Appledashery

by Just Essay

Dulcet Drawls

"What?!" Rainbow's voice cracked. She squirmed and fussed under the weight of Romulus' back. "N-no! Darn it—Rrrrgh!" Romulus grunted as she rolled them over again. She frowned upside-down at Brucie and the matriarch seated behind him. "No! No deal! No way in Tartarus am I working with these blood-huffing melon fudges!"

Lancie sighed, then turned towards Rushnut with a shrug. "Sorry, Mama. It's just like I told you. For every rainbow there's a pot of boogers, just refusing to be unclogged."

"Hmmmm..." Mother Rushnut leaned forward, rubbing her chin in thought. "Mozer Rushnut senses much bad blood between morselanders. Vould be vise to reconsider Comrade Brucie's offers, or else all veell just be blood blood, bad or not. Drragon foot crushes to furry pulp all zhe same, da?"

"We're no longer just talking about dragons and Big Boss!" Rainbow snarled. "We're talking about forcing me to team up with a mobo who would have me and all of my friends murdered in an instant—Whoah!" Rainbow yelped as she was forced upright in a slouched position.

"Forget her!" Romulus sneered, standing up to face the matriarch. "She's as worthless as she is gutless! Just send me and the unicorn over there! We'll rid the dragons of their shards and get your castle back to you!"

"Just you and bandaged head?" Brucie asked.

"Absolutely."

Brucie pointed at Rainbow Dash. "But blue horse geerl haz been eenside squirrel castle already. Vhere have you and bandaged horse been?"

"Besidez running avay from drragonz at feerst sign of flame, hmmm?" Mother Rushnut added.

"Look, some of us just aren't that stupid, okay?" Sunset spoke up. "Give us a break! Who was it exactly who started smashing stuff to bits when the other two showed up?"

"All sree morselanders share debt to squirrels," Brucie grunted. "All sree stand to clear eet by helping squirrels eento rightful castle home!"

"Oh for Goddess' sake!" Romulus hollered. "Are you all out of your nut-munching minds?"

"Careful, Tweety." Lancie smirked across the cavern. "I wouldn't throw stones at the varmints carrying the giant electric boomsticks."

"You stay out of this!" Romulus glanced at the throne again. "Mother Buzzkill... or whatever your name is... you have to think rationally... we're not compatible together! We'll only bring the dragons crashing down on this place if you let us work with the rainbow-colored she-crud!"

Rainbow sighed. While Romulus continued to argue and plead with the matriarch, the mare hung off the bindings that stuck her to the feathery assassin. Rainbow glared into a dark corner of the cavern. As she sat and stared, a drawling voice echoed off the stalactites, growing closer and closer.

"Ya poor lil' thang... must be plum frustratin' to find yerself roped up in these lil' messes..." Carried by a mischievous grin, Applejack trotted into focus. "Of course, even without ropes or a lasso, y'all dun bound by yer noodly limbs in the end, ain'tcha?"

Rainbow's nostrils flared.

"Still cross with me, huh?" The orange shape paced closer, her freckles like starlight over dark ocean water. "And just what has listenin' to that little granite good-for-nothin' done for ya, hmmm? It's like them diamond dog caves all over again. Yer always goin' in over yer head, flingin' yerself at danger... endin' up in a jail cell or worse..."

Rainbow shut her eyes tight, muscles tightening against Romulus' backside.

The new few words came so close that Rainbow could almost smell the apples off her breath: "But that's the thang about you, isn't it? It's not just stubbornness. It's the will to win... at all costs. It's what kills ya... and it's what makes you live all the same. So dang stupid... but so you..."

Rainbow's brow furrowed as her eyes clenched even tighter.

"And just what is it that I distaste about you the most, hmmm?" Rainbow's ears tickled from the heat of each uttered phrase. "Yer a cheater, Rainbow Dash. Ya cheat to win. So what's stoppin' ya now... what's ever stoppin' ya?"

Rainbow Dash's eyes flew open, quivering.

Applejack was gone, but her voice still echoed in her ear canals.

"—my last and final offer!" Romulus, in the meantime, was shouting. "And trust me, with a pony like Don Canter on our side, you won't want to let it down!"

"Hmmmf..." Brucie leaned back, folding his furry arms. "Steell eez not good enough for Brucie. Veeth only two of you, how can Brucie assure Mozer Rushnut of veectory against drragon meenace? Especially eef only vone of you who haz been een castle ees seetting eet out?"

"I'll do it."

Ever squirrel glanced at Rainbow Dash, murmuring.

Lancie did a violent double-take.

Sunset Shimmer craned her neck, lips pursed.

Rainbow Dash turned, glaring at Brucie and the matriarch with an iron frown. "I'll take them to the castle. I'll get us the shards." She smirked devilishly. "I'll win back the squirrel home from those stupid dragons."

Comments

[Phoenix Kitten]

...what have you got planned Dash?

Sunset better live through this.

[destinedjagold]

6449862

...what have you got planned Dash?

A stupid one, duh.

[Phoenix Kitten]

6449888 But exactly how stupid?
After all, if a stupid plan is guaranteed to work then an even stupider plan should work even better.

[Sam the Anti-Ninja]

6449897 That, and dragons seem to be immune to stupid plans in this story. Keeping within context, though:

"Look, some of us just aren't that stupid, okay?" Sunset spoke up.

I suddenly have hope for Rainbow's chances again.

[Leftover of Saikano]

You can't go fish without some bacony or chickeny bait, right?

[Hestia]

This is gonna be interesting.

[zaponator]

Of course, even though she only needs to get Lancie his final form in order to win the day, Romulus is going to try to kill her at some point. That might throw a bit of a wrench into things.

[Gammahoof]

Commence the headbutting!

[Sheendough]

I just realized the squirrel queen is a pun on Mother Russia. I am an idiot.

[Aatxe360]

6452598

Heh. Partly the reason I likened Mother Rushnuts and her goobers to An American Tail. Seeing some youtube of that really hit the spot. I was hoping there would be more musicals.

[Sheendough]

6453579 So how do you feel being hyped up for most of the story to end up being reduced to a puny little dragon?

[Autumn Rush]

"Look, some of us just aren't that stupid, okay?"

That's rude. The original plan just wasn't stupid enough!

[DrEggnog]

Oh? No comments on Applebitch's sudden usefulness? I find it refreshing.

[arancaytar]

Mozer Rushnut senses much bad blood between morselanders. Vould be vise to reconsider Comrade Brucie's offers, or else all veell just be bloodblood, bad or not.

This squirrel sounds surprisingly like an elk I once knew.