A single repository for various bite-sized chunks of fiction I've written which would otherwise have no home. No particular relation between any of them, other than that they're very short, were written in a very short amount of time, or most often, both.

Tagged "incomplete" in case I add some more stories to it in the future. Don't hold your breath, though!

Now available in Spanish, courtesy of SPANIARD KIWI.

Kids. Kids. Who are you gonna believe, some old book, or your Uncle Bad Horse?

So, anyway. Like I was saying. Once upon a time...

(One of those damn kids had a wire on him, and put recordings on that tubey thing, one, two, three. And made a video. And wrote it all down, in Russian.)

The following are my submissions to the various Writeoff Contests and other interesting story bits that I can't fit anywhere else. Genres and characters will vary.

NO LONGER BEING UPDATED! Stories will continue in Past Conditional!

Present Perfect's Award-Winning Platefic, aka The Zebra Manuscript, aka "Where Do Fillies Come From?" (Beyond Random): There is really no explanation for this.

The Nether Apple (Dark, Human): I once ran a Tumblr called Ask the Nether Apple, with all of two posts, a spinoff of the better Ask the Derpmuffin. I wanted to post the introduction story here for posterity. Not pony-related, and knowledge of Ask the Derpmuffin is recommended.

It Was a Bright and Sunny Day in Ponyville (Random, Adventure): An exercise in mocking purple prose and the 'weather report' opening. It is a single, grammatically correct sentence that takes 500 words to accomplish what happens in the title.

Twilight's Guts (Dark, Random): Twilight awakens covered in her own entrails. How did that happen?

The 6th Step (Human): I overcome my fear of heights with the help of some friendly ponies in my head. A true story.

Movin' on Up (Random): The walls start shakin', the earth is quakin', Dr. Whooves' mind is achin' and what the bloody hell is actually going on?

A Very Nasty Habit (Random): Chrysalis is confronted by a Councillor worried about her health. How did changelings get those holes in their legs, anyway?

The Call of Carrothulhu (Dark, Crossover): Carrot Top's garden hides many wonders, but some were never meant to be pulled from the earth.

Blue, Green, Purple, Pink (Dark): My mane is lovely, don't you think? So many colors, swirling, never ending, constantly shifting, always in my field of vision. Help.

Waiting for Rarity (Sad): Rarity is off pursuing her dreams. What does this mean for her friends?

War Comes to Equestria (Dark): Celestia has spent countless lifetimes honing Equestria into a peaceful haven for her little ponies. So when an ambassador from the griffins casually speaks of war, it is understandable that she might become a tad... peeved. Inspired by The Descendent's excellent story "A Cup of Joe". Somehow.

The Lamentation Chain (Sad, Random): Five souls find themselves caught in a common thread of sadness and longing on the eve of the new year.

The Heart Holds Grudges With Gravity (Random, Crossover): Applejack and Rarity have had a long-standing feud since before Twilight even knew them. The time has finally come to settle the score.

Burdens of the Throne (Random): The Princess of Love was angry...

The Summer of the Giant Moth (Random): When a giant moth roosts on Applejack's barn, she learns to appreciate the things we have or something, I dunno. Contains the phrase "tremendous death fart". More than once.

Rusty in the Giddyup (Comedy, Romance): Notably uptight noblepony Persnickety finally meets the mare of his dreams. But she's not exactly what she seems to be...

A Chance Encounter on Route 66 (Slice of Life): After a breakdown in the middle of nowhere leaves her stranded, help comes to Wild Fire straight out of a past she wanted to forget.

Pareidoilia, or the Importance of Crochet (Sad, Slice of Life): Pinkie Pie tells her granddaughter about the five greatest ponies she ever knew.

Somepony Still Loves You, Trixie Lulamoon (Human): I end up in Equestria, which is weird, because Equestria isn't real, I'm not a pony, and I didn't really want to come here in the first place. Also, the ponies are dicks. Don't go to Equestria, kids, it sucks.

No Jobs Tonight (Human, Sad): My name is PinkPartyPony and I live in a Corrugated with my best friend Pinkie Pie. I'll tell you about her and me and what we do together and my Box Friends and strawberries.

