Negotiations
Apple Bloom trudged into Sugarcube Corner, head down, ears flat, tail drooping. Even her bow seemed limp.
Naturally, Pinkie Pie couldn't let this stand. "Wow, somepony looks like she could use a pick-me-up!" She looked around the store, saw no other Apples, and leaned over the counter to whisper, "Want to try the pear tart?"
Apple Bloom looked up at her with a hard stare. "I need your help, Pinkie."
"Sure!" Pinkie's smile assumed its familiar, cheek-splitting width. "I'm always happy to help a friend in need with some friendly deeds! Though not the one to Sugarcube Corner, that belongs to the Cakes." She brought a hoof to her chin. "Now, those cupcakes of yours did come out a bit on the crunchy side, but single-recipe cutie marks aren't unheard of, especially not in your family. Still, don't you want the other Cru—"
"Not with baking." Apple Bloom took a deep breath and redoubled her "big pony" expression. "I need you to teach me magic."
"Oh." Pinkie blinked. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. "Oh." She turned to the Corner's kitchen. "Mrs. Cake! I'm taking my lunch break; I have a life lesson to impart!"
"Alright, dear!" came the confirmation.
Pinkie nodded to herself and moved away from the counter. "Walk with me, young grasshopper."
A green-coated colt looked up from his parfait. "Huh?"
"Sorry, Grasshopper, not you. I meant Apple Bloom."
As the colt rolled his eyes, Apple Bloom trotted to Pinkie's side. As they left the shop, she asked, "So, where do we start?"
Bloom looked up at Pinkie and nearly tripped over her own hooves. Pinkie wasn't smiling. Her mouth was set in a straight line, her gaze locked on the horizon. "Tell me," she said, "why you want to learn from me."
"Well…" Apple Bloom trailed off, her head dipping down again. She was silent for several seconds before speaking again. "It's… I know I shouldn't feel this way, but Sweetie's figuring out magic, and Scootaloo's managing some good hangtime, and I'm…"
"Jealous?"
"…Yeah. My friends get to do all this cool stuff 'cause they're a unicorn and a pegasus. What do I get? Strength? Anypony can be strong. Look at Bulk Biceps."
Pinkie nodded. "You're far from the first earth pony to feel that way. Twilight tells me you're really good with potions, though."
Apple Bloom snorted. "Anypony can mix a potion. You take this, that, and the other in the right amounts, mix them the right way, and you're done. That ain't magic, it's science."
"Heh." Pinkie's chuckle brought a surprising amount of relief to Apple Bloom. The party pony just wasn't meant to look serious. "Don't let Twilight hear you say that. She'll explain the difference, and it will take her hours."
"Fine. But it still ain't what I want." Apple Bloom turned to Pinkie, grinning and eager. "But you, you can do darn near anything! You and Cheese Sandwich during the Goof-Off, you was pulling things out of thin air left and right, doing things a whole team of unicorns couldn't do!"
Pinkie waved her head from side to side noncommittally. "Well, it depends on the unicorns. But yeah, a pair of pugnacious party ponies is particularly phenomenal—"
"I don't think you pronounce the 'p' on that last one—"
"But there's a reason why we were so eye-catching. I'm not teaching you, Apple Bloom. Power comes at a cost."
Apple Bloom gaped and came to a halt. "Y-you mean you'd teach Diamond Tiara if she asked?"
Pinkie boggled at her for a moment before bursting into laughter. "No! No, no, no, definitely not." She shook her head. "Keep walking, Bloom, we're not there yet."
The filly complied. "Where's there?"
"You'll see. But I didn't mean a cost in bits. I meant a cost in sanity. Cheese and I are crazy. Not just crazy-fun or crazy-random or any other nice way of putting it, but full-blown crazy. In order to do what we can, we have to make ourselves so loco in the coco that our Yoko is a choco."
Apple Bloom digested this for a moment. "What?"
