Appledashery

by Just Essay

The Uncouthers

“Come on, Rainbow Dash!” I exclaimed through a sunny-bright grin. My legs carried me—scampering—across the springy lawn and towards where a flimsy white line had been paintbrushed across the grass. “The race is about to start! We gotta get prep'd!”

“Not so fast, squirt!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. When I wasn't looking, she winced slightly, flexing her hooves as she nevertheless exhaled, “We gotta do this in style or there's no point in doing it at all!”

“Ohhhhh Rainbow Dash. Snkkkt—heeheehee!”

Rainbow smirked and trotted across the crowd of siblings frantically scrambling to get to their starting marks.

“Alright, Granny!” Applejack called out as she trotted down from a nearby wooden stage. “S'long as y'all got it covered! We'll try not to steal too much of the spotlight!”

“H-hey...” Rainbow turned to smirk at the freckled mare. “Just what makes you think you've got this in the bag?”

“Yes... well... erm...” Applejack fidgeted.

Out of nowhere, Apple Bloom leapt up and stood on her flank. “'Cuz we made a record comeback in the last three matches! We're gonna cinch that blue ribbon if it kills us!”

“Easy there, Apple Bloom...” Applejack reached up to pat the filly's mane. Nevertheless, she smirked wickedly out the side of her muzzle. “No reason for gettin' their hopes up...”

An evil glint flashed across Rainbow's eyes. “Oh yeah?!” She dragged her hoof across the grass and grinned wickedly. “I think it's high time Scoots and I kicked the 'ass' out of your 'sassafras!'”

“Is that a fact?”

Amidst all the festive chaos, a stallion touched down with a ruffle of feathers. Wiping his brow, the pegasus slapped down a wooden crate and smiled at the Social. “Whew! What a crowd! Who'd a thunk it?” Blinking, he glanced pleasantly across the farm. “Hi there! I'm Stu. Stu Leaves... from Ponyville Postal?” He pulled out a sheet of paper and squinted at it. “Uhhhhh... I'm k-kinda new here. Can somepony help me out here? I'm looking for the... Apple Family Residence—” Rainbow shoved him aside. “Whoah!”

“It's more than a fact!” Rainbow's voice cracked as she glared down Applejack. “It's tomorrow headlines!”

“Only article yer fetchin' for yerself is in the funny papers at this rate!” Applejack winked. “There ain't been a single Big Race in the last four years that me and Apple Bloom have lost! We're fixin' to make it five!”

“Heh! Good luck with that!” Rainbow chuckled raspily. “You've got nothing on the Dash and Scoots Connection!”

“Please, please, ladies. No need to be so barbaric!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow nodded. “Like Rarity said! No need to be—” Her eyes bulged, as did Applejack's. Both mares swiveled to gawk at the unicorn in question. “H-huh?!”

Rarity immediately sighed upon being stared at. She fidgeted at the starting line with drooping ears. “Please. Don't make a big show about it.”

“A big show about what?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Well... uhm... you see?” Rarity gulped and chuckled airily. “It unveiled itself like so—”

Sweetie Belle hopped out from behind her. “Big Sis and I are gonna be part of the big race!” she squeaked. “Heeeeeeee!”

“Whoah! For real?!” I trotted up from the sidelines, dumbfouned. “Wow, Sweetie Belle! That's so cool!”

“You are?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed incredulously.

“Mmmmm...” Rarity bit her lip until it bled. She stared pensively out the side of her vision. “Yes...”

“But you haven't even done any of the other competitions!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “There's no chance in Tarta—” She blanched, gave her older sister a guilty look, then leaned forward. “No chance in heck of winnin' any ribbons,” the farm filly whispered.

“Hmmph!” Rarity switched into “theatrical mode,” sticking her nose up to the sky. “As if some superficial platitude is the impetus I need for joining my beloved sister in such a felicitous occasion!”

“Then what did change your mind?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Erm...” Rarity's cheeks burned slightly. Her eyes were both amused and melancholic at the same time—a very strange shape. “Let us just say that there are some fates worse than sweat.”

“Come on, Rarity!” Sweetie Belle tugged and tugged on the older unicorn. Her voice cracked with each exultant vowell. “We gotta get some stretches done before the race or else we might pull a muscle! I remember Miss Cheerilee talking about it once!”

“Eeeeuuuuunnnghuuuuu...” Rarity blanched like a ghost in mid-drag. “Stretches?! You most certainly must be joking!”

“Good luck, gals!” Apple Bloom hollered after them. “We'll see y'all in the big race!” A beat. She turned and smirked at Applejack. “We're gonna cream 'em like corn.”

“Heheheheh...” I rubbed the back of my head and gazed curiously at the pair from afar. “Wow... I didn't think Sweetie's sister was ever going to change her mind.”

“That's because she doesn't, Scoots,” Rainbow said. A blink. She turned and squinted knowingly at Applejack. “AJ... what did you tell her?”

“Buh?”

“Did you threaten to pull her flower garden out by the roots and stuff them into her mailbox?”

“What?!” Applejack frowned. “Heck, no! I ain't into coercin' my gal pals! No way, no how!”

“So, what, you promised her a chance to make dresses for the next Apple Family Reunion or something?”

“For the last time—”

“Applejack didn't change Rarity's mind,” Fluttershy said, trotting up with a gentle smile. “I did.”

Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash twitched as one.

“You did?!” Applejack remarked.

“Mmmmhmmmm...” Fluttershy softly nodded.

“What in the heck did you do or say to get her to sweat in the sun and mud?” Rainbow inquired.

