This therapy ponies do nowadays is kind of fascinating, my dear diary. When I first came back from the moon and was rescued, I was traumatized by what had happened.
At first it was kind of understandable that I needed help, some love and care from my dearest sister, but… there was something else. Celestia hired weird doctors to treat me, really weird doctors, they said they cured the mind. Psychologists they called themselves, and they said I was going to receive ‘therapy’, but said thing didn’t involve medicine, it was just a lot of talking. They said that they would keep the secret of anything that I told them, that it was part of their profession. Of course, that didn’t stop my sister from putting magic gaeas on them to prevent any accidental reveal of my… what they called them? Oh, yes… ‘things to improve’. It looked like in order to heal in the modern world, the love of my sister was not enough.
To think that I was going to visit a doctor to ‘heal’ my mind was kind of disturbing, and also kind of humiliating, but after what I did, I was powerless and hurt. My sister’s decision to take me to a ‘therapist’ felt like a low blow, like I didn’t matter, like she was gaslighting me, telling me I was crazy.
Oh, dear was I wrong…
The first few sessions with Doctor Wary Hooves didn’t went as I expected. I expected to be magically influenced, medicines, a lot of coercion, conditioning, even torture, like what was usual to do to ponies with ill minds back in the day.
But surprisingly it was just talking, and I did most of it at the beginning. I told him how I felt, what I wanted, my desires and my frustrations.
For some reason it was incredibly easy to talk to him, yet he didn’t do much talking himself, he just limited to tell me it was okay, to name the emotions I felt, to tell me it was normal to feel the way I did. I felt kind of empty after our sessions, like I had talked too much, revealed too much, I felt tricked into telling him everything, and yet, I felt lighter.
It was easier to walk around, my thoughts didn’t haunt me like they used to do. When a dark thought came to my mind, I was easily able to label it, tell myself it was normal, and be at peace with it. The dark thought usually got bored and just left me alone after a while.
Then, Nightmare Night came.
Doctor Wary told me to play along, it was an exercise, something I had to do to help the healing of my mind. I threw a tantrum, I almost outright refused to come back to therapy anymore, I was suddenly facing all my old ghosts, fears and frustrations. I was told to mockingly embody the very thing that tortured me.
Despite all of that, he kept calm, so calm that I felt deeply unnerved. It was uncanny how that pony could be so calm and collected the whole time in the face of a raging alicorn. And also convincing, because the next thing I remember was taking my escorts and flying to Ponyville, with Twilight and her friends, some ponies my sister had set up for me, local heroes, the ones that rescued me from the Nightmare.
And it worked. I had fun, I made friends, and they accepted me for what I was.
So, it was set. Every opportunity to mock my old self, the Nightmare, was to be taken, to tell that old self that I laughed at it, that it didn’t have any power over me anymore, and to make her know I was going to be happy, have friends and there was nothing she could do about it.
It gave some ponies the scare of their lives, and I apologized to them afterwards, but it worked wonders to me. I was a stronger pony, a better one, the best me there could ever be, better than yesterday every single day.
When Doctor Wary told me that for the next step, he would need my sister, Princess Celestia to join our sessions, I didn’t hesitate. It was just a little uncomfortable to have her in here, because some things I told Wary were secret even for my dearest sister. But I had broken worse mental barriers before, so I let him do it and asked my sister, and she gladly agreed in order to help me.
The set up was a group therapy to just help me, but dear, was I wrong, and my dearest sister was on for a ride she never expected.
After a couple of hours, Doctor Wary Hooves, in the privacy of my personal chambers, surrounded by more protective spells and gaeas than I dare to count, using only honest words, sharper than the sharpest sword in the kingdom, managed to break through her.
I mean, her mask. If it were a physical object, it would have shattered dramatically like porcelain, and the floodgates were wide open.
Sorry, my dear diary, but the things that happened there are only for my dearest sister to tell, therefore I will not even share those with you, I hope you understand. I will only tell the consequences and how our sisterly relationship has evolved after that.
The point is that after so many years of hiding her feelings of guilt behind that mask of perfection, she had also harmed herself deeply, and an agreement was made, and tasks were assigned for her too.
As our breakfasts and dinners were the only times of our lives that we truly encountered each other in a calm and private place, she was instructed to ALWAYS break that mask for me, at least once every couple of days, and truly allow her imperfections and insecurities to be presented to me, so I could show her my own share of them.
After my sister’s unexpected outbreak, I asked Doctor Wary if that ‘group therapy’ was just a trick to drag my sister into it.
“We are all a little bit bonkers deep down inside, and I’m really good at my job.” He answered with a mischievous smile.
“At psychology thou mean?” I asked, astonished.
“Both, your Highness…” He cryptically answered and winked to me before giving me a court reverence and departing to his next assignment.
So, my dear diary, you might be confused right now. What does this have to do with anything? Why is it important right now? Why did I just make you read all of this?
