• Published 4th Dec 2013
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Appledashery - Just Essay



Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.

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Somepony To Dash Over Me

"Ya ever heard of Flame Geyser Swamp?" Applejack asked.

Rainbow blinked. Hard. "No." She cleared her throat, leaning forward in the wagon's seat. "But now that I have, I sure as heck wanna go there."

"Heh..." Applejack shifted the brim of her hat as she drew the wagon around a forested curve. "Ya say that now..." Cracked a joint in her neck. "Mmmmf... I'm talkin' a thick bog-like swamp with fog and smoke floatin' everywhere. Then—out of nowhere—the marsh starts spittin' out flames somethin' awful. If ya ain't careful, ya stand to have yer cutie mark burned clean off!"

"Sounds killer."

"Heh! Literally!" Applejack smirked as she trotted along. "Anyways, sometimes I gotsta make deliveries of baked pies to a village located on the far side of the Swamp. And the only way to carry the pies to the payin' customers in time for 'em to still taste fresh is to cut a path straight through that burnin' bog. Goin' around would take too long and the pies would go stale. Ya feel me?"

"I feel ya girl."

"And, y'know, the flame spurts are frightenin' as the dickens, to be sure. But t'ain't half the trouble of rollin' through there." Applejack gulped. "The Flame Geyser Swamp is where the chimera lives, ya see."

"Chi...mera...?"

"Eeyup." Applejack nodded. "Pretty dang nasty beast. Part goat, part saber-toothed tiger, part snake. Real inside out and ferocious. Got three heads on it and all of 'em thirst for blood."

"Awesome."

"Hah! You and I have different views on what's 'awesome', sugarcube."

"Er... y-yeah..." Rainbow Dash hugged herself, fidgeting slightly in the wagon.

"I guess... if you think about it imaginatively, the chimera is a pretty nifty thang. But that still doesn't stop it from being a real pain in the horse's hindquarters whenever yer tryin' to make speedy pie deliveries through the swamp."

"Have..." Rainbow blinked. "Have you ever had to do battle with it?"

Applejack smirked at that. "There ya go again. Always makin' somethang out to epic."

"Well, is it or isn't it?" Rainbow leaned forward again, smirking. "Please tell me you've kicked the butt... er... butts of this chimera once or twice!"

"Hmmmm..."

Rainbow grinned. "You did take it to the woodshed! Didn't you?"

"Ohhhhh Rainbow..." Applejack rolled her eyes, then chuckled. "The chimera is best avoided at all costs."

"Awwww..."

"To protect the pies! Gosh dang it..." She adjusted her hat again, pulling the wagon over a hilly crest. "Still, I won't deny that I've had to... erm... go head to head to head to head with the darn thang before. It might look like a nasty creature on the outside, but inside it's all sawdust and wasted spittle."

"Heeheeheee..."

"Tough sonuvagun, though. Still." Applejack coughed. "Nothin' that a good chair can't fix."

"A... chair?"

"And ricotta cheese."

Rainbow rubbed her head, squinting. "Okay. I think you broke the Dashie."

"Hahahaha—face it, Rainbow. Ain't no sense in dealin' with a dangerous situation unless you have every opportunity to make it out alive. Stunts might be yer thang, but when there're pies to deliver, I'd much rather avoid a tussle with any monster... no matter how nasty."

"Just say you whooped the chimera's butt. Just once!"

"Pffft. Sorry to disappoint, Rainbow. But I never whooped no chimera's butt."

"Awwwwww..."

"... ... ..." Applejack smirked. "I slobberknocker'd 'em once."

"YES!" Rainbow Dash pumped a hoof in the air. "Woohooo! Go AJ!"

"Smashed two of its heads reaaaaal hard against a tree trunk." Applejack stuck her tongue out. "And the third one against a bush full of spurs!"

"Hahaha! That's what it gets for chasing after you!"

"I... m-may have kicked some mud on it too after it fell down." Applejack blushed slightly. "Only 'cuz it was callin' me names'n'all." She looked back, brow furrowed. "Dun ya go tellin' anypony 'bout that, now! Especially Apple Bloom!"

"Hah! I won't!" Rainbow Dash hugged herself, still chuckling. "Promise!"

"Dun want her gettin' any crazy ideas about goin' out on her own and kickin' the flanks of ravenous critters like her big sis."

"Heh... Celestia forbid."

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