Appledashery

by Just Essay

Dashamania

“Hah!” Iron Will's voice shouted upwards towards the cavern ceiling amidst loud metallic thudding noises. “Iron Will has never lived until he got the opportunity to suplex giant bipedal dogs on top of a golden tank!”

“Save it for a drinking game, buddy!” Rainbow Dash headbutted a canine to the catwalk floor, then pivoted around. “Okay, Top Dog. Time to—” She winced, rubbing the fresh welt on her fuzzy blue head. “Owwwww... why the buck do I do that anyway?”

Lancie stuck his head out. “Somepony's a rabid wolverine.”

“You stay out of this!” Rainbow Dash grunted.

“How could I?!” Top Dog replied, snarling from behind his purple shades. ““You're the one invading my home!”

“No, not you.” Rainbow went cross-eyed, then shook her head. “I mean, yes! You! I mean...” She rolled her eyes and flew straight forward. “Buck you!”

Top Dog yanked at his bandolier, twirling both loops of chain as he anticipated Rainbow's approach. As the pegasus sailed at him, he jumped back across the catwalk and swung both rattling links of metal like nunchaku.

Rainbow juked and dodged in mid-air. “Alright. Points for style... but no chance!” She then gripped the catwalk railings with two forelimbs and twirled her lower body upwards like a gymnast. With a well-timed bicycle kick, Rainbow uppercutted Top Dog across the chin. She landed on all fours while Lancie teetered dizzily in her saddlebag. “That's what you've got!” She smirked, then blinked. “Huh?!”

Instead of collapsing further down the catwalk, Top Dog had gripped the ceiling with his paws. No-selling the kick, he suddenly burrowed up into the rocky ceiling with incredible ease. Pebbles and chunks of stone fell to the catwalk below, pelting Rainbow's coat with dust.

The pegasus blinked. She held a hoof up. “Uhhhh... what?”

A burrowing sound echoed from above, followed by the thud of a heavy weight landing behind her.

“Uhhhh...” A stone talon tapped the back of her neck. “Don't look now, but the dog's about to do ya from behind.”

“Buh?” Rainbow spun around.

Below a fresh hole in the ceiling, Top Dog sprinted across the catwalk, spun, and round-house kicked Rainbow across the muzzle.

“Oooofa!” Rainbow fell back, landed, and slid ten feet across the dusty catwalk.

“Hmmmmmph!” Top Dog's hairy limbs posed like a sun-bathing crane. “I'm smarter than the average mutt, ponyyyyyyy. Bet you've never met a canine proficient in Tae Kwon Dog!”

Rainbow's ears instantly flattened. “Uhhhhh no. No, you don't get away with that.” Flattening her body like a surf board, she laid on her back and flapped her wings once. Her body slid down the catwalk until she was directly underneath Top Dog. And then. “Hnnnttt!” She slammed her lower hooves up between his legs.

An undeniably high-pitched howl lit the cavern while Top Dog collapsed with spasms, only to be caught in Rainbow's merciless grip.

“How ya doing up there, pint size?!” Iron Will's voice shouted amidst random grunts.

“Oh... just getting Top Dog fixed, is all!” Rainbow then proceeded to slam the canine leader's skull repeatedly into the catwalk's railing. “Owning!” Thud! “And!” Thud! “Torturing!” Thud! “Slaves!” Thud! “Is!” Thud! “Un—” Thud! “—cool!”

She then backhoofed him so that he collapsed—wincing—to the catwalk floor.

“I'd throw in some adverbs there, but I think you've had enough,” Rainbow said with a wink.

“No... ponyyyyy...” Top Dog looked up through cracked shades and wiped blood off his smirking muzzle. “It's you who is about to have enough!” He pulled a mana-powered device out of his utility belt and clicked it.

“Huh?!” Rainbow blinked. Just then, a mechanical whirr echoed overhead. She glanced up in time to see a large metal crane descending from the ceiling. Between the robotic limbs' claws was a glass jar, containing what looked like a large ostrich leg made out of stone. “Luna's nipple...” She gulped. “Is that...?”

