Appledashery

by Just Essay

To the Dogs

“No, not that one! The other one!” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked as she pointed wildly.

Autumn Rush fidgeted, wrinkling her nose at her own smell as she struggled to reposition the keys in her grasp. “You m-mean this one?” she asked, pointing at one in particular.

“Yes! The rattiest one!” Rainbow grinned. “It matches how these stupid mutts feel about the poor saps they've captured.”

Autumn stuck the key into the cage's slot, gripped it with her teeth, and turned. To her eye-fluttering surprise, there was a victorious clickkk!. Several prisoners murmured in awe while Autumn turned the rest of the way, effectively pulling the door open with a slight wooden creeeak.

Rainbow Dash grinned from ear-to-fuzzy-ear. “Heeeeeey! You did it, girl! Way to go!”

Autumn spat the keys out into her hooves and opened her mouth—

“Wait!” Rainbow hissed. “Don't! Unless you're Fluttershy, then cheering is only gonna attract the creeps!” She slithered out and grasped Autumn Rush's forelimbs. “You think you can do this with the rest of the cages?”

“Uhm... s-sure?”

“Good.” Rainbow turned and looked at the huddled masses inside their containers. “Here's what I'm planning. We're in this place deep, 'kay? So I'm gonna glide out and look for a good escape route.”

“H-how long is that going to take?” a prisoner stammered.

“I dunno. Ten minutes? Twenty?” Rainbow sighed. “Look, I know that you're all chomping at the bit to get out of here.”

The frightened group stared blankly at her.

Rainbow frowned with folded ears. “Okay... most of you are chomping at the bit. Like it or not, one way or another—I'm getting your flanks out of this place! That's a promise!”

“But what about the Top Dog's weapon?”

“That's second order of business, ya hear?” Rainbow Dash squinted down the corridor while she hushedly talked. “The third order is getting Iron Will out of whatever terrible scrape he's in. Big lug was only trying to kick ass and be often. That totally doesn't deserve getting tortured in my book.”

“Aren't you afraid of just getting caught again?” Autumn asked while moving onto another caged door and unlocking it.

“No—but it's only wise to be cautious.” Rainbow turned towards the group. “If you guys don't hear from me in half an hour, just flee. You hear me? Stampede out of this place as fast as you can. If I can't help all of you doesn't mean that All Fine and Bambi here can't at least help some of you.”

“Uhm...” Autumn fidgeted. “Thanks...?”

“And what if we all get re-captured, stripped of our skin, and boiled to death in dogfat thanks to your impulsive meatheadedness?!” asked a disgruntled ram.

Rainbow merely saluted him with a smirk. “Then we'll share some cider in Tartarus together.” With that, she glided out on stealthy wings. “Zoop!”

Autumn Rush clicked another lock open. An elk by the cage door murmured, “Do you really believe in her?”

“Mmmfff...” The innocent doe spat the key out and smiled meekly. “Why not? Every time I hear her voice, I forget that I smell like hellish dog shit.”

---

Rainbow Dash stuck her head out from around a stalagmite. She instantly winced and pulled back, squinting from afar.

Several meters away, beneath a single torchlight, several armored canine guards sat at a round table.

“Ha! Royal Flush! Read 'em and weep, fellas!”

“Aaaaaugh!”

“Guhhh!”

“Dammit!”

“Awoooooooooo!”

“Heheheh...” The sound of rattling chips. “I do believe your collar now belongs to me, Caesar.”

“Grffff... just one more game?”

“You that desperate, pup?”

“I can't stand to leave the table with only my fleas.”

“Heh. Fine. But don't say I never did anything nice to you.”

“Oh, go bark it up a tree.”

The table erupted in laughter.

From afar, Rainbow cocked her head aside. With an incredulous expression, she mouthed an incomplete interrogative sentence, then rolled her eyes. On dainty hooves, she snuck ahead, shuffling past the guards and aiming for the tunnel beyond.

In mid-stroll, she stepped on an incline of granite. Losing balance, her flank bumped into a loose barrel. Cl-Clannnnng! She winced, freezing in mid-trot with her tail and wings sticking straight out.

Half of the table turned, saw her, and waved. “Hey, Frank!”

“How's it going, Frank?”

The dogs then returned to their game.

Rainbow Dash blinked... and blinked again. She stood up straight, continuing to gawk at the table.

