• Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago


Forget not that I am a derp.


The following are my submissions to the various Writeoff Contests and other interesting story bits that I can't fit anywhere else. Genres and characters will vary.

Chapters (51)
Comments ( 745 )

Aww, Apple Bloom's a cute little monster when she does that :heart:

Beautiful way to explain Earth Pony Magic. 8.99/10 for introducing the characters the wrong way, though. It may not be just any Applebloom and Pinkie Pie, but I'll cut the score for not following basic writing principle: assume your reader knows nothing about the characters involved in a story.

Did Berry Punch really leave that fresh peach moonshine undrunk? For shame!

And nice story. I'm often bringing up earth pony magic in my stories.

That is a really cool way of looking at earth pony magic. This is going in my headcanon bucket.

Not a purple Monster, but still cute. :raritywink:

The nature of the contest was such that knowledge of the show and of the characters was assumed. I didn't change anything from the original submission.

Hey, she's got to leave some for the customers! Besides, I wanted to write a variation of the character more focused on making booze than drinking it.

Huzzah! Any time I can give someone ideas is a plus in my book.

5040392 And that's why I took points off. Can't assume your reader will know everything.

Dangit. Wish I'd read this before today.

Second the headcanon bucket.

If you're going to assume that the reader knows nothing about "Applebloom" or "Pinkie Pie", then the idea of "Earth Pony Magic" is nothing but word salad. :ajbemused:

We're on FIMFiction.net. My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is right there in the title. The writeoff website isn't so explicit about MLP, but I've never seen a non-pony story there.

Anyway. Glad to see these posted, Fan! (Though you may want to consider, for future 1000+ word stories, posting them on their own if you feel they merit it. If it's good enough to win a medal, it's good enough to get its own time on the front page, rather than falling into relative obscurity as part of a collection.)

Man... that's terrible, what happened to him... I think... He wasn't evil at first, right?

Author Interviewer

Oh man, you should post Negotiations as its own submission! :O

5042202 Exactly my point in the review. Impersonal, logical, rational are the prerogative. You're supposed to be delivering so that even someone who hadn't watched the show would understand: terminology, characters, etc.

If you want a score that takes even that into point: 3.4/10 for fairness' sake.

Um … wow.

"Assume your reader knows nothing about the characters involved in a story" is, as you say, a basic writing principle. "Show, don't tell" is a basic writing principle. "Spell words correctly" is a basic writing principle.

Basic writing principles are not universal truths.

The idea of a basic writing principle is that, by default, in the absence of other factors, it is a guideline that will improve your story. If you apply it without understanding the reason for the principle, you can wreck a story just as surely as if you ignored the principle.

"Spell words correctly." Sure thing, pardner, unless yer tryin' to write an accent. Readers expect correctly spelled words; deviations from that draw attention to themselves, and sometimes that's exactly what you want to do.

"Show, don't tell." Sure, until you're trying to work in a few sentences of exposition to justify a minor plot point in passing. Showing slows down the pace of the story, and focuses the reader in. Telling makes what you're saying abstract and distant. Sometimes, expressing an idea quickly and unobtrusively is exactly what you want to do.

"Assume your readers know nothing about the characters." This is a fanfiction website. Fans of the show come here to read tales which explicitly use their favorite existing characters. You don't reinvent the wheel by describing canon characters again, because the audience that your story will reach on FIMFiction.net (and the writeoffs, etc) can be assumed to universally know that stuff already, and remedial lectures bore your readers.

Sometimes, taking established ideas and doing interesting things that start from that common base of knowledge is exactly what you want to do.

Not to pick on you, dude, but take a look at your own stories' reception. If you take a deep breath and think about the reasons behind the principles you state, it will help you write things that your audience likes more. Maybe you're not here for the sake of entertaining others, and that's totally your choice — but the way to have other people respect your writing is to respect your readers, and that means understanding what they like. When you are posting to a fanfiction website, "introducing from scratch characters that they already know" isn't on that list.

5043687 You were fine until your third point. It's fucking necessary to reestablish a character when you want to invite more than the fans. As any critic knows fans go to any lengths to be as stupid as humanly possible. That means that for fans of a work, bashing coconuts together can be deemed under 'almighty praise of grandiose magnitude' even if it's just cacophonous pointlessness.

Your purpose here has been to repeatedly try to undermine my review as quickly as possible. Forgetting that fanfiction is treated as low-brow garbage by a vast majority, holding such basic standards as holding to core principles for a work seems to be a crime to you. The principles were created so that an author can work beyond select audiences. A work doesn't need to be exclusively e for everyone, but it should be worked on so that anyone can get into it.

I'm not going to work on the next paragraph because by attempting to adjust your point of view is useless. You're already set in your ways when you wrote that line. There's more than one way to introduce a character and that changes parts of the story in the overall mood. Writing with the tenants is a great way to improve your work and set a theme that persists throughout the work. In essence, it becomes less wishy-washy. This is why stories like 'Tale of Lord Barleycorn' and 'Grandfather's Coming for a Visit' and even 'Diaries of a Madman' are so startlingly popular. It's because everyone can get into them, not because they add anything new or different.

