Future Progressive: The Speedfics and Drabbles of Present Perfect

by PresentPerfect

No Jobs Tonight

No Jobs Tonight
by Present Perfect

Let me tell you about my best friend in the whole wide world. Her name is Pinkie Pie and she is my favorite pony and by pony I mean she is a magical colorful talking pony from a television show who goes on friendship adventures with her magical colorful talking pony friends. She is my favorite pony because she throws the best fun parties in the whole world and I like parties and having fun and she is happy and wacky and she smells like strawberries. She is my best friend because she goes everywhere with me. This is good because all my other friends are in the Box and I am not sure if they are real but Pinkie Pie is here and real and that is good.

My Box Friends call me PinkPartyPony which I like because Pinkie Pie is a pink party pony and she is my favorite pony. I like talking with my Box Friends because they make me feel good when I am not feeling good but I cannot always talk with them because the Box needs to be Plugged In and that means I have to go Inside and sometimes they do not let me bring Pinkie Inside with me so I have to choose between my real friend or my Box Friends who may not be real. But when the Box is Fully Charged then I can talk to my Box Friends not Inside and Pinkie can be with me there and that is good.

Pinkie does not talk to my Box Friends though. Sometimes she will tell me to say something to them for her but usually she prefers to rest against a wall and watch me talk to them. This is one more reason I like Pinkie Pie. She is usually kind of really hyper but sometimes she can just relax and be quiet when it is the right thing to do and it is nice to be together then because I can think a lot more better. Sometimes I think about ponies.

Today is a day when the Box needs to be Plugged In and I am trying to decide where to go Inside so that the Box can be Fully Charged. It rained last night and Pinkie smells more like a wet floor today than she did yesterday so I will have to find some more strawberries for her too because she likes to put them in her mane which she keeps in tight braids.

Strawberries can be hard to find. The strawberry fields are inside big cans and sometimes they have more bananas than strawberries and sometimes they have no strawberries at all and the stuff in the can just stinks really bad. I think there was a time when I could get strawberries and bananas from Inside but I forget.

I tell Pinkie that she will have to stay home today and that I will find her some strawberries while I am out but I do not tell her that it is because she smells bad because that would hurt her feelings. She smiles at me and nods and something tells me she will spend the day planning a party because that is what she usually does when I am not home. My home is my Cardboard that I share with Pinkie Pie and when she throws a party she always knows how to decorate it just right so that it becomes super cheerful instead of plain and brown. Now I am going out and I am excited at the idea that I will come home to a party and now I just have to remember where I was going.

I leave my Cardboard and there is a noise out of my mouth like loud choking and I have to stop for a second because I do not know why this happens but sometimes it does. When it happens I have to stop and listen to the choking and sometimes my neck hurts on in the inside and sometimes my chest. But then it stops and I shake my head and walk because I remember where I am going.

I walk and I walk and eventually there is the place that smells like hamburgers and sweat and it is open today and so I go Inside there. I do not really like the hamburger smell but the ponies who work there are nice. I sometimes give them bits for a small milkshake and then they do not mind if I am there all day so the Box can be Plugged In.

I have an idea and that is if I get a strawberry milkshake I can save it for Pinkie and then I do not have to worry about finding strawberries in the big cans. Also she likes milkshakes so I buy her a milkshake and that way I will be able to surprise her when I go home by giving it to her and that will be kind of like saying thank you for throwing me a party. Today I do not know how many bits is the right number because I cannot remember numbers but the ponies who work in the place with the hamburger smell help me when that happens like the one who is at the counter who says come on don't you know what two fifty is. He is a nice pony except he is not a pony and I do not know what these ponies are except they look like me except I am a pony.

I am a green pony even though my name is PinkPartyPony but my mane is pink. It is not pink like Pinkie's it is more like the color of a piece of raw fish. I am an earth pony because I cannot fly or use magic and I know this because I have tried both and the flying hurt a lot. But it is okay I like being an earth pony because that is what Pinkie Pie is. My cutie mark is a Cardboard because I can make things out of Cardboard very good and also that is where I live with Pinkie Pie.

