Things Fluttershy Is an Expert In
by Present Perfect
It was a bright and festive spring morning, and the ponies of Ponyville were happily airing out their homes and getting ready for the day. Breakfasts were eaten, briefcases were filled with important documents, colorful banners were hung and carts were filled with food to vend. All this and more was done with a smile and an easy laugh thanks to musical accompaniment of Ponyville's favorite pony as she bounced down Mane Street.
Now, I'm guessing you thought this favorite pony was in fact Pinkie Pie. Don't lie; you just assumed Pinkie is the only pony capable of hopping down the road and singing. That's racist.
No, the pony was actually Rainbow Dash, and her song went something like this:
"Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! I am Rainbow Daaash! I'm an awesome pegasus whose name is Rainbow Daaa-AAASH!"
Did you honestly expect anything different?
Truth be told, the ponies of Ponyville didn't so much care about the content of the lyrics as the fact that anypony was singing. After all, Rainbow's got a decent voice when she tries, it's not like it was a chore to listen to her. Ponyville ponies have low standards, is what I'm saying, and they were happy to nod along to the peppy beat, self-aggrandizing though it might have been, as she passed by them.
Oh, we're coming to the end of the song now.
"...I'm an awesome pegasus, my name is Rainbow DRKLCH--!"
And that, my friends, is the sound of a song coming to an abrupt halt in account of a fist in the face. I mean a hoof in the face. Rainbow just got punched, is what I'm saying.
Yes indeed, as she bounced gaily along, Rainbow became the unfortunate victim of a large, angry yellow hoof aimed square at her snoot. With a crunch and a yelp, she went sailing across the road, landing in a vendor's stall that would have been a good place to land, had the watermelons not been unloaded by then. She got splinters instead of juice and seeds, is the point.
It took Rainbow Dash a solid minute to clear her swimming vision enough to make out the identity of her attacker.
"Hey!" she cried. "You three better show yourselves so I can kick your flank!"
Except she'd broken a few teeth, so it came out more like, "Hegga beffa flowber ouch goddammit help why."
"Nopony can help you now, Rainbow Dash," said the erstwhile assailant, still concealed by the waning shadow of morning.
Rainbow was shocked back into normal functionality by the familiar voice.
"Fluttershy?"
The yellow pegasus strode into the light, eyes sparkling with murder.
"I am sick and tired of you constantly mouthing off, ignoring everypony around you and generally being a craptastic friend!"
"'Craptastic'?" Rainbow's pupils shrank to pinpricks. "That's, uh, some pretty strong language, Fluttershy, especially for you..."
"No!" Fluttershy shouted, and everypony who wasn't Rainbow Dash vacated the area. Ponyville ponies may have low standards, but they ain't stupid.
"I've had it with ponies pretending they're experts on how I'm supposed to be!" Fluttershy continued, rearing up over Rainbow. "I'm not listening to you anymore, Rainbow Dash! My new area of expertise is kicking your ass!"
So saying, she ripped herself in half to reveal a larger, more muscular and even angrier Fluttershy beneath before pouncing on Rainbow Dash and delivering the ass-beating of a lifetime.
At least Pinkie was able to cover the screams with her singing.