Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
Rainbow Dash was ten feet from the front of the building when she saw the stretched shadows of thugs posted on the rooftop. She bit her lip, pressing her petite body closer to the structure's southern foundation. Slowing to a snail-like crawl, she could suddenly make out the words being exchanged between the Hump Gangers and Listing.
"For the last time, we don't need any weapons," a raspy voice brayed. "This damn place can withstand a buffalo stampede."
"You make that sound like you're anticipating something from the locals!" Listing Breeze exclaimed, her voice chippier than usual. "Why not be even better prepared? I bet all the dust from around here gets into the gears and grimework of your usual pump-action boomsticks!"
"Mrmmmffff... our boss has told us not to spend unnecessary bits on extra junk."
"It's not 'junk' so long as you can throw it at a bunch of buffalo charging your outer defenses! And this stuff is as affordable as it gets!"
"I don't even know why you've come back," another thug grumbled. "You've bucked up your first attempt to peddle shit to us. I could have sworn our boss told you to scram."
"Which is why I'm speaking to you this time! You're young! You're sensible! I bet you're the up-and-coming promise of a brand new golden age in... HumpGangery! Wouldn't you want to protect that future? If not for you... then for your foals?"
"We don't have foals," a thug grumbled.
"Huh?"
"I said... we don't have foals. We're mules."
Rainbow face-hoofed.
"Oh!" Listing exclaimed. "Well... uhm... h-how about the super fine ponies that you woo into your abode?"
"What, like you?"
"Ha! Haha... ahem... I'm just here to offer you some sweet six-shooters, loverboy."
"Are those actual yoke-mounted revolvers in there?"
"Pfft! You bet! Come and take a closer look! I've got tons from all makes and models!"
Rainbow Dash heard the shuffling of hooves. More and more figures congregated around Listing.
Holding her breath, Rainbow waited... waited... and waited some more. At last, she heard a pause in the hoofsteps, and she decided to capitalize on the moment. She slithered forward—then hooked a hard left as soon as she cleared the east side of the building. She was immediately greeted by a huge open door. The space between the hinge and the door itself was—indeed—wide enough for her to slip through.
As the pegasus threaded the gap, she observed a splash of fire red color in her peripheral. Listing stood, surrounded by a heart-stopping twenty mules, all clad in various degrees of leather armor. Rainbow couldn't tell whether or not Listing saw her slipping in, but she wasn't about to wait and find out.
Rainbow ducked into the building proper. The interior smelled like a garage and was three times as grimy. Thin orange light wafted through translucent windows, illuminating the bodies of countless carriages in various forms of refurbishment. Several toolboxes and metal crates lied in Rainbow's path, and beyond them was a large door framed in thick metal: the entrance to the vault.
Wasting no time, Rainbow galloped in and around various stacks of equipment. She was nearly at the vault entrance when she spotted the shadow of two approaching figures. Sucking in her breath, she leapt to the side, hiding behind a stack of carriage wheels.
Two mules trotted up and out of the vault, murmuring to one another. The thugs craned their necks, curious about the visiting pegasus and her bag of second-hoof weaponry. Extra-pointy ears twitched in the desert light as they shuffled absent-mindedly past Rainbow.
"Check this sucker out!" Listing Breeze exclaimed, lifting a rifle out of the bag. A few members of the gang murmured in approval. "You should a flea off... well... yourself from a hundred meters!"
"Impressive," remarked a mule. "But I can smell the age off these things. If you think for one second this is gonna win back even a fraction of the bits that you wasted—"
"Pfft! Please... we both know our history together. I just wanna open new doors between us, y'know? Even the playing field here in Los Alamules... make things interesting."
"Like how interesting?"
"You were here long before the local tourism boomed. How'd you like to own the desert again? I could help you get there. This is just the first step in... uhm... magical friendship!"
"Hrmmff... I dunno... our boss is going to want to see this."
"Good! Let's go show him together! He's in his office now, right?"
"If this is some sort of trick..."
"Hahaha... can I really pass one by you guys? I mean... Tartarus... you already owned my ass once..."
"Heh... good point..."
Rainbow tried her best not to snort. On silent cat-hooves, she descended the first stairwell of the vault... and made her way underground.
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Underground is usually bad news . . .
If I touched this one, I'd be promoted to Vice Admiral Obvious.
You're naïve! You're gullible!
Too bad she didn't get awesomed by it.
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Cat-hooves?
Would that be like..
A hippogriff?
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Why do I feel like this is gonna end with Rainbow Dash hiding in a fridge?
So... Rainbow turns a corner and bumps into a mule...? Is that the guess at this point? Or is Listing going to buck up on her end?
I hope this isn't some elaborate double cross where Listing sells Rainbow out for cash or something.
Now I am become pony, bringer of fuzz.
7222548
Get out.
I'm sure with all these references to atomic bombs, the arc will not end with explosions.
7222548 If that does happen, we can blame George Lucas for the destruction of yet another cherished franchise.
7222749
... Why must you do that? Why must you fill me with more doubts?
You never know, Essay may merely be using the titles as a sort of nod to fallout because the next little bit takes place in a vault. There may not be any dirty bombs at all, metaphorical or otherwise. I can dream right?
7226448 You can dream.