Appledashery

by Just Essay

When in Sugarcube...

“And that’s when I realized--Of course!” Twilight exclaimed, her ears stretched out like exclamation points. “The Encyclopedia Equestriatanica, Volume Three, the Entry on Mana Crystal Tunnel Spiders!” She giggled lightly and waved a hoof from where she sat at the eating table. “And to think I trotted around the library all afternoon, hoping to get what I needed from Mid-Classical Biology Archives! I mean… pfft…” She rolled her eyes and grinned. “The scientific method was practically backwards in that day and age! So naturally I would need to choose from a source that was far more contemporary!”

“Is that truly what you did all day?” Rarity asked, leaning forward from her cushioned seat by the window. “Trounced around that stuffy old library seeking written literature on… eckkh... tunneling spiders?”

“Mana Crystal Tunnel Spiders,” Twilight remarked with eyes shut and proper posture. “And, I’ll have you know, Rarity, I read into it so that I could find out the actual fibrous composition of their spinnerette silk. I was wanting to buy Princess Celestia a silk robe for her birthday, and I didn’t want to settle for anything less than the absolute finest that can be naturally found in Equestria.”

“Oooooooh my stars, darling!” Rarity leaned forward, pressing her cheeks in with two trembling hooves. “Now you have most certainly sparked my interest!”

“Princess Celestia has a birthday?!” Applejack half-said, half-guffawed.

“Well of course she does, silly pony!” Pinkie Pie chirped as she slid across Sugarcube Corner and slapped a fresh tray of warm muffins onto the table. “And you can bet your bottom bucket’o’bits that it’s the most supertastic royal celebration ever!”

“Aaaaactually…” Twilight smiled with a slight blush as she said, “The Princess has told me that she likes to sleep in on the morning of her birthday and read some ancient texts by the fireplace. That’s why I was thinking of getting her a silk robe!” She blinked. “For her bedroom!” She blinked again. “When… ahem…” She straightened a loose bang or two. “...when sh-she’s alone.”

“Wouldn’t we be without the sun for a while if Celestia slept in?” Fluttershy asked in a worried tone.

“I bet she just kicks the Sun up into the sky really hard the morning before her birthday!” Pinkie Pie vaulted up and did a bicycle kick against nothing in mid-air. “Swooosh-thwack! Yeah! Like Tim Trotbow!”

“I’m sure she’ll just have Luna raise the sun for one day,” Twilight said. “That’s how they used to go about it.”

Rarity gasps. “Then that means Celestia has been without a proper, relaxing birthday for nearly a thousand years!”

“Yes, well…” Twilight shrugged. “That’s why this is so special for her. Even still…” She glared Applejack’s way. “It’s better than having not birthday at all!”

“Well, shucks!” Applejack finished scarfing down a muffin and leaned back against the windowsill with a lazy smirk. “I just figured everyday was her birthday! I mean, she and the sun are practically joined at the hip, speakin’ metaphysically and all.”

“Applejack, I do believe the term you are looking for is ‘metaphoricaly,’” Rarity said.

“That’s just what I done said!” Applejack frowned. “‘Metachloreanly!’”

“Eugh…” Rarity rolled her eyes while Fluttershy and Twilight giggle. “Seriously, dear, if you actually spared some time to read those books that Twilight keeps lending you, then perhaps you wouldn’t be so prone to making grammatical flubs.”

“Who’s flubbin’ who now?” Applejack frowned. “I’ll have you know that I was up to my legpits in apple harvestin’ today!”

“Just like yesterday, perchance, hmmmm?”

“Yeah!” Applejack folded her forelimbs. “And just like tomorrow and the day after that! Some of us can’t afford to let up on apple buckin’ any more than sun raisin’!” She leaned forward with an evil smirk. “And just what did you have yer hooves full of today, Rarity?”

“Why, I’m delighted you asked! Ahem…” She laid a hoof over her soft chest and spoke to the ceiling “I spent no less than seven hours stitching together the most exquisite gown to headline Hoity Toity’s latest ensemble for the Spring Collection.” A tiny titter, then a royal smirk. “He’s coming over this weekend to see it perfectly.” Her shoulders gave a little shiver. “Mmmm-I can’t wait!”

“It seems like you’ve been working with him more and more lately, Rarity,” Fluttershy said.

“Hmmm? Have I?” Rarity toyed with her mane while gazing happily towards the lit candles of Sugarcube Corner. “Hmmm. I haven’t noticed.”

