Appledashery

by Just Essay

Relevant Heavy Drinking

"Du.. du... bist in meine herde..."

"Duuuuuuuuaaaah..."

"Du... du..."

"D-duuuuuu..."

"...bist in meinem Stall--"

"Shtalllllll!"

Photo Finish and Rainbow Dash rocked on their stools together, singing a wavering duet that echoed across the empty glasses and mugs all along the bar counter.

Photo led: "Du... du... mit Du ich galoppiere--"

"Galopolopolopppp!" Rainbow hiccuped.

"Du weisst nicht, wie verschwommen ich für dich bin--"

"Furry dick bearrrrrd!" Rainbow hollered, then a deep breath as both mares warbled as one:

"Ja.. Ja... Ja du weisst nicht wie verschwommen ich für dich bin!"

Rainbow teetered. "Everypony!"

""Ja! Ja! Ja! Du weisst nicht wie verschwommen ich für dich binnnnnn!"

The song stopped dead on a dime.

Rainbow slurred: "Play ball!"

Photo Finish wheezed, teetered, wheezed some more, and slapped her thrice-empty mug onto the bar top as punctuation to the mares' caterwauling. “Hhhhhhhh-hah hah hah hah hah!”

“Hee hee hee hee!” Rainbow hugged herself, spinning around and around on her bar stool.

“Hah hah hah—hchhhhhh! Acchhh!” Photo bent over, sputtering and coughing.

“Mmmmmmm...” Thud! Rainbow's head fell against the counter. Her rosy cheeks nuzzled the bar as she gazed dizzily through Photo. “Your—HIC—language is soooooooooooo fuzzy...”

“Ja ja. Zat's a good vone.” Photo giggled in a high-pitched voice. She adjusted her shades, only making them more crooked beneath disheveled white bangs. “Mir gefällt es sehr gut! It's vhat I use to shpeak vith ze loves of meine leben.”

“Ohhh yeah?” Rainbow fought drool as she tongued the furthest recesses of her champagne glass for cider. “And what about the ponies you hate?”

Photo spun on the stool and pretended to lift up her skirts. “Photo Finish uses ze oser lips!”

“Snkkkkkkt!”

“Hah hah hah hah!”

“Heeheehee—Hic!” Rainbow jolted, her wings twitching. “Whewwwww...”

“Liebe Güte!” Photo slumped forward against the bar. “Ich fühle mich nicht wohl.”

“Hmmmm?”

“Photo Finish feels like she vill make fine art vith her esophagus...”

“Naaaaaaah... you're—HIC—healthy as a horse.”

“Ja. Ein kleines pferd.” Photo smiled drunkenly. “Just like meine Awesometopialander friend!”

“Are you calling—HIC—me a tiny horse?”

“Heehee... maaaaaaaaaybe...”

“Perhaps you are sick.” Rainbow held up a hoof with the end of its stocking dangling. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Hrmmm... eins... eine fette blaue finger!” Photo spun around on her stool. “WoooOooOooo! Hah hah hah!”

“Hee hee hee...” Rainbow Dash blew prismatic bangs out from where they dangled over her hairband. “You know—HIC—Photo, when I first showed up in Manehattan, I expected you to be nothing but a cooky old art witch. And you know what?”

“Vas?”

“Turns out... you're just a cooky old art witch. HIC!—but I like ya all the same, girl!” Rainbow held her glass upside down and waved it over their heads. “A toast! To the best freaky photography mare in all of Equestria! She's totally the dog's meow, or else my name isn't Madame Serenity!”

“Ja... but I sought your name vas 'Firefly.'”

“Same difference!”

“HA! Ah hah hah hah hah!”

“Hee hee hee hee hee!”

“Hah hah hah... ohhhhh... meine friend...” Photo rested the mug atop her mane like a hat and grinned dizzily. “You are most wunderbar. Vhat I vouldn't give to spend an entire season vith you. It's like ze great goddess of Ekwuestria haz deposited a rainbow muse in meine lap!”

“Pfffft... please, Photo Op, you flatter me.”

“Ja! Ich meine es Ernst! You see...” She waved her hooves at her sweat-stained blouse. “You... you completen sie me...”

“What, are we playing Trotris now?”

“Hah!” Photo wheezed, leaning precariously on the edge of her stool. “Efen your pop culture references are to die for!”

“Yeah, well, just be sure to pour plenty of cider—HIC—on my grave.”

“Hah hah hah!”

“Not too heavy on the ice. Hic!” Rainbow's eyes rolled back. “Nnngh—they'd just melt where I'm headed...”

A stallion in a dark suit trotted up and cleared his throat. “Ahem... Ms. Finish?”

“Vhat? Vhat is it?” Photo grumbled in mid-teeter. “Can't you see zat ve are in ze communion?”

“I was just wondering if you were ready for us to call your carriage, ma'am.”

“Vhat for? Ze night is shtill young!”

“Actually, Ms. Finish, the party ended over half an hour ago. You and your two friends here are the only ones left.”

“Vat?” Photo's face scrunched up. “Zwei?”

“Guaaaaaaaaaaah!” Trenderhoof suddenly sat up like a resurrected zombie.

“Ackies!” Rainbow fell off her stool, only for Photo to catch her. Both mares watched—bug-eyed—as the inebriated stallion reeled about, his mane and goatee a frazzled mess.

