//------------------------------// // Incident Report #P5109 // Story: Dueling Keyboards // by FanOfMostEverything //------------------------------// Incident Report Incident Number: #P5109 Incident Location: Ponyville, Cantershire Reporting Agent: Agent Lyra Heartstrings Summary: Incident was a multi-song narrative arc. Some signs of harmonic strain were observed, but arc self-corrected them upon resolution. Incident consisted of six sub-incidents. Sub-Incident #P5109-a Type: Personal, “I Am” Location: Sweet Apple Acres Duration: 0:42 Summary: Minor incident only discovered through later harmonic tracing. Analysis indicates this was a prelude to sub-incident #P5109-f (see below.) Sub-Incident #P5109-b Type: Medley, Conflicting/Montage, Event Location: Ponyville Primary Schoolhouse Duration: 22:37:16 (objective), 3:03 (subjective) Summary: Incident consisted largely of a polyphonic dueling duet, with chorus and brief third-singer interlude. Montage timeskip moved to next day with little incident. Note that interlude was interrupted by Diamond Tiara, one of the incident’s participants, through sheer force of personality. Other participants resumed performance, bringing incident to natural conclusion. Sub-Incident #P5109-c Type: Personal, “I Want” Location: Streets of Ponyville (see Addendum #P5109-II) Duration: 1:20 Summary: Incident consisted of externalized inner monologue with moderate symbolic transitions. Outside observers prevented temporal slippage. Sub-Incident #P5109-d Type: Duet, Monophonic Dueling Location: Streets of Ponyville (see Addendum #P5109-III) Duration: 1:55 Summary: Incident presented moral dichotomy to one participant. Some signs of harmonic strain in warping of early rhyme structure, participants’ continued motion at a gallop, and ease of escape at conclusion. Sub-Incident #P5109-e Type: Montage, Construction/Personal, “I Am” Location: Ponyville Primary Schoolhouse Duration: 4:07:13 (objective), 1:21 (subjective) Summary: Positive reprise of sub-incident #P5109-c. No additional signs of harmonic or temporal strain present, though incident was interspersed with moments of unsung speech with background music. Sub-Incident #P5109-f Type: Denouement, Triumphant Location: Ponyville Primary Schoolhouse, Streets of Ponyville, Sweet Apple Acres (see Addendum #P5109-IV) Duration: 3:34 Summary: Potentially large-scale incident successfully contained to reasonable levels. π-class entity successfully confined to unsung speech. Earlier massive release of cutie mark magic corrected harmonic strain. Canterlot office confirms incident spread to diarchs’ throne room via dragonfire post, non-participation of Princesses Celestia and Luna. Addendum #P5109-I Given her discovered destiny’s close ties to that of her friends and to the harmonious expression of special talents, I strongly recommend that Sweetie Belle be dropped from consideration as a versebreaker. Lyra hummed to herself, tapping her chin with her telekinetically held pencil. She leaned back in her chair and pointed her head towards the kitchen. “Hey, Sweetie? Could you take a look at this for me before I type it up?” Bonbon walked into the living room, wearing an sugar-spotted apron, her hair tied back. “I wish you wouldn’t call me that.” “Hey, if I don’t add the Drops, it’s a pet name.” Bonbon scowled. “It’s my secret identity, Lyra.” "Sorry. Still, I could use an extra pair of eyes." Lyra grimaced and gestured at the rough draft on the coffee table. "The higher-ups still haven't forgotten the Cheese Sandwich debacle. If that goof-off hadn't technically received royal approval...” She shook her head. "Point is, a little help would be appreciated." "That part of my life is over, Lyra." Lyra wondered how many other denizens of Tartarus wanted revenge. Aloud, she said, "I'm just asking for a little proofreading from a fellow civil servant." Bonbon moved to Lyra’s side and looked at the paper. She frowned. “Incident reports. I always hated these.” “Yeah, they’re a real pain in the hindquarters.” “Well, they can be, but that’s not why.” Bonbon looked away, her ears folded back. Lyra stood up. “Bonnie?” “It’s the official language. It just…” Bonbon shook her head. “A kraken once killed two ponies who I’d fought with for years. My team had to leave their corpses on the sea floor ten miles off the coast of Horseshoe Bay. Even if we could retrieve them, they officially didn't exist." She shut her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. "You know what I had to write on the report? ‘Team experienced moderate casualties.’ That and their names etched on a plaque in the Canterlot office were all the memorial they got. I don’t even know what happened to those plaques when the agency was shuttered. “But the wording you have to use, it just… It feels so distant from what actually happened. We risked our lives to keep this nation safe and the bureaucrats insisted that we bleed anything that might recognize that out of the official documentation." Bonbon's eyes snapped open as she jabbed an accusing hoof at Lyra's report. "And here! Here it’s the exact opposite. Something beautiful happened today, and all you’re allowed to talk about is harmonic strain and pi-class entities." She frowned. "What even are those? The only p-class entities I know of cling to cave ceilings." "Party ponies." "Oh. Yeah, I am a bit surprised that Pinkie didn't hold a parade in the Crusaders' honor." Bonbon gave Lyra a flat look. "Though I suppose you would consider that a bad thing." Lyra reared up, holding up her forehooves defensively. "Hey, I'm not saying they didn't earn it, but my orders are clear. We were already pushing dangerous levels of musical density. Trust me, keeping Pinkie from singing did a lot less to ruin their day than a lyrical singularity would've." "I suppose I have to take your word for that." An uncomfortable silence stretched for several seconds. Lyra did what she did to any malignant sonic structure and broke it. "What I don't understand is how you could love musical numbers so much after what you did. Aren't there all sorts of monsters that use music?" Bonbon nodded. "Sure. Sirens, kokopellis, basslions—" "Basslions?" "They're Hosstralian; they usually prey on drop bears. Imagine a Tackmanian tiger with a skull like a hoofball helmet and a voice like Vinyl Scratch's experimental records. But we usually liaised with properly cleared versebreakers to deal with those." Bonbon rolled her eyes. "The agency usually just threw me at the big, snarly things." Lyra raised an eyebrow. "That description sounds like you had a run-in with a basslion." "A small pack escaped onto the docks when being transported to the Sacrapinto Zoo." Bonbon sighed. "At least nopony died that day." Lyra grinned. "I have an idea." Bonbon raised an eyebrow. "Okay." The rough draft floated in front of her face. "You make sure this is suitable for work," said Lyra, "I put in the last few addenda, and then we can sit and talk about all the horseapples you had to go through." The other eyebrow joined in. Bonbon shook her head."That's way too much for one talk." "Then we can get started." Lyra hugged her. "Keeping all of that stuff pent up isn't healthy." Bonbon returned the embrace for a moment before pulling away. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to banish you." Lyra giggled. "I'm serious." "I know, but you're just too cute to make that sound threatening." Lyra winked. "At least, not without the fake mustache. Besides, you don't have to." "I really do." "Please. If your NDA was anything like mine, if you tried to leak anything, like..." Lyra's mouth kept moving, but silently. A faint blurring around her muzzle kept Bonbon from reading her lips. "... then that would've happened. You literally couldn't have told me your secret identity if you were supposed to keep it secret." She blinked and facehoofed. "And now I have another form to fill out. I did not think that through." Bonbon tittered, then nuzzled Lyra. "Well, when you put it that way, how can I say no?"