It was a lovely day for a picnic, which was easy to arrange when the weather team still owed Rainbow Dash several favors. (She owed them favors as well, especially after the anti-hibernation fiasco, but the Ponyville weather team’s political brokering made Canterlot look like a game of Chutes and Ladders.) All six friends had gathered for a delicious meal and friendly company.
As the one who’d arranged the ambiance, Rainbow Dash took the initiative to ruin it. “Here’s one for you: Hayburgers or oatburgers?”
That got a chorus of groans. “Really, Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity. “If you must try to provoke a fight, you could at least have the decency to throw the first punch.”
Dash shrugged her wings. “Hey, it’s not like I’m asking you to pick the best pizza toppings. Besides, my body’s a temple.”
“Dusty and full of spiders?” Pinkie said with the smile that made it impossible to tell whether or not she was being sincere.
“Home to unspeakable rites?” said Twilight, whose grin was a lot easier to read.
Applejack’s smirk telegraphed her intentions long before she actually said “A lot less excitin’ outside of a Darin’ Do novel?”
“Ha. Ha.” Still, Dash couldn’t keep the grin off her own face for long. “Look, I have to keep myself in top shape. I can’t go scarfing a wad of greasy, grilled carbs more than once, maybe twice a year. I don’t have a Wonderbolt in this race. So, hay or oats?”
Applejack licked her lips. “Ain’t nothin’ better’n Cousin Honeycrisp’s apple-oatburgers.” She scowled. “Still can’t get him t’ tell me that recipe.”
“Is the secret ingredient apples?”
“That one ain’t exactly a secret, Pinkie.”
“Well…” Fluttershy’s wings fidgeted as she thought. “I like both, really. Though if I have to make a choice, I don’t really like the way the oats can get stuck in my teeth.”
Rarity nodded. “It’s not my preferred form of cuisine, but I must admit, a hayburger scratches the same itch as a pint of ice cream when a deadline looms. I’ll leave the oats for dessert.”
“That’s why I like oatburgers!” said Pinkie. “If you’re getting junk food, you may as well go for the junkiest! Am I right, Twilight?”
Silence stretched out until the others were all looking at the alicorn, who was doing everything in her power short of teleporting not to return any of their gazes.
“Um, Twilight?” said Fluttershy.
Twilight flinched, lit her horn, and doused it before actually casting anything. “Y-yes?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Out of the six of us, you are the burger aficionado, as it were.”
Pinkie nodded. “Yeah, what’s the royal decree?”
“I mean, well, it’s…” Twilight cleared her throat. “One burger’s as good as another, right? They’re mostly there as an excuse for ketchup and pickles anyway.”
Dash rolled her eyes. “Come on, even Fluttershy picked one. You’ve got to at least have a preferred recipe.”
After another few moments of hesitation, Twilight sighed and wilted. “Okay, so my preference may seem a little… unorthodox.”
Applejack quirked an eyebrow. “This ain’t like how yer ma shops at creepy stores what ain’t there the next day, is it?”
“They have the best deals. Also, no.” Twilight took a deep breath. “So, this one time in the human world…”