Handy-Dandy (Random): Flying around at the speed of sound one day, who should Rainbow Dash run into but the Great and Powerful Trixie? But little did she expect, the unicorn has a revelation that will blow her mind!

Mowe (Dark, Comedy): Applejack was a fat baby, and her parents are dead.

Bat for Lashes (Adventure): Roughing it does not mean bringing an eyelash curler, at least not to Applejack. After all, it's not like she'll ever find herself embroiled in an eyelash-curling emergency out in the wilderness... Right?

Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of Lame Stuck in Her Throat (Comedy, Random): And it kind of sucks!

No Harm, No Waterfowl (Comedy, Random): Beaten, humiliated and humbled, Trixie has been brought low and understands the horrible things she's done. Now, in a wildlife reserve miles away from civilization, she has found peace. But it is a fragile peace, ready to shatter when a flock of ducks arrive from afar.

The Eye and the Web (Slice of Life): An old seer is summoned to Ponyville to perform her last seeing.

And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone (Random, Slice of Life): Fleur holds a press conference to talk about just what she did to revolutionize children's entertainment.

A Tsundere Diamond Tiara Schoolyard Romance Story (Random, Romance): Diamon Tiarda has a secrets she doesnt actually not never hate Apple Bloom but don't tell nopony shhh. I wrote this for Jake the Army guy because.

The Brony Princess (Human, Crossover, Random): Katelyn's life is awful: school sucks, her parents are idiots, and her only solace is watching My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. So when she's whisked off to a magical kingdom full of talking equines, things start looking up. Except it's not the kingdom full of talking equines she was hoping for... (Will not be finished.)

A Blackout in Ponyville (Random, Crossover): Blackout -- a giant, evil robot covered in guns and blades -- visits Equestria to see one particular pink party pony. Hopefully he won't squish any of the organics. A crossover with Transformers: Animated that will likely not be understandable to anyone unfamiliar with the show.

Vinyl Scratch Drops the Title (Teen: Sex, Random, Comedy): During the decannual Main/Background Exchange Day, Vinyl Scratch ends up sorting books with Princess Twilight Sparkle much to her chagrin and eternal boredom.

Love Means Never Having to Say You're Hungry (Romance, Dark): Rainbow Dash has a problem with Pinkie Pie.

Lines (Comedy, Slice of Life): A time-displaced warrior from Equestria's distant past ekes out a living in modern Manehattan. All she wants is coffee, and all the motor-mouthed unicorn at the computer store wants is to sell her the latest in Equestrian technology.

The Shortest Breakup Fic Ever (Romance, Comedy, Random, Sad): Two ponies discover they have irreconcilable differences. (Reading by AShadowOfCygnus!)

Star Bright (Original Version) [Adventure]: A young mare goes off into the Everfree Forest, seeking a way to come out from under her mother's shadow.

The Totally, For-Real Shortest Breakup Fic Ever (So Long as You Don't Look at the Character Count) [Romance, Sad, Random]: Pinkie has a tearful confession for Rarity about Rainbow Dash. (Reading by AshadowOfCygnus!)

Kiss of the Sea Queen (Adventure, Romance): After accidentally being turned into seaponies, Twilight, AJ, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy get swept up in the political strife of their underwater cousins. (Will not be finished.)

"Speak, Butt, and Enter" (Random, Adventure, Butts): Daring Do finds out just why she brought Ditzy along on her latest adventure when they come across a strange inscription outside a lost temple.

Matter Was I, If It Would (Random): In the wake of Princess Twilight getting a nifty-keen crystal tree castle, Pinkie has to ask Twilight a very difficult question. Or it might be a very silly question, I'm not sure.

Sunset Shimmer Plays Baseball (2nd Person, Romance, Comedy, Random, Equestria Girls): Fresh haircut, chocolates, flowers: you're all set for your first date with Sunset Shimmer!

Underneath It All (Random): As the Ghost of Hearth's Warming Future, Luna was awfully... tall.

Rainbow Dash and Fluffle Puff Try to Play an MMORPG (Random): They fail miserably.

