Appledashery

by Just Essay

Chainsaws Anonymares

Breathless, a young Rainbow Dash leaned in, forcefully nuzzling his chin with a frazzled mane of unkempt color. “Dad!” she panted and panted some more. “Dad! Y-you have to get up, Dad!” She sat up against a window overlooking windswept Cloudsdale. “I just came back from the hospital! Some ponies will be here real soon, but you have to get up now so we can meet them—”

“That's... th-that's nice, champ...” He coughed and wheezed, his legs squirming—but ultimately falling back with an ineffectual slump. “You... you did good...”

“I told them to come right away with a chariot!” she said between hyperventilating breaths. “I... I-I outflew them. I'm faster. I'm...” She gritted her teeth, wincing. “I'm always faster, Daddy. I just wish... w-wish I could have carried you there! I... I'm not strong enough. I'm so sorry—”

“No... never sorry...” A pale hoof limply reached out. “Don't... ever b-be...”

Clenching her jaw, Rainbow picked his hoof up and rested against her cheek.

A pair of glazed eyes reflected her jittery figure. A threadbare mane flounced as his lips curved. “Ahhh... th-there's my little rainbow...”

“Please, Dad...” She squeaked, her voice wavering more and more. “Get up. They'll get you on the chariot faster if you just make it to the front door. Like last time...”

“Rainbow...”

“Please!” She tugged and tugged, stifling a whimper. “We gotta move! We gotta get you out the door—”

“...do you... do you know, Rainbow...” A cough. Sputtering. “How much I love you...?”

She cracked a grimace, her eyes tearing. “Dad...”

“Shhhh...” His hoof moved just enough to caress her cheek. “I love you, my little champ. I truly... fully love... and adore you...” A hissing breath. “Will always cherish... tucking you in bed each night...”

Rainbow clenched her eyes shut, rubbing her face against his hoof. “Dad. Please. Don't...”

“A kiss... for every color...” A bright smile upon the penumbra of windowlight. “So proud... so very proud...”

“They'll b-be here anytime soon, Dad. Just... just hold on. Please? Just hold on, Dad. You gotta...”

“Rainbow...”

She seethed and seethed, sniffling.

His hoof tickled her nose. “Rainbow...” A breath trailing on the wind. “Don't...” A murmur. A hush. “Never alone, my ch-champ...” The hoof lay limp in her grasp.

Rainbow gasped, her teary eyes wide.

“Dad?”

“... ... ...”

“Dad?!”

“... ... ...”

“Dnngh... D-Daddy?!”

---

Rainbow's adult eyes opened, thin and wet.

Slowly, she sat up in bed.

Shadows surrounded her. The dim glow of a distant morning loomed beyond the window.

After several shuddering seconds, she raised her own hoof against her cheek. She stained her fetlock with the moisture from her eyes and glanced at it. The numbness was too thick to even feel her own tears.

“Hrmmmmnngh...” Any residual sadness was instantly wiped away by an impenetrable wave of hangover. “Guhhhhhh...” She clutched her head, bending over as if she was about to hurl. “Buck me with a chainsaw...”

Silence.

Groaning, she tossed the covers off—or at least tried to. Her limbs tingled too dully to accomplish much of anything. So, with a frustrated growl, she flapped her wings and simply hovered across the room. This only nauseated her more as the fluids in her ear enflamed her brain lobes on either side.

At last, she lurched her way to the door and flung the thing open with twin puppet limbs. Right away, a living statue stood outside with a lampshade hanging over his antlers like a hat.

“Wooooo-hooooo!” Lancie made “devil horns” with his talons. “Quite a party we had last night, duuuuuude!”

“Take it off,” she grumbled, floating dizzily past him. “You look double the idiot.”

“Well, it takes one to multiply one!” Lancie tilted the lampshade up and squinted at her with stone eyes. “Where were you yesterday?”

“Flying.”

“And last night?”

“Flying.”

“And later this afternoon?”

“Throwing you into a trash compactor,” she muttered. “And then some more flying.”

“How quaint.” He slapped the lampshade down, hopped atop it, and ran his feet across the round surface, propelling himself in a serpentine pattern across her apartment floor. “And when—pray tell—are you going to go after the next piece of myself and prevent the black market from unleashing chaotic apocalypse upon the surface world?”

