Sunset Shimmer Plays Baseball
by Present Perfect
Sunset Shimmer: the girl of your dreams.
You had of course forgiven her for her transgressions. Sure, maybe you didn't understand quite how she had been able to take over students' minds, but you had easily put it out of your mind, especially after she saved helped save everyone from... whatever that other weird, not easily understood thing was. Anyway, a little attempted world domination seemed like a minor thing compared to her gorgeous hair, her gorgeous eyes, and her gorgeous body.
Also she was really smart.
After a little bit of time, during which she learned to forgive herself or something, she agreed at last to go on a date with you. It wasn't going to be anything major, just dinner at Sugarcube Corner and maybe some hand-holding in the park. Maybe, if you were lucky enough, there would even be a kiss. First base had never felt closer.
Kissing was first base, right?
Well, when the time came, you showered, shaved, put on some Old Spice (you could taste the double sun power!) and got in your beat-up Ford Pinto hatchback. Some might call the car a rusted-out heap, a lemon, or even a garbage can on wheels, my-god-how-does-that-thing-even-run, but to you, it was your home away from home. Indeed, you had lived in it for almost a whole year when your parents kicked you out of the house after turning eighteen. Those had been hard times, as your Pinto's interior was too cramped to fit your entire collection of body pillows. It might have had something to do with why you were still in high school, despite being legally, and functionally, an adult.
But you didn't need a dakimakura now. If you played your cards right, you'd have a real girl to cuddle with and whisper your dirtiest secrets to long into the night. Second base! Right? Well, in time; you were playing things slow, of course.
Off you went to the candy shop, and then afterward to the florist. Like the grown-up adult you were, you had ordered ahead, and everything was ready and waiting for you, just as you'd planned it. This day was going to be perfect.
You drove up to Sunset's house with fifteen minutes to spare. Like you, she lived on her own, in a slightly run-down, if safe, part of the west side of town. She drove to school in her own car, which had considerably cooler decals than yours, if you were being honest. You had never asked about parents, but now wasn't the time for such things.
You checked your hair in the rear-view, did that thing where you breathed into your palm and sniffed it (minty!), grabbed the chocolates and flowers, and stepped out onto the asphalt.
Right into the path of an oncoming car.
"Hey, I'm drivin' here!"
Your amazing hair had unfortunately blocked your view of the road behind you. Thankfully, your catlike reflexes saved you from becoming someone else's hood ornament. Less thankfully, the box of chocolates slipped from your grasp and was rendered so much sugary paste beneath the wheels of that red Nissan Cube. There was nothing you or your cougar-like reflexes could do.
But the flowers! The flowers remained, tightly clutched in your manly grasp. The flowers would be fine on their own, you told yourself. Sunset wasn't expecting anything. The flowers would be fine.
Feeling yourself shaking and peeing just a little, you sat back down in the driver's seat and began the arduous process of squirming across the center console and into the passenger's seat to avoid a second close call. Long story short, this left you arriving at Sunset's door punctually, and not a moment sooner, thanks to your impressive girth hampering efforts to extrude yourself across the seats.
But there you were, and you rang the doorbell, and after a few moments, there she was, smiling up at you.
"Look at you!" she said, grinning ear to ear. "Ready to get going?"
Suavely, you handed her the bouquet. Her eyes lit with joy and wonderment.
"For me?" she gasped. "Thank you! They're gorgeous!"
Closing her eyes, she drew the bouquet to her face and inhaled deeply. You let out a tiny sigh of relief; against all odds, at least the flowers survived.
Now was a good opportunity to take in her appearance. Aside from the addition of a sunburst barrette, her hair looked as it usually did. Good; you wouldn't want her to change a single strand, not even for you. Her normal leather jacket ensemble had been replaced by a cute aqua sun dress, and she was wearing sandals that showed off freshly painted toenails. She'd really gone all out for you!
The sound of crunching drew you from absorbing her beauty. Blinking, you shook your head slightly and stared.
Sunset was eating the flowers.
"They taste a little weird," she said through a mouthful of petals. "Are you sure these are fresh?"
Your mind was incapable of adequately forming words to describe the emotions you were experiencing, let alone providing an answer to her nonsensical question. She may as well have asked you to rub cream in her antlers to get the egg whites out of her leg.
As you stood there, mouth agape in fish-like wonder, Sunset staggered and held her hand out against the door frame.
"I feel funny," she said, words slurring together. "And why do I smell pee? What was in these fluh--"
She fell. Luckily, with your puma-like reflexes, you were able to catch her. Unluckily, she was way heavier than your scrawny muscles could account for. The two of you went down in a single heap. You had to wonder if this counted as first base or second.
You couldn't be sure; you're bad at sports.
Out in the road, a red Nissan Cube screamed back through the neighborhood, the driver cackling and tossing refuse out his window. You knew he was up to no good.
But now was no time for recriminations. Vowing revenge on the Cube driver, you grabbed your cell and dialed 9-1-1.
