Appledashery

by Just Essay

Daring Dammit

Rainbow blinked. Then blinked again. “Who?!”

The mustard mare's jaw dropped. “Daring Do!”

Rainbow merely squinted.

“You know! Adventurer?! World traveler?!”

“...”

“From the legendary book series?!”

“... ... ...”

“The Sapphire Statue?! The Griffon's Goblet?! The Poisoned Whispered K—”

“Did Noir send you?”

“Dammit yes!”

“Fine.” Rainbow grinded her hooves. “That works for me.”

“Now, where were we.”

“... the FREAKING GRIFFON!”

“Huh?”

“Raaaaughlll!” Romulus leapt up and pounced Daring, slamming her into a pile of rocks.

“Oh yeah! Rnnngh! This griffon!”

“Hold on!” Rainbow galloped towards her. “I'll get him off y—”

“Thanks, but no thanks, kid!” Daring Do bit onto three of Romulus' crown feathers and yanked savagely to the side.

Pl-Pluck! “Aaaugh!” Romulus flinched.

Daring used the brief opportunity to flip him over her body so that he sailed hard into a mound of gravel.

“Ha!” Daring hovered up, dusting her hooves off. “He's got some stones to mess with me! Heheheh—”

“Hurry up!” Rainbow sputtered, flying up past her. “Finish him off before he—” She gave her a double-take. “...did you just call me kid?”

“You prefer I call you 'Granny?'” Daring placed her hooves on her hips and stared Rainbow up and down. “Nice threads, champ. Did your taylor work at a balloon shop to get through grad school?”

“Look, will you just help me knock this guy's beak in already?”

“Shhhhh...” Daring cupped a hoof over her ear. “Wait for it.”

Rainbow's eyes darted all around the quarry. “...wait for what?”

“It's called a dramatic pause, doofus.”

SMASH!!! “Rrrrrgh!” Romulus finally burst out of the mound, brandishing two daggers. “Damn Noir and his filthy winged whores!”

“Hah! Now that is villain speech!” Daring whipped out a notepad and began scribbling. “Good noise on the exit, too. I'm giving that sound effect three exclamation points!”

Maud droned from below. “Be careful of the pyschotically imbued death griffon.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that somepony pay for her house!”

Rainbow pulled at her mane, shrieking. “Is everyone in this town crazy?!”

“Nah, just the ones tossing razor sharp slicey knives at ya.” Daring pointed without looking up from her notepad. “Three o'clock, by the way.”

“Huh?!” Rainbow Dash turned, then ducked as a blade soared over her mane. “Yeow!” WHUMP! Romulus kicked her, shoving her back. She countered with a round-house kick with her hoof. Romulus flung his talon up, caught her leg, and prepared to stab his remaining dagger into her flank. She slapped him across the beak with her tail, spun around, and bicycle-kicked him across the top of his skull.

“Ooof!” the mercenary fell hard to the ground, wincing.

Rainbow spun towards Daring, wheezing for breath. “A little help would be awesome?!”

“Pffft. Come on. You're my partner,” Daring drawled. “Less sarcasm. More sass.”

“H-huh?!”

“It's my spotlight, after all!” Daring thought aloud while scribbling. “The sidekick can't be allowed to one-up the main mare!”

“Nnnngh!” Rainbow thrashed in midair. “What's in the water around here?!” A garrot wire looped around one leg and yanked her down. “Whoah!”

“G-gotcha!” Romulus snarled, slamming her into the ground and pinning her there with his weight.

Maud leaned down to her level. “If you must know, it's two hydrogen for every oxygen atom—”

“Not... h-helping!” Rainbow hissed, only to be tossed across the quarry by Romulus' muscled talons. “Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaieeeee!” Romulus sailed after her, brandishing his dagger.

Maud's head swiveled to follow them. “...also an undisclosed amount of microspic bacteria and amoebic culture.”

