Don't Shoot the Breeze
Today was a good day to be Zephyr Breeze.
Not that there were many bad days to be Zephyr Breeze, of course. Yes, he was between jobs at the moment. Sure, he'd been very explicitly told that getting dishonorably discharged on his first day as a Royal Guard meant he wouldn't get veteran's benefits. Granted, his landlord was starting to crack his knuckles whenever they crossed paths, and Zephyr really did need to determine what it meant when minotaurs did that. But right now, none of that mattered. Little mattered at all, save for one wonderful, wonderful fact that made the sun shine brighter and the birds sing sweeter:
Rainbow Dash's latest restraining order had expired.
Zephyr knew from experience it took at least two days for Ponyville's bureaucracy to file one of those, which meant he had a golden opportunity to build on the momentum started by his glorious military career. He might not have the swoon-inducing uniform anymore, but he was still him. And wasn't that enough?
The suitably awesome cloud mansion would've been easy to pick out even without long familiarity with it. Oh, Rainbows might remodel the place now and again, but she couldn't resist slipping in the signature touches that made sure Zephyr would know where to land. (Also, not many other pegasi in Ponyville even lived in cloud houses, but that was entirely besides the point.)
He landed in front of the door, checked his breath, ensured his hair was as flawless as always, and knocked on the door. He kept his eyes closed, ears that had grown up listening to—and often tuning out—Fluttershy perked for the subtle, silken sound of cloud scraping on cloud. Once the door opened, he began, infusing his voice with every available ounce of charisma. "You know why I'm here. I know why I'm here. Why don't we cut the games and just get to what we're both really waiting for?"
His answer was a giggle that wasn't nearly scratchy enough. "I'm touched, really, but I'm afraid I'm already spoken for."
Zephyr's eyes popped open. It was Rainbows, yes, but plus a few decades and minus some mane colors. "Mrs. Whistles?"
She beamed at him in a way that made him feel twelve again. It was not a welcome sensation. "It's good to see you again, Zephyr. Why, I don't think I've seen you since that last birthday party before Fluttershy and Dashie moved here. You've gotten so tall!"
"But..." Zephyr struggled to get his mind past the sheer impossibility of the encounter. "but Rainbows never—"
"Who is it, Mom?" the voice he'd expected called from inside.
"You'll never believe it, dear! Do you remember Zephyr Breeze, Fluttershy's little brother? He had the cutest little crush on you when he was a colt!"
Zephyr felt himself die a little inside. It was, admittedly, not an unfamiliar experience when trying to woo the mare of his dreams.
Said mare walked into view, wearing one of her more dangerous smirks. "Oh, I remember. 'Sup, Zeph?"
"I... uh..." Seeing his prize was enough to get his brain back in gear. He slouched into a cool, casual pose. "Yeah. How ya doin'? Didn't know your folks had stopped by." After a moment, he added, "Or ever did."
"We've never really had a chance to admire the place." Mr. Hothoof was hot on his daughter's hooves, casting admiring gazes at the house. "Who knew Rainbow Dash was such a skilled nephotect on top of everything else?" His expression darkened like a year's supply of stormclouds had just passed in front of the sun. "So, what brings you here?"
Zephyr took a few steps back, feeling his ears flatten and his mind race. "Uh, well, you see, it's funny you should ask because, uh—"
Rainbows rolled her eyes. "The restraining order expired, didn't it?"
"Yes. No! What?" Zephyr glanced from parent to parent. "I, heh, I have no idea what you're talking about."
Mrs. Whistles giggled again. Somehow, that was worse than Mr. Hothoof trying to kill Zephyr with a glare. "Oh goodness, it's just like when I was her age. Remember, Bow?"
That put a smile back on the older stallion's muzzle. "Oh yeah. You had to beat off the colts with a stick. I should know; I went to ground and got one for you." The smile fell away as quickly as it came, leaving only unforgiving judgement. "So, you think you're good enough to date my daughter? Wonderbolt, world savior, able to do Sonic Rainbooms in her sleep?"
Rainbows nudged him with a wing. "Come on, Dad. Go easy on him."
"You mentioned restraining orders."
"I didn't say let up entirely."
"I was actually just stopping by, wanted to, uh..." Zephyr's mind fired off a spark of inspiration. "To let you know I was thinking of maybe setting up shop in town?" Neither father nor daughter seemed to think much of that idea. "But upon, you know, further reflection, I think I'll have better luck checking out that opening Flutters was telling me about at that barber shop in Manehattan. Nice, far away Manehattan." His lips were starting to hurt from how much he was forcing his smile, but it seemed like the best way to avoid far worse pain. "Doesn't that sound nice?"
The pain came, driving Zephyr to the ground. Only when he looked up at Mr. Hothoof's smiling face did he realize that it was meant to be a pat on the back. "Great to hear! Good luck in the big city! I may just stop by one day for a trim."
"Oh, uh, that's an awfully long way just for a manecut." Zephyr scrambled to his hooves, wings spread. "I don't want you to trouble yourself, Mr. Hothoof."
"Nonsense! You're practically family, Zephyr. It'll be my pleasure to see how you're doing some time." Between blinks, Zephyr found himself locked in an inescapable hold. "When you least expect it. It'll be more fun that way!"
As Mr. Hothoof squeezed Zephyr in a one-legged embrace powerful enough to make the younger stallion's wings ache, one thing became clear:
Today was not, in fact, a good day to be Zephyr Breeze.
Rainbow Dash watched Zephyr fly off at a rate that probably broke his personal airspeed record. She took a deep, satisfied breath at a job well done.
"Don't you think you were a little harsh on him, Dashie?" said Mom.
"I feel kind of like a bully," added Dad. "I remember when Zephyr was practically afraid of his own shadow."
Dash rolled her eyes. "You heard him. He does this every time a restraining order expires. Heck, I timed your visit assuming he would. Besides, it's for his own good. He was finally on the right track with the mane therapy stuff. I don't want the whole Guard thing throwing off his momentum."
Mom had that funny look in her eye when she thought she knew something Dash didn't. "You do seem to care about him."
"It's like Dad said; Shy and I are practically family, and that means he's my annoying little brother too. I want to see him happy and successful and together with literally anypony else."
"All I'm saying is you're not getting any younger, and I would like some grandfoals to spoil at some point..."
Dash facewinged. "Moooom..."
"Though on the other wing, some of those Wonderbolts..." Dash felt something at her barrel. To her horror, she realized it was her mother nudging her with a wing. She didn't even want to imagine the look on Mom's face. "Thank Celestia for co-ed locker rooms, am I right?"
"This is the other big part of why I've never invited you over before."
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Nice planning from Rainbow! So, is she gonna renew that restraining order?
I wonder what Fluttershy's parents think about Rainbow??
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Easy backstory for A Cut Above the Pest! But some details don't fit? Or maybe this would just go inbetween the Cut?
Sequel for Hothoof + Zephyr Meeting 2?
Lol if we get a EQ!Winter Lights to ship with Zephyr, and work out better... Lol if Indigo Zap ship.
I wonder if Fluttershy knows about these meetings?
This was beautiful.
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it's pretty clear they think very highly of Dash. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they two families hang out occasionally, thought Bow and Windy are a little intense for the Shys
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They also believe Rainbow has been crushing and playing hard to get with Zephyr Breeze, which might be where he got the idea from in the first place. Which would be quite tragic.
Oooooooh, this felt so good to read "evil grin"
You know how in some trailers and movies, they have music playing, then something goes wrong, and there's the sound of a record scraping?
That very sound went through my mind when Zephyr realized who answered the door.
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I don't think so, most likely they don't just want to dismiss everything about Zephyr so they believe him
The show NEEDS a scene (or heck an entire episode) like this.
Poor Rainbow. Hopefully Zephyr Breeze meets somepony nice in the city so she doesn't have to keep renewing those restraining orders.
Ah, Zephyr, you poor conceited dunce. Sure you may as oblivious as a rock, unaccomplished as a basement dweller and dumber than a bag of teeth, but at least you've got...
Uh...
Eh, I've got nothing.
Also, I think this is the first story which made me genuinely root for Rainbow's parents, so that alone merits the upvote. Windy making lecherous implications about the 'bolts' co-ed locker rooms was a delightful image.
Mine, to begin with.
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Worth it
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Both.
Bless you, sir.
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As stated in the author's note, I'm honestly astonished that no one else ever did this. You'd think it'd be obvious.
This really makes me want to write a story where RD says tells Zephyr straight out that she's a lesbian....I may do that.