory infodumps on us.
At the same time, you've also painted yourself into a corner.
Discord and Luna have both confirmed that he's not Sombra, and that Celestia knows and is being difficult anyway. You've closed off lots of potentially interesting possibilities by doing that. He could have been lying. Sombra's mind could be still withing the body, yet remaining dormant. Sombra might have created an artificial mind and stuck it into his body temporarily in order to trick ponies withmind reading abilities to believe him, planning to swap himself back in later. Etc.
Instead we're left with, "Celestia's being unreasonable, because backstory," and that's not very interesting.
At the same time, everypony seems to know that Celestia's simply being unreasonable, Twilight knows, Fluttershy knows, Discord knows...everypony knows, and Celestia has established that she's not actually going to do anything because she'd rather manipulate other ponies into doing it instead. But since they already know, they're not likely to do anything either. You've gone to great lengths to set up a situation that involves basically nopony doing anything. Again, that's just not very intresting.
The past few chapters have been dragging down what was otherwise an interesting story. I recommend you stop trying to justify everything, and simply get back to telling the story.
10163855
Mate. In a do or die situation, self preservation is the forefront of one's desire. Beyond that, this fella ain't got no balls! The 'ell did ya expect him to do?
10163854
How?
Sombra never turned good after mirror dimension Sombra turned evil
Mirror Sombra turned evil
The connection to the main dimension was severed
So now the mirror world won't be the opposite of the main one
10163876
I know that he was pushed into a situation beyond his control, and that he is accused of things he didn't commit, but he could at least try to work with Luna. I get the justified hate for Celestia and the others (that my prior comment gets downvotes like this was expected, because I don't just see it from Alex's perspective), but I think Luna should have earned herself a little more trust by now.
10163889
Once more, guy's lackin' the proper testicular apparatus. To trust someone ya gotta got confidence or a thorough lack a care.
Fellas got neither.
Man's a bonafide pussey with a flimsy ass backbone and all the snark of a panicked 14 year old and none of one's productivity.
All he can do is get depressed and whine about his own situation.
Given, there's not exactly much else he CAN do seeing as the author decided to rut half the story into iron ridges that ya just can't get out from.
Excellent point: Mind reading
When and how does this happen? Who can't it happen to? Why is Celestia always using it yet Luna doesn't? Why does telepathy work between the alicorns yet for some reason they can't hear each others thoughts? How in the blazing hells did Celestia affect a purifying force of McGuffin magic and taint it with anger? Again. FUCKING TELEPATHY EXPLAIN THYSELF THINE WRETCHED WENCH.
Tl;Dr: while readable, this story is a combined clusterfuck.
10163896
Well, it just annoyed me that this guy is not only a coward, but has zero understanding for people beyond his own nose. The normal reaction, if you suddenly land in a place you don't know with people who are aiming for your ass on a mantel and when somebody is willing to do everything possible in order to get you out of the fire, should be to say: "Thank you for help and for standing up for me, even if you don't know me."
And this guy is like: "Well, your help is not worth shit right now and I will sacrifice your ass when it is beneficial to my cause."
10163903
Meh. The for me, id least co operate with them but then throw them under the bus IF a better deal comes.
This idiot doesn't even try to PRETEND to Cooperate, he's just, there! How many chromosomes do you need to NOT have to be this idiotic?
In an effort to contrast with some other uh, passionate comments I'll just say I'm personally still enjoying the story and appreciate the quick updates.
10163905
I agree.
To be honest, when I read this sentence where he pretty much told Luna that he will ditch her and all her work in the next best opportunity he gets, I really thought: "Dude, you just killed yourself."
I mean she could have reacted very badly for all he knew. So yeah, zero brain, too.
10163905
I'm mean, for example, even Discord doesn't really care if Celestia will kill him ,why then he should?
You know, if he's Umbrum and therefore feeds off of bad emotion, Shirley Celestia would be positively energizing to him?
Maybe it's that underlying "base instinct" that's encouraging him into behaviours that stoke the fires of hate...
Keep going! ;)
10163905
How can he possibly cooperate more? He's doing everything they tell him, short of doing what Celestia says and saying "yes I am Sombra, you can kill me now."
I guess Alex will never find out that saving the stoned Princess is a option. Luna stated simply Sombra killed Amore not turned her to stone and shattered her body so her unstoning/revivel become unlikely...
Alex knows why Sombra is hated by two Princesses and that Celestia has a dark secret. Very nice chapter
10163855
He would tell the truth that Celestia wannt him dead even knowing Alex is Innocent. What that 'trowing Luna under the Bus' ? It wouldnt hurt Luna only Celestia for lying and deciving others! Coaxing someone into murder isnt a small deed. Hes in right to reveal Celestias acts of manipulation and ending his life under wrong informatons.
/////
10163907
Yep. Some Character development explaining who Alex is . what hes doing to get himself prepared for what is to come.
/////
You all overlook 2 critical things.
1# Hes Honest and telling white lies dont help him.
2# He knows Luna is capable to read his mind and doing so freely!