“Oh. I d-didn’t mean anything suggestive by that!” Fluttershy exclaimed. Her face immediately blanched. “Nor did I mean to suggest anything by implying that I may have accidentally suggested anything with the mere mention of suggestiveness and… and…” Her ears flattened, and she shrank behind her edge of the table with a whimpering squeak.

Pinkie Pie patted her shoulder. “It’s okay, Flutter-Wutters! It’s fun to pin the tail on the prissy unicorn every once in a while!”

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity’s face hardened.

“I, on the other hand, pinned the tail on the Pin the Tail Convention today!” Pinkie spun around the table of muffins and mares with joyous pirouettes. “Both metaphysically and microscopically! Heeheehee!”

“Does this next bit even deserve a prelude, Pinkie?” Twilight asked with an amused smirk.

As predicted, Pinkie regaled them: “So I planned ahead for the ‘Pin the Tail on the Pony Convention’ that’s coming to town four hundred and ninety-nine days from now! That was the earliest you could apply for a vendor booth there! And there’s nothing I want more in the world than to share all of my antique ‘Pin the Tail on the Pony’ party memorabilia! I bet they’ll be worth thousands to the curious buyer!” She inhaled heavily while gripping her grinning dimples. “Maybe even hundreds!”

“I do believe you’re going backwards, darling.”

“No…” Pinkie suddenly slumped to the ground with a furious frown, crossing her forlimbs over her belly. “It’s those party pooping convention-poopers at the admissions office who are backwardly going! They told me that I was too early to apply for a booth! I told them that the pamphlet read ‘four hundred and ninety-nine days in advance!’ They told me that it was actually ‘four hundred and ninety-eight days’ cuz they did a revamp of the rules! That’s when I gasped like a terrified little filly! ‘You mean I gotta wait an extra twenty-four hours on top of my four hundred and ninety nine days just to get a front row seat to the most perfect, pleasurable, pacifying parade of pin-the-tail-on-the-pony professionals?! A pox upon your patootie!’”

Fluttershy gasped sharply. “Oh, Pinkie! Did you r-really wish a pox upon them?”

“Naaaah…” Pinkie instantly returned to her smiling demeanor, waving a hoof. “I was too lazy, so I settled on wishing Pocky on them.”

“Pocky…?”

“Mmmff…” Suddenly chewing on a candied stick, Pinkie nodded. “I couldn’t help it! The admissions office was right beside Little Tokyoats and it practically leapt into my saddlebag.” She gulped, swallowed, and then nodded at the pegasus. “What’d you do today, Fluttershy?”

“Oh…” Fluttershy smiled, her hooves curling against one another. “Spring is the most wonderful time of year. You remember Old Jeremy?”

“Hay, yeah!” Applejack smirked sharply. “That’s my favorite tree on your property! Such a strong, stately feller too.”

“Mmm… well, this year there’ve been two nests built into the boughs of Old Jeremy’s branches. Which is pretty rare, believe it or not. So I spent all afternoon looking after the newborn baby birds while their mothers and fathers went out to fetch some more food. They’re just sooooo cute, and they make the most delightful high-pitched noises when they’re newly born.” Fluttershy sighed dreamily and leaned into the closest shoulder next to her--which happened to be Rarity’s--and thoughtlessly nuzzled it as she stared a thousand miles away with dreamy joy. “I can’t wait until they’re old enough to sing and actual melody. That’ll be a really, really… happy day.”

“Well, if you ask me, it sounds like a regular ol’ drop of heaven,” Applejack said with a smile. She tilted her head back. “Golly, if there ain’t nothin’ in this world I like than layin back after a long day of apple buckin’ and just… listenin’ to the birds do their thang for nature’s symphony.” A beat. She turned and smirked across the table. “How about you, Rainbow Dash? Ya do anythang today?”

“Hmmmm…” Rainbow Dash was smiling deliriously.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Hello, earth to sky pony?”

Fluttershy looked at Applejack, at Rainbow’s dumb grin, then back at Applejack. She spread her wings like a landing signal and cleared her throat as loudly as she could.

Rainbow Dash finally snapped out of it. “Uhhhh-I-I didn’t do any freckles!” She blinked, then bit hunched over with crooked feathers. “Wait, what?”

“Whatcha doin’ in la-la land over there, sugarcube?” Applejack chuckled. “We were tryin’ to give it the gab! Or at least that’s what I thought we were--”

“Oh! My day! Yeah…” Rainbow Dash grinned crookedly. “Such a… good… good day! Full of… y’know…” She rubbed the back of her neck, trying to look anywhere but in the direction of the athletically built blonde mare with golden bangs, emerald eyes, and an orange coat that still smelled of applejuice and a dollop of worksweat. “G-good stuff.” She gulped.