“Well... uhm...” Fluttershy hid her face slightly behind a lock of pink mane. “I told her that it was not very nice to come all the way here and refuse to have fun with her little sister. So... if she wasn't going to run the race with her sister...” Fluttershy took a deep, deep breath, then blurted: “I wasn't going to model for her for a whole year.” She winced, clenching her eyes shut. A few seconds later, she lifted one eyelid. “Do... d-do you think that was too cruel of me?”

“You sneaky Jezebuck...” Rainbow grinned.

“Heheheh... Ohhhhhh Fluttershy.” Applejack patted the pegasus' shoulder. “If y'all ask me...” She winked with a smile. “T'ain't cruel enough.”

“Applejack...”

“Eh... I'm only teasin'.”

“Wow, look at you, Fluttershy!” I hopped up and down, grinning. “You're right on the ball!”

“Yeah!” Apple Bloom nodded vehemently. “You just single-hoofedly made Sweetie's day! You're like... the Sister-Whisperer!”

“Hmmm...” Applejack tapped her chin and trotted towards the starting line. “I rather fancy that one...”

“Heeheehee—Whoops! AJ! Wait up!” Apple Bloom waddled off.

“Come on, Rainbow! We can't be late!” I galloped after her, waving at my “sister-for-a-day.” “I've got the perfect spot for us to start!”

“Awesome! I'll be right there!” Rainbow turned towards Fluttershy. She smiled. “There really is an awful lot of assertiveness going around today.”

“Mmmmm...” Fluttershy smiled bashfully, her hooves squirming beneath her. “I... uh... I-I've been getting some good inspiration.”

Rainbow craned her neck to look over Fluttershy's shoulder.

Big Macintosh was staring at the scene from afar. Once she saw that Rarity had joined the crowd, he smirked and leaned in to where Granny Smith was seated on her rocking chair.

“Ah. Right.” Rainbow Dash looked back at Fluttershy. “Apple slices all around.”

“Oh, I do hope Rarity isn't too mad at me.”

“You kidding? This is gonna do her pores some good. Besides...” Rainbow smirked as she briskly trotted off to join my side. “Any excuse you can use to escape a fashion show with the vampire is good enough in my book.”

“Rainbow Dash...”

“Now listen here, y'all!” Granny Smith's voice shouted above the heads of everypony in attendance. “Sisters! Mares! Hootaninnies and Shindiggers! And all them other fancy words that the young'n's are usin' these days—this is the moment y'all've been waitin' for! The Big Race! Cuz it certainly is Big! And Racey! And these bugs are buzzin' around my ears somethin' fierce! So let's get this mess over with, now, y'hear?!”

Comments

[Tchernobog]

Ruh roh. What's in the mail...?

[Saro0fdemonz]

theres something in the maaaaail*singsong voice*

[HyperMonica]

YAY!! Race time!! I really hope something goes HORRIBLY WRONG!!! Hehe....

[RoboRed]

And these bugs are buzzin' around my ears somethin' fierce!

Welp, that's reason enough for me.

[Lightning Bearer]

I'm with Tchernobog--all this cute's happening, and all I can do is fret over the goddamn mail.

[Jay_Baker]

Fluttershy hid her face slightly behind a lock of purple mane.

I think you meant to put lock of pink mane. Other wise this was an amazing chapter keep up your fantastic work!!! :) :D :P

[VortexRyker]

I just don't understand how this person pumps out such amazing chapters on such a constant and regular basis!!!
Keep it up!!!!

[BabySkittleMonster]

Another amazing chapter! And now, where it all goes to hell.

P.S. Where did the whole "Rarity is a Vampire" come from anyway?

[zaponator]

Chekhov's delivery pony.

[RainbowJack2000]

Hootaninnies and Shindiggers! And all them other fancy words that the young'n's are usin' these days

I'm pretty sure no one uses those words, Granny Smith.

[kluck]

4630040

iam a lil late with this commit but better late then never the vampire thing comes from skits first story called i remember rainbow dash it came out before E.O.P I think it was his first pony story he didn't like it so he went on and did E.O.P as a back up story which shall never be completed and that's why i wake up every day and kick the first small puppy i see -sigh- so many puppies .......

[LucyHorseThing]

“Now listen here, y'all!” Granny Smith's voice shouted above the heads of everypony in attendance. “Sisters! Mares! Hootaninnies and Shindiggers! And all them other fancy words that the young'n's are usin' these days—this is the moment y'all've been waitin' for! The Big Race! Cuz it certainly is Big! And Racey! And these bugs are buzzin' around my ears somethin' fierce! So let's get this mess over with, now, y'hear?!”

Granny Smith is the official best pony of 2016.

[Metal Aura]

5252534 EOP is the cause of this unholy obsession with literature about talking equines is the story that got me into reading fan-fiction, so even if I don't see its completion it will still be one of the most influential horsewordbooks that I've enjoyed. I'm holding out hope that inspiration for its continuation hits SS&E maybe once he completes the Austraeoh series.

[Shotgunmerc]

reading back through, I love how all the comments are like WHATS IN THE PACKAGE when really

its about who delivered it

[arancaytar]

Woah, Shy is a badass negotiator.

[SnowOriole]

Amidst all the festive chaos, a stallion touched down with a ruffle of feathers. Wiping his brow, the pegasus slapped down a wooden crate and smiled at the Social. “Whew! What a crowd! Who'd a thunk it?” Blinking, he glanced pleasantly across the farm. “Hi there! I'm Stu. Stu Leaves... from Ponyville Postal?” He pulled out a sheet of paper and squinted at it. “Uhhhhh... I'm k-kinda new here. Can somepony help me out here? I'm looking for the... Apple Family Residence—” Rainbow shoved him aside. “Whoah! ”

Wrong way, you're in the wrong place. Go back out there, yup yup, just turn left at the exit, go and don't come back, thanks