“Nnnnngh...” She clenched her eyes shut, leaning her aching skull against a wall of cloudstone. “Soon.”

“How soon soon?”

“Soon enough.” She flapped her wings and drifted limply towards the bathroom. “Just let me be.”

“Pfft. Some attitude that is.” He rolled to a stop against a wall of friendly portraits and folded his granite arms. “You confound me, Sparky. Sometimes I think you positively want the world to end anticlimactically—just like your everyday life.”

“Grrrrggh!” In a sudden frenzy, Rainbow Dash reached over and snatched him by the stone throat. “You wanna know something about the end of the world?!” she growled into his face. “It happens all the time, every day, for thousands of ponies! Don't you try guilt-tripping me into doing what you want faster 'cuz it's not gonna work with this pegasus!”

He smirked calmly into her enraged face. “I stood outside your door overnight.” He propped an elbow against her hoof and rested his chin on his paw. “What were you crying about in your sleep this time, Sparky? Hmmm? Couldn't count her freckles before the cider flood swept you away?”

Rainbow blinked. She seethed, clenched her eyes shut, and flung him blindly. “Nnnngh!”

“Weeeeeee—” Clatter! “Fappo!” He landed skull-first into a waste basket.

“New rule for around here!” she barked across the room. “Keep the buck away from my bedroom! And don't even pretend like you know me, pal! For you got another thing comin'!” She stormed off into the bathroom. “I'm taking a long shower. We'll go searching for the shard when I say and no sooner!”

The door slammed behind her.

“Nnnnngh...” Lancie wormed his way up to the edge of the waste basket and slumped against it. “Yeesh.” He smiled limply. “She wakes up with the worst colors in the morning...”

Comments

[Lightning Bearer]

Poor Rainbow.

Also, I sorta feel bad pointing this out after this chapter, but:

This only nauseated her more as the fluids in her rear enflamed her brain lobes on either side.

That's a really unfortunate typo.

[Aatxe360]

4518986

I saw that and had to reread it twice before I dismissed it as written as intended.

Also, does Lancie not actually merge with his other pieces until they're all together? I'm a little confused on that part.

[BabySkittleMonster]

Good chapter today - full of feels for Rainbow. It felt like Lancie was a bit heartless in this chapter - just the way he should be! I don't think I can wait another day for a chapter...

4518986
I didn't actually notice that! Shows how good I am at noticing typos, eh?

[zaponator]

“A kiss... for every color...”

And I'm calling it right now.
There they are.
Five words.

[PropMaster]

4519665
A kiss for every color... I see what you're getting at, and I think you're close... But isn't it six words?

[zaponator]

4519914
...well crap.
Never mind then!

[RoboRed]

Awwww...Rain-Dad...

[Full-time_Introvert]

Why you got to make me cry? What, do you like the sight of somepony crying like flutters!??!

[Misspegasister_]

Couldn't count her freckles before the cider flood swept you away?

I luv lancie cuz he's always so happy

[Misspegasister_]

[Future Regret]

SHOWER TIME!!!

[DrEggnog]

vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/disneyvillains/images/a/ab/NO_SSM.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150606174853
"Don't apologize, son. I never do."

[LucyHorseThing]

His hoof tickled her nose. “Rainbow...” A breath trailing on the wind. “Don't...” A murmur. A hush. “Never alone, my ch-champ...” The hoof lay limp in her grasp.

Rainbow gasped, her teary eyes wide.

“Dad?”

“... ... ...”

“Dad?!”

“... ... ...”

“Dnngh... D-Daddy?!”

That hit me r-right in the f-feels.

[arancaytar]

“Dad?”

“... ... ...”

“Dad?!”

“... ... ...”

“Dnngh... D-Daddy?!”

I got the Buffy reference.

findingmontauk.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/buffy_momdie3.jpg

[Ttkitty441]

“Buck me with a chainsaw...”

Gently of course.

[True Edge]

Ok. . . . I’ve teared up, and gotten choked up, several times throughout this tale. . . . But this was the first time I actually broke down and wept.

Oh, raise to me,
a parting glass.
And drink a health,
to whate’er may pass.
And I’ll gently rise,
and softly call;
“Good night, and joy,
be with you all!”

[SnowOriole]

A kiss for every colour. Im so bucking sad right now