I get my milkshake and sit down by a window and the Box is Plugged In so I look at the Box Boards where my Box Friends talk. Today they are talking about how exciting it is that there will soon be more ponies on the television. I do not have a television at home in my Cardboard but I know where to find one Inside. Going Inside is not so bad when I know I am going to watch television and sometimes I can be not Inside and watch television through a window except then I cannot hear the ponies talk but sometimes I have to. Usually Pinkie does not come with me to watch ponies because she feels embarrassed when she is on the television. And they do not let her Inside anyway or me when I am with her.

Also my Box Friends are having a contest to see who can take pictures of ponies at different interesting places. I will have to ask a pony to borrow a camera so I can take a picture of Pinkie. Maybe I will take a picture of her on the bridge where my neighbor tried to fly and he disappeared once. I tried to investigate where he disappeared to but then I forgot and I tried to fly on a building and that hurt. It is a nice bridge and will make a good picture.

Some other of my Box Friends are talking to a pony who says she is sad because her mother kicked her out of their house and she has nowhere to go. I think that is sad and I make words on the Box Board to tell her that I think this is sad but I know that she will find other ponies who will love her if she just tries hard enough and I think that is a good and helpful thing to say to a sad pony.

I think of my mother because I am certain I have one. She is probably an earth pony like me. I got my piece of raw fish-colored mane from her and so my father is green like me. I cannot imagine what color his mane is or what color her coat is. I do not know what their cutie marks are because I do not know what their names are. Maybe one of them is an artist and has a cutie mark of a painting on an easel or a painter's palette. Maybe one of them is a pegasus and that is why I tried to fly when it hurt. A pegasus father and an earth pony mother can have an earth pony foal so this is probably true.

There are more words on the Box Board from a colt who says that his job is shit. I do not know what that means because I do not know what is a job and so I try to remember. I think about a place where many ponies sit all together in rows with walls in between and there are ponies who yell at you to work faster and your output is shit this quarter and I can't believe we hired you you moron and there are big empty windows and hot lights and white walls that are dead dead dead and I want to get out please somepony help me and I slam the Box closed and I am on the floor and there is water in my eyes and a pony comes over and asks are you all right and I cannot say. The pony helps me up onto my hooves and I sit back down and say I am sorry and thank you and the pony says that's okay just making sure you're okay and then she goes and I try and try and try to forget.

I hope I did not hurt my Box. That would be very bad. I touch it gently and whisper to it I am sorry I did not mean to hurt you and it says nothing back but that is normal so I think it is not hurt. I see that the Box is Fully Charged and it is getting late and now I do not feel so good so I say thank you to the nice ponies who are not ponies who work Inside with the hamburger smell and they look at me and one says jesus christ get lost already and I take my Box and leave Inside.

I am confused for a minute because I do not know whether am I in Ponyville or Manehattan or Canterlot and home is different directions depending on where I am so I always forget. I stop a pony on the sidewalk and ask where I am is it Ponyville or Manehattan or Canterlot and they say get the fuck away from me you crazy bum and then I remember that have been in Manehattan for two months and I am still there. Home is away from the sun from the place with the hamburger smell.

Manehattan is a very nice city I think even if it has big scary dragons that belch smoke in the street and sometimes yell at you for being in front of them. There are lots of ponies and even if they call you a crazy bum some ponies will give you bits or just smile at you and that feels good and when I feel good I like to sing and sometimes ponies will smile more because I am singing and that makes me feel gooder. Pinkie is a great singer and she taught me how to sing. Today is not a singing day although I am feeling kind of good and I sit down and I forget.

A pony passes by and tosses two bits on the sidewalk next to me. There are nice ponies in Manehattan like I said. Then a pony comes out of the hamburger smell place and stands next to me and says hey look do you need some help.

