Appledashery

by Just Essay

The Sorters Doo

Rainbow Dash slapped her saddlebag onto the wooden table in the center of the cave. “So, there're some pretty nasty bad dudes trying to get this shard before we do—”

“You mean before I do,” Daring said with a smirk.

Rainbow took a deep breath, ignored her, and went on. “And it so happens that I have a sample of the shard here. Which is what I was trying to get Trixie to sort earlier in order to—”

“If you think that the Great and Powerful Trixie is letting you get that anywhere near her horn again, you've got another thing coming!”

“Look, the first time was a fluke!” Rainbow exclaimed. “I'm sorry it happened! But we can't let the guys get the other shard that's hidden around here! We need you to scan it so we can find it!”

“Uh uh!” Trixie folded her forelimbs, tilting her nose up. “Absolutely not! The Great and Powerful Trixie hasn't even had the luxury of seeing it with her own eyes!”

“Come on! It's not like he's—I mean it's going to bite you!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie slid into place, inexplicably wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and a bright orange jacket vest. “Besides, Trixie, it's only a lamp!”

“Pinkie, what are you even—?”

“Here!” Pinkie reached deep into Rainbow's bag.

Rainbow winced. “Wait! Don't—!”

Th-Thap! Pinkie slapped Lancie down onto the tabletop. The statue was frozen in a quirky pose, his talon raised, his jaws set in a goofy smile.

“Geuuugh!” Trixie shuddered. “How decidedly garish!”

“That's only because it doesn't have a lampshade!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “But Dashie wouldn't bring a non-functioning lamp! Now would she?!” She zipped out of view, zipped back, then slapped a light bulb into the statue's outstretched talon. The thing flickered to life, illuminating everypony's muzzle. “See?”

Rainbow Dash blinked.

“Heh...” Daring Do smirked. “Now I've seen everything.”

“Hmmmph.” Trixie pouted. “No doubt a souvenir from Ponyville. It certainly screams of their abominable taste.”

“I would very much like a rock dragon,” Maud muttered.

“He's not a dragon!” Rainbow snapped. “I-I mean it's not... it's only a statue! But what it's made of is the key!” Rainbow turned towards Trixie. “And we really need your help in sensing where there's more of what makes him up.”

“What's in it for Trixie?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

“Then tell her!”

Rainbow froze in mid-grin. She began twitching.

Daring slid up. “Come onnnnnn, girl!” She wrapped a forelimb around Trixie's side. “We're not only saving the world from psychotic griffons and corrupt criminals! We're going on an adventure! And when adventures happen, Daring Do's there! And when Daring Do's there...” She winked. “...epics get written.”

“Epics?”

“Daring Do Epics! Stories that will boggle the mind and enflame the senses! And I can already smell one coming up.” She cleared her throat and waved a hoof across the air. “Daring Do and the Sorters Too!” She nudged Trixie's side. “And guess who gets first billing as Daring Do's number one sidekick?”

“The... Gr-Great and Powerful Trixie?!”

Rainbow rolled her eyes.

“You bet, honeycakes!” Daring hovered in midair, striking a pose. “This book will sell millions! There'll be lines pouring out of Barnes and Neighbles for miles! Ponies will be clamoring to find out just who this 'Grape and Pantied Trudy' is!”

“Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“R-right!” Fwooosh! Daring squatted by her side again. “And with all that popularity and attention, you wouldn't just rebuild a wooden shack in the ravines of Dredgemane!”

“Tr-Trixie wouldn't?”

“You'd have yourself a mansion, girl!” Daring cackled. “Why live in squalor when you can live in luxury like you deserve to!”

“Hmmmm...” Trixie tapped her nose, smirking. “Trixie must admit, she would very much like to give up living around rocks for living around pillows!” She fanned herself, slightly flushed. “And handsome st-stallion butlers...”

Rainbow blinked.

“So there you have it!” Daring chirped. “Help us out and I promise you that you'll be on the path towards fame and fortune and all the other f-words that could grant your heart's desire!”

“Yeah, Trixie!” Pinkie bounced in place. “Take a leap of faith! Heeheehee!”

“Hmmm...” Trixie tightened the folds of her cape. “Very well! But if this flattens Trixie once more, then I'll lambast Ponyville up and down in the first autobiography Trixie writes!”

“Wow...” Rainbow muttered. “I'm quivering in my horseshoes.”

“Give it the zap already!” Daring sputtered.

“Alright...” Trixie cleared her throat, approached the “lamp,” and narrowed her eyes. “Here goes.”

“Hey! Everypony keep your mouths wide open!” Pinkie said. “If the statue explodes, we can die eating the yummy granules! Heehee!”

Maud blinked. “Rocks are crunchy.”

“Uhhhh huh.” Rainbow gulped and turned towards Trixie. “Just try your best.”

“Already... tr-trying...” Trixie grunted in mid-spell. Her horn glowed—as did her eyes—as she scanned the statue up and down. After a full minute of concentration, she leaned back, rubbing her head. Daring steadied her, squeezing the mare's shoulders like a boxer in between rounds.

“Well?” Rainbow leaned forward.

“Trixie senses... m-more of the chaos rock northwest of here,” the unicorn muttered, blinking tiredly. “And about eight hundred meters underground.”

