Appledashery

by Just Essay

And Into the Drink

“Gllbllbb!” Trenderhoof pulled a glass of champagne from his muzzle as alcohol dribbled down his chin. “And that's when I said 'If you're not pregnant, then what's the address of the watermelon farm you gobbled up?!'” He slapped his own knee and wheezed, “Ohhhhhhhhhhh she slapped me so hard I had to get a tooth surgically removed from my ear!”

“Hah-haaaaah-wuhhhhhhh-haaaaaaah!” Suri Polomare laughed like a braying donkey, spilling the contents of her own glass while rolling beside the half-armored unicorn. “That is sooooooo funny!”

“Wow, you really think so?” Trenderhoof reeled back in his chair, guffawing. “I can't believe it! Her coltfriend certainly didn't! I found out the hard way that I could sing soprano! Hah hah hah!”

“Heeheehee! Whewwwww...” Suri hiccuped and waved a hoof. “That... that... that that that that that that that that that reminds me of this this this this one time in home ec class when me and my marefriends tried to convince this fat loser that we had just gotten her a spool of wool to make a tie out of...” She paused to guzzle down a drink—completely missing her muzzle. “...when in fact we had just clumped together a bunch of feline hairballs!”

“No wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...”

“Oh totalllllly!” Suri's haunches did little hippity-hops until her chair rotated around to face him directly. “It was all fun and games until the fleas inside 'em hatched! Of course... she had already given the tie to the principal at that point.”

“Ha ha ha ha—HIC—ha ha ha ha ha!”

“Oh boy did I fly as farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from Seaddle as I could!” She belched, slapped her chest, and said, “In fact, my wings fell off because of it! See? Heeheehee!”

Trenderhoof spat out his drink and slapped her shoulder. “I knew there was something I liked about you!”

“Hehehehe!”

“Ha ha ha!... Whew...! Wow, this is the finest party boat I've ever been on!”

“Me too! Woooo! WoooooOOoooo!”

From a distance, Coco Pommel stood in place, sipping daintily on punch. She stared at Suri's inebriated figure with a tiny smile.

“Oh dear...” Fancy Pants trotted up, wincing noticeably. “Those two are certainly experts at making a scene.”

Coco nodded. “I know.”

“Isn't that your colleague with the pink coat?”

“Mmmmmhmmmm...”

“Oh, you poor dear.” Fancy shifted awkwardly. “This must be terribly uncomfortable for you.”

Coco shook her petite head. “No. Not really.”

Fancy cocked his head to the side. “Oh?”

“I've never seen Suri this... this...”

Fancy cleared his throat. “Intoxicated?”

Coco sighed with a smile. “Happy...”

Fancy raised his eyebrow. “Hmmm. Is that so?” He smirked. “Well, I'd certainly hate to see her angry.”

Coco's eyebrows went straight as a razor. “Then stab out your damn eyes,” she droned. “Starting tomorrow.”

Fancy bit his lip and slowly... slowly backed away.

He passed by a pair of suited thugs glancing all around the apartment. Unbeknowst to them, a griffon in regal attire was sneaking up to a marble statue right beside them, craning his ear to their conversation.

“She's stallin' for far too long. I'd say we ransack the place.”

“With everypony watchin'? She's usin' them as a meat shield!”

“For what? We just need to talk to her, y'know? Talk to her insides.”

“I ain't rippin' open no broads unless we can find out for sure where the prize is.”

“Fine. I'll just... go find her kids and read 'em a bedtime story. They'll make her come out and squeal.”

“Hmmf. Alright. I'll keep an eye out on the drunken idiots to make sure they don't see you—”

“Good tang abendigo, frauleins and frauleiners!” Rainbow's accented voice shouted from the far end of the apartment.

The two thugs jerked, glancing up in surprise. “Huh?”

A mare dressed up as Photo Finish came out of hiding, shoving in front of her a huge shrouded object on wheels. “Ze moment zat you all hafe been vaitink for is here!” Her violet shades glinted brightly in the lights. The local deejay killed the pumping music as all heads turned to focus on her. “I, Photo Finish, hafe prepared a masterpiece for your eyes and your eyes alone! Ja! It's time to... uh... droppen sie ze saurkraut on zis female dog, if you know vhat Photo Finish is sayink!”

The thugs exchanged confused glances.

“What...” Romulus hawkeyes narrowed as he hissed aloud, “...is she doing?”