Applejack squinted. Fluttershy bit on the edge of her hoof, glancing at everypony and sweating--

“Yaaaay!” Pinkie flipped across the table and landed with a burst of stealthily contained confetti streamers. “That sounds like fun!” She paused, then crossed her eyes. “I think?”

“What did you do that was so spectacular, darling?” Rarity asked.

“Oh… y’know…” Rainbow Dash chuckled, waving her hoof. “I just…” Her forelimb glided repetitively through the air. “...flew around.” She twitched. “A lot.” Another pause. “Fun stuff!” she leaned back with crossed hooves, only for the stool to almost fall over. “Whoah!”

“Wow, you’re all jittery!” Twilight stated the obvious. “Must be hard containing your nerves when you spend a whole afternoon kicking frightening thunderclouds before lunchtime!”

“Hey…” Rainbow shrugged, although she hid the force of the upcoming sigh. “It’s a l-living…”

“Well, I for one look forward to this weekend, but not just for my continued business with Hoity Toity,” Rarity said, redirecting the conversation, much to Rainbow’s satisfaction. “There’s a new record of cello suites of the famous Octavia being circulated, and I’ve been invited by the Mayor personally to attend the first-ever Ponyville Classical Listening Session.”

“Wow, Rarity!” Twilight grinned. “That sounds fantastic!”

“Yeah…” Applejack chuckled. “Downright thrilling!”

“Oh, Applejack, don’t knock exceptional music when you haven’t even heard it!”

“Who’s knockin’ on who? I just think that ‘listening’ to music is a tad bit less exciting than dancing to it! What kind of a way to spend a weekend afternoon is that?”

“Not all forms of enjoyment involve copious amounts of exercise and… ungh… sweat, dear. Why, I’ll have you know that…”

As the gentle “argument” went on, Fluttershy kept nodding politely in Rarity’s direction. As Applejack provided her drawling rebuttal, the Fluttershy glanced nervously across the table.

Rainbow saw the glance, but didn’t register it, she was too busy clenching her head tight in a pair of hooves in order to prevent everypony from seeing her flushed expression… or her desire to slam her own skull against the tabletop.

Comments

[MellowMabari]

A pox upon your patootie!

I vote Pinkie Pie for Equestrian Poet Laureate. I've got badges made up and everything.

[zaponator]

Rainbow... Hiding all the crap that's going down in your life is bad mojo, sister.
I mean, hiding the whole illness is one thing, but your friends are gonna probably notice when you become a hobo.

[BabySkittleMonster]

“Aaaaactually…” Twilight smiled with a slight blush as she said, “The Princess has told me that she likes to sleep in on the morning of her birthday and read some ancient texts by the fireplace. That’s why I was thinking of getting her a silk robe!” She blinked. “For her bedroom!” She blinked again. “When… ahem…” She straightened a loose bang or two. “...when sh-she’s alone.”

Can these ponies go a day without being overly suggestive?

Oh. I d-didn’t mean anything suggestive by that!” Fluttershy exclaimed. Her face immediately blanched. “Nor did I mean to suggest anything by implying that I may have accidentally suggested anything with the mere mention of suggestiveness and… and…” Her ears flattened, and she shrank behind her edge of the table with a whimpering squeak.

Apparently not. But I don't mind because that was just plain adorable.

“Uhhhh-I-I didn’t do any freckles!” She blinked, then bit hunched over with crooked feathers. “Wait, what?”

That reminded me so much of Anna from Frozen (man, that film pops up everywhere).

[Metal Aura]

“Oh. I d-didn’t mean anything suggestive by that!” Fluttershy exclaimed. Her face immediately blanched. “Nor did I mean to suggest anything by implying that I may have accidentally suggested anything with the mere mention of suggestiveness and… and…” Her ears flattened, and she shrank behind her edge of the table with a whimpering squeak.

Fluttershy for element of honesty... And laughter.

"Who’s knockin’ on who? I just think that ‘listening’ to music is a tad bit less exciting than dancing to it! What kind of a way to spend a weekend afternoon is that?”

It might be less exciting, but dancing in a cubicle is not conducive to work and dancing while trying to play video games is only effective for a select few games.

[AppleTank]

Eh, dunno if AJ would be that terrible at wording. Also, hiding things from your friends ain't good, Dashie.

[arancaytar]

“Uhhhh-I-I didn’t do any freckles!”

Not for lack of dreaming about it.