THUD! Rainbow slumped to the ground beneath a rock wall. “Nnnngh...” She blinked upside down to see the griffon soaring after him. “Dang it!” She hollered. “It's going to be one heck of a sucky book if you let the sidekick die this early!”

“Hey... sh-she's right!” Daring pocketed the notepad away and beat her chest. “A-a-a-ahem.” Grinning devilishly, she dive bombed with wind-whistling speed. “Bangarannnnnng!”

Romulus couldn't help but look behind him in mid-flight. “H-huh?!” Daring slammed down through his spine, hoof first. “Aaaaugh!”

The two went slamming into the earth, burrowing a trench and covering Rainbow's coughing figure in dust and sediment.

Comments

[FloydienSlip]

...Seriously, what the hell is going on?

[RoboRed]

5098719
Beats me. I don't know whether to laugh uproariously or be horribly confused, so I'm just going to choose laughter.

[Sharp Quill]

SMASH!!! “Rrrrrgh!” Romulus finally burst out of the mound, brandishing two daggers. “Damn Noir and his filthy winged whores!”

“Hah! Now that is villain speech!” Daring whipped out a notepad and began scribbling. “Good noise on the exit, too. I'm giving that sound effect three exclamation points!”

Yes, yes you did.

[Lord Dragon]

You know, I was just about to take back what I said about Daring, but... That EGOTISTICAL, SLUTTY DAUGHTER OF A WHORSE!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??

[Lightning Bearer]

I just got an idea for a spin-off story where Rainbow, Daring, Maud, and Trixie form a crime-fighting team. The Flanktastic Four, perhaps.

It's probably a good thing I don't write very often.

[Frostwolf123]

I have this weird hunch that zapping an object of pure chaos might have slight side effects.

[Fishberry]

*Rita Repulsa poses on her orbiting thingyboob*

"Hhhhaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Make my monster GRROOOOWWWWW!!"

Oh no, look out!

*Rita Repulsa's gnarly staff zoops to earth like a supersonic missile. It ThPPTT-TTTHHHWAPPS into the earth, lodging deep into the ground and sends up an explosive plume of dirt and gravel.*

*Romulus goes HHHRRRRRRAAAAAHHHHUUUUUHHHHRRRRGHHH! and grows to a hundred feet tall!*

Look out, Rainbow Dash!

Quick, someone summon five teenagers with attitude!

...

*Some time later, Dredgemane has been completely leveled*

Duuaaaahhhh...

Well shit.

[CommanderCuddle]

I made this account just to comment after spending the last 3 days reading this, absolutely fantastic story that has made me laugh, smile, and cry so far and I think I may die if I never get to read the ending. So Ahem yes good story I can't wait for the next chapter.

[Jay_Baker]

Nice

[RoboRed]

5098808
Mindfreak: what if this whole story is just one big tale written by A.K. Yearling?

[TwilightUCrazy]

Daring Do striking anyone else as a bit OOC?

[DrEggnog]

Daring Do seems to have picked up on some of Balthier's 'leading man' syndrome.

[destinedjagold]

This is a very freaking weird battle scene. xD

[arancaytar]

“Ha!” Daring hovered up, dusting her hooves off. “He's got some stones to mess with me! Heheheh—”

I see Daring has put lots of points into Quip.

[arancaytar]

Maud droned from below. “Be careful of the pyschotically imbued death griffon.”

Wait, Seraphimus isn't even in this story.

[True Edge]

Oh, Gods. I don't think Equestria can handle both their egos being within a hundred miles of each other.

[bronyheat]

If having two awesome, fuzzy, pun-flinging pegasi in your story is illegal Skirts will make it legal.

[bronyheat]

8471725
sees post date of 2017
Seraphimus? No, no, you must be mistaken, that griffon is from one of the more recent books, and that can't possibly be from 2017 because time can't have progressed that quickly...right?...

[arancaytar]

10705187

In a little over a year it'll be Ten Years Easthorse Day