• Published 4th Dec 2013
  • 16,656 Views, 16,177 Comments

Appledashery - Just Essay



Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.

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Trixie's maniacal laughter echoed across the steep chasms of Dredgemane as she rode her wheel due west. She dove low, threading through a winding trench as it led towards the very edge of the city.

Rainbow Dash sped after her, bobbing and waving through the same trench as she approached the speeding unicorn from behind.

“Gotta get to her before she breaks out into the wild blue yonder!” Rainbow exclaimed, then gulped. “Or in this case, 'wild gray yonder.'”

Lancie clung tight. “Ever thought of giving her a speeding ticket?”

SMASSSH!

“Gaaah!” Rainbow's voice cracked. A rogue wheel had smashed into the ravine wall beside her. It spun, grinding towards her with chaotic propulsion.

“She c-certainly isn't making this easy!” Rainbow grumbled as she twirled and rolled to avoid the attacks. Two more wheels drew back from Trixie's “formation” and also surged in Rainbow's direction. “Gnnnghhh!” Rainbow narrowly flew through their converging motions. “Gimme a break, already! All I wanna do is catch up with Trixie!”

“Stay on target!” Lancie warbled.

“It's not her fault that the chaos latched onto her!” Rainbow wheezed. “Personally, I blame that Sissy Shimmer girl—”

Stay on target!

“You're not helping!

CRACKKK! Another wheel slammed into the wall next to her. They projectiles were closing in on all sides.

Rainbow panted, panicked. She looked to her left in time to spot an adjoining canal. Breathless, she sailed straight into it, gliding low. Fw-Fw-Fwoosh! Four large wheels sailed after her, stone edges twirling.

Rainbow hugged the street, flapping her wings hard. Dredgemane citizens shrieked—first at her “nakedness” and second at the wheels whistling after her tail. They galloped and dove out of the way as Rainbow and the discs sailed on through. The walls closed in as the trench curved left and right like a veiny capillary. Finally, just as the wheels were within inches of grinding Rainbow's flanks to a pulp, they ran out of room. Smasssh! They collided into the walls, then with each other. In an explosion of stone and chaos energy, the projectiles disentegrated completely behind her.

Swissssh! The winding trench bled back into the main canal where Trixie was flying.

“Mwahahahahaha!” The unicorn blinked, aware of a pegasus-shaped shadow crossing over her. She looked up, glowing eyes crooked. “Huh?”

“Uh huhhhh!” Rainbow dive-kicked.

Wh-Whap!

“Guhh!” Trixie reeled, almost losing control of the platform she was on and falling off. With angry snarl, she teetered back, aiming her horn at the fast flier. Zaaaap!

Rainbow held her breath and zig-zagged in the blurring canal beside the wheel, dodging the blasts.

Zap! Zaaaaaap! Z-Zap!

Two wheels entered the fray, twirling at Rainbow.

She spun to the side, planted her hooves against the wall, and kicked off. Lancie held on tight as the mare threaded through the wheels just before they exploded against one another. Propelled forward from the concussive blast, Rainbow landed on Trixie's platform and gripped the unicorn from behind.

“Grnnnghhh!” Trixie hissed, spat. “Get... off... Trixie!

“There is no escape!” Rainbow wheezed. “Don't make me suplex you!”

“This is the moment of the Great and Powerful Trixie's triumph!”

“Trixie, this is the chaos speaking, not you!” Rainbow gnashed her teeth. “You don't really wanna destroy all of Ponyville and then Equestria!”

“Of course not!” Trixie grinned. “First, Trixie wishes to subjugate the pitiful minions of this kingdom... then destroy all of Ponyville and then Equestria!” With a loud shout, Trixie lifted the wheel up, up, up. They lifted up out of Dredgemane, piercing the overcast mists looming above.

Rainbow clung to Trixie hard, her body shivering from the sudden temperature change.

“G-getting a little c-c-cold!” Lancie wheezed.

“Then gr-grab it!” Rainbow Dash snarled, her eyebrows frosting over from the rapid altitude climb. “Get your dayum tail!”

“I... I-I...” Lancie perched on the edge of Rainbow's skull, reaching with a tiny stone talon. “I-I can't reach it! She keeps floating it all around!”

“Trixie, c-cut it out!” Rainbow shivered as the air grew thinner and thinner. The other wheels swished and spun around them in the dissipating mists. “You'll never m-make up for th-things if you turn everypony into sl-slaves and destroy the world! Believe me!”

“It doesn't matter!” Trixie grinned, eyes a'glow. “Trixie has no friends! Trixie needs no friends! She is Great and Powerful on her own!”

“Trixie, it ain't all that snazzy being alone all the time!” Rainbow gulped. “T-take my word for it. The world isn't s-so stupid and c-complicated that you g-gotta push everypony away!”

“Trixie has no choice,” the possessed unicorn growled. “Trixie is on her own until she gets what she wants!”