Hes honestly telling hes doing what he will to survive and not pretent to trust her. We all would act how is needed to survive.
Anachronon & Orrm you overlooked that!
10163937
They dont even realising there own comments content like 'pretending' (telling lies out of polite behavior or getting positive responses) and being 'selffish' ( fighting for ones own very survivel is not selffish its basic instinct ) are the wrong behavior Celestia aims for to get Alex pinned. A white lie is still a lie. Pretending is still deception.
Alex just stay honest. But to be fair it should be added that hes being so 'rude and uncooperative' because hes not into telling lies and behave with other differently than he feels about them to gain there sympathy.
10163937
10164006
I think you misunderstood my intention. The first comment was not a hit at the story itself, in fact, I like the fic. It was more about Alex himself, who sometimes bitched at Luna, even though she is trying her best to get him out of Celestia's clutches. That was the only thing that annoyed me.
When I read a book or a fanfic, I'll always invest my own imagination and emotions into the story, try to see all povs of all characters, not only the mc and reflect on how I might react in the same situation. I never had the intention to speak badly about the author or his co-writers.
10163937
They dont put enough effort to read between the lines and looked into Alex and Celestias behavior.
Celestia: Polite behavior filled with Lies and Deception
Alex: Tells the truth and dont fake behavior to get sympathy!
NOTE WORTHY:
That exacly the point of the situation! Re-read the chapters with that in mind!
Celestia behaves friendly and polite/ sympathedic. Her word are filled with lies and Deception to get her goal...
Alex is blunt and dont care for there sympthy by telling lies by 'pretending' to trust em / like em (only Fluttershy earned that behavior so far). Is not afraid to tell the truth he can reveal. ( within sence! Telling em he knows they as cartoon series character would at best get him looked up and worst killed for being unpredictebel and insane ).
Luna was not coming to his aid ( neutral position ),
Knows Celestia is lying and manipulativ towards the Mane 6 & Cadance. Still she did not speak up ( we all know why BUT it still not helping Alex! ). So far she literally just behaves neutral and with in her dutys as Princess of Equestria. She is not helping because she wants to but because its her duty! To stay neutral and see the facts without taking sides.
She is not nice to him or want to help Alex 'out of the kindness of her heart'. It duty at best or/and guilty feelings of her past at worst.
Re-READ with THAT IN MIND and the HOLE PERSPECTIVE CHANGES!
10164012
We all get emotional at times. In fact that shows how mutch we love the fandome and story on Fimfiction.
Anyway try re-read the Chapters with a objective view this time and you might actualy see all chapters in a new light!
That why i love the comment section. 1 story but multible angels to see it. Its amazing
I am enjoying the world building. Thank you for sharing.
nice story Luna, left out a few details but you weren't exactly there so can't fault you too much for it.
My guess is Celestia is mad because she saw that Radiant hope had a destiny that would've led to her becoming an alicorn but sombra took that away from her.
It'd be a pretty good reason for an immortal being to be pissed that someone robbed them of a companion that could be around a lot longer than others at least until her sister gets back.
10163875
I can definitely see how you might think I've painted myself into a corner. But I truly felt I had to put this part out to justify what happens next (soon) in the story.
I say Amore got exactly what she deserved. I read the comics and here's my understanding of the situation. She knew what Sombra was and still took him in, knowing the Crystal Heart was dangerous to him. She knew and didn't try to take any form of action until after his only friend/ savior leaves, she waits until after he learned the truth and had every reason he needed to justify killing her before she tries to help him. She didn't even try to explain how she could help him, not that he would've had ANY reason to believe her considering the many years she watched him suffer with a smile on her face. Here were his options as I understand it.
Why would he choose 1-3 when he had every reason not to feel remorse for 4? Do you try to help a person BEFORE or AFTER they have a reason to kill you? By modern Equestrian/ Empire standards, how many laws were Amore and the Empire breaking against him since he was a child? How many of those laws would he have had the right of self defense? To my understanding, the Empire would've become a prison.
For all intents and purposes, he was defending himself from Amore, the Heart, and by extension, the Empire. Then he decides to free a race that he knew nothing about using the very ponies that whether they knew it or not, were responsible for making his life worse than Hell by the show's/ comic's standards. He may be a villain, but it was Amore and the Empire that made him one. If Amore actually cared, all she would've had to was send him to the princesses and explain the situation, but apparently such a wise and benevolent decision was beyond her.
10163907
Yeah. This too.
10164002
Ah, nah mate, I didn't overlook 'em. I took the perspective a one Reguliar human.
Case in point: We lie under duress.
I didn't look at him as some innocent pony man. I looked at him as a human. A pony? Can't keep 'er bloody mouth shut. A human? Enough white lies to repaint Canterlot Castle.
For all a the honesty man's got, might help 'im in the long run, but it ain't very human like.
10163875
Ey look, capitain common sense over here.
Tl;Dr: this is primarily what I meant by Rutting the story into iron ridges. Ya lack content and pathways mi guy!