“Why do you always deal?! I don't trust your paws.”

“I have a hook for a hand, genius. One of my paws is marinating in the stomach of a hydra somewhere.”

“And undoubtedly it's making him crap extra aces of spades.”

“Hahahaha!”

Rainbow Dash slowly, mechanically trotted over to the table. She stood right behind the backs of the seated guards. “Ahem...” She cleared her throat. “H-hey, guys.”

The bone-headed mutts turned and squinted at her from beneath their helms.

“Yeah, Frank?”

“What is it, Frank?”

“You... uh...” Rainbow Dash fidgeted. “...got room for one more seat?”

“Pffft. Too late, pal.”

“Yeah, Frank. The late dog doesn't get the bone!”

“Hah! That's a good one, Caesar!”

“Ehhhhhh shuddup.”

“You gonna paw out the cards or what?”

“Yeah, hook get caught on something?”

“I'm dealing! I'm dealing! Yeesh! Who do you think I am? Mr. Giraffe walk?”

“Hahahaha...”

Rainbow Dash shifted her weight on one leg, then another, then a third. “Hey... uhm... guys?” She spun around until her rear was facing them. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“Yeah?”

“What is it, Frank?”

Thwap! She slapped the full length of her prismatic tail across the tabletop.

“I think I got something caught in my tail. Can any of you guys see anything?”

The dogs all sat forward, craning their necks until their noses were within inches from the pegasus' multi-colored strands.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, sweating slightly as she waited.

“Hmmmm... nah.”

“You seem clean to me, dog.”

“Yeah, I don't see nothing.”

“...oh.” Rainbow Dash exhaled.

“But—”

Rainbow clenched her teeth.

A metal hook ran through the tail hairs. “I gotta say, Franky, your coat's looking a little...” Pause for dramatic effect. “...fruity. If ya know what I'm saying?”

“Heheheh... yeah...” Another canine chimed in. “Did you sign up for Top Dog's experimental naval department without telling us?”

“Hah hah hah!”

“Heh heh heh!”

“Woof!”

“Heee heee heeeeeee...” Rainbow Dash wheezed through a crooked smile. “Fruit...” She gulped and slowly backed away from the table. Once she was within a stone's throw distance, she spun with a flurry of feathers and glided straight back the way she came.

---

“Almost... got it...” Autumn Rush licked the edges of her muzzle as she unlocked the last cage. Click! She beamed, backing up from the loosely swinging door. “And there! Now all we have to do is wait for Rainbow Dash to—”

Th-Thap! All four blue hooves in question landed firmly behind her.

“Gaaaaie!” Autumn Rush spun around, gaping at the pegasus. “What are you doing back so soon?!”

“The Diamond Dogs are friggin' idiots,” Rainbow Dash said. “Let's go!”

All of the prisoners exchanged nervous glances.

“Come on!” Rainbow Dash growled, rushing forward and bucking the cage doors wide open, one after another. “Do you wanna stink forever?! Let's go! Go go go go go go times eleventythousand!”

Comments

[zaponator]

Well alright then! Colourblind, and stupid!

[Lightning Bearer]

I don't know what's better: Autumn Rush swearing, or Rainbow being mistaken for a dude.

[SilentBird93]

How in the world did they mistake a rainbow maned pegasus for a dog?
These guys are seriously stupid.

[Jay_Baker]

Wow I guess the dimond dogs at stupider than I thought they were. Lol XD

[YoshiFawful64]

“Mmmfff...” The innocent doe spat the key out and smiled meekly. “Why not? Every time I hear her voice, I forget that I smell like hellish dog shit.”

Ooh... looks like someone has a cru-
Wait. There's going to be a "her eyes weren't green" moment, isn't there?

[Fishberry]

Hmmm...

Zoop!

*heads for chappy 180*

[Metal Aura]

4412940 Lots of alcohol.

[Seraphimus]

I'm guessing they live underground and use scent to identify eachother?

[arancaytar]

Big lug was only trying to kick ass and be often.

Being often is one of my favorite activities.

A metal hook ran through the tail hairs. “I gotta say, Franky, your coat's looking a little...” Pause for dramatic effect. “...fruity. If ya know what I'm saying?”

Okay, I know dogs don't see color well, but really? There can't be that much dogcrap to throw off their smell.