"Exactly." Pinkie offered her a sad smile. "You can't even comprehend what it takes to be a party pony, Apple Bloom, and it's better that you don't. If it turns out that that's your talent, then yes, I will teach you. But I have no right to tear you away from your destiny and twist your mind into a balloon animal."
Bloom scowled. "You seem plenty sane right now."
Pinkie snickered. "Oh, trust me, I am going to pay for this later." She put on a serious face and continued, "But right now, you need somepony with a good head on her shoulders, and I'm willing to screw mine back on until we get where we're going. Which we have."
"Here" was a fairly typical example of Ponyville architecture, excepting the expanded first floor. A dark interior of stools, tables, casks, and taps was faintly visible through wide windows. Above the door hung a sign with a bunch of grapes and a strawberry, while behind it hung one reading "Closed."
"The Punch Bowl?" Apple Bloom looked up at Pinkie and silently revised her assessment of the mare's mental health. "I ain't allowed in there. Besides, it ain't even open."
Pinkie nodded. "Exactly! Which means you can see Berry without entering the forbidden zone. Ooooh." She waved her forelegs in what was probably meant to be a menacing way.
Apple Bloom just rolled her eyes. "Fine."
"That's the spirit! Come on!" Pinkie led her around the back of the establishment and up an exterior staircase.
Knocking summoned Berry Punch. "Pinkie," she said with a faint smile. "I wasn't expecting you."
"Oh, I'm just here to drop off Apple Bloom. She thinks earth pony magic isn't anything special."
Berry quirked an eyebrow and turned to the filly. "Is that so?"
Bloom squirmed. "Well, I…"
Berry held up a forehoof. "It's okay."
Pinkie ruffled Apple Bloom's mane. "Don't worry. You're in good hooves." She sprang up onto the bannister and began tipping back. "Now, if you two will excuse me, I'm on lunch break so I should probably eat somethiiii—"
Both watched her slide down. Berry chuckled and turned towards the door. "Well, come on in. We'll talk."
"Okay…"
Apple Bloom wasn't sure what she was expecting in Berry Punch's house, but what she saw wasn't it. It was a fairly normal living room for the most part: couches, table, firefly lamps, a few landscape paintings hanging from the walls. What stood out was the complicated machinery in one corner that greatly resembled the potion equipment she used during Twilight Time. This model, however, seemed like it was designed with even greater durability, including a few components that looked custom-made. It was pretty clear why. "You sure you should have your still in your house?"
Berry chuckled again. "Don't worry, I haven't used that one for a while. It's just a conversation piece."
Bloom backed away from the contraption. "If you say so..."
"Such caution from a Cutie Mark Crusader? I'm surprised." Berry sat on a couch. "Come on. That's not why you're here."
"…Yeah, it ain't." Apple Bloom hopped up on another. "I feel so stupid thinking like this, but I can't get the thought out of my head."
Berry nodded. "You're far from the only one. So, is it horn envy, wing envy, or just a general sense of wanting what you don't have?"
Apple Bloom sighed. "The last one, I guess. I just want to be… well, flashy. I already know what Applejack would say: that ain't the earth pony way. Well maybe I don't want to do it the earth pony way. Maybe I want to do something as impressive as bucking rain out of clouds or moving stuff with my mind."
Berry got up. "Don't go anywhere," she said as she walked into another room. "I'm going to show you something." She returned with a peach in her mouth. She set it on the coffee table and gave a slight smile. "I thought about using an apple, but your sister would probably sense it from Sweet Apple Acres."
"Sense what?" Apple Bloom leaned towards the peach.
"Watch carefully." Berry reared up and and flicked her fetlocks. "Nothing up the sleeves I'm not wearing." She set her forehooves on the peach and scowled at it.
At first, nothing seemed to happen. Then, the mare's hooves pressed in a little more deeply, and discoloration spread from them across the fruit. Berry removed her frogs from the now brown, squashy peach and smiled. "Ta da."
Apple Bloom gaped for a good twenty seconds. A sharp smell began to waft from the fruit. Finally, she asked, "What in Celestia's name did you just do?"
