Appledashery

by Just Essay

Short Beaks

"RESSSSSHHHKKK!" A cross between a leopard and a turkey vulture pounced on an even larger griffon, wrestling him through a porcelain vase. As the two fought and tumbled, they knocked over several large statues—shattering them to avian facsimiles of their former glory. Rather than assist either one of the combatants, the other griffons simply shuffled over them and the resulting debris, making their way to a large ampitheatre where a smattering of lethargic buzzardy griffons sat, their eyes weighing with ennui and old age.

A few more fights broke out on the sidelines, creating a grim ambiance to the circular town hall building. In the center of this mess, where the acoustics were balanced enough, an old griffon with motted gray wings stood tall, orating to the half-awake crowd.

"And so, taking into account all of the observations that I have related to you, fellow brothers and sisters of a feather, I—Governor Grouse—declare that all wyvern immigration should be banned from henceforth!"

"They've relocated," groaned a middle-aged blob with feathers.

"Ehhh—whozzawhat?" The speaker adjusted his monocle. "Who relocated?"

"The wyverns," returned the griffon. Those seated next to him yawned and preened tiredly. "None of them live in griffon airspace anymore... or pony lands for that matter."

"Oh... uh... well... erm..." The elder leaned forward. "When did this happen?"

"... ... ...about sixty years ago."

"Huh... then how come we started this meeting to address the wyvern problem?"

"It wasn't about a wyvern problem, ya old windbag!" wheezed an old crone from the higher seats. A birdcat that looked even twice her age leaned against her, snoring through a withery break. "It was about the shrew infestation of the central north branches!"

"Hah! Shrew infestation?!" Governor Grouse bore a liver-spotted grin. "We haven't had a shrew infestation since the wyverns moved in and cleaned them out for us!"

"Ughhhhhhhhhh..." The whole lot moaned and groaned... but were too lazy to get up and leave the premises.

"Well, then, let's move onto something I've personally put at the top of our agenda!" Grouse adjusted his monocle and shuffled through his sheets. "Ahem... how to balance out the issue of mouse overpopulation. I'd say we start introducing shrews to the local treelife..."

There was another collective groan, this one even more subdued. The young griffons continued their fights, or else took them outside. All the while, Rainbow Dash fluttered limply inside. She almost instantly retched from the foul smell of the place.

"Holy smokes..." Rainbow waved a hoof in front of her muzzle. "...it's like a manticore's outhouse in here!"

"I find this place rather provocative," Lancie said, poking his head slightly out of the backpack. "Try to imagine... a giant birdcage with no zookeeper." He chuckled to himself. "I bet these turkeys read toilet paper to check on the stock market!"

"Meh..." Rainbow grumbled, shuffling forward. "You've delivered better."

"Oh hush. I think that's a brilliantly chaotic gag. I'll be sure to conjure it the first thing I..." Lancie froze in mid-speech.

Rainbow squinted at him. "The first thing you what?"

"Er... never mind." Lancie shrugged. "Just thinking aloud."

"Care to give some more commentary on that?"

"No can do, Sparky," Lancie said. "It's too short a chapter."

"Whatever." Rainbow sighed and made a bee-line for the Governor. "Looks like he's in charge. I think my best bet for getting anything done is with him."

"I know I'm not the expert on order here, but..." Lancie tapped his granite goatee. "Shouldn't you be making a reservation, or...?"

"No friggin' time," Rainbow grumbled. "Apple Bloom can't wait for red tape. Besides..." She pointed at a half-sleeping, fully-drooling griffon as they passed on by. "...doesn't exactly look like they do things by the book here."

"I suppose that is rather charming," Lancie said. "Although it doesn't exactly give hope for them assisting you... er... us..."

"It's a chance I've gotta take."

"And have you got a Plan B, Sparky?"

Rainbow paused just long enough to throw a forlorn glance outside a distant entrance. Once again, she saw a branch covered in green vegetation. "Mmmmf... I might..."

"Might?" Lancie's stone brow furrowed. "Why not just switch it to Plan A?"

"Because I'd rather embrace a skunk's kiss!" Rainbow barked. "Now... let's get this over with."

Comments

[Lord Dragon]

*nom*

[MidnightReflection]

"I find this place rather provocative," Lancie said, poking his head slightly out of the backpack. "Try to imagine... a giant birdcage with no zookeeper." He chuckled to himself. "I bet these turkeys read toilet paper to check on the stock market!"

"Meh..." Rainbow grumbled, shuffling forward. "You've delivered better."

"Oh hush. I think that's a brilliantly chaotic gag. I'll be sure to conjure it the first thing I..." Lancie froze in mid-speech.

Rainbow squinted at him. "The first thing you what?"

"Er... never mind." Lancie shrugged. "Just thinking aloud."

"Care to give some more commentary on that?"

"No can do, Sparky," Lancie said. "It's too short a chapter."

No. NO, Lancie! You can't do that. Your supposed to be reforming right now!

Such sneaky updates... Midnight wasn't prepared for them. Reading too much Twixie.

[Hestia]

"It's too short a chapter."

Apparently Lancie's been reading my mind.

I wonder what Plan B is. Nothing good, probably.

[TwilightUCrazy]

6175133

We'll find out soon enough.

[Aatxe360]

Such a poorly kept griffon residence. And then, the wind and the cliffs... Why is it all so familiar?

[zaponator]

"Oh hush. I think that's a brilliantly chaotic gag. I'll be sure to conjure it the first thing I..." Lancie froze in mid-speech.
Rainbow squinted at him. "The first thing you what?"
"Er... never mind." Lancie shrugged. "Just thinking aloud."

So he still plans to attempt taking over the world when he gets his power back, which actually leads me to an interesting thought...
This story is a convoluted and drawn-out version of Keep Calm and Flutter On!
At the end of the story when Discord regains his power, he'll realize that the one true friend he's ever had (Rainbow Dash, in this case) is actually more important to him than what he originally thought he wanted. It'll be awesome!

I've always liked LancieDashery more as a title anyway...

[YoshiFawful64]

6175133
I'm guessing it's Gilda.

[Leftover of Saikano]

Lancie is showing some signs of future plans. Maybe it's because the anticipation of having his entire body reunited soon.

[Skunkiss]

skunk's kiss

Buh?

Wha huh?

Did you just... ?

I might just take myself way too serious thinking that just MIGHT be meant for me

but... Griffon-chapter?

hint at possible upcoming Plan-B-Gilda?

Can this really be a coincidence?

[Rawrienstein]

6175484
Nah man, its gotta end with Applejack and Rainbow Dash cuddling so hard that they blast Discord back into stone.

And then Scootaloo wakes up.

[TheOddPerson]

6178768

.And then Scootaloo wakes up.

Nooooooooooo!

[DrEggnog]

Considering Skirts didn't appear to be a fan of Griffonstone, that ep seems to have inspired a lot of this. Quite a dismal atmosphere. Only Lancie is giving it pep.

[arancaytar]

Huh, they still seem more effective than most human legislatures.

[bronyheat]

These bird-brains seem to be about as cognizant as the High Lords of Terra

Discord's remarks worry me. I was really hoping he'd pick a different path given his time spent with Sparky, guess I'll find out soon enough.