“Yup!” Lancie nodded, clinging to her mane hairs. “Thar she blows, Sparky.”

“I went through great expense to find an adequate fuel source for the B-Cubed!” Top Dog said.

Rainbow Dash spun around to see that he was standing up and leaning precariously over the catwalk's railing.

“I have pure chaos at my disposal! And I'm not about to let an upstart pony mess up all that I have planned for the unification of the canine clans!” That said, he effortlessly leaned back and fell over the catwalk's edge.

Rainbow yelped. “Not cool!” She galloped and dove after him.

But it was too late. Top Dog dropped down the cavern, past canines being thrown left and right by Iron Will's strong biceps, and landed expertly in the seat of the cockpit. He slammed the metal cage shut over his body and clicked once more on his remote.

Whirrrr! The robotic claw dropped the glass canister... which then fell neatly into a slot in the back of the giant vehicle. An aluminum aperture swirled shut, clasping the jar in place. Not long after, the stone “leg” inside the core of the machine vibrated then glowed hot as the sun. Steam billowed out of the joints of the machine as it came to live, its segmented tank treads spreading apart as it swiveled across the cavern floor.

“Huh?!” Iron Will looked over his shoulder with a furrowed brow. “Did Buck Lesnar superplex onto the arena?! Whoah!” He shrieked like a girl as the top-turret of the machine spun around, throwing him off.

Rainbow hovered at the minotaur's side, gazing with a dropped jaw at the mechanical beast writhing in front of them.

The tank treads angled forty-five degrees towards the ceiling while the turret extended fierce mechanical arms. Sparks danced between large claws and drill-bits. On the very top of the turret, Top Dog shouted victoriously into the vehicle's speaker system as the machine loomed in front of the two heroes like a golden praying mantis.

“B-Cubed is online! And you two will be her first test subjects!”

Rainbow squinted. “'B-Cubed?'”

“Yes!” Top Dog howled, grinning from his cockpit. “The Big Bitchin' Bitch!” Cl-Clanggg! The vehicle's claws snapped at the air before lunging at the two. “Grovel!”

An immense shadow overwhelmed both minotaur and pegasus alike.

“Iron Will... has soiled himself.”

“Friggin' dodge!” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked as she shoved him away. Both rolled in opposite directions while the mechanical beast slammed its limb into the stone floor between them.

Smasssssh!

Comments

[Lightning Bearer]

“Oooofa!”

"Bet you've never met a canine proficient in Tae Kwon Dog!”

“The Big Bitchin' Bitch!”

“Iron Will... has soiled himself.”

Is this chapter even real?

[zaponator]

Aim for the large glowing parts!

[VortexRyker]

“Iron Will... has soiled himself.”

I laughed so hard that I woke the dead!

[HyperMonica]

Dashie, hon, you've got it baaaaad. Think about it.
Things Dashie has done for AJ:
-Fought a basilisk
-fought a cyclopse
-sold apple pies to Buffalo
-made a deal with Fancy Pants
-Worked three jobs at a time
-Fought dragons
-pummled dozens of diamond dogs
-is currently attempting to get a shard of Discord for Discord

[Full-time_Introvert]

4570444 No... she is attempting to get a shard of Discord for Lancie.

[The Dusty Mop]

The moment I read it, I had to have this song playing.

[Picture_Perfectxx]

"Luna's nipple..."

Diagnosis from OLA (Odd Luna Addiction) to RDA (Ridiculous Luna Addiction +)

[katarjin]

.... are you IC in disguse?

[Chewierulz]

6108999 This is one of ShortSkirtsAndExplosions' alts, along with IC and Blue Harvest.

[Metal Aura]

4386238 If you have made it this far in the story then you should have become desensitized to the fact that the entire story stopped 100 chapters back and the story and everyone here is just a figment of your imagination. Don't try to fight it.

[Weehawk]

Isn't bcubed what vynil called Bon Bon once?

[arancaytar]

“Save it for a drinking game, buddy!”

...

the fresh welt on her fuzzy blue head.

Speaking of which... drink.