The smile only widened. "My special talent is making and mixing drinks, including those of an alcoholic nature. Making alcohol is a process known as—"
"Fermentation. I know alchemy."
Berry nodded. "Good. Then you know that fermentation is actually a form of rot. Which means that, with a touch and an exertion of will, I can tell fruit to decay. And it listens. In unicorn parlance, I'm technically a necromancer."
Apple Bloom's mind whirled with possibilities. "So, could I—"
"Maybe. Even after I got my cutie mark, it took me years to figure out how to do this. That being said, I'm not that unusual among earth ponies."
Bloom dragged her attention away from the peach. "You ain't?"
Berry shook her head. "Far from it. You know Bonbon?"
A hesitant nod. "Sure. Candy maker, cutie mark of three wrapped candies."
"That's her. Well, several years ago, I think around when you were born, a pack of timberwolves came into town. She chased them out with literal red-hots." Berry smiled. "She didn't use any alchemy beyond sugar and cinnamon oil. She just told the spice to burn differently. That's the kind of thing we do, Apple Bloom. Unicorns use magic. Pegasi push it around. We negotiate with it, the magic of earth and everything that comes from it."
Apple Bloom considered this for a moment. "So how come Applejack never told me about this?"
"Well…" Berry's smile grew rather awkward. "You see, it's best to negotiate from a position of authority, and that…" She trailed off.
"That comes from a cutie mark," Apple Bloom finished flatly.
Berry sighed and nodded. "In so many words. That's probably why your sister never told you about this." She glanced to one side, thinking about this. "Well, that, or she doesn't really think about it. Applebucking isn't exactly the most creative expression of earth pony magic. No offense."
Bloom blinked. "Kicking trees is magical?"
"Virtually everything an earth pony does is magical, especially if it involves her special talent. Granted, there are exceptions. Cherry Berry flies better than half the pegasi in town because she has the respect of every component in her flying machines. Don't ask me what that has to do with a pair of cherries." Berry smiled again. "It's rarely flashy, but it's a magic your friends can't do. For now, all I can tell you is to be open to it."
"That's it?" It sounded far too easy.
"That's it. Go out and give it a try."
Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes. "You ain't just trying to get rid of me, are you?"
Berry chuckled. "Well, I do need to open up the bar soon, but no. This is the sort of thing you have to learn through experience."
"Okay…" Apple Bloom left, sparing one last glance at the alchemical still, considering adjustments she might make. She walked home, thoughts buzzing through her mind. Concussive impact, sympathetic vibrations, ballistic trajectories all along just the right vectors to put the apples in the baskets…
Well, shoot. Put that way, it sure seemed like magic. To say nothing of the rituals involved in making Zap Apple jam.
With that thought, she found herself in the east field. The trees' outermost branches swayed in a gentle breeze. Apple Bloom dug her hooves into the soil a little, closed her eyes, and hoped.
Hesitantly, cautiously, she asked, "Hello?"
And the world answered.
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Aww, Apple Bloom's a cute little monster when she does that
Beautiful way to explain Earth Pony Magic. 8.99/10 for introducing the characters the wrong way, though. It may not be just any Applebloom and Pinkie Pie, but I'll cut the score for not following basic writing principle: assume your reader knows nothing about the characters involved in a story.
Did Berry Punch really leave that fresh peach moonshine undrunk? For shame!
And nice story. I'm often bringing up earth pony magic in my stories.
That is a really cool way of looking at earth pony magic. This is going in my headcanon bucket.
5039953
Not a purple Monster, but still cute.
5039964
The nature of the contest was such that knowledge of the show and of the characters was assumed. I didn't change anything from the original submission.
5040027
Hey, she's got to leave some for the customers! Besides, I wanted to write a variation of the character more focused on making booze than drinking it.
5040116
Huzzah! Any time I can give someone ideas is a plus in my book.
5040392 And that's why I took points off. Can't assume your reader will know everything.
Dangit. Wish I'd read this before today.
Second the headcanon bucket.