“Northwest?” Maud droned. “Could you point in the direction?”

Trixie did so.

Maud looked at her outstretched hoof, then at Rainbow. “That should be the Elektra Site. It's an abandoned mineshaft located between Quarry A and Quarry B.”

“Can you get us in?” Daring asked.

“I can get us into any cave,” Maud said. “Rocks listen to me.”

“And I know the way to trot there!” Pinkie hopped. “Yipeee!”

“And so long as Trixie's horn is attached to Trixie's head, Trixie can help us on the inside!”

“Well?!” Daring hovered. “What are we waiting for?!”

---

All five mares climbed over a ridge, squinting into the windy overcast. Down below, squeezed between two quarries, was a tiny cave entrance roped off with red cones and rusted shingles. A sign hung on its edge, covered in grime. The words on it barely read: “Elektra Site – Abandoned Mine – Keep Out.”

“Certainly looks a lot smaller than I imagined,” Rainbow Dash said, shouldering her saddlebags with Lancie's weight.

“That's what she said.” Daring uttered, then giggled.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know why we took this tall, chilly route to get here!”

“Why else, silly?!” Pinkie hopped past her. “It'll look good for the trailer! Heeheehee!”

“Mrnnnfgg... the Great and Powerful Trixie thinks we should just get this over with.”

“Let us hurry along,” Maud said while inching her way down towards the shaft. “The hills have rocks... and those rocks have tiny eyes.”

Meanwhile, Rainbow leaned in to Daring Do. “You really... aren't going to make some widely published novel about all this, are you?”

“Why, of course I am! Ain't much point in adventuring if I've got nothing to show for it!”

“Well, you could be satisfied with your own accomplishments.”

“Pffft! What the buck is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means that showing off isn't everything!”

“Why do you strike me as a mare who wouldn't even begin to believe her own philosophy!”

“I mean it!” Rainbow sighed, fidgeting in her torn turquoise suit. “Sometimes the biggest joys in life are reveling in what you've done, even if you're the only mare who knows you've done it.”

“Yeesh!” Daring grimaced in the wind. “That sounds like a super miserable existence!”

“Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.” Rainbow frowned. “And besides, I really don't think you should be bragging about what's going on here with pen and paper!”

“Why not?”

“Because Noir has enemies all over the place and if they found out about us...” Rainbow winced. “Or if they found out about Ponyville—”

“Dunnnnnnnnn worry, girl!” Daring patted her head. “I'm no idiot! I change the names to protect the innocent!”

“Okay... that's... that's a little bit reassuring, I-I guess.”

“Besides.” Daring rolled her eyes, floating downhill with a smirk. “Who in their right mind is going to read what's happened today and even think that it's goofy enough to be real?!”

Lancie stuck his head out of her saddlebag. “She's got a point there.”

“Shuddup,” Rainbow muttered.

“You know, you should introduce me more to the pink one!” He smirked. “Her fuzzy fuzz tickles!”

“Will you can it already?”

“Heh heh heh...”

“Unnnngh...” Rainbow followed the mares into the cave's entrance. “Out of the frying pan and into the asylum...”

Comments

[Lord Dragon]

Yep, that's the way, uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh.

[Lightning Bearer]

... no, seriously, what is it with Rainbow and caves? Besides the Freudian interpretation, that is.

[Fishberry]

Hooray! This is the part of the arc where things are about to get real.

[RoboRed]

It's like the world's gone topsy-turvey. Never have I seen Rainbow so non-egotist.

Anyways, onward to the spooky abandoned mine.

[Sharp Quill]

I'm kinda sorta getting a Scooby Doo vibe here.

Scooby → Daring Do
Shaggy → Pinkie Pie
Fred → Rainbow Dash
Daphne → Trixie
Velma → Maud

No, it's not a good match up. Maybe I'm over-thinking it.

[RoboRed]

5121397
Daring Do -> Scrappy

[Leftover of Saikano]

With such an attitude, it's hard to believe this is the Rainbow Dash from before the Mare do Well situation.

[Sharp Quill]

5121707 I refuse to acknowledge Scrappy's existence.

[Sheendough]

Why the fuck did I not get a notice?

[BabySkittleMonster]

5123393
I didn't either. As far as I was aware, no stories had been updated in ages.

[silverspawn]

“I mean it!” Rainbow sighed, fidgeting in her torn turquoise suit. “Sometimes the biggest joys in life are reveling in what you've done, even if you're the only mare who knows you've done it.”

I think the fact that I instantly believe this is worth pointing out. Rainbow's crush has lead to some pretty huge character development

[Skunkiss]

“Help us out and I promise you that you'll be on the path towards fame and fortune and all the other f-words that could grant your heart's desire!”

Of all there is on all existing worlds... this is the best

[Phoenix Kitten]

Yeesh.. Daring here is like what would happen if Dash and Dust had a foal who inherited all their most negative qualities.

[LucyHorseThing]

6439659
Agreed.

[arancaytar]

“It means that showing off isn't everything! ”

... Dashie, are you ill?

Also, Daring is most annoying pone. I'm glad that at least Rainbow hasn't started reading the books yet, because it'd be painful if she had to meet her hero in such a way.