Lastly in accordance with your last paragraph: my stories are shit. They're basic, short, and meant more to represent the idea than a story. You can't judge my ability to review and criticize a work by my own writing. The biggest insult you've tacked on to your post is the fact that you've never actually read my work just 'the reception'. I don't actually care about that work, I barely put any time into them and to add to matters, they're all over three years old.

I mean, the least you can do is actually describe these 'people'. Color, shape, otherwise; it's a matter of being able to picture them without having to go to a search bar to look 'em up. All you get is the names; there's no reason to care for a character you can't picture in your mind. Anyways, I've already said my piece, FanOfMostEverything responded, and we're taking up space on the chatboard when we aren't talking about the story anymore. IF you want to continue this chat, reply to the P.M. I'm about to send you. I'll try to answer tomorrow, but it's around 3 A.M. and I need to get some sleep.

If only my Warrior could Duel-wield double keyboards. I'd face-roll IRL AND in-game!

And the above had nothing to do with the story itself but the fact my insomniatic self read the title as Duel-wielding Keyboards.

Hmm. Do you think I should just unpublish the first bit and retitle this apporpriately?

The real secret is playing a Ranger/Ranger. Then you can dual-wield your dual-wield!

Author Interviewer

That's a possibility. :O Especially if you have cover art for it.

5044508 Yo, bro, i heard you like dual-wield. so i put some dual-wield on ya dual-wield. so you can dual-wield while ya dual-wield. (sorry, couldn't resist.)

Oh, well that's a kickass one.

(Double-check your quote marks, I spotted one that got away in the last quarter of each of the new ones.)

I just have to comment here that this one was *right* outside of my top 5. That ending kinda slapped me across the face when I first read it, but it grew on me the more I thought about it. I actually scored it in voting to tie with my other top contenders.

Plus, Denvertigo.

How simultaneously ironic and fitting that it shared its spot with the other story taking a hopeful spin around death. :duck:

I'm still tickled by how many people loved that pun. As I noted in my rundown post, not the first time I've used it, but it has been three years since I mentioned it in Elementals of Harmony.

Yeah, that was an odd bit of synchronicity there. The two dead grandma stories tied for thirteenth place. Clearly horizons are unhealthy places for grandmothers.
Is there something you're not telling me? :duck:

There is nothing I am not revealing which is not crucial to the existential security of four different dimensions. :twilightsmile:

I really like this story. You did a very good job with it! That's pretty much how earth pony magic works in my own headcanon, too :pinkiehappy:

But I have no right to tear you away from your destiny and twist your mind into a balloon animal.

This is the best metaphor I can recall reading. I have a short memory, but still. It's perfect.

I really like this, but I can't put my finger on why.

You glorious bastard. :rainbowlaugh:

Looks like those old soldiers made a critical push in the Battle of the Bulge!

Molars to the Right of Them
Molars to the Left of Them
Boldly, they Rose and Fell
Into the Jaws of Pink

My first thought* "Pinkie dealing with some baked goods that didn't come out of the oven right."

My second thought "Knowing FoM this might actually be Celestia talking about old soldiers. He's sneaky like that at times. When he wants to be."

My third thought. "Nope, Pinkie and baked goods. Those names are too spot on. But the pose still leaves some doubt."

My final thought. "Yep, knew it. Still a fun read though"

*All thoughts are on the matter of this story only. For I am always having thoughts on many things, in only somewhat of a semblance of an order.

*Grins* Very nicely done.

Hah! I was completely suckered by the setup, thinking it was from Celestia's perspective. Very fun little story, not without its pathos. :pinkiehappy:

I misread that last line as "And the World Exploded." :pinkiecrazy:

Author Interviewer

Yeah, Denvertigo is about the best thing ever. :D

Actually, this is perfect for today! :rainbowlaugh:

Dear Suri,

I know we had our spats back in Manehattan, but when one of my friends freely offered me this beautiful new dress material, it reawakened in me the spirit of generosity that I had thought extinguished by your callous actions. I have since come to realize that the proper response was not, as I had thought, to abandon my principles, but to redouble my efforts in hopes that a sincere display of my feelings might move your heart. As such, I have enclosed my entire stock of the material. All I ask is that you share with me a photograph of yourself wearing what you make of it, so that my friend might know his materials are being put to good use.

With all due respect,

Author Interviewer

I still don't know how to take this one. c.c

Well, considering it involves a whiplash-inducing tone shift and an alicorn OC, I can't say I blame you. I wanted to do something with the final horizon. A fair amount of Discworld went into it, and I'm not as good as Sir Pterry when it comes to blending death and comedy.

Author Interviewer

Wait, I thought that was Celestia at the end. c.c I guess I'm more lost than I thought.

Author Interviewer

I lol'd :D

I kept expecting the reveal to be Celestia debating having more dessert.


And this story certainly made me chuckle.

Author Interviewer

I love it. :D

... God damn it, FoME :rainbowlaugh:

I wish I could keep upvoting.

This does explain quite a bit.

OMG, FOME! :pinkiegasp::rainbowlaugh::heart: You are a GENIUS!!

YOU WENT THERE! :rainbowlaugh:

Makes total sense and epicly in-character :pinkiehappy: I can totally see Pinkie with a lot of kids; read a story where she even had triplets too.

Fluttershy struggled for a word. She borrowed one of Rarity's. "It pops!"

I think you're missing an 'o' there, Fluttershy... :raritydespair:

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