10163907
I'm kinda halfway like this, but my inherant hatred for doormat humans is influencing my decisionmaking. So while I may make a valid point here or there, I'd recommend to just take my vitriol with some salt and popcorn.
10163952
Yeah. He's co operating fine but eh ain't exactly the pinnacle of intelligence is he. I don't mean, I want him to be a genius, k mean that he should show at least a hint of backbone or some manipulative traits in these interactions.
No one and I mean NO Person is going to be an extremely and completely amicable being when their life is at risk. They will cooperate they will do as they are told, but they will ALWAYS be looking for a way to shank their jailers and run off into the sunset.
Thats basic human behaviour. This fella doesn't act like a human. He acts like a pony, which defeats most fo the purpose of having a human to begin with.
Honestly, I think it's a readable story and want to see the conclusion.
That sentence sums up my feelings towards this story in it's entirety.
Hm
10164445
I'm not sure what kind of people you live around, but most people I know would be too terrified to try and stab their guards in the back and run. Running is a snap decision people tend to make before they are captured. After they are captured, escape rarely is an issue. Nevermind how this would be the single most stupid decision to make. All it would do is confirm Celestia's opinion of him and leave him trying to run away from the entirety of Equestria, even as he is literally in the centre of Equestria. Canterlot capital no less, the city on the mountain. He'd be recaptured before the day is over, and now with even less chance of convincing Celestia and potentially even antagonizing Luna against him.
10164463
Yeah. Case in point 'opportunity'. It's a surefire thing and shanking only happens if you're positively sure you can get away with it.
Only an idiot would stage a shank without planning and making sure it's a secure plan.
Just saying.
10164478
Which he does not have, given that he is a human turned pony stuck in arguably the single most recognizable body outside of Celestia herself. He has zero skill in magic, barely knows how to walk, has no money, no knowledge of the local geography, and no way to actually fight anyone. Any escape he might attempt is doomed to fail from the start.
10163887
I’m just saying it’s a possibility. She does have confused emotions about Sombra, though, considering her love for his counterpart.
10164077
O fuck me... That is one hell of a reason to be pissed...
Still... Celestia going after Alex is no justice just pointless bloodlust that is wished to be fullfilled for its own sake.
10164189
I love it the way it is now ♡
Dont know if it was very well planned or just random change but i love it so far
10164049
Indeed. That it the life blood of every long story.
10164364
O fuckkk yeah! Love your reasoning!
10164463
Pretty mutch a Jackpot in winning a argument.
10164599
I'm perfectly fine with criticism, even if it seems harsh. It helps me figure out what I need to change or focus on and cut out, or if I need to slow down or speed up the progress of the story. It was actually one of your comments on Mind Over Matter that got me moving forward with that story.
In all honesty, we're about a quarter to a third of the way done, and I (pretty much) know how it's going to end.
Considering it's DIED Three Times It Shouldn't!!!!!
wasn’t Tia’s Mane showing a bit of FIRE some chapters ago like Daybreakers?
10164015
Lad. You ain't mi literature teacher and I hate communication studies. No single reader is going to go that deep into a casual read unless it's prompted by the author. To which, this fella really didn't .
If you need someone to go beyond the call of comprehension for the message of your story to make sense, then you need to reevaluate how you go about writin' cause, ya doin' somethin' wrong.
10163937
People are allowed go have their own opinions and give criticism.
Just because you don't like what they say does not make it a bad comment.
This chapter was a big exposition dump, and I think it could've been done better than simply describing the events. Unfortunately, it was boring to read, and it didn't bring much to the table when it comes to people who read the comics. It's just a more boring repeat of that, sorry.
What you could've done to make it better is write it in some different perspective, maybe even have a flashback - although flashbacks also have to be done right. I'm not quite sure how exactly to make it better, considering that Alex has to be told about it since he hadn't read the comics.
In any case, this chapter was pretty boring and I think I could skip it entirely and not lose much.
10164364
That's how I feel as well. Amore allowed him to be tortured, allowed him to become bitter and angry. She told him he can choose his destiny, but she pushed him towards what he saw, thus making it inevitable.
So basically Amore was knowingly torturing him for being the wrong species. Yeah, she deserved it.
10166216
Ignorance may be bliss, but its only bliss to those it won't harm, I mean what was the point in taking in Sombra but not telling him of his origins and why he kept being in pain during every Crystal Faire, neither Sombra or Amore are in the right but nor are in the wrong... sometimes I wonder if not tell someone the whole picture is some sort of curse in most stories
Peeps getting more critical of this story while I'm just sitting here like...
^(what I've been saying from the start)
...NAILED IT!
No implication that this story is perfect intended. Long summary of Fiendship is Magic was long. But I'm still having so much fun!
10166432
Nailed it ♡
Has Luna saw MLP in his mind and know how he know her sister or how in the seven hells she not noticing comments like this?
Alex. You have disappointed me. Why haven't you read a single mlp comic!
Oof! JK but still surprised.
It's gettin' deeper...