Appledashery

by Just Essay

The Maretreal Squidjob

“Uhhhhhhhmmmm…” Polyph once more glanced at the jar with the floating eye, then back at Durandal, then back at the jar. “Ermmmmm…”

“Well?!” The basilisk reared his head higher, crested scales twitching like a fireworks display stuck in angry motion. “What are you doing with that thing in your possession?!”

“Ehhhhh…” Polyph pointed at it, his cycloptic features grimacing. “This little thing?”

“Yes, you dimwitted brimstone humper!” Durandal climbed over the table. His many-many legs barely avoided scraping Rainbow Dash to a pulp. “That’s my eye! The eye that the buffalo took from me!”

“Uhhhh…” Polyph gulped. “Are you sure?!”

“Yes, I am damned sure!” Durandal howled, his jawline coated with angry drool. “What else could that possibly friggin’ be?!”

“There are lots of monsters above and below Tartarus who could use a spare eye, y’know.”

“Bite your tongue, Polyph! If you had a spare eye, it’d be lodged miles up your colon!”

“Now now, let’s not jump to conclusions! Maybe… uh… I found it!”

“You found it?!” Durandal hissed. “Where? On an eye farm?”

“Erm…”

“Polyph, if eyes grew on trees, I’d be living in one of those orchards in a heartbeat, and not in some hellfire-forsaken tomb full of gray rocks and empty-headed bison!”

Rainbow Dash belched out the right side of her muzzle: ”How ‘bout a fair trade, ya suitcase?!”

“Huh?!” Durandal did a double-take.

“That brings up a good point!” Polyph slobbered, waving a finger with one hand as he held the jar high with the other. “Just how much would you want an eye like this, Durandal? Would you be willing to part with your lair?!”

“I’m not trading for something that’s already mine!” the Slithering shouted while knocking “chesspieces” aside. The frozen pegasi and wyverns clattered dully to the floor while the basilisk marched his way towards Polyph, forcing the cyclops to lean back with a modicum of trembles. “You’ve robbed me of time and common courtesy! I’ll not let you rob me of my eye! Especially when it already belongs to me!”

“Hah! You think you own everything in the world! Well not this, pal!” Polyph hugged the jar behind him and aimed the horn of his head forward to meet Durandal’s approach. “What if I owned this the whole time?!”

“Do you even remember when and where you got it?”

“I… er… uhm… derp?”

“It’s mine, I tell you!” Durandal hissed, standing up on half of his legs while he waved his forward limbs like an enraged centipede’s. “That muscle bomber of a bison took it from me, and now I want it back!”

“Pffft. What do you want two eyes for anyway? You beat me in chess every moon for free.”

“Grrrrrr… Polyph…”

“At least Nobody has a better track record of keeping his eye-sockets guarded!”

“You’re about to get yourself a new eye-socket, pal!” Durandal snarled. “In your throat!”

“But why would I need to see from there--?”

Rainbow Dash pivoted towards them and grunted out her muzzle’s left side. ”To study the kernels in all the crap that you keep swallowing!”

Polyph growled at the remark. “Oh yeah?! Study this!” And he clocked Durandal’s snout with his right fist.

The Slithering took the brunt of the impact. His skull reared back, roping the length of his neck and upper body with it like a wet noodle. Then, with the dexterity of a palm tree, his neck and face bounced back, snarling vehemently into Polyph’s face.

The bipedal freak’s one eye twitched. “M-my bad?”

”Hresssssshaaa!” Durandal pounced on him like a ravenous python. The jar with the glowing eye fell to the floor and rolled down an incline of stone while the entire cavern shook and quivered from the two beast’s pent-up fisticuffs.

“Good job, Squidgy!” Rainbow Dash hissed. Then, giving the two monsters a nervous glance, she flapped her wings, relaxed her dangling legs with a breath of relief, and darted her way towards the massive door.

“Grrrrrnnngh!” Durandal’s body had wrapped four times around Polyph, and his multiple legs were pummeling him from all angles. “You stupid. Worthless. Sack of puke. Idiot!”

“Hckkkkt!” Polyph wrestled with the serpent, twisting his horned head out from the leathery pile of scales constricting him. “Haaaugh! You call this a battle?! No wonder you cling to chess like an infant incubus! Rrrrrgh!” He picked up as much of the basilisk’s weight as he could and suplexed it against a wall of cloud stone. Stalactites popped loose and rained on the enraged pair’s shoulders while Durandal recovered, biting Polyph’s elbow and making the beast howl with a whining dog sound.

In the meantime, Rainbow Dash had flown towards the two large partitions.

“Good thing there’s no pet door, or else I’d be so out of here.” She took a deep breath, gazing up and down at the massive frame from where she hovered. “Friggin’ words of an egghead. Don’t fail me now!” She threw her shoulder into the doors.

They refused to budge.

“Nnnnnngh!” Rainbow pushed and pushed and shoved with all her might. “Come on… come on! Just a little bit of sunlight! Is that t-too much to ask?!”

After a full minute had passed, she leaned back, panting. The battle still raged on in the background, but it wasn’t clear who the victor was shaping up to be.

“And I’m not about to wait it out, either.” Rainbow cracked the joints in her neck. “Guess this means one thing. I gotta get myself some extra muscle.” With a reluctant sigh, she reached into her saddlebag and grasped the pill bottle. Her numb hooves struggled with the lid. “Darn it! Open already! I’m not a little foal!” The container shook and shook in her grasp.

“Stop… trying… to… scare me… w-with… your rattle, Durandal!” Polyph sputtered whilst in a sleeper hold.

“I don’t… nnngh… have a rattle, you big oaf!”

“Then… wh-what’s making that sound?!”

Both monsters struggled and struggled… then froze.

So did Rainbow Dash. Suddenly, all she heard was the flutter of her feathers as she levitated before the door with her pill box. Not long after, a glowing beam cascaded over her afar, fluctuating with reptilian blinks. The basilisk’s spotlight tingled her flank muscles and mane hair.

The pegasus gulped, her back to the spotlight. “Hoboy.”

Comments

[Tchernobog]

B-b-busted!

[Lilith Evanson]

Dude! Rainbow! You should have hid and then grabbed for your pills!

[Lightning Bearer]

I'm not really sure which of the two monsters is the Bret Hart in this scenario. Or is it both of them?

Either way, Squidgy is best eyeball.

[Scohinyha Sanka]

The only thing RD can do now is get them to charge at her, quickly dodge and hope that they take out the door behind her.

[zaponator]

Well fuck.

Also:
derpicdn.net/img/2014/4/10/597363/large.png

[Full-time_Introvert]

Squidgy is best oc.

[Misspegasister_]

Dun dun dunnnnn.........

[Metal Aura]

How do ponies open pill bottles without fingers?

[arancaytar]

”Hresssssshaaa!”

Oh hey it's the Lounge.

[AppleTank]

You have fucked up now