5039964
If you're going to assume that the reader knows nothing about "Applebloom" or "Pinkie Pie", then the idea of "Earth Pony Magic" is nothing but word salad.
We're on FIMFiction.net. My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is right there in the title. The writeoff website isn't so explicit about MLP, but I've never seen a non-pony story there.
Anyway. Glad to see these posted, Fan! (Though you may want to consider, for future 1000+ word stories, posting them on their own if you feel they merit it. If it's good enough to win a medal, it's good enough to get its own time on the front page, rather than falling into relative obscurity as part of a collection.)
Oh man, you should post Negotiations as its own submission! :O
5042202 Exactly my point in the review. Impersonal, logical, rational are the prerogative. You're supposed to be delivering so that even someone who hadn't watched the show would understand: terminology, characters, etc.
If you want a score that takes even that into point: 3.4/10 for fairness' sake.
5042863
Um … wow.
"Assume your reader knows nothing about the characters involved in a story" is, as you say, a basic writing principle. "Show, don't tell" is a basic writing principle. "Spell words correctly" is a basic writing principle.
Basic writing principles are not universal truths.
The idea of a basic writing principle is that, by default, in the absence of other factors, it is a guideline that will improve your story. If you apply it without understanding the reason for the principle, you can wreck a story just as surely as if you ignored the principle.
"Spell words correctly." Sure thing, pardner, unless yer tryin' to write an accent. Readers expect correctly spelled words; deviations from that draw attention to themselves, and sometimes that's exactly what you want to do.
"Show, don't tell." Sure, until you're trying to work in a few sentences of exposition to justify a minor plot point in passing. Showing slows down the pace of the story, and focuses the reader in. Telling makes what you're saying abstract and distant. Sometimes, expressing an idea quickly and unobtrusively is exactly what you want to do.
"Assume your readers know nothing about the characters." This is a fanfiction website. Fans of the show come here to read tales which explicitly use their favorite existing characters. You don't reinvent the wheel by describing canon characters again, because the audience that your story will reach on FIMFiction.net (and the writeoffs, etc) can be assumed to universally know that stuff already, and remedial lectures bore your readers.
Sometimes, taking established ideas and doing interesting things that start from that common base of knowledge is exactly what you want to do.
Not to pick on you, dude, but take a look at your own stories' reception. If you take a deep breath and think about the reasons behind the principles you state, it will help you write things that your audience likes more. Maybe you're not here for the sake of entertaining others, and that's totally your choice — but the way to have other people respect your writing is to respect your readers, and that means understanding what they like. When you are posting to a fanfiction website, "introducing from scratch characters that they already know" isn't on that list.
5043687 You were fine until your third point. It's fucking necessary to reestablish a character when you want to invite more than the fans. As any critic knows fans go to any lengths to be as stupid as humanly possible. That means that for fans of a work, bashing coconuts together can be deemed under 'almighty praise of grandiose magnitude' even if it's just cacophonous pointlessness.
Your purpose here has been to repeatedly try to undermine my review as quickly as possible. Forgetting that fanfiction is treated as low-brow garbage by a vast majority, holding such basic standards as holding to core principles for a work seems to be a crime to you. The principles were created so that an author can work beyond select audiences. A work doesn't need to be exclusively e for everyone, but it should be worked on so that anyone can get into it.
I'm not going to work on the next paragraph because by attempting to adjust your point of view is useless. You're already set in your ways when you wrote that line. There's more than one way to introduce a character and that changes parts of the story in the overall mood. Writing with the tenants is a great way to improve your work and set a theme that persists throughout the work. In essence, it becomes less wishy-washy. This is why stories like 'Tale of Lord Barleycorn' and 'Grandfather's Coming for a Visit' and even 'Diaries of a Madman' are so startlingly popular. It's because everyone can get into them, not because they add anything new or different.
Lastly in accordance with your last paragraph: my stories are shit. They're basic, short, and meant more to represent the idea than a story. You can't judge my ability to review and criticize a work by my own writing. The biggest insult you've tacked on to your post is the fact that you've never actually read my work just 'the reception'. I don't actually care about that work, I barely put any time into them and to add to matters, they're all over three years old.