I do not know this pony and it is strange that she is talking to me except oh you helped me up Inside you are a nice pony and she says yes I helped you that was me are you okay. I say yes and I remembered I am just about to go home and she says where is your home and I say away from the sun and my home is my Cardboard and she says I can find you a warm place to sleep tonight if you need it. She says I always see you in the diner and you look hungry I can help you if you want and I do not know what she is talking about because I am not hungry. The loud choking happens again and my insides hurt and she says jesus are you all right and I cannot say and there is just more loud choking and she says come on I'm gonna get you some help and she takes my hoof and we go towards the sun which is okay because I do not feel like going home just yet and Celestia has the sun still in the sky.

We walk a little ways and the choking stops and she says seriously I think you need a doctor. I am okay I say I have my Box Friends and my Cardboard and Pinkie Pie she is my friend. The pony smiles at me and that is nice because she is a nice pony and I knew this because she helped me. She says do you have a job or anything and I say no no no job I do not know what a job is and she makes a whoosh sound and I do not say. Then she says I should really take you to saint mary's but saint joe's is closer come on. I do not know what these are so I do not say and we just walk.

I like this pony and I think she could be my friend. Her coat is light blue and her mane is short and black and I cannot see her cutie mark but she sees me looking and she makes a quiet choking sound and I ask if her insides hurt. She shakes her head and I think she is a unicorn but I forget.

We go to a building that is large and old and brown and cracked and the door is very big and wood and dark. We walk up to the door and I see that it has many shapes on it like bits and cups and Cardboards and she says okay I can't be out after dark but they can help you here just go in and ask. Then she gives me a little card and says my name is Florence Florence Washington and I work at saint mary's if you ever need help just go to this address and we'll get you a warm place to stay. She goes down the steps and I say thank you Flower Wishes you are a good friend and she shakes her head again and I am pretty sure she is a unicorn. Then she walks away down the street and I am here.

I think that since Flower Wishes brought me here I should go Inside even though I was already Inside once today but that is what friends do they follow each other's advice so I go Inside. It is dark and big and stone and very quiet so I can hear my hoofsteps a lot. I look at the card I got but it does not say what to do so I put it on the ground and then I see a sign that says work center and an arrow points one way so I go. The halls are narrow and dark and it is kind of strange in here and I do not feel so good but then there is a door and it has a handle so I turn it and there is a pony.

He is fat and bald and he looks at me and shakes his head because he is a unicorn. He is wearing an apron. He says sorry mac no jobs tonight come back tomorrow. And I say but July told me to come here. And he says sorry mac but I said we're closed come back tomorrow. So I say okay and then I go and he says close the damn door but I do not hear him because the loud choking is back and it is even louder and I do not like this.

Now I am out of the door of the place somehow and there are stairs and I can see the sky and the ground and the sky and then there is a police pony and he says whoa easy there are you all right and I say nothing because the loud choking. The police pony helps me up and he grabs me and says come on with me to the station let's get you looked at but I say no please can you tell me which way is home I just need to go and he says you're coming with me but I say no and I run.

I am an earth pony so I run good but it is dark and Princess Luna has raised a new moon and I cannot see good. I should not run from a police pony because they just protect the law but Pinkie will be worried about me if I do not get home and I tell him this but he just says something to his shoulder and I run.

A dragon belches smoke at me and somepony yells and I run down an alley and I hear the police pony's hoofsteps as he runs past and then away and I am safe now and I remember this alley so I can get home now and that is good. It takes me a long time to get home but when I find home there are two ponies there who I do not know and they are dressed in dark clothes and they look mean. One of them has Pinkie by the neck and I say stop you scoundrel unhand her because that is what action heroes say when they are about to save the damsel in distress and the other one laughs and they are making Pinkie have a party with them and not me.

I get angry.