“Hehhhhhhhh-guh! You know what I like about-shhhhh—the pegashushhhy?” He waved a hoof before his bleary eyes. “You can alwayshhh tell when they're happy...”

“Uhhhh...” Rainbow gulped. “You sure you wanna take that joke all the way, bro?”

“No, for realshh though!” Trenderhoof nod-nod-nodded. “When they're happy...” He took an empty sip of an even emptier mug and gestured with both forelimbs. “Their antlers stretch WAAAAAY up!” He grinned... then grinned some more. THUNK! He collapsed across the bar yet again. “Schnorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...”

“Whew!” Photo gently sat Rainbow back up in her stool, giving her blouse a little fluff. “Photo Finish sought he vould never go kaput!”

“They shoulda—HIC—called him 'Trenderhangover.' Hee hee hee!”

“Hah hah hah... ohhhh Fraulein...” Photo bore a pouty face. “How vill I efer go on visout you? I am in such dire need of ze art magiks back in meine leben, and...” She shuddered, gazing towards the floor. “Meine health is not vat it used to be...”

“Well, hey... we could still be—HIC—friends,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “After all, Friendship—HIC—is Manic... or s-some other such thing...”

“Hah hah hah...”

“Friends do nice things for each other. Y'know... they drink together... sing songs together—HIC.” She waved her forelimb, looking only part of the way towards Photo. “...share special four digit numbers with one another...”

“Hmmmmm?” Photo hummed into her mug.

“You know...” Rainbow smiled dizzily. “Numbers that may or may not be special to one's secret hopes and earnest desires and giant metal safes wedged into apartment buildings...”

“Hmmmm-mmmm...” Photo's muzzle dug even deeper into her mug.

“Hey...” Rainbow frowned, teetering. “Heee-eee-eeey...” She swatted a hoof out, missing Photo's shoulder by a mile. “I'm talking to you!”

Photo plopped the mug off her muzzle and licked her wet lips. “Ja, Fraulein?” she smiled.

“I'm b-been meaning to say something all night, ya cooky art gremlinnnnnnn-gurl.”

“Hmmmm—and zat is...?”

“You have something that I need.” Rainbow took a deep breath. She blinked... and then her eyes rolled back. “...a h-high threshhold.” And Rainbow's body collapsed to the ground with a fwomp of glitter and lace. “Chuuuuuuuu...”

Darkness.

Comments

[Tchernobog]

[BabySkittleMonster]

... Way to go! That was brilliant!

And wow, apparently equines get vaguely dirty-minded when drunk. Awesome!

[Jay_Baker]

So close lol :)

[Keradon]

Is...is it really bad that I thought they were doing a Rammstein song for a moment?

Still though...drunken karaoke! A fine staple indeed!

[RoboRed]

Whelp...almost had it.

Also, I lost it when inebriated Trender popped in.

[Sheendough]

4786306 Seems like you have a reputation.

[Lightning Bearer]

I'm getting more and more curious about Photo Finish's medical condition. Though, perhaps I should be more worried about Rainbow's condition at the moment. What do you wanna bet she wakes up at Photo Finish's apartment (no, not like that [])?

4786460

That's what I thought, too.

[silverspawn]

i cant believe her plan was to ask her for the code

[Tchernobog]

4787070 Just a lil' aid to get the german right

[YoshiFawful64]

4787623
Well, in her defence, she was drunk. Really, really drunk.

[silverspawn]

4788834
right, but she must have come up with that plan in advance, when she was sober.

[Full-time_Introvert]

"Du.. du... bist in meine herde..."
"Duuuuuuuuaaaah..."
"Du... du..."
"D-duuuuuu..."
"...bist in meinem Stall--"
"Shtalllllll!"
Photo Finish and Rainbow Dash rocked on their stools together, singing a wavering duet that echoed across the empty glasses and mugs all along the bar counter.
Photo led: "Du... du... mit Du ich galoppiere--"
"Galopolopolopppp!" Rainbow hiccuped.
"Du weisst nicht, wie verschwommen ich für dich bin--"
"Furry dick bearrrrrd!" Rainbow hollered, then a deep breath as both mares warbled as one:
"Ja.. Ja... Ja du weisst nicht wie verschwommen ich für dich bin!"
Rainbow teetered. "Everypony!"
""Ja! Ja! Ja! Du weisst nicht wie verschwommen ich für dich binnnnnn!"
The song stopped dead on a dime.
Rainbow slurred: "Play ball!"

I couldn't stop laughing! now i'm hungry, Anybody got a cookie?

[Fishberry]

Ah hah hah hah hah!

[Misspegasister_]

“Perhaps you are sick.” Rainbow held up a hoof with the end of its stocking dangling. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

What is this, Equestria Girls?
Plus I'm too young for this I just know it

[Sam the Anti-Ninja]

"Furry dick bearrrrrd!"

Mein Gott! Das ist wunderbar!

[aleistergreynight]

I know there is a joke I could make about the zombified Trenderhoof, and a "Party Shotgun," with streamers and confetti. I just can't think of how to word it at the moment.

[Future Regret]

I get the title reference.

[kushi02]

[Snowdrifter]

Darn pegasi antlers....

[arancaytar]

Let's just blame their atrocious German grammar on all the alcohol.

"Furry dick bearrrrrd!" 

Oh mein Gott

[Nikodem]

I'm obsessed with this fic, and the fact that there already is a second Firefly reference wins me over even more