Appledashery

by Just Essay

Cane Top Dewey

“This reminds Iron Will of the night that a seminar had to be completed in the dark,” the minotaur said, stepping ahead of Rainbow Dash through the dimly-lit tunnels as they gradually ascended the roughly hewn steps. “Iron Will was delivering a speech to the skittish ponies of Stalliongrad. All of the sudden, the city's sketchy-at-best power grid went out like a ninety-pound weakling dealt a slobberknocker! So there Iron Will was, having to corral the drooping ears of a crowd of squirming, soft-spoken ponies! Did he give up?!”

“Uhm...” Rainbow Dash barely squeaked, taking dainty mare-steps behind him.

“Tartarus, no!” The minotaur's victorious voice rang off the brittle walls of the place, causing a current of dust to fall on the two heroes' foreheads. “Iron Will climbed the full seventy feet of the Great Wall of Stalliongrad and stood upon the brink, upon which he delivered the most thunderous promo the equine world had ever heard or seen! Iron Will changed lives! Reshaped the destinies of distraught horse-children everywhere! And all with his deep, booming, manly voice! This minotaur didn't need no damn microphone! Do you smell Iron Will?!”

“Uhm... yes...” Rainbow Dash nervously nodded. “I totally do.”

Plop! Lancie stuck his head out of Rainbow's saddlebag. “Alright. Two questions.”

Rainbow hissed over his shoulder. “Okaaaaay. Be quiet about 'em.”

“First off... is he even real?”

Rainbow's fuzzy nostrils flared. She winced. “His backsweat certainly is...”

“Second, why are we following his lead and not mine?” Lancie folded his stone arms. “I'm the resident shard-detector of these parts. Or did we somehow forget that little detail in the midst of fawning all over a certain fawn?”

“Fawning all over—?!” Rainbow's eyes crossed. She turned back, frowning, and hissed, “I was not!”

“Oh please. I've been around you long enough to know just how you tick your tock when in the presence of the fairer sex.”

“Dude, you've only been around me for—like—a day or two at best.”

He smirked and rapped his knuckles against his stone skull. “Call it granite intuition.”

“Uh huh.” Rainbow's eyes narrowed. “Did you earn this before or after you spent an eon encased in stone, by your lonesome?”

“Hardy har har. But for real—why are you suddenly trusting the Macho Minotaur Ridiculous Savant?”

“Cuz... I dunno...” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “He's got a bone to pick with this 'Top Dog' creep. Besides, I could use his muscle.”

“Ohhhhhhhh... so, when it comes down to it, it's all about the muscle, huh?” Lancie leaned against the back of her head, smirking. “Well, that certainly explains your obsession over Freckles McBruteThighs.” Th-Thwap! Her fuzzy ears twitched, slapping his skull back and forth. “Ow! Okay, now you're just running out of ideas...”

“And you're running out of breath!” Rainbow whispered hoarsely back. “Just get back into the satchel and lay low! Don't worry! I've got this shard stuff in the bag!”

“Hmmm?! Did pint-size say something?!”

“Uhhh...” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and hovered at eye-level to the inquisitive minotaur. “No! Nope! I mean... wh-why would I have a reason to s-say anything?!”

“Iron Will could have sworn pint-size was talkin' to another pony!”

“Please...” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously. “And interrupt your awesome story about Leningallop?”

“Stalliongrad.”

“Right. Whatever.”

“Hmmmph. Pint-sized better not have a habit of talking to herself.” Iron Will turned and marched onward. “Iron Will gets creeped out by ponies who talk in the third person!”

“Uhhhhh... yeah...” Rainbow Dash nodded with a wincing expression. “Wouldn't that be a burn?”

“Shhhh! Iron Will hears a bunch of jobbers up ahead!”

“Erm... okay...” Rainbow Dash nodded. “And Top Dog too... r-right?”

“Yup. The chew toy himself!” The grinning minotaur cracked his neck muscles, flexed his upper arms, then sneaked ahead. “Time to lay the smackdown on the Bark Foundation!”

“Eheheh... heh...” Rainbow wheezed as she fluttered close behind him. “...I think I just about lost my smile."

Comments

[Lightning Bearer]

Freckles McBruteThighs

That is all.

[Tchernobog]

4365514

[zaponator]

4365514
Yeah, nothing else really needs to be said.

[Aatxe360]

4365514

I approve of this message.

[PropMaster]

Macho Minotaur Ridiculous Savant

There it is. Glad Lancie agrees with me.

[Tim the Planes-pony]

Nice history reference.

[Esteemer97]

Loving all the wrestling references.

[arancaytar]

“Fawning all over—?!” Rainbow's eyes crossed. She turned back, frowning, and hissed, “I was not !”

Yes you were, Dashie.