Friendly Fire (Adventure, Random, Sad): In a ruined city, hunting for a lost relic, Twilight and Fluttershy smell something burning.

That's Amore (AU, Random): Starlight Glimmer needs to figure out how to pass five friendship lessons at once. Surely pasta will help!

That'll Do, Pig (Teen: Sex, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Random): Sunset Shimmer has something very important to say.

I'll Show You "Apple Brown Betty"! (Random): Rainbow Dash takes a dump on Applejack. They can't all be winners!

Daring Do and the Compact of Doom (Comedy, Equestria Girls, Random): Daring Do gets ready for another rousing treasure hunt, with all the things a brave adventurer needs to succeed!

Applejack Kicks It Up a Notch (Comedy, Random): Bam! Applejack is here to make everything spicier! A spiritual sequel to Things Rainbow Dash Doesn't Like.

Things Fluttershy Is an Expert In (Comedy, Random): Pretty much just Fluttershy yelling at ponies. Spiritual sequel to Things Rainbow Dash Doesn't Like.

Apple Slices (Sex, Drama, Sad): Golden Delicious, feeling trapped by his cozy, provincial life, goes in search of greener pastures. What he finds is a unicorn.

Brief stories about Equestria as it might have been—or, you may suspect in darker hours, already is.

25. Necessary Evil: Lord Tirek will return to wreak havoc on Equestria... but not before he's needed.

24. Queen of Foals (Fausticorn):
I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—"Four vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies alone..."

23. The Mechanical Donkey (Cranky Doodle alt-universe): A colt working for the school paper uncovers an old donkey's secret.

22. The Element of Audacity (Twilight, Dash, Cthulhu): It would take a very brave, very stupid pony to defy the Eater.

21. The Gentle People (dark): The gryphon tribe that tried to follow a pony goddess.

20. It's a Trap! And Twilight knows it. But her opponent knows that she knows it. But she knows that Twilight knows that she knows that Twilight knows it...

19. Fraud!: Trixie is accused of cheating at cards.

18. Celerity: Rarity wonders what Celestia sees in her.

17. Worth It: Fluttershy teaches Twilight about the cost of love.

16. Self Image (Twilight, Rarity): Is beauty really only skin deep?

15. The Quiet One (Luna): Some ponies express emotions differently.

14. Special: Discord teaches Pound Cake an important lesson.

13. Twenty-one! (Pinkie Pie, Twilight; comedy, horror?): Twilight discovers the danger of asking Pinkie "why?"

12. Changeling Dream: You may think the cost of living on emotions is too high. But we know the cost.

11. Loyalty (Rainbow, Applejack): The job of an Element of Harmony is simple, and sometimes impossible.

10. [revoked]

9. Sombra's Curse (comedy): The terrible curse Sombra unleashed that made him king, and stole his soul!

8. Game of Immortals (Celestia, Discord; dark comedy): Celestia likes to win—no matter which side she plays.

7. The Pony Side (comedy): Darth Vader has more important things to share with Luke than who his father is.

6. No Regrets (sad): Looking back on her life, Twilight remembers how she treated Derpy, and faces some unpleasant truths about herself.

5. Shipping Costs (comedy): If you knew you were about to meet Celestia in the next life, you might ask yourself: Did you leave the world a better place? Did your friends know you loved them? Should you have written thirty-nine chapters of Celestia clop-fiction?

4. The Green Hills of Equestria (tragedy): Vincent's big-game hunting trip was a success ... almost.

3. Mare of the Rings (Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash; comedy, LotR): The greatest could not be trusted with the Ring. So Gandalf sought out the humblest. Maybe too humble....

2. Happy Thoughts (horror): Her sun, happy to be in its place in the sky, wrapped the land in its warm embrace, and flowers bloomed in her hoofprints. Celestia smiled. It was going to be another perfect day in Equestria. And all she had to do was think happy thoughts. Again.

1. The Pony: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I clicked weak and weary,
Thru many a vile and bilious image on slash-b of yore...

Original cover art by ModeratelyDeviant@DeviantArt