Appledashery

by Just Essay

Whelp, Better Late Than Never (v.2)

A chair flew over Lancie's antlers, exploding aginst the wall with a spray of splinters.

“Huh...” The statue rubbed his stone chin. “Who'd a thunk it?” He smirked and placed his knuckles against his hips. “This party finally started to kick off!”

A blue hoof wrapped tightly around his neck.

“Ulp!”

Rainbow lifted Lancie until they stared muzzle to stone muzzle. “What in the blue Tartarus is going on?!” Rainbow's voice cracked above the sound of mayhem.

“I d-dunno, Sparky! I'm guessing Season Six has just been announced!”

“Lancie, I'm friggin' serious!” Rainbow ducked another thrown object and hopped over two wrestling bodies as the room continued erupting around them. “They were just fine a moment ago! How come everything turned into Saddledom and Ghemarea out of nowhere?!”

“Something something pillar of salt, something?”

“Grrrrrrrrrr...” Rainbow dove behind a table and knocked it over to block several thrown objects. “Lancieeeee!”

“Well, tell me this!” the statue sputtered. “That thingy you just unveiled. Is it covered with what I think it is?!”

“Yes!” Rainbow wheezed, huddling with the effigy beside the table. “Hundreds of photographs of the same thing!”

“And that is—?”

“Your friggin' shard! Looking at the dayum thing is like seeing inside a dragonfly's eye!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Lancie nodded.

“Why?! How's that gonna explain all this mess?!”

“Well, you know how some ponies are superstitious enough to believe that cameras can steal their souls?”

“Uhhh... sure?”

“Turns out that reality likes to be really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really stupid about stuff like that!” Lancie said.

Rainbow winced as a thrown punch bowl shattered against the table. “You m-mean to tell me that multiple photographs of the same shard is making ponies turn chaotic?! Like literally?!”

“Yeah, isn't it sexy?”

“Lancie!”

“Hey...” Lancie shrugged. “I don't make the rules of harmony! I just break them!” He and Rainbow flinched as the table behind them shook again. “It'd be the same if you dropped a piece of me into the mirror maze of a funhouse! Now, I doubt your sickly art friend meant anything by it. After all, if she was exposed to the photographic copies one by one, she probably didn't notice or feel a difference unlike these crazy saps here!”

“Well, that doesn't explain everything!”

“Why not?”

Rainbow grimaced. “How come I haven't turned all crazy and begun tearing stuff apart?!”

“Maybe you just have a high tolerance for chaos, Sparky!” Lancie grinned. “You know, like a hearty pony can take down a load of alcohol?!”

“Horse hockey!”

“Or maybe because you've hung around me so long, you're immune to direct chaos!” Lancie smirked. “It's all rather fascinating, don't you think?!”

“I've no time to be fascinated by anything!”

“Yeesh. No wonder you've gotten so stale.”

“Dang it, Lancie!” Rainbow hissed as two yelling mares fought past them. “Can't you stop it or something?!”

“Hey. I'm no good without my missing pieces!”

“Well, you just found one of them! Can't you—I dunno—give this place the zap?!”

“You just have to ask yourself one question, Sparky!” Lancie barked. “Do I do that now, and leave out blessing the Duchess of Applesauce?!” He gestured at the continuous wreck spreading around them. “Or can you find a way to kick this in the groin on your own, thereby saving yourself the heartache?!”

Rainbow gritted her teeth. “Grnnnngh... h-how in the fuzzy heck do I stop pure chaos on my own?!”

“Just throw a wrench in the deus ex machina, why don'tcha?!”

“Huh?”

Lancie pointed over the table. “The 'masterpiece,' Sparky! Trash it!”

“How?!” Rainbow grunted. “It's not like I have the kerosene to light it on fire or something!”

“The fun part of causing explosions is realizing that nature has already given you half of the ingredients to do the job with!” Lancie said. “Take gravity for example...”

Rainbow nervously peered over the edge of the overturned table.

She looked past two wrestling thugs and a sobbing Filthy Rich to see the front entrance to the apartment. The door was wide open, and she could see the elevator doors beyond.

“Of course!” Rainbow squeaked. “The elevator shafts!” She glanced at the statue. “Lancie, I'm going to introduce tonight's main event to the basement level... at high speed!”

“Does this mean you'll stop gripping my neck in a vice?”

“You...” Rainbow plopped the statue down. “...will get the dayum shard outside and onto the balcony!”

“You mean you want me to single-hoofedly drag my own torso past this grunge fest?!” Lancie blinked. “Sounds like fun!” He grinned. “Good luck, Sparky!”

“Hrmmmf... Luck has nothing to do with it.” She stood up from behind the table. CLANG! A champagne tray ricocheted off her skull. “Guhhh... then again...”

“Try to keep a stiff upper lip!” Lancie said as he scurried back towards the windows.

“If it wasn't swelling already,” Rainbow muttered. Then, fumbling in her Photo Finish disguise, she proceeded to gallop, jump, dive, and roll her way through the ongoing royal rumble. “Look out! Whoah! Coming through! Make way for the living harmony bullet of awesomeness! That's right! Yo!”

She hopped over Sapphire Shores as the mare wrestled with Fancy Pants, then scurried past Romulus as he was colliding two stallions' skulls together. At one point, Coco Pommel leapt on Rainbow's backside and started tearing at Photo Finish's dress. With a snarl, Rainbow bucked the mare off so that she fell through a soft wall of photographs.