Anger is not good for friendship which is what I learned from the television when I saw the ponies but right now these scoundrels are hurting Pinkie so it is okay if I get angry so I can save her because I also learned that it is good to stand up for what is right. The first scoundrel rears up on his back hooves to attack me but I buck him in the teeth and he howls and gallops away and there is red all over. The other one still has Pinkie and he says what you want this mop so bad go get it and he heaves her against the wall and I am now very angry and I pick her up and ask if she is hurt and she says no but she is angry too now and the scoundrel is charging at us so I help Pinkie to her hooves and we party with the scoundrel. ß consider changing to 'dance' or something, since that's necessary for parties

He is a good partier. Pinkie's mane slaps against the scoundrel wetly and we have to party ten or eleven times before he stops moving and turns red and then I search his pockets for bits and find a wad of paper and some candy in a bag. The candy is white powder which is not my favorite kind of candy but maybe I can sell it for more bits. I do not like doing that because the ponies who like the white powder candy are skinny and pale and smell bad and one time I had to have an anger party with one of them because he tried to take my candy and my bits. I make sure Pinkie is okay one more time and she says yes I am okay thank you for saving me and I smile big because I am her hero and she gives me a kiss.

She says she is sorry because the party was ruined and I say that is okay and I am sorry too because I forgot the milkshake. She says this is okay there will be other days to get milkshakes and we laugh and go into our Cardboard. The party with the scoundrels was a lot of excitement for one night and I am tired and Pinkie agrees that we should go to sleep because it has been a long day and we are tired. We will have to clean up the red tomorrow and I hope the scoundrel is not still there but Pinkie says she will clean up if I cannot do it and that is good.

I lay down on my Cardboard bed with Pinkie Pie. I remember living Inside with another pony only she was not a pony because she looked like everypony else and I was not a pony because I went to the place with the dead white walls and then she said something to me that was like knives everywhere and then she was gone. I am pretty sure after she was gone that I was very alone. But then I built my Cardboard and I saw the ponies and I met Pinkie Pie behind a building where somepony had left her in a bucket and I got all my Box Friends and things are good now because Pinkie is my best friend in the whole wide world and I am not alone.

I try to sleep but there is more loud choking and I sit up and it is very hard to see and breathe and there is more choking and Pinkie says are you okay what's wrong and I forget I forget and I cannot say. Everypony wants to know if I am okay and that is good but it gets tiring to hear all the time. I say I am okay Pinkie and I make sure I am not angry when I say it because I am not angry at her. And then I look at my hoof and everything is okay because I finally found some strawberries so I go to sleep.

Author's Note:

I've lost the original author's notes on this story. It was spawned during a conversation with my friend Presspass, when we were both unemployed and griping about jobs. He said something to the effect of ending up living out of a cardboard box in an alley with a mop that smells like strawberries, and I wrote this.

Unfortunately, despite all the excellent feedback I've gotten on the story -- thanks to Vimbert, Eustatian Wings, Couch Crusader and Chromosome -- I've come to realize that there's really no reason to clean it up. This is a story with no ponies in it; it's about the fandom, not the show. So, flawed though it may be, I'd essentially be putting in a lot of work for just another post in this compilation. So it's time to say enough is enough, put it up, and let it sink or swim on its own merits, for the sake of getting it off my mind and my workfile. It's the kind of story I wanted it to be, at least.

Comments

[Cloudhammer]

i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb317/Lord_of_Change/my_feels_525_zps865f41ff.jpg

[PresentPerfect]

3321841
I mostly just wanted to write about Wheely Bopper. :B I have a strict "no staff OCs" policy in both my writing and my reading (which your story of course skirts, having gained Sibsy's permission to be written), which I broke to write this because the idea would not leave me alone. D:

I don't like the idea of sharing fanfic with show staff just because it's such a pariah when it comes to fanworks in this community. I mean, you draw a picture of someone's OC? Write a song about them? Oh sure, they'll be all over that. But write a story and it's "Whoa no, we can't look at that, sorry, nope".

[Admiral Biscuit]

Damn. That's deep and dark and sad.

[Cursed Quill]

"You continue to find new ways to touch readers," I write in my Box in a place with hamburger smell.

ß consider changing to 'dance' or something, since

I
3322987
If they haven't read it, they can't draw inspiration from it, and get into a copyright mess. At least, that's my take; IANAL.

[PresentPerfect]

7464330
What the hell? O.o Where'd that esszet come from? I don't even know what that's supposed to be!