“Photo Finish! Babyyyyyyyyyy!” Sapphire Shores trotted up in a bubbly canter. “As I live and shiiiiine! Ow! It's about time you came outta hidin', girl!” She grinned wide. “I should have brought my bass section just to give you the mother of all drumrolls!”

“Please... please...” Rainbow Dash waved a dainty hoof and straightened her wig. “Keep ze poundin' to yourselfes! Unless, of kourse, you count your hearts! For meine beats heafily as I schare zis schon moment vis you!” She stood up on her hind quarters, holding two hooves over her chest as she posed beside the tarp-covered object. “Ohhhhhhh! Levy Goose! Zat I might efer... efer reach zis pinnacle of wunderbarness again someday!” As she spoke dramatically, she glanced out the corner of her shades.

A tiny granite statue was pulling a not-so-tiny granite object across the far end of the apartment, heading towards the windows. Lancie shook, struggled, and strained.

Rainbow gritted her teeth, twitching her ears in a very loose attempt to point him along his way.

“Here, lil' darlin'...” Filthy Rich trotted up and pressed a hoof against the object. “Let me wheel it in the rest of the way—”

“Nein!” Rainbow slapped his hoof so hard that he accidentally uppercutted himself. Ponies gasped as the stallion collapsed to the floor. Meanwhile, Rainbow went on. “Eight, even! Uhhh... uhhhh...” She stared at Lancie, winced at the very little distance he was making, and then proceeded to chirp: “I must do zis alone! For I hafe... prepared... uhhhh... a speech! Ja! A speech!”

“Oh, how sensational!” Sapphire Shores trotted over Filthy's groaning figure and grinned at the crowd. “Shhhhhh! Quiet down, everypony! This is my sugar doll's moment!”

“Hrmmmm...” Romulus folded his paws from a distance. “This should be rich...”

Comments

[RainbowJack2000]

Coco...wow.

[Sheendough]

Why did Coco react that way?

[HyperMonica]

I need a life.

...

NAH lives are boring I'd rather read awesome stuff like this!!!

[Spinner of Tales]

Chapter two-hundred and eighty four, and we're still on this art theft story arc. This needs to end. It's not that its bad, it's just that its uninteresting. I no longer care about Photo Finish or Romulus or Coco. I care about Applejack, and this story hasn't made one mention of her in the past novel's worth of content.

This is, to me, right now, an Appledash story that fell from its roots, and that's its worst sin. We need to get back to that. We need to close this arc, because it's been going on for far too long already. I like this story for a reason, and that reason is spelled out in the title. But as it stands, this is no longer that story. Please let us get back to reading what this story was intended to be. Please?

[Lightning Bearer]

Damn, Coco.

Rainbow improvising a speech. Yes, this won't be awkward at all.

[RoboRed]

Coco's eyebrows went straight as a razor. “Then stab out your damn eyes,” she droned. “Starting tomorrow.”

Fancy bit his lip and slowly... slowly backed away.

...Wow...damn...

[Full-time_Introvert]

4924916 maybe...... I partially forgot that discord is voiced by John De Lancie.

[BabySkittleMonster]

4926115
Don't worry, I only remembered myself when I saw this.

[Scohinyha Sanka]

4925831 Uhm, This story is over 284 chapters long which I assume you all have read.
So if I understand correctly you rather have the author cut out everything that isn't directly Appledash related, turning it in a 13 per dozen story that pretty much you know exactly what to expect instead of this awesome story that has a lot more depth and development?
If so, I believe you might not be having the right expectations for this story.

[Fishberry]

4925831
NEEEEEIIIIINN!

Nein nein neinneinnein.

Let ze baird tell his schtory, ja?

Haven ze patience. Ze appledash is ze zauerkrouten on ze frankfurter, but ve don't srow avay ze frankfurter, ja? Ve nibble bit by bit and schavor ze flavour.

Ze zauerkrauten vill kommen again...

[berrytone]

It's time to... uh... droppen sie ze saurkraut on zis female dog, if you know vhat Photo Finish is sayink!

Probably in my top 5 favorite phrases said in this story.

Also I'm Halfway to being caught up, woohoo!

[DrEggnog]

Reading Coco cuss is VERY odd, in a good way.

[GameWiz]

“ Nein! ” Rainbow slapped his hoof so hard that he accidentally uppercutted himself. Ponies gasped as the stallion collapsed to the floor.

This shouldn't have been so funny and yet made me crack up hysterically at work. Well done.