Appledashery

by Just Essay

Dash Hard With a Vengeance

Rainbow Dash blinked, stared, and blinked again. She leaned forward on the window ledge where she was perched and rubbed her face.

“You know, I don't blame you,” Lancie said, stifling a yawn as he rested in her saddlebag. “If I had a fuzzy face, I'd probably be rubbing it all the time too.”

“Shhhhh...” Rainbow murmured, squinting harder. “I'm trying to see...”

“See what?”

“You friggin' tell me.” She pointed across the street at the towering fifty-story building full of shiny glass window panels. “According to you, the shard's located somewhere inside that high-rise apartment building.”

“Yes, and?”

“Well, it's a little bit hard to tell exactly where in the damn building your shard must be!”

“Are we inside the apartment building right now?”

“Uhm... no.”

“Well, there's your first problem right there,” Lancie said.

With a sigh, Rainbow turned and glared at him. “It's private property, Lancie. It's a place where ponies live,” she said, grumbling. “I just can't waltz in there and grab something stored away in their posession.”

“But—”

“Look, it doesn't matter if they got the shard illegally through the black market in the first place!” She gritted her teeth while her wings drooped on either side of her. “I could get into big trouble if I just smashed my way in there.”

“I've seen you take harder tumbles before. I'm sure you've got the skull for it, Sparky.”

“Euungh... Lancie, we've been through this.” Rainbow frowned, her mane billowing in the high winds of Manehattan. “This is no diamond dog hovel! This is Equestrian soil. There are major... major consequences for if I'm discovered breaking and entering into a pony's apartment!”

“And there're major unsexy consequences if you don't collect all of my pieces.”

“That's not the point!” Rainbow spat, fuming. “I have to find another way!”

“Sparky, there is only one way.” Lancie pointed at the building. “Either you Mareguyver it or you give up altogether.”

“Are you suggesting I try to sneak my way into the room where it's hidden?” Rainbow blanched. “I don't even know where it friggin' is!”

“Get me closer, sunshine, can I can help you!”

“Nnnnghhhh...”

“Believe me when I tell you that the other shards are likely in zanier and cookier places than this!” The statue said. “You should be glad for such an easy break!”

Rainbow muttered into a facehoof. “I wanna return to Ponyville as a loyal weather flier...” She glared once more at the building. “Not a fugitive of the state.”

“Who says you have to get caught?”

“Stealth isn't exactly my thing.”

“So you use speed to make their eyes roll!” Lancie smirked. “Like my mother always said, 'There's never a problem you can't fart your way past.'”

Rainbow blinked at him. “You had a mother?”

“I dunno... maybe?” Lancie shrugged. “Either way, he or she farted a lot.”

“Unnngh...”

“In fact, when the first prehistoric pony discovered fire, the reaction it had with all the methane is what produced Ghastly Gorge and the surrounding desert.” He turned and winked. “But I've never told Celestia that. I just pretend the canyon was built from drunk dragons hitting the earth.”

“Okay... okay...” Rainbow Dash steeled herself, taking a deep, deep breath. “Here's what we're gonna do...”

“I'm listening...”

“I'll go around the back, see if there's a backdoor entrance. Y'know... for maintenance and all that jazz.”

“Sounds boring, yet plausible...”

“But... and this is a big 'but.'”

“Isn't it always?”

“We wait until night for me to do it.”

“Awwwwwwwwww...”

“I'm serious. I gotta be extra cautious about this.” She gulped, squinting once more at the high-rise apartment. “I'm already not a big fan of what I gotta do.”

“Might I suggest we commandeer a taxi, drive it through the front entrance, and set explosive charges in the elevator shaft?”

“...okay, so maybe I'm a huge fan of my plan.”

“Eh, you're no fun.”

Comments

[RoboRed]

“Might I suggest we commandeer a tax, drive it through the front entrance,

Yep...taxes and property values...

[zaponator]

Mandatory stealth mission time!
Don't get caught.
!

[Lightning Bearer]

Yes, this plan is flawless.

[HyperMonica]

Ok. I've officially lost over the name 'Lancie' alone. I LURVE EHT when Dashie calls him that, its like a cute little pet name!

Rainbow blinked at him. “You had a mother?”
“I dunno... maybe?” Lancie shrugged. “Either way, he or she farted a lot.”

Do I really even need to say anything....?

[Jay_Baker]

Lol I can't wait to see what's next :)

[BabySkittleMonster]

A bright cyan Pegasus pony with a polychromatic mane... Trying to be stealthy. Yeah, there is absolutely no way this can go catastrophically wrong. No way at all! Especially not with a talking statue that likes nothing more than getting said Pegasus in trouble... Yeah.

[Saro0fdemonz]

Am I the only one seeing him wasting this shard to get her out of trouble again?

[Corneredbadger]

i see no problem with this plan. just fly back to ponyville, snag pinkies spy stuff, and then look good when everything falls apart.

4700164 i read the red exclamation point as the alert sound from Metal Gear. literally. was reading and saw it and my mind did not process it as a colored exclamation point, it played a sound byte.

[YoshiFawful64]

YES! I'm caught up! Now I have two daily fics to check.

[Full-time_Introvert]

I personally think that lancie's plan is a lot better than Rainbow's. Anyone else?... No?.... No one?.... okay then.

[Misspegasister_]

“So you use speed to make their eyes roll!” Lancie smirked. “Like my mother always said, 'There's never a problem you can't fart your way past.'”

“I dunno... maybe?” Lancie shrugged. “Either way, he or she farted a lot.”

Omg does Lancie always have to say hilarious things like that?

[1Bit]

Wow....it took me this long to get why his name is 'Lancie'....wow

[arancaytar]

“You know, I don't blame you,” Lancie said, stifling a yawn as he rested in her saddlebag. “If I had a fuzzy face, I'd probably be rubbing it all the time too.”

So close, just missing the color adjective.

("What is the pegasus's color?"

"BLUE!"

"Please use one word to describe the texture of her magical fur."

"FUZZY!")

[arancaytar]

“So you use speed to make their eyes roll!” Lancie smirked. “Like my mother always said, 'There's never a problem you can't fart your way past.'”

"Did you see the perpetrator's face?"

"No, but she was blue, fuzzy, and had a prismatic mane. I think she was wearing a Rainbow Dash costume. Also she flew away so fast she caused a sonic rainboom."

"We may never know her identity."

[arancaytar]

“Might I suggest we commandeer a taxi, drive it through the front entrance, and set explosive charges in the elevator shaft?”

Yippie-ki-yay motherfucker.