“Yeesh... I thought this was Manehattan, not Detrot...”

At last, Rainbow reached the artpiece. She pressed her hooves to the base of the object, pushing it along its wheeled support.

“Okay... j-just got to get this thing out of the apartment,” Rainbow wheezed to herself as she began shoving against the floor. “Gnnngh... dammit, Zecora, don't run out on me now—”

A lion's tail wrapped around her neck.

“Hcrkkkkt!” Rainbow wheezed, her legs dangling as she was lifted up in the air. Her bloodshot eyes darted down to see Romulus—a gray facade of his past self—staring back at her with crimson pupils. “Whelp... early b-bird gets the rainbow, huh?”

“Momma?!” Romulus hissed with a clattering beak. His eyes swirled. “You've gotten fat, Momma!”

“Mommy isn't here right now, dearie!” Rainbow sputtered, kicking and thrashing with her legs. “Have you tried s-searching the pigeon nests of Canter Park?!”

“Let me trim you down some, Momma...” That said, the griffon raised his glintingly sharp talons towards Rainbow's chest.

“No... no! Really, I-I'm fine!” Rainbow shook and struggled against Romulus' strong grip. “Honest! I'm on the Atcolts diet! I d-don't need liposuction—”

SMASH! A champagne bottle shattered over the back of Romulus' skull. With a groan, the griffon fell to the floor, dropping Rainbow.

“Whewwww!” Suri Polomare wheezed drunkenly, gripping the broken handle of a champagne bottle. “Haa haa haa! Home run!”

“Way to go!” Trenderhoof cheered. “You—HIC—rule at this game! HIC!”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow shuddered, slowly standing back up. “I don't know whether to thank you or put you in rehab...”

“Hey! Honey!” Trenderhoof pointed while teetering in the middle of the bedlam. “It's my wife! HIC!” He blinked. “Or my marefriend... HIC!” He gulped. “...sister?”

“Heeheeheeeeee!” Suri slumped against the stallion's armored side. “She's so tinyyyyyyyyy.”

“Wait.” Rainbow glared at them. “How come you're not gray like the others?”

“Gray?!” Trenderhoof blinked. “Do we color ourselves gray for this party game?”

“I have the youthful complexion of a cherub!” Suri pumped her hoof in the air, stumbled, and fell into Trenderhoof's grasp. “...also the earth won't stop doing somersaults.”

“You're as drunk as a pair of skunks,” Rainbow slurred. She blinked wider. “You m-must not be affected!”

“Of c-course we're a confetti!” Trenderhoof warbled. “Anything for you, Duchess of Estrogenica!”

“Heeeee! He said 'confetti!'”

Rainbow glanced at the giant artpiece on rollers, then back at the two. “Look... uh... I need help with something, you two. I don't think I can push this on my own.”

“Pushinnnnng?” Trenderhoof cooed.

“Oooh! Oooh!” Suri hopped in place, waving her forelimb. “Are we giving birth?”

“... ... ...yeah, sure.”

“Yipeeeeeeee! I get the placenta first!”

“Nuh uh!”

“Ugh... don't remind me...” Rainbow nearly wretched, then hobbled over towards the far side of the object. “Now, push against the thing right here. The two of you...”

“Weeeeee! We're helping!”

Comments

[Aatxe360]

That way the blame can be shifted to two intoxicated, insufferable ponies.

And maybe most everypony will forget about Rainbow.

[YoshiFawful64]

I see what you did there with the title.
Also, I freaking love Suri and Trend here.

[RoboRed]

“Pushinnnnng?” Trenderhoof cooed.

“Oooh! Oooh!” Suri hopped in place, waving her forelimb. “Are we giving birth?”

“... ... ...yeah, sure.”

“Yipeeeeeeee! I get the placenta first!”

“Nuh uh!”

What the blazing fuck.

[Jay_Baker]

Lol this is funny XD keep up the good work :)

[Fishberry]

4935464

Ehhhh... it's a reference to something really awful mentioned several chappies ago.

[RoboRed]

4936142
Derrrrp, I remember now.

[Fishberry]

4936878

Eh hee heeeee... sorry.

[Leftover of Saikano]

Oh, playing with chapter names, I see.

[Bulbajer]

4936142
Oohhhh. *Phew* For a second I thought Rainbow was implying that she has given birth before. o.O

[Fishberry]

4938334
ponybot.net/pix/2080.png

[Bulbajer]

4939702
Exactly!
(I was about to add "Anyone else here an Appledash shipper?" but then I remembered what story this is. xD)

[HyperMonica]

Make way for the living harmony bullet of awesomeness! That's right! Yo!”

Best. Line. EVER.

[Full-time_Introvert]

4944687 no that goes to

WHY SPOON?! WHY?!?

quote from The Wheel and the Butterfly a Dan x Pinkie saga

[LucyHorseThing]

Rainbow lifted Lancie until they stared muzzle to stone muzzle. “What in the blue Tartarus is going on?!” Rainbow's voice cracked above the sound of mayhem.

“I d-dunno, Sparky! I'm guessing Season Six has just been announced!”

My friends and I will probably blow the town up when that happens.

[arancaytar]

“Whewwww!” Suri Polomare wheezed drunkenly, gripping the broken handle of a champagne bottle. “Haa haa haa! Home run! ”

I have a Hard Reset flashback from those last few words.