I mean, the least you can do is actually describe these 'people'. Color, shape, otherwise; it's a matter of being able to picture them without having to go to a search bar to look 'em up. All you get is the names; there's no reason to care for a character you can't picture in your mind. Anyways, I've already said my piece, FanOfMostEverything responded, and we're taking up space on the chatboard when we aren't talking about the story anymore. IF you want to continue this chat, reply to the P.M. I'm about to send you. I'll try to answer tomorrow, but it's around 3 A.M. and I need to get some sleep.
If only my Warrior could Duel-wield double keyboards. I'd face-roll IRL AND in-game!
And the above had nothing to do with the story itself but the fact my insomniatic self read the title as Duel-wielding Keyboards.
5042202
5042734
Hmm. Do you think I should just unpublish the first bit and retitle this apporpriately?
5044067
The real secret is playing a Ranger/Ranger. Then you can dual-wield your dual-wield!
5044508
That's a possibility. :O Especially if you have cover art for it.
5044508 Yo, bro, i heard you like dual-wield. so i put some dual-wield on ya dual-wield. so you can dual-wield while ya dual-wield. (sorry, couldn't resist.)
I really like this story. You did a very good job with it! That's pretty much how earth pony magic works in my own headcanon, too
This is the best metaphor I can recall reading. I have a short memory, but still. It's perfect.
I really like this, but I can't put my finger on why.
I misread that last line as "And the World Exploded."
5665154 Well, Applebloom is a CMC. If the world answers to her it might very well be in the form of exploding.
Headcanon expanded, or at least accommodated. I'd had some similar ideas to this, particularly on the subject of mud ponies and their filthy necromancy. It could be useful and fun to think of earth pony magic in terms of diplomacy checks...
6580573
They're like truenamers, only useful!
I was rereading this, and I suddenly realized that all Earth Ponies are Wizards! (I'm referring to Diane Duane's Wizardry.) Applejack is so bad at lying because her language of discourse is the Speech! The details actually don't line up well at all, but the theme of doing magic by listening to the Universe and politely asking it to do what you want is very similar.
And now I want a crossover. Lyra Heartstrings and Opal (yes, Rarity's cat) as Gating technicians. Fluttershy as a Wizard specializing in animals. Oh Powers, the CMC on Ordeal.
6795318
Well, I clearly have something to add to my reading list. This sounds really awesome; I'm sure the idea would be even cooler if I knew what you were talking about.
Very nice. I'm liking this a lot.
Headcanon accepted!
6795318
I like the way you think. And your choice in reading (and naming) material!
This should have gotten it's own release. It's short and beautifully sweet.
What do a pair of cherries have to do with flying... I think it's related to the tie a knot with cherry stems with your tongue trick or something, then if you spin that structure, it flies for a bit?? ... Something seems wrong about that idea. Perhaps that trick isn't real? Hmm...
Rereading! Still Awesome!
typo:
"I'm surprised(.)"
Definitely how I have it work, this is stating it really well.
I always maintained that it is, and really powerful magic, at that. I mean, have you ever ran into a tree? When I was a kid, my brother and I made some crude ramp to jump our bikes off of. When it came to my turn, blistered towards it at the fastest speed I could, but right before I hit the ramp... I chickened out. I veered off to the side, sort of fell sideways off my bike, and slammed into one of the pine trees in our front yard. T'was not fun. And Applejack literally kicks trees for a living.
which pretty much guarantees that she has an ass like a steel kettleFurthermore, have you ever tried to simply pick fruit from a tree? I never have with an apple tree specifically, but when I was young, we had an apricot tree in our back yard, and I used to pick them with my grandpa, and I remember them being very hard to pick off.
Once more, Applejack kicks a tree, and not only does she not break her legs, but the force of the kick makes every single apple fall off the branch. So, to repeat myself yet again, because this bears repeating, Applejack kicks a tree with intense force... and the tree loses.