“Hmmmm...” Lancie smirked. “Sounds like somepony else I know.”

Shivering, Rainbow winced in his direction. “H-how come sh-she isn't affected by the c-cold?”

“Chaos aura,” Lancie explained matter-of-factly. “It makes her body super resilient to stuff that would normally kill a pony.”

“Just what I n-needed to h-hear.” Rainbow gripped Trixie's waist from behind.

The unicorn gasped. “What are you doing to Trixie?!”

“About that suplex that I owe you...” Rainbow Dash kicked off the wheel and dove backwards, taking Trixie with her. “Rrrrrr-Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!” The two mares and the stone statue dove earthward, hard, Trixie-first.


THUD! Maud kicked at the concrete foundation of a building. The cornerstone cracked, and the rest of the structure collapsed in a mound of pebbles and gravel.

“Aaaaaaaugh!” Several henchstallions scrambled to get out of the way, but were effectively flattened by the falling debris. They all writhed and grunted in frustration, pinned to the street by the rocky mess.

“That was a good one, Boulder,” Maud droned. She held the tiny stone in one hoof and outstretched her other forelimb. “High hoof.”

The stone was completely silent.

“Good Boulder.” Maud pocketed it away.

“Weeeeeee!” Pinkie cartwheel'd over to her sister. “Best beat'em'up brawler ever!” She bounced in place, grinning. “Boy, I'm sure glad I became an Element of Harmony, or else I'd never be able to tap into this secret hidden ability to beat the ever-loving snot out of bad guys!”

Maud blinked. “Trixie and Rainbow. Where are they?”

Th-Thap! A groaning pair of thugs fell to the floor.

Daring trotted over, brushing her hooves off. “Uhhhh... Don't look now.” She gulped and pointed up at the overcast sky. “But... look now.”

“Huh?” Pinkie and Maud turned, blinking heavenward.

Scores of Dredgemane citizens filed out of their buildings and hiding places, scanning the skies with nervous eyes.

High above, the clouds parted ways, and two figures could be seen plunging towards the earth like an anvil. One was gripping the other in the mother of all suplexes as they sailed collectively towards the hard, unforgiving ground, impacting somewhere beyond the trenches of Dredgemane.

THUDDDDDDD!

The entire ravine shook. Spurts of gravel shot half a mile into the air, blocking the sunlight even further. Daring, Maud, and Pinkie winced, squinting into the haze as everything gradually settled.


Rainbow Dash panted... panted... and panted...

Tossing her mane, she sat up, looking around.

A ginormous crater had formed in the heart of the granite plateau, and Trixie's twitching body lay in the center of it.

“Guhhhhh...” The unicorn's eyes rolled back. She clenched her teeth, seething. “The Great and Powerful Trixie...” Ears twitching. “...needs a nap.” And like that, her eyes stopped glowing, and she fell unconscious.

The stone dragon's tail fell to the floor.

“Quick!” Rainbow sputtered. “Grab it!”

“Httt!” Lancie dove, snatched the object up in his tiny talons, and rolled into a kneeling position. “Annnnnnnd touchdown!” He grinned. “Heh heh heh...”

Rainbow slumped on her haunches, wheezing for breath. She swiped her brow and muttered. “One of these, I gotta practice what I preach.”

“I kinda prefer the 'suplex-the-entire-world-and-ask-questions-later' method.”

“Yeah, well, I doubt ponies like Trixie would.”

“Hrmmmmm...” Trixie's lips curved in her sleep. “Why, how lovely. The Great and Powerful Trixie didn't know you were lavender in every place!”

Rainbow winced. “I... am j-just going to pretend I didn't hear that.”

Lancie held up the tail that was twice his size. “Wanna hang onto this, Cap'n my Cap'n?”

Buck, no!” Rainbow frowned as she hoisted Trixie's limp body over her side. “And end up like Sesame Street?! Or Trixie?! Or worse!?”

“Awwwwwwwww come on, Sparky!” Lancie smirked as he hopped up and straddled her neck, holding the tail like a knight's lance. “We all know that nopony has it worse than you.”

“Yeah, thank you, Lancie.”

“Even though it's all your own damn fault—”

Thank you, Lancie.” Rainbow trotted slowly forward. “All I wanna do now is drop Trixie off at Pinkie's place then high-tail it out of this miserable town and—” She froze in place, face scrunched.

“What is it?” Lancie asked.

“I...” Rainbow fidgeted. “I get the distinct feeling that we're forgetting something...”

“Like...?”

The air whistled. Louder and louder.

Several shadows formed thickly across the stone ground.

Rainbow looked up, and immediatley wished she didn't. “Cheese and Crackers!” She bolted forward.

SMASSSSSH! The first of several dormant wheels slammed hard into the earth, followed by all of its exploding brothers and sisters. SMASSSH! SM-SMASH! SMASSH!

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