It is indeed important because I have recently had one of those opportunities to mock my old self, and also an opportunity to gaze into my dearest sister’s insecurities…
***
“Good morning, Luna! How’s your night been!?” My oh so cheerful sister made herself known in the dining room. I hate morning ponies.
“Exhausting, my dearest sister…” I tried to add a little bit of venom to state I was in no mood. Of course, the point went flying over my sister, as always.
“Hope to cheer you up a little with my special pancakes!” She served me one of the infamous smiley pancakes she makes. Infamous because of my mood, they are actually pretty good.
I grumbled a little and decided to be silent for the time being. I hate morning ponies… and mornings…
I was in no mood, too tired for this right now, it’s too early in the morning, or too late in the morning in my case. I was not going to fight a battle I knew I couldn’t win.
Or could I…
As a flash of inspiration, something crossed my mind. Something that had happened tonight. My dearest sister had instructed me to do it, and she was really paranoid about the whole ordeal. Maybe I could make her morning just a little bit less cheerful.
“Oh, sister, about what you told me to do…” I innocently started.
“About what, my dear Lulu?” She smiled and fluttered her eyelashes.
“The dreamscape… I found him.”
“You found…” Her mask was already cracking, as I could see her right eye twitch.
“The alien.”
“Oh… The… Yes! The alien, of course!” She smiled back at me, though this time the smile was clearly a forced one.
“Tia… Remember your assignment…” I raised an eyebrow, and a drop of sweat ran down her face. Then she sighed, and I braced.
“Luna! Did you managed to get into his dreams!? You have to tell me! What did you find!? Is he dangerous!? Oh goodness, he is with my dearest Twilight… she could… he could… my ponies…” She started to pace back and forth.
“Yes, I was able to enter his dream.”
“What is he like!? Does it have claws or sharp teeth? Is it a monster in disguise!?”
“He adopted the shape of a colt the whole time, so I couldn’t tell.”
“Shapeshifting! He could be hiding something!”
“No… for the maker’s sake! Haven’t thou read Princess Twilight’s reports!?” I allowed myself a pause for chewing. That seemed to unnerve my sister even more.
“Yes, she said it is harmless, but you were having so much trouble finding him in the dreamscape… He is hiding something for sure!”
“It didn’t give me that impression, it was an innocent dream.”
“How can you tell?”
“Because I am the Princess of the Night and the Guardian of Dreams?”
“Did you follow my instructions?”
“About being discrete and extract as much information as possible without revealing myself?”
“Exactly…” She answered, expectantly.
“Yes…” I answered, looking away innocently.
“Thank goodness…” She sighed in relief.
“Mostly…” I smirked internally.
“Wait what!?” Back to staring daggers at me.
“I concealed myself as a character from his dream and took part in it, I had to play along the theme of the dream in order to not reveal myself, and I was able to put his character through a few trials to see how he would react.”
“Good, that’s good… but?”
“It is not the best path to do this kind of dream interactions so, when I was satisfied, I realized a fellow pony was in a little bit of distress. I revealed myself to calm them down, including the alien.”
“You what!? Luna! I told you not to!”
“Don’t tell me how to do my job, Celestia… I am the Princess of the Night, after all.”
“Wait… did you mention another…”
“Yes, sister, it was a shared dream, that’s why I was able to find him, he was sharing a dream with another pony in the dreamscape. It’s the only way I was able to find him because he has no magic aura at all, not even in the dreamscape.” I explained.
“For two ponies to share a dream…” She started, alarmed at the implications.
“…They need to be close to each other.” I concluded for her.
“Oh no… he might have tricked somepony into being that close to him!”
“Or maybe he is an honest to goodness sweetheart and managed to truthfully be close friends with said somepony.” I provided a reasonable explanation.
“That too… but… we need to be careful, Luna. What could you gather about him?”
“Well, he is a surprisingly calm individual, he is loyal to his friends because he is willing to go out of his way to rescue them, he is nice even if you are not nice to him, he is kind and caring, even when facing an enemy, and he is kind of dense sometimes, quite adorable.”
“Huh…”
“Indeed, my dearest sister.”
“But what if… he was hiding under that mask to fool you? Could you sense anything? Was he being truthful?”
“I couldn’t feel anything apart from foal like honesty.”
“Huh…”
“Indeed, my dearest sister.”
“We need to be careful anyways… Oh, goodness… I even allowed my sweet Twilight to give him citizenship! What have I…”
“You did fine, Celestia! It was the right thing to do.” I reassured her.
“But what if…”
“Tia…”
“He could…”
“TIA!”
“But Luna!”
“You are going a little bit overboard with Wary’s task this time, you know, my dearest sister?”
“But… Bah… How dare you! I open up my heart as he told me to do and what I get is…”
“I mean… yes, I appreciate that, but…”
“I will let you know, Luna that I AM taking his advice VERY seriously, and that’s why I’m sharing things with you that I would never share with anypony else…” And she went on with her angry speech.
I used to wonder why Twilight could get so paranoid from time to time, and why emergency plans were put in place to prevent her from going highwire. Now I can guess from where it came from, at least a little bit.
She still needs a lot of work. I also had my own share of troubles when I first confronted the tasks Doctor Wary assigned me. I can’t wait for our next therapy session to tell him how this one went, but for now, some emergency measures are to be taken. Looking left and right for my way out of this, I spotted the perfect course of action.
Seems that in her paranoid ramblings and anxiety attack, my dearest sister hasn’t eaten much at all, and that has left a slice of strawberry cheesecake almost untouched in front of her.
“Oh, by the way, Celestia, are you going to eat that?” I innocently asked as I started to levitate the piece of cake away from her with my blue aura.
“YES, MY DEAR SISTER! Thank you very much…” A golden aura slammed the plate firmly in front of her, and she started to daintily, but angrily, stuff her face with a tiny silver spoon.
Yes. That prevented her from talking anymore, because it would require the sacrilege of talking with her mouth full. Soon, the clock chimed, marking the beginning of her daily tasks, and a royal guard came to accompany her to the throne room for the day court.
“Your Highness?”
“Yes, I’m ready.” She stood up and walked away elegantly, a pleasant and calm smile on her face. The mask was back on.
A calm, loyal, a little bit dense and absolutely adorable individual. Yes, sister is totally not going to turn around and suddenly have her motherly instincts attack the instant she truly meets him. Nope, not a chance…
As Doctor Wary Hooves said, we are all a little bit bonkers deep down inside.
***
It was a beautiful morning. After my escapade to the farm, it became kind of clear to Sunset Twin… wait… Twilight Sparkle! Where did I just hear that name again? It suddenly felt incredibly fitting for Purplesmart.
As I was mentioning… It became clear for Twilight that I wanted to be useful and wanted to get a job and push my own weight, stand on my own legs, and so on. Basically, I wanted to become financially independent eventually. If I worked really hard, I could probably afford my basic needs, but I still needed to gather information about rental prices in this area.
I went to the town hall and found a familiar note on the bulletin board for ‘help requests’, one with a handwriting (Hoofwriting? Mouthwriting?) I recognized. It had a couple of apples drawn next to the text, and I could identify the word ‘apple’ and ‘farm’, so it was clear where I needed to head, and so I did.
This time went a little bit different. When I arrived in the farm, the old mare immediately recruited me for helping her in the kitchen. Maybe I couldn’t defy Newton’s universal law of gravitation, but I could still pick up apples, knives and cooking utensils pretty efficiently, and slice and dice with unrivaled precision among the ponies.
I ended up helping Granny cooking for the whole morning. She talked a lot, but I barely understood anything. I got the general idea she talked a lot about her granddaughter, Apple-something… Because she mentioned her name a lot and pointed at her every single time she came across. The orange mare in question seemed to blush, talk to Granny in a hushed tone and then went away as quickly as possible.
The last encounter between the two of them went a little bit worse. Granny and Apple-something, the orange one, ended up in a heated-up argument. I barely caught anything, but I was apparently part of it.
I was able to catch from Granny something about being part of the family, and the orange one said something and I was able to catch something about me, that she was not interested in something and I was not a pony.
Was she being racist?
I had no idea; she hid a blushing face (her blush was adorable with her freckles) under her cowboy hat and ran away.
After that, and with no more items to cook, Granny gave me sixteen coins (I guess she was rounding it in base four) and one of the apple pies we baked together. And also talked to me.
I caught an apology and something about me being a good stallion despite walking on two legs, whatever that meant, and being very skilled in the kitchen. I thanked her for her compliments and said goodbye.
Today I arrived in the schoolhouse a little bit early, and Cheery… lee? Where did I… I mean, the teacher mare was still in the playground, and there was still a little colt playing in the sand pit, and she was entertaining him, teaching him how to build a sand castle. She was probably waiting for his parents to come and pick him up.
Something felt oddly familiar, like a deja vu sensation.
“Hi, Miss Cheerilee!” I greeted her.
“Oh, Smarty, you said my name with a very good pronunciation! I’m impre… ssed…” She seemed to stutter in the end and suddenly looked away. Was she blushing? It was hard to tell, she was kind of pink after all, maybe a trick of the light.
For some reason I got the urge to sit down and mess around in the sand pit, but I didn’t, I’m an adult after all. How lucky was Cheerilee, she could play as much as she wanted without it being awkward, as she was taking care of the foals.
Today the classes went as usual, nothing to write home about, just how I liked. Slow progress and predictability. Cheerilee acted a little bit weird and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but apart from that, as usual. We all have our ups and downs; I don’t blame her.
Back to my routine, back to my room in Twilight’s castle, back to the familiar icon on the screen of my phone… back to still no signal.