"And that's how you ended up here," said the nurse.
"Wow." Sunset scrubbed at her face with one hand. "I don't get it. I'm not allergic to that kind of flower."
The nurse clucked her tongue. "Honey, you ate them. Those flowers are poisonous."
Sunset stared, unable to comprehend what had just been said. "But... we were about to go on a date..."
"Yes, and flowers are generally admired or smelled." The nurse gave her a hard look. "Not eaten."
The nurse poked around her personal space for a few more minutes, during which Sunset remained quiet. Only the beeping of the monitor filled the air. Then, the nurse left, and Sunset could only stare at her hands.
She couldn't believe how many things she was still learning about this world. Don't eat the flowers, huh? It hadn't come up before.
With a sigh, she turned to look out the window of her hospital room. Across town, a baseball team practiced on a diamond. Her thoughts turned back to the boy who had so charmed her with his funny ways. Everything had been going swimmingly up until that one little mistake, and now here she was, untouched, unkissed, and fully clothed. Well, clothed in a hospital gown, at least. Or was that third base?
She was never going to get to first base at this rate.
I lol'd...
... Then I just felt bad for Sunset,
6710137
You should.
Baseball is hard. :(
You are my hero right now.
Ford Pintos are awesome.
classiccarstodayonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/27-1977-Ford-Pinto-with-wire-wheel-covers.jpg
This has 'sex appeal' written all over it.
I ate poinsettias once and didn't wind up in the hospital.
Also, Sunset is really, really bad at baseball.
6710158
In her defense, you aren't much better. :B
6710165
That 52-0 thing was only once.
Eh. If I'm being totally honest and way outside my league, the sheer speedfic-ness of it all was a little disengaging. But then, I don't believe this was meant all that seriously.
Yeah, it's not like anyone ever gave her flowers before. Still, Sunset and Anonymous Second-Person Protagonist seem like a fairly cute couple. It's the whole Flashlight "adorable couple as long as they don't stumble into a cement mixer" chemistry.
Also, the Shimulator really should come with a warning. That ending...
6710149
I hear that... luckily my wife was much better at it than I ever needed to be,
You really have a way with the basement-dweller stereotype (even if in this case he didn't even have that . . . ), and the gradual escalation on that was nice. Best line: "And why do I smell pee?"
6710404
That was a last-minute addition. I'm glad I didn't pass it up. :D
6710209
Coming Soon from Present Perfect Productions, it's Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry Stumble Into a Cement Mixer! :V
6710185
I know you just started watching me, so welcome to my comedies. If there's a Random tag, that means it's meant for quick laughs and nothing more. :B
6711912
Somepony's reading all my shortfiiiics! :D
6711929
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WHICH REQUIRES ONE-UPPING, BISCUIT D:
6711919
And said somebody is embarrassed, because he thought he'd already read them but then found out he was sadly mistaken. Luckily, they're just the thing to read while on hold with the dealership, or while pretending to listen to the boss ramble on about whatever it is he rambles on about, or any of those other moments during the day that don't require one's full attention.
OR IS IT?
6718450
Actually, this is one I need to rewrite. I wonder why I posted it here. o.O
6718618
Because she's a predator?
6718685
No, because she's prey. Instinctively, if she has to fight, it's life-or-death.
I'll try to find that blog post again.
6718744
That's really fascinating. <.< Given that I just wanted to write about Celestia getting really mad.
This, right here.6718855
6719109
They wouldn't honk and have wheels, either. Or cars. :B
6721745
Me neither. :V
6721923
No, it's a story about lame. :B
6722085
It seems like more and more people are going for "name change once cutie mark", but I don't think canon holds that up anymore than any other interpretation. I mean, the mane cast didn't change their names. I bet the CMCs won't either.
6722603
Then you have not read much by Protopony350. Or me.. BELIEVE IN THE US WHAT TROLLS IN YOU
6722591
No, it doesn't.
I think it's one of those things that can be handwaved away since the show is targeted towards kids; they might be confused if Fluttershy is called "Yellow Dawn" or somesuch in the flashback episode.
I cannot get involved in a troll war. I simply cannot.
First you bash HiEs, and now you bash fics where ponies have cars. It's a logical progression, to have horse-drawn carriages and horse-drawn horse-drawn carriages and eventually horseless carriages and presumably horse-drawn horseless carriages. And leglesslegolegolas.
pbs.twimg.com/media/B70GVyYIMAAby7r.jpg
6712018
I DID IT BECAUSE I COULD.
The Longest Sentence
GOD HELP US ALL
6726882
Present told me not to. Also if I did, it would be a terrible abomination.
I might have to do it for realzies.
6726796
:C
6729526 The reading would naturally have to be done while on speed.
6729532
Or you could just speed up the recording, but where's the fun in that.
6729496
Thanks for reminding me I needed to do that! :D
6729522
If I had, this wouldn't still